"Reverend" Brad Explains It All

HANK: Okay, yes, he's trouble and does nuthin' but create chaos and mayhem wherever he goes. But we can't help it, he's irresistible. Is it the show tunes he'll sing at the drop of a hat? Or even without dropping a hat? Is it the way he'll tease ANYONE, whether he knows them or not? Is it his stable of hilariously rambunctious interns (you can meet them on his website)--maybe. It might just be, however, that he's a genuinely good guy--who's a genuinely terrific writer.

But don't tell him we said so or it'll just make things worse.

THE POWER OF A THOUSAND WORDS

A SERMON OFFERED BY THE NOT-SO-VERY RIGHT REVEREND BRAD PARKS

Brethren and sistren, children of the great story, writers published and unpublished alike, I come to the pulpit of The Church of A Thousand Words to give you my testimony, and to admit to you that I have been a sinner.

(Well-educated CONGREGATION stirs uncomfortably, because unlike BRAD, it knows “sistren” is not really a word).

Yes, a sinner! You see, oh ye shepherds of the written utterance, before I found The Church of A Thousand Words, I was lost. Aimless. Adrift. I would write when I had the time. I would write when I wasn’t too busy at work. I would write when, when – I can barely even bring myself to admit it – when “inspiration” struck me.

(CHOIR members shift in their seats, some shaking their heads).

And you know where that leads, don’t you? That’s right. Nowhere. Nowhere! Sometimes I’d write. Sometimes I wouldn’t. I’d get sidetracked by one excuse or another, and then weeks or months would pass. Sound familiar?

And then came that day, that most blessed and wonderful day, when I found The Church of A Thousand Words.

(CONGREGATION murmurs. ORGANIST strikes a minor chord, barely audible).

Now my friends, in most aspects of life, I’m a typical open-minded postmodern intellectual, drowning in wishy-washy relativism. I don’t believe in much. What I do believe, I don’t believe very firmly. I’m roughly a half-step removed from those people who get all their news from the Daily Show.

But let me tell you about the one thing I have come to believe in with more conviction than anything in this world: A writer needs to produce a thousand words a day.

I say it loud, I say it proud: I write a thousand words a day!

(CHOIR hums softly. A few members of the CONGREGATION begin fanning themselves).

Now, maybe that sounds like a lot to you. And maybe it doesn’t. But I can tell you about the power of writing a thousand words a day, because I’ve seen it in my own life. Before I found the Church of A Thousand Words, do you know how long it once took me to finish a manuscript? Well, do you? Even now, it’s hard to say it. But I’ll tell you now, because I have been a sinner, and I have seen the deepest of the depths, and so I have to admit it:

Three years.

Yes, it once took me three years to complete a manuscript!

(ORGANIST strikes and holds a mournful chord, crescendos to a mezzo piano).

Now, that I have found you, all ye who toil over your Microsoft Word alongside me? Now that I am a dues-paying member of The Church of A Thousand Words, do you know how long it takes me?

Three months.

(A man in the CONGREGATION shouts “Hallelujah” while a woman extols, “Preach it! Preach it!” A member of the CHOIR faints. ORGANIST plays a series of joyful glissandos).

That’s right! Three months. As I prepare for the Feb. 1 launch of EYES OF THE INNOCENT, the second novel in the Carter Ross series, I testify before you that I already have the third and fourth installments completed. Plus I have a Young Adult manuscript my agent in shopping.

That’s not magic, people. It’s not voodoo. It’s not an act of faith. That’s simple math. If you write a thousand words a day, every day – with no excuses, no trespasses, no trespasses against – you too will have a completed manuscript in 90 days.

And you know what? It’ll be good. That’s part of the power of a thousand words a day. It’s not too fast, not too slow. It doesn’t give you time for writer’s block. But you also don’t end up with one of those crappy NaNoWriMo novels that reads like it was written by an amphetamine-addled hamster. You end up with something you can be proud of, something that approximates your best work.

And, yes, good parishioners, unless you are blessed to be independently wealthy – or have a tremendously supportive spouse – it takes sacrifices to write a thousand words and keep a day job. Maybe you’ll have to get up three hours earlier than you ever did before to squeeze it in. Maybe you’ll have to give up late-night television. Maybe you won’t have time to pore over US Weekly and learn who Shakira was seen nuzzling on the beach in San Tropez.

But I am here to say you can make it happen. It happened for me. It happened for my dear friend, Sarah. Can I tell you about Sarah?

(CONGREGATION is boisterous now, offering encouraging shouts of “Yes!” and “Tell me!” and “Make it quick, this blog post is getting a little long-winded”).

This is a true story, oh gentle readers. Now Sarah, we’ve known each other a long time, since high school. And I am telling you, brethren and sistren, she was always a lot smarter than me. Better grades. Better SAT scores. Better writer.

(CONGREGATION has already figured that out, since BRAD has hauled out “sistren” again).

But she was lost in the great unpublished wilderness. She had been writing for years but was wracked with self-doubt and uncertainty. She had no structure, people! She had no discipline!

Then, in September, we shared coffee at the Boston Public Library and she heard the good news of The Church of A Thousand Words. The next day, she set aside all the transgressions of her writing past – all those almost-finished 75,000-word manuscripts, all those half-considered outlines, all those character Bibles cluttering up her hard drive – and she dedicated her life to a thousand words a day.

And you know what? By November, she had completed her novel.

(CONGREGATION shouts “Amen.” ORGANIST stops the random improvisation and begins playing a jazzy version of “Amazing Grace” in a thunderous forte).

But more than that, brethren and…

(CONGREGATION grimaces in anticipation of the malapropism, which BRAD finally notices).

… Uh, ladies and gentlemen… more than that, she has new belief in herself. She’s going to start shopping that novel to agents soon. And that can be hard on a lot of folks, facing the wrath of those fallen angels. But no matter what they say, Sarah has found the power of a thousand words. Even if the rejection letters pile up higher than the great wall of Jericho, she knows she’s never more than three months away from her next completed manuscript. All she has to do is keep believing in a thousand words a day.

She believes! I believe! Let us all believe!

Now go forth, and sing it to the multitudes!

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In 2010, Brad Parks became the first author to win the Shamus Award and the Nero Award in the same year. His next book, EYES OF THE INNOCENT (St. Martin’s Press/Minotaur Books) releases February 1.

Library Journal gave it a starred review, saying, “Parks’s sequel to his acclaimed debut, FACES OF THE GONE, is as good if not better.”

You can follow @Brad_Parks on Twitter www.twitter.com/Brad_Parks

like his page on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Brad-Parks-Books/137190195628

or just visit him at http://www.bradparksbooks.com/

and send him a note.