Who Am I?

RHYS BOWEN: When I received the news that I had been nominated for an Edgar award my first thought was not how excited I was, how pleased my family would be. Like any normal woman my first thought was “Oh Golly, what am I going to wear to the banquet.”

I read an article in Oprah magazine last week (in a particularly civilized doctor’s office that didn’t have Field and Stream and Golf Digest) written by Oprah herself and it was called “Who Am I?” It was all about how we see ourselves and how we define ourselves both internally and externally. Reading this just after the nomination and had me thinking who exactly I am and who I want to be.


I have gone through a lifetime of metamorphoses. In the sixties, right after college, I was fashionable in my Mary Quant and my Vidal Sassoon haircut.

 In the seventies I morphed into along flowery garments and long hair. After that it was the time of motherhood and my uniform was sweat pants as I drove car-pools or sat at my computer writing. It was also the time of not much money to spend on myself so new clothes came from whatever was on the sales rack, or what my mother sent me. Unfortunately she remembered my Seventies incarnation and everything she sent was long and flowery, not who I was at all.

When the kids were finally out of the house, college was paid for, and I had time and money I had to think who I wanted to be. I’d look at women I admired (Barbara Peters, now a good friend, was always someone who dressed exactly right for the occasion). I decided I looked best in a tailored look—hello Ralph Lauren!  Blazer and tailored slacks. Recently I have softened that image a little—long sweaters instead of blazer, scarves to hide a crepey neck.

But this still doesn’t answer the question as to what I should wear to the Edgars . I am told by Margery Flax that it is the realm of the little black dress. Do I want to conform or stand out? I remember one disastrous occasion when I was at a cocktail party at the Frankfurt book fair. It was a party for me to meet my European agents. I bought a bright green silk jacket and matching pajama pants. Stunning…. Only every other woman in the room was in the little black dress. I felt like a peacock who has strayed into the hen house.
So no bright green this time. But maybe a jacket over that little black dress? Or a sparkly stole? Or my silk tuxedo that looks rather good?

 I’ll let you know when I decide. And I want to know from the other Reds: when did you find out who you are? Hank has always seemed so sure of her brand, so put-together. Was that always your look, Hank? And you others? Are you still searching or are you content with your current look? And any suggestions for my Edgar banquet?

HALLIE EPHRON: Better to be a peacock who strayed into the hen house than hen who strayed into a peacock house. Wear the bright green!

When did I discover my brand? Do I have one?? What I've always known is that I look best in strong colors - hot pink, turquoise, black, red. And I prefer to wear clothes that are unfussy and loose-fitting. So I'll see you at the Edgars banquet, Rhys... probably in a little black dress with a red/turquoise/hot pink scarf draped a la Hank at the neck.

LUCY BURDETTE: Maybe I’ll find my true style when I get to my 90s! I always seem a step behind the curve. In high school, it was all about matching Villager sweater sets, with very short skirts. In graduate school I wore overalls. Yes, denim farmers overalls. When I worked as a psychologist, I was quite a bit more formal with pleated skirts and boots and sweaters. Now that I am working as a writer, it’s hard for me to want to change out of yoga clothes.Though I do have a number of black dresses and would be happy to loan you one, though any of them would be short on you Rhys!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: What an interesting question! My clothing choices have been constrained, for the past 40 years, by what looks good on television, which means: what photographs well, what is strong and confident but not pushy, attractive but not trendy. Stylish but not too avant- garde. Something that can be worn in the governors office, as well as interviewing… Well, whoever. 

So over the years I’ve gotten pretty comfortable with that. Something black probably unfussy, no gizmos or geegaws or asymmetrical neck lines, no ruching no flounces no ruffles no lace no shiny stuff.

I have to say, this has served me well.

My mom‘s rules, as they so often do, have guided me: dress for the person you want to be. Dress respectfully, never be the most dressed up person in the room, pearls are always good, no stockings with sandals, no colors not found in nature.

A slim sleeveless black dress and a leather jacket will always work for me, high heels, pearls, and I am set.

