INVISIBLE WOMEN, an essay by Rhys Bowen

RHYS BOWEN:

Earlier this week we discussed suitable and unsuitable clothing for women over 50.  One thing I have noticed as I travel on business is that women over fifty are invisible. Have you noticed that we can stand at a counter or in line for a table at a restaurant and will be overlooked if we don’t speak up?

Example 1: I am waiting in line behind a man at the rental car counter. He is called up to the counter. I wait. There seem to be assistants just sitting there. I ask, “Are you free to help me?”

The answer, “Oh, I thought you were with that gentleman.”

If I had been a man would anyone have thought that I was with THAT GENTLEMAN?

The assumption: that no woman of my age should be traveling alone and, God forbid, wanting to rent a car, all by herself! !

Example 2: I go into the hotel restaurant. The hostess looks at me nervously, then asks, “Are you waiting for someone?”

I’ve now learned to reply, “Only if I get lucky.”

That makes them embarrassed. And usually the woman alone will be taken to a table behind a large potted plant, at the back, beside the door to the toilets. I have made it a rule NEVER to take the first table I am offered. “Thank you,” I said, “but I prefer to sit over here.” And I choose the prime position by the window. Then I immediately ask for the wine list and choose a wine that is difficult to pronounce! That makes them realize I am not a pushover.

Example 3: I am on a plane heading to Houston. The man in the seat has been yelling into his cell phone until the last second when we take off. As we land he seems to notice me for the first time. “So, are you going to visit your grandchildren?” he asks in patronizing tone.

“Are you going to visit family too?” I ask, sweetly.

He frowns. “No, I’m on business,” he says.

“So am I,” I reply.

And you know, there are advantages to being older and invisible. As writers we can overhear some really juicy conversations, great fodder for future books. However I have an elderly friend who is really annoyed by people speaking on their cell phones in public places. If someone on a bus/train/plane starts talking on their phone while seated right next to her she switches into old-lady mode and pretends she thinks they are talking to her.

“Oh no,” she replies, “I certainly wouldn’t want to go to a club with you on Wednesday. I don’t even know you and I hate loud music.”

The young person stares at her in disbelief. “Not you, you silly old bat!”

“Then why did you ask me in the first place?”

“I didn’t.”

“I distinctly heard you say “do you want to go to the club on Wednesday?”

“Not you.” The person is screaming now. “I was asking my girlfriend.”

“But you were talking so loudly in my ear I was sure that you were asking me,” she says.

And you know what? The girlfriend on the other end has lost patience and hung up. Victory achieved!

Let’s make a pact: we are not going to go gentle anywhere. We are going to wear purple, as the poem says. And rattle railings and rattle pre-conceptions about older females. Who is with me?