Be Our Guest?

BREAKING NEWS: Hank's TRUST ME is a Book Bub's  Biggest Thrillers Coming Out Summer 2018! YAY! With Megan Abbott, Lisa Scottoline, Daniel Silva, B. A. Paris and Sandra Brown!  (Oh, and Bill Clinton with James Patterson.) Yay!

And Suspense Magazine says: TRUST ME  is "without a doubt, one of the best thrillers I've read in years."

And now back to our regular programming.

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Does it fill you with delight or dread?  Does it make you wish you didn't have the extra bedroom--or wish you had a few more?  We're having some wonderful guests here at JRW this week, hurray. And that got me thinking about visitors. Overnight guests.  At home.  And that is a different matter.

When guests arrived at Downton Abbey, it was an easier time. For Cora Grantham, at least if not for the staff. There were rooms and privacy, and there was staff, and somehow fresh flowers and food and clean sheets all happened seamlessly.

These days, having guests is a little more---fraught. I love to have people stay over, it's fabulous, but when it gets right down to it, I'm so eager to make sure that everything is absolutely perfect that it's a little nerve-wracking. It's silly, I know. When I stay at other people's homes, I don't care what anything looks like or whether it the cleaning staff (ha!) has done a good job. It's a friend's house, whatever! And I am touched by the hospitality.

But when people come here? Yeesh. Truly, I want to paint the bathroom. I have to stash the stacks of to-be-read New Yorkers. Will the guest want room-temp bottled bottles of water, or cold, or will they be aghast that we have individual plastic bottles of water? 

What if they're hungry in the night? What if they're allergic to the detergent I wash the sheets in?  What if they want to stay up really late/go to sleep really early and are hesitant to tell me that?  We have enough bathrooms, thank goodness.  

 (But once, a visiting relative's son thought it would be better NOT to tell me the toilet was overflowing on the third floor. He apparently thought it would just fix itself. I only found out about it when an absolute torrent of water began to gush into the second floor hallway below. The paint is still peeling and ruined from that. I stolidly ignore it.) 

And see? A guest would notice that! 

So how about you, Reds and readers? Is it open house at your house--or would you rather say: look! A lovely hotel is right down the street! 

(Not Hank's house)

HALLIE EPHRON: Definitely, open house! I love having guests, and yes, it's like having a cleaning person. It makes you straighten up in advance because for a nanosecond, you SEE those old newspapers and the crud that's accumulated between the sink and counter and... I also stock the fridge.  Make the beds. Put out fresh towels. Wipe the window sills. It's a win win. 

LUCY BURDETTE:  I have stayed plenty of nights at Hallie's house and the food is always excellent:). And there's coffee in the morning, and great conversation, and comfortable beds--what else could a person want? But I do understand the urge to fix things up. We will be having lots of company this summer, and all in small stretches. So I did buy some new pillows and already thinking about recipes. Our worst problem right now is that a yellow jacket nest was built somewhere in the house and they emerged by the dozens in the guest room last summer. Can you imagine? "You'll be staying in the yellow jacket suite this evening. Here are your bee suits..." That must be fixed!

not Rhys

RHYS BOWEN: Okay, confession time. Who else cleans up before the cleaning person comes? I don't want her to see a messy house! I love having guests. We have plenty of room and there are always two bedrooms ready and made up, so it's not too much of a chore. And the guest bathroom isn't used much between visits. These days it's only family who visit and they aren't too critical. The only time it's a bit much is when the whole family is here. We've had 16 people in the house for Christmas and that was a tad stressful. John would make three runs on the supermarket in a day. "What do we need?" he'd ask. "Milk and bread," I'd say. And he'd say "I bought those this morning," and I'd reply, 'Milk and bread."

INGRID THOFT: Since I like things to be tidy in general, it’s not usually a mad dash to get things ready, but am I the only one who thinks it depends on the guest?  Some guests are lovely and thoughtful, and it’s a pleasure to welcome them.   But some potential guests are best steered to a hotel, which in our case is only a block away.  The critical ones—the ones who might be displeased by the temperature of their bottled water (seriously, Hank, you’re too kind!)—really would be better served by a professional staff.  Good guests are the best, however.  Just a couple of weeks ago, one of my sisters and one of my nieces stayed with us, and it was fabulous.  We saw the sights, ate, and watched a “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” marathon.  Bliss!


JENN McKINLAY: I live in a frat house. If you’re coming to stay with me, you need to know that up front. Guitars, dirty socks, and sports equipment are everywhere. It is very loud with yelling, random wrestling, and pranks, oh, the pranks. My mom just stayed with us for a week. She loves her grandsons to pieces but upon leaving she looked ready for some peace and quiet. Visiting me is not for the fussy, so if your guests stay too long, I can send the Hooligans to help you out. No charge.

DEBORAH CROMBIE:  I'm with Rhys--I clean up for the house cleaner. But sixteen people in the house would give me nervous breakdown!

I do love having guests, and we have a separate guest room that can be closed on one side so that it's "en suite." But, like Hank, I want everything to be perfect, which means I notice all the flaws. (Yes, the bathroom needs painting, I'm sure it does.)

 

Not Debs' cat

And then there are the cats. The cats really, really like the guest room. It's in the front of the house with a window that overlooks the bird bath. Kitty TV! So even if the guest is not allergic to cats, I don't think that they want cat hair everywhere. So I usually do lots of cleaning, and then I need to go stay in a hotel!

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I don't have many overnight guests, other than the occasional family members, who pretty much get what they see. I mean, I make sure there's clean linen on the beds and towels and water on the bedside table (Hank, do bottled and make a donation to the World Wildlife Fund.) I'm not that far removed from Jenn's hooligan days, so my most frequent overnight visitors have been kids' friends sleeping over- and who's going to worry about what someone under 25 thinks of your housekeeping?

The impulse is real, though. Back in the day, I worked part-time for a wallpaper store - we had everything you needed to cover your walls, and we hired out folks to do it for the non-handy customers. I was amazed to find that November and December were the busiest time of the year. Who goes Christmas shopping for wallpaper? But, no, this was for home beautification. It turned out hundreds of people every year, faced with Thanksgiving or Hanukkah or Christmas guests, thought it was the perfect time to renovate the bathroom or redecorate the guest bedroom. 

I personally go with my mother's entertaining advice: if you keep the drinks flowing, no one will notice what the house looks like.

HANK: So, Reds and readers--can we come over? How do you feel about house guests--y'all come? Or...what's that saying about fish and houseguests? (And yes, I clean up for the housekeeper. Do you?)






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