Kendel Lynn: Making Genuine Connections

SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Welcome Kendel Lynn and congrats on that Agatha Award Nomination for Best First Novel for BOARD STIFF! And also on the publication of the sequel, WHACK JOB. The pub date was May 13, so it made its debut at Malice Domestic along with Kendal — a usually solitary writer who had reservations about spending so much time with people.


But at Malice, they're Mystery People — they're "our" people. 

(My favorite quote of Kendel's from this post is: "a good friend is someone who will help you move, a great friend is someone who will help you move the body." Amen, right? And can we get this on a tee-shirt and/or a coffee mug?)

And now here's Kendel, talking about Malice, comfort zones, and friends.

KENDEL LYNN: Returning from a weekend 
at Malice Domestic, I’m afloat with memories, 
inspiration, and a book filled with notes to self. I think I’m like most writers in that I’m more comfortable spending my time tucked up in my room, snuggled in pjs, reading, writing, watching tv, staring at the ceiling – anything other than three solid days networking with semi-strangers. And by solid, I mean from a 7:30 a.m. breakfast until swigging the last cocktail near midnight. Three. Days. Straight.

But there’s something magical and lovely  and personal about connecting with your own people. The ones who also would rather be tucked away in a corner. And that’s why we do it. Why we take the risk, push ourselves outside our comfort zone, stretch our social abilities. Because these connections matter.

After a hard day of mean girls in high school, a friend’s mother gave me a snippet of wisdom I’ve carried with me to this day: not everyone will like you. How liberating! To know that on my very best day, with my very best self, some people just won’t like me. And vice versa. That girl at school who every single person likes and I can’t stand, it’s okay. Not everyone will like her, either. I was probably the lone holdout.

The point: You don’t need everyone to like you, because not everyone will. You just need to be yourself. Be genuine, and you’ll end up connecting with those who “get” you. Your humor, your writing style, your totally adorable orange shoes.

In this time of cyberspace domination, it’s easy to connect with online. But connections become so much more meaningful when we spend time face to face. A hug, a laugh, a disappointment, a hot beverage. Those moments elevate a connection to a friendship. 

Most will be of the share a comfortable meal sort, some will be of the stay up late and swap stories sort, and maybe you’ll find that rarest of sorts, the one who knows the story of your divorce or who helped you break into a closed amusement park so you could get a picture of the very spot where you met one of your first loves. 

As was shared at Malice: a good friend is someone who will help you move, a great friend is someone who will help you move the body.

I made some of my strongest connections because of Sisters in Crime, 
specifically the Guppies. I reached out five years ago to the group and asked if anyone would read my first chapter and offer suggestions/ feedback. I was nervous to put myself out there, but I did it anyway. 

I received over fifteen responses, including one from Jungle Reds very own Hank Phillippi Ryan, who emailed me to ask for my phone number. She called with encouragement and advice and I’ll remember that day forever. 

Another connection: I met my closest, dearest, move the body bff, Diane Vallere, who still inspires me and impresses me and amazes me. Those fifteen generous Guppy connections helped strengthen my debut mystery, BOARD STIFF, which was an Agatha Award nominee for Best First Novel this past weekend (like how I worked that in?). 

Another note to self: A thank you to Grace Topping. She introduced herself to me at Malice as one of those fifteen readers. She again congratulated me after the banquet, even though I didn’t take home the teapot. I enjoyed spending time with her and was able to thank her in person (and then let her know that maybe next time when critiquing, she should do a better job…)

So my advice: Make the connection, and then meet the person. I’m grateful for my connections and for my friendships. I go into this knowing that not everyone will like me. And I’m okay with that. I don’t want to miss a chance at a genuine connection by trying to be something I’m not. I try to be kind, be friendly, but most of all, be myself.  




SUSAN ELIA MACNEAL: Reds and lovely readers — do you go to conventions? 

Do you like meeting people and making new friends — or would you rather be reading at home in your PJs? (No judgement here...) 

Is it hard to do and then you're glad you did it afterward (raises hand) or is it something you look forward to and relish?

And, in big crowds, how do you make genuine connections?

About Kendel Lynn:

Combining my fifteen years of entrepreneurial savvy with my ten years of designing, writing, and editorial experience, I launched Henery Press, an independent publishing house for mysteries — and I’m loving it!  I’m a girl blessed.

My debut novel, Board Stiff (Henery Press, April 2013), won several literary competitions, including the Zola Award for Mystery/Suspense. For a sneak peek into Elliott Lisbon, my not-quite-so-amateur sleuth, check out the prequel novella, Switch Back in Other People’s Baggage, where she encounters murder and mayhem in the land of Texas barbecue.

Read more about Kendel Lynn at her website, follow her on Twitter, and add her on Facebook.