Things that Will Make me Stop Reading--Wed 18th

RHYS BOWEN:

 I just watched an episode of Dalziel and Pasco and the young woman goes down into the cellar, alone, after 2 murders have been committed. If that was a book, I’d have thrown it across the room by now. Instead I shouted at the TV set.

There are certain things that will make me stop reading and the heroine, wearing only a billowing nightgown, going down to the cellar because she heard a noise when there is a serial killer in the neighborhood and the power is out is one of them.

My heroines are not always sensible but they are not clueless either.

Other things I find hard to swallow in books: reasons for amateur sleuths to solve a murder. If I were at a wedding and someone died in the punch, my first thought would be to get out of there as fast as possible. I’d never say “Oh goodie—a murder. Let’s solve it.” For me an amateur sleuths need a really good reason for solving a murder, even if we do suspend belief in a mystery novel.

I am always incredulous when a person who has murdered several people without blinking finally has the heroine in his power and instead of dispatching her neatly he ties her up.  And even says “Now, my pretty, I am I going to take my time in thinking up a good way to kill you.”  Unless he was a psychopath to begin with, he’d want any hindrance to his escape out of his way as quickly as possible. She'd be gone. The book would be shorter and it wouldn't be a series.

And of course the big one for me is when a writer sets a book in UK and just gets things wrong. When Martha Grimes found a skunk in one of her early Jury novels I swore I’d never read her again. (There are no skunks in UK) It’s amazing how often really bad howlers get past copy editors. But if I know one thing to be wrong in a story, how can I believe anything else that might happen. That’s why I work so hard on research to get all the little details right.

Also have you noticed that if the heroine and a young man meet and instantly loathe each other they are absolutely guaranteed to fight then fall madly in love.

So I’m interested, Reds and Readers—what are you personal trigger points that will make you put down a book and say “too silly/annoying/just plain wrong?”

HALLIE EPHRON: My 'walk-aways' are wonky things like sliding viewpoint and profligate use of adverbs. Also use of dialogue tags like "she averred" or "he pontificated" or "she complained" -- really almost anything but "said" and "asked." Also too many characters too soon, and the author hasn't written artfully enough for me to keep them straight without making a list. I'm out of there...

ROSEMARY HARRIS: I've put down books if I see more than one or two exclamation points on a page. Stop shouting at me! And telegraphing when I'm supposed to be excited, afraid, schocked!!! (Annoying isn't it?)

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING:  My pet peeve - and I run into this from time to time reading romance - are male characters who act like women in a man suit. You know, the character who is a super-macho ex-Navy SEAL tycoon, but who puts aside vital business meetings to spend time walking the heroine's puppy. Or he shares all his feelings with his BFF. Or he talks and talks and TALKS all the time. I mean, all you Reds are married, right? Does that sound realistic to you?

The reverse problem appears in thrillers written by male authors: the woman who thinks/acts/sounds like a guy in a skirt. A LOT of thriller bestsellers are guilty of this. I always want to say, "Guys. You're writers. You can observe the opposite sex. If you can imagine an attack on an Al-Qaeda stronghold, you can imagine what it's like to be a woman.

DEBORAH CROMBIE:  Julia, MY  husband talks and talks and talks all the time. But he's certainly not guilty of any of the other guy-in-a-skirt things:-)

Hallie, I am with you on the sliding viewpoint. That is probably my biggest pet peeve, although there are writers who use it that I like so much I read them anyway.  Just proves there is always an exception.  Too many adverbs. Tagging dialogue with silly adjectives!!!!! (Did I mention exclamation points?) "She moaned" might have a place in a romance novel but NOT after a line of dialogue.

And I really, really hate heroines (or heroes) who do really, really stupid and unnecessary things. If you are going to go down in that dark cellar, alone, when there is a serial killer lurking, it had better be because there is a child trapped in there and you are the only person that can rescue him in time...

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Funny how the sliding viewpoint is so annoying. I'll say wait--the main character CANNOT know what that person is thinking! Or going from head to head in each paragraph. Dizzying.

I'll stop reading when there's gratuitous violence--where its  gruesome and ugly and unnecessary.  You know those books--where it almost seems as if the author is having fun being graphic and grotesque. A little grotesque goes a long way.

Also--being cranky here: too much dialect, dropped g's and attempts at southern or cockney or brogue that get in the way of the dialogue. Tell me the person is southern, have them say y'all or bless her heart, and then be done with the drawl.   Logic--If I say to myself--she would NEVER DO that! Done.

Oh! One more thing. For me, at least. Entire prologues or whole big sections in italics. Seriously. I won't even read it. Talk about the parts people skip! 

JULIA: Oh, prologues. Stab me in the eye and be done with it.

RHYS: So what about you, dear readers? What makes you stop reading?