It's in the Cards

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:   Listen to this. I know how we can make millions. And by "we," I mean all of us here.

Sometimes the universe conspires to give us good ideas, and this is one of them.

First, the other day was Jonathan's birthday.  His associate gave him a hilarious card.  Here it is:

If it's difficult to read, it's a little boy with a bike helmet and a little grocery cart, standing in some kind of wasteland.  The caption says:  He took the road less traveled.  (But he brought a helmet and a tiny shopping cart.) And that has made all the difference.

Inside it says: No one travels through life just like you.

Aww. And that is pretty funny.

I have two favorite cards.

This one: which on the front says:  For your birthday, I made you a cake.

On the inside, it says: So now you're a cake.

I laugh EVERY TIME.

One more fave.  And I have it somewhere, but on the front is a drawing of a sweet little girl, and it says : Happy Birthday to my Dear sister, who I love so very very much.

On the inside it says:  Mom made me say it.

And then way below, in tiny print it says:  (Don't laugh. She 's gonna make you say it to me, too.)

SO.  Now for the conspiracy.  Last week, in Jenn's post about jobs we wish we had,  Gerald suggested being a greeting card designer. 

And I thought--whoa. What if there were a special line of  Jungle Red cards for writers? 

Like:  With deepest sorrow on your recent revision letter.  Then you open it and it says: what?

See? Millions!  All you guys have to do is figure out what the cards would say.  What occasions? What would be celebrate? 

Hey. You all can do better.  Should we make cards? What should they say?


JENN MCKINLAY: Jungle Red Writers greeting cards. Okay, I'm in. Here's my favorite joke card for a struggling writer:

Cover (showing three shady characters going into a pub): The past, the present, and the future walked into a bar. 
Inside: It was tense.

And to answer yours, I'd go with -- Cover: With deepest sorrow on your recent revision letter.
Inside: May the memory of when you enjoyed being a writer sustain you through this difficult time.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Oh, my God, Jenn, those are fantastic. You should definitely be working for E-Cards. 

RHYS BOWEN: Jenn, brilliant as always! I'm going to drag you to lunch when I'm stuck on my book!
My favorite recently is one I sent to John. Three old men. One says "Got the time?" The next says "Yes, let's dine," and the third "Okay, more wine."

My brain is not at its creative best today. I'm still in shock after the Edgar announcement.

How about "Hang in there." And inside "Shakespeare never had to drive carpools."

HANK: Perfect, Rhys!

HALLIE EPHRON: I haven’t got any cards, but I have two writer’s mugs that I love… One that I got at Mystery Lovers Bookshop in Oakmont, PA (Take a Mystery Writer to Bed Tonight) and one cautionary mug which someone gave me (Place do not annoy the mystery writer, she may put you in a book and kill you.) A sober warning.

HANK: We can totally make cards of those!  On the front: Take a Mystery Writer to Bed Tonight. 

And on the inside, it says: But make sure there's room.

And the picture is of a person in bed, and next to them a person writing on a laptop, and then also in the bed put a detective, and a bad guy, and a cat, and a police officer. OR! Recognizable characters, like Miss Marple and Poirot and Sherlock and Lisbeth Salander.

INGRID THOFT:  I have many favorite cards, although they're not related to writing.  One of my go-tos show's a woman with a donkey on the front.  Inside it says, "Take your ass downtown and party!  Happy Birthday!"  Appropriate?  Not really, but it always makes me laugh!

Here's an idea for a card to console the downtrodden writer:     

Cover: With deepest sorrow on your recent revision letter.

Inside: May your copious tears wash away your precious words so you can start anew.

DEBORAH CROMBIE:  I don't have a card, but I have this favorite writing cartoon that I have saved for years and keep on my desk. So appropriate for many occasions!!!

HANK: we can totally make a card out of that! On the front, that chaotic office. Without the caption.

Inside: Don't give up! First drafts are always terrible. 

(Hmm...there must be a better one.) 


LUCY BURDETTE: Yes absolutely Jenn, you have a real gift! My favorite card ever was a cartoon of Timmy, who'd fallen into a hole. "Lassie," he calls out, "Get help!" The second frame has Lassie lying on her back on a psychoanalyst's couch. Get it? It totally cracks me up.

And, I should say, I could have used Jenn's revision letter card a couple weeks ago! Though it all worked out fine in the end...

JULIA: I am completely at sea here. I consider myself a pretty witty person, but I cannot for the life of me come up with a snappy cover-and-inside joke! Maybe this is why my books average 127 thousand words. Writing short eludes me. Hank, you got anything?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:    How about on the front:   
                HAPPY BOOKDAY!
When you open it, there's a cake with many many flaming candles.  It says  Celebrating your book sale! 
 and then below that:     (Hint: You can also use the celebratory candles to burn all your dumb rejection letters.) 

Or! On the front: A Santa-looking guy with a long white beard and a red suit and hat, but with a raven on his shoulder and  the face of Edgar Allan Poe. 
 And when you open it, it says:  POE POE POE!  
Congratulations on your Edgar nomination!

See? We'll send that one to Rhys.

And for Hallie: 
On the outside, an empty playground.  And it'll say: Where are the children?
When you open it, there's a group of happy children cheering and applauding. And it says "They're congratulating you on your Mary Higgins Clark Award nomination!"
See?  (Get it? Wasn't that MHC's first thriller?)

Wait, wait. On the front: "Congratulations on breaking up with that guy. He was SUCH an apostrophe."
And on the inside: Know what I mean? WAY too possessive.

So what say you, red and readers? Can you think of any cards for our writer/reader collection?