Try to Remember The Kind of September

"To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks."
***A. A. Milne



HANK: It's that time again! Don't you long to buy some pencils? And perfect, clean notebooks? Dividers and folders and things with tabs and maybe a protractor or two?

New school supplies was always such a treat for me. A new notebook, with the three-hole-punched paper all put in and ready to go, always felt like there were endless possibilities for wonderful things to come. And new school clothes! Wonderful.

I went to grade school in fairly rural Indiana. We took a big yellow school bus, and had to wait for it at the end of our driveway.

I remember one year, back to school was after Labor Day, not like now. And though it was September, it could stll be really hot. Nevertheless, I had a new beautiful red sweater and a new beautiful black and white houndstooth skirt. And I insisted on wearing it.

No, Mom said. It's too hot. NO, I said, it isn't! So I decided to sneak wearing it, not come out of the bathroom til the very last moment so there wouldn't be time to change. I was so clever at age 12 or so.

SO I put my plan into action. The first bad news, I brushed my teeth with the sweater on, and got toothpaste on the front. Grr. I dabbed it off, leaving a washcloth-y damp spot onthe red. It'll dry, it'll dry, I told myself.

Then Mom yelled--the bus is here! It's EARLY! RUN!

So I leaped out the door, hightailing it down our gravel driveway. And, I splatted. Big time.

The bus pulled away. Mom (VERY UNHAPPY) had to drive me and my bloody knees to school in the car. Late on day one. My skirt was shredded, so I had to change clothes.

Sigh. Where did you go to grade school? Any memorable first days?

RHYS: Not the greatest memories of my early school years. I went to five schools by the age of ten, because my parents couldn't make up their minds which was best for me. I was a sickly kid (little wonder with two parents who smoked and coal fires that I had bronchitis all the time. Duh!) so they sent me to outdoorsy schools they'd heard about. But it's hard always being new. I went to boarding school, loved it, but my parents missed me.

Came home. Went to outdoorsy school. The cook's daughter was allowed to attend free. We were eight she was twelve and she bossed us around. Nobody thought to say, "Hey, you're the cook's daughter. Shut up." So she made my life miserable because I was new. Then I went to local school. Big rough farm kids used to challenge me to all kinds of physical activities. I lost, of course. They laughed.

And the worst first day of all. The teacher lost her cool and said nobody may leave their seat for any reason. I needed to pee, badly, but I was a good little girl and sat there until I wet my pants. Everyone laughed.

So you see all the angst that has to come out in my writing!

JAN: Ah, Hank the days of protractors are no more. My most recent back-to -school shopping memories are of having to spring for a $200 plus calculator, yet again, because one of my kids lost it the year before. My daughter feels the way you do about school supplies though, Hank, and she gets excited every September buying those fresh notebooks and starting with that new slate.

I went to School #2 in Clifton, New Jersey, which was about a block and a half from my house. My aunt Clare had been a teacher there, so I had an "in" with some of the teachers! My favorite was 3rd grade: Mrs. Payson! I wanted Mrs. Lemkeul for fourth grade because she was one of my aunts best friends - but I got Mrs. Adams instead and we spent half the school year making paper mache puppets and putting on Punch and Judy. I got to be Judy (I told you I had an in with the teachers!!)

ROBERTA: I loved school, once I got the hang of it. My parents told me I had to be able to print my name before I started, so I learned BOBBIE because no one ever thought I'd manage Roberta. So that I stayed until after college.

HANK: I was thinking--that's odd. Roberta is only one letter longer. Then I realized, oh. Different letters. So cute to think of our Roberta learning letters!

ROBERTA: I also remember going up to the first grade teacher to ask how you spelled "alot." It took 3 tries before I understood it was two words. Now why would that memory stick with me so long? The underlying humiliation is all I can guess. But Rhys, you sure had it worse! My family did move when I was starting 6th grade--that was traumatic, so I can't imagine all the moves you made! I had a brand new pair of saddle shoes, which were totally out of style in Michigan. The kids called me "the cow".

ROSEMARY: School supplies - still love them. They're so full of possibilities.

In first grade I went to Sacred Heart in Brooklyn for two months and then we moved and I was unable to start another parochial school midstream. Thank goodness. They were the worst two months of my academic life. I remember them vividly. I hated the nuns, got smacked on my hands with a ruler for snitching that the kid next to me stole my cookies (!) and was generally miserable. Plus, those uniforms - pleats that start at your waist?

HANK: Who designed those things? The same poeple who thought up the red gyms jumpsuits with the snaps. Auggh.

ROSEMARY: After we moved, I went to PS 119 where my first grade teacher was the lovely Mrs. Martha Jaffee. She couldn't possibly have smoked in our classroom but she was very slim, frequently stood with her hand on her hip and the only thing missing was a cigarette or a cocktail shaker. She looked thoroughly louche and I imagined her going home to her husband and saying things like "I'd love to kiss you but I just washed my hair." Even at a young age I had quite an imagination. I loved public school.

HALLIE: This is fascinating. Bobbie?! Who knew? And Hank in elementary school (and stll!) in a black-white-red ensemble. Ro at parochial school? Now there's an image. Rhys, breaking my heart. And Jan, the last one I'd ever thought would have been a goody-goody teachers' pet.

Yes, I confess to a deep passion for school supplies (it's why I love going to Staples). I adored that first day, writing labels on the notebook dividers and putting paper between them in my three-ring binder. Day one, super organized. By day two, couldn't find a thing.

What I remember is meeting Leland Moss on the first day at El Rodeo elementary school and going home with him to play boss (him) and secretary (me). What can I tell you? How things have changed! Later we put on plays in his backyard that he wrote and directed (with help from his mother Thelma (Schnee) Moss, a screenwriter). Lee went on to be a huge talent as a writer, director, and actor, and died young of AIDS, one of a lost generation of theater talent.

HANK: Boss and secretary???? That is incredibly--well, we grew up in Mad Men days, right? Roberta and Rhys...wow. So, Reds, where did you go to grade school? Did you love it? Any first day stories?