What would I be if I wasn't a writer? Jenn McKinlay

First, we have some news!       *Drum roll* 

Congratulations to our Rhys Bowen for being nominated for the Lefty Award for Best Historical Mystery for IN FARLEIGH FIELD!!!

And to Jenn McKinlay for being nominated for the RT Reviewer's Choice Award for Best Contemporary Love and Laughter for BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE!!!

Hip Hip Hooray!!!

And now, if I wasn’t a writer, what would I be?

While I love being a writer, there are days when the words won’t come where I am convinced I would prefer to be anything else…but I want it to be fun. Is that asking so much? Most occupations have a pretty steep learning curve, require multiple levels of education, licensing, residency, and what not. I am not interested in those professions. Nope.

What I want to be is the namer of names. Yes, I believe that is the proper job title. Specifically, I want to be the person who gets to come up with the names of things like the colors of nail polish or paint chips.

I feel like that would be a pretty sweet gig, allowing me to play with words but not require the commitment of an entire book.

A Prankster got loose in the paint chips! Click HERE to read more!

What about you, Reds? What is the wackiest job that you felt might be your true calling, you know, if you weren’t married to the word-smithing thang?

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I'm not sure if it's wacky, but I would be a interior designer. Sure, you're supposed to study something or get a certificate, but Dorothy Draper didn't have any credentials other than taste and creativity, and look how well things fell out for her. I love to add and subtract and tweak and change slipcovers in my own house - I can only imagine how much fun it would be to do for a client with more than a fifty dollar budget! (I get all my stuff at Goodwill or the 75% markdown aisle in Target.)

Also, working with someone else's money means I could hire burly laborers or skilled seamstresses to do the work - instead of having to do it myself. I have all these clever ideas about painting in my house, but whenever I run up against the fact that I'D be the one spending a week prepping, painting, and cleaning up (all while trying to keep dog and cat hair off wet paint) I decide I can live with what I have. But as the principal of Spencer-Fleming and Associates (the associate would be the Smithie, whom I would need to keep me organized) I would make a call and hey, presto! The professionals will lacquer that ceiling for me.

Confession - I may have a slightly skewed sense of how hard decorating is or how long it takes due to a steady diet of HGTV. Like, a whole-house renovation is only six half-hour episodes. How difficult could it be?'

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Jenn, I'm so mad you got Namer of Names first!!! Nail polish, lipstick, perfume, paint colors!!! I always think, "Who comes up with these??"

My next favorite job would be writing the tasting notes for the Scotch Malt Whisky Society. Here's an example: "The nose contrasted golden syrup sweetness with the sharpness of aniseed and lemons squeezed on a barbeque--peat-reek and barbeque char, like a battle scene from Master and Commander." Or, "The nose was fresh as the morning dew on a wakening daisy, with invigorating but subtle aromas of zingy lemon, mint, grass, pear and milk chews." (What on earth is a milk chew?) Of course, writing these would would require a lot of practice in tasting scotch whisky...

 JENN: Count me in, Debs!

But if I couldn't do either of those jobs, I'd be a film set designer. We had part of a film shot in our house once, and it was so interesting to see the little changes they made in the rooms to reflect the characters and the story. I will watch films over again just to pay attention to the set details--stories within stories. And wouldn't it be fun to be a location scout??? I could definitely do that!

HALLIE EPHRON: Namer of names would be sweet - or picker of colors-of-the-year. If those are taken, I'll be a pole vaulter. Imagine having the physical strength and grace to actually get yourself up and over. Sprint, plant, SOAR! The part where people watch as I fall on my arse? Not so much. 

RHYS BOWEN: Namer of names sounds like a sweet occupation! I wouldn't mind being a secret shopper at upscale stores, secret restaurant critic. When I was a small child I wanted to be a lion tamer. Now I am horrified how circus animals are abused so that occupation is a no-no. I also wanted to be an opera singer. I fulfilled that occupation a little when I sang with an opera chorus. Actually I'd like Rick Steve's job. Travelling around the world, exploring foods and wines and meeting local people. That sounds pretty sweet to me.

LUCY BURDETTE: if we are not being realistic, I would like to be a basketball player, or even better a rock ‘n’ roll/country music singer, along the lines of Emmylou Harris and Bonnie Raitt. Or for that matter, I wouldn’t mind performing in musicals on Broadway. 

However, if talent, age, and height are problems, then John always tells me I should have been a very high-quality hotel tester. The kind of person that would go into a really top notch hotel and check out their towels, their sheets, the comfort of their beds, and other amenities. Maybe I would check in for a night and experience the room, order room service, and then write up reviews. But no flea bags please!

INGRID THOFT: Namer of names would be the best job ever!  But second to that, (and is this is wildest dreams, right, so the laws of nature don’t apply?) I’d be an ice cream flavor tester at Ben and Jerry’s.  Somebody has to suffer through the grueling work of trying scoop after scoop, deciding if a flavor needs more peanut butter or perhaps fewer nuggets of cookie dough.  I’d also like to develop new flavors (and name them!) which would provide an outlet for my creative energy.  And since the laws of nature have been suspended, my cholesterol would be A+ worthy, and I wouldn’t gain a pound!

JENN: I have your back, Ingrid, or more accurately your spoon!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  All these sound wonderful! And I would happily be your apprentice, all of you. As for me, my choices, I fear, are a little bossy.  I would love to be a stylist for people, maybe on TV, maybe? Or in general? Like the fashion police, only  thoughtful and compassionate. I could stop people and say, in the nicest of ways, want to talk about what you’re wearing? 

I am sure it is completely shallow, and I am embarrassed. But sometimes I think… with “With Just the tiniest bit of tweaking, or, perhaps, a nice camisole, you would look so much better.”

Maybe I could be a restaurant table arranger, to make sure everyone has enough room, and their chairs don’t knock into the people behind them.

Or! Because I am sitting in the Phoenix airport now, perhaps I could be the “everybody get in line, and no pushing” supervisor. And also the onboard luggage enforcer, requiring people to put their carry-on bags over their own seat, and not simply where it is convenient for them.

Or, yeah. A rock star. 

What about you, Readers? If you could do anything, what would be your wackiest job choice?