Last year at the Edgars I risked wearing a raisin-colored very tight peplumed leather jacket and a calf length black tulle skirt and bronze heels. I loved it, loved! But  I bet not one person besides me remembers. 

So although I cannot wait to see pictures of you both, Rhys and Hallie, at the Edgars—truth is : It does not matter what you wear. Seriously, it does not matter. All you need is your big big smile. 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Oh, I've had a lot of transitions in my look, too, Rhys. In my late teens I was an !!actor!! and dressed like a combination of East Village beatnik and Summer of Love hippie (this was around 1980 - not exactly the going look.) As a grad student and young professional in DC, I looked like Melanie Griffith in WORKING GIRL: snappy, broad-shouldered blazers and long pencil skirts. Law school? Whatever I could grab first in the morning. Young motherhood? Whatever I could grab first in the morning that didn't have barf stains on it.

It wasn't until I was in my forties that I really developed a consistent style: classic preppy clothing, bright colors, no prints except on my fun pants. It does kind of break down when I have to go formal, since there's never any call to do so in my Maine life. Dress? Palazzo pants? The past couple of events, I've used Rent The Runway and been VERY happy with the results.

You know who is a mystery person with a great, individual style who always looks right? Marcia Talley. Super-simple pants and t-shirt/turtleneck, with a fabulous fabric-arts jacket on top. Bookstore appearance, dinner out, Agatha Awards - she's always on point.

JENN McKINLAY: When I was seven, my mother became the librarian at a private high school, meaning she left the house earlier than my brother and me. Since we walked to the school at the end of our street, this gave me fifteen minutes to change from the flouncy dresses she put out for me into my play clothes, which were woefully abused jeans, T-shirts, and flannels. I was grunge fifteen years before it was a thing! Unfortunately, my teacher felt behooved to inform my mother that I was wearing the same clothes every day, because, frankly, I had begun to smell. Mom and I had to mediate our differences in attire and after a battle royal, she bought me an array of jeans, T-shirts, and flannel shirts. This was my style at seven and it remains my style to this day. Of course, because I live in AZ the jeans and T-shirts give way to shorts and tank tops. A fashionista, I am not, but I do love a nice piece of jewelry and when I have to dress up, I always ask myself -- WWAW? What would Audrey wear? You can never go wrong dressing like Audrey Hepburn. Rhys, channel your inner Audrey for the Edgars and you'll be dazzling as always!

INGRID THOFT: When I’m traveling for work and doing events, it’s all about the dresses.  They satisfy four critical criteria: they’re comfortable, they look good, they’re easy to pack, and they allow me to eat.  The pasta looks good?  Go ahead!  The dress will expand as needed!  I don a different “uniform” for teaching:  dark washed jeans, a nice top, and a blazer.  I put a lot of stock in the motto “you look good, you feel good, you do good,” which is why you’ll never catch me wearing sweats on an airplane.  What if I need to open the emergency exit row door?  I'll need to be at the top of my game!

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I, too, wore the flowery long dresses and long hair of the seventies, and even in the eighties my daughter and I had matching Laura Ashley outfits. But mostly the eighties and at least part of the nineties were "Mom" clothes and things I'd just as soon not remember, except for a couple of really cute jumpsuits.

Jenn, your story cracked me up--and reminded me that when I was about five, I had two pairs of corduroy overalls, one red and one green, that I insisted on wearing everywhere! I think that means I started as I meant to go on!

I envy people who have a "look." My mom certainly did, and so does my daughter, but the fashion gene seems to have skipped me entirely. I know what I can't wear--preppy blazers, belted waists, padded shoulders, turtlenecks, big prints. I do like leggings and long sweaters, jeans and boots, scarves, and a little bit of original jewelry as long as it's not too big or gaudy. Dresses have become a problem since I can't wear heels. I'm glad I don't have to dress for the Edgar banquet--I'd agonize over it for months--but I am sure that Hallie and Rhys will both look absolutely stunning!

And Rhys, don't wear black! It washes out your pretty fair coloring. Be the peacock!!! 

RHYS: So now it's your turn. Have you decided who you are and developed your look?