High school graduations of course have the usual roster of speakers: Salutatorian, valedictorian, principal and/or superintendent. Then there's the guest speaker. Unlike colleges and universities, which compete for the most prestigious and newsworthy orators, high schools usually stick with a distinguished alumni; someone who can honestly say to the kids, "I was in your seat ten or fifteen or twenty years ago and here is where I am now." Youngest's school invited a graduate of the class of '04 who has made a successful living as a dancer in Hollywood, as part of his own company, and right now, touring with HAMILTON. (I was thrilled they found someone in the arts, instead of yet another computer software guy. Did you know almost 3.5 million Americans are employed in the arts? It's true!) The gist of his speech was that you can follow your dreams (I'm going to go out on a limb and guess 100% of graduations feature someone saying this) BUT you may need to have a lot of flexibility, and be willing to trade certainty for opportunity.
It got me thinking: what would I say if I were invited to come back to Liverpool High School (Go Warriors!) and address the class of 2018? I might point out the changing demographics of New York State: once one of the ten largest high schools in the state, Liverpool is now number 43, as the children of suburbanites have thronged into the cities their grandparents abandoned. I would encourage students, whether college-bound, entering the work force, or anything in between, to visit those cities for education and work, to get a better idea of what the US is going to look like everywhere by the time they are my age. I'd encourage them to visit a mosque and an African Methodist Episcopal church, a Spanish-language Catholic mass and a Buddhist temple.
A lot of stresses and strains in our country seem to arise when we have a certain idea of what "Americans" look and sound like, and I suspect one of the best things the young generation can do is break that down. I'd urge them to actively work to make the coming demographic change a positive one, by getting to know their peers of different ethnicities and religions, of working with them and welcoming them into their homes and neighborhoods. Finally, I'd point out that as a 17- or 18-year old brand new graduate, you're feeling about as top-of-the-world as you ever will. So take advantage of it! Use that empowerment for the greater good.
Oh, and always wear sunscreen.
How about you, Reds? What would you advise the class of '18?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Last pre-graduation, I had a talk with one of my interns who was about to take part in the ceremony at her college. She was terrified. I started giving her advice: Be curious, be kind, ask questions, be compassionate, be reliable and responsible, always make the choice to be good, trust your gut, don't cut corners, be open, be present. All that. Listen, listen, listen to people. And then keep learning.
Every door in the world is open to you!! I said, almost starting to cry.
I KNOW, she wailed. That's what scares me.
Not exactly the response I had in mind.
SO I think--one of the lessons of aging is that"you never know" is a fabulous thing, a reassuring thing. NOT a scary thing! You never know what wonderful thing is around the next corner--that's GOOD.
Then I kind of gave her some tough love.
I said, specifically--listen, kiddo. Your name is Yvette. (True.) You grew up IN PARIS. You are smart, you are beautiful, you are funny, you are kind. You are talented. Your parents love you, you have money, you did nog grow up in the slums of (I think I said Calcutta), you are not sick, you are not uneducated, you are not....AH, I said. Stopped myself from continuing the rant.
Count your blessings, I said. And go out there and be brave and give it a try and expect good and BE IN THE WORLD.
HALLIE EPHRON: This is so hard. What Julia said. What Hank said. And by the way what Hillary said.
I'd add:
Be kind, pursue what interests you, and don’t forget to flush.
And most important of all, in ways large and small act as if Planet Earth is precious and fragile, because by your own actions you can make a difference.
JENN MCKINLAY: Don't forget to flush! LOL, Hallie, it's funny but really so important, especially here in the frat house. Since I have a talking problem, I would likely speak them to death or until they were begging for my demise. Seriously, a captive audience? Are you kidding me? I would keep them there for hours while I overshared every thought I'd ever had - ever. LOL. I'm kidding, mostly. In truth, I would say, be true to yourself and remember that just because you're on a path that others don't recognize doesn't mean you're lost. Then I would quote Maya Angelou: “I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Just a couple of months ago I spoke to a group of college seniors who were newly minted Phi Beta Kappas, so I was thinking a lot about what advice to give young people starting out in the world, whether graduating from high school or college. The gist was, "Be resilient. Be open to possibilities. For most people, life very seldom follows a pre-ordained path. Be prepared for those forks in the road, don't miss those opportunities that may take you in a direction you never imagined." I would add, be kind. Be brave. Remember that you are the future and that you can make a difference.
If I were the speaker I'd remind them that the journey is the destination. Don't go through life setting goals and saying "when I've graduated from college, got my first job, married, retired... I'll do this." Embrace the present and if you dream of doing something, do it now. The one thing you don't want is to look back on life with regret, murmuring "If only..." And don't go into any career because it pays well, it is expected of you, has prestige. You have an awfully long work life ahead and every working day should be exciting, a challenge, rewarding. Above all realize how blessed you are that you live in a country where you can vote, choose your own life path and make a difference.
LUCY BURDETTE: There are so many great ideas here, I kind of hate to pile on and muddy the waters. I love Hallie's idea of taking care of the earth--each one of us matters in this important work. Yes, ditto what Rhys said, your work should feed your joy and your soul. And it's okay not to know what you want to do with the rest of your life, because you'll probably make lots of unexpected turns, some of them related to your growth and some related to curveballs that life will throw. And yes, love the Maya Angelou quote about how you make people feel, and yes, count your blessings and give back more than you get.
My brother-in-law, Dr. Jeff Chanton, gave the commencement speech at Florida State University's graduation in 2017. I think he did an amazing job, with a big emphasis on being good stewards of our earth and the importance of science. Live responsibly and aim for sustainability. Such an important message!
INGRID THOFT: It’s very hard to add anything to the brilliant advice of the other Reds. The two pieces of advice I might offer are seemingly contradictory, but I think a sweet spot can be found between them. The first thing is that you don’t have to figure everything out right away. In fact, you will spend your life figuring things out—in terms of work, family, priorities, etc. The second piece of advice: This is it. You don’t get a dress rehearsal. Don’t live as if you’re only practicing for the real thing. So how do you balance those two ideas? I think the key is to be thoughtful in the choices you make, but remember there are very few things in life that can’t be redone or undone. You’re going to screw things up, and that’s okay. And my bonus advice: Exercise, but also have dessert.
JULIA: Wonderful advice from one and all! How about you, dear readers? What would you tell the graduating class? Or do you still remember something pertinent from your own graduation?
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ReplyDeleteCongratulations to you daughter, Julia . . . .
ReplyDeleteIt’s hard to find something to add to all this wonderful advice.
Believe in yourself; take that chance. Never stop learning. Be your best self; treat other with respect. Make a positive difference for the environment.
Thank you, Joan!
DeleteHooray for Julia's youngest! What a tough year to have to get through to graduate. Here's hoping things get a little easier for her as she heads off to college.
ReplyDeleteI work with high school kids a lot. In fact, I just wrapped up our annual band camp, with about 500 high school and middle school students from the Dallas public schools. They are bright, funny, talented young people who do not look at all like the graduates in the pictures above. Only 5% of Dallas students are white, so if any of you still harbor any sneaky prejudices about people of color, get rid of them now. These young people are our future, and they're fantastic. We'll be fine; America will be fine.
Of course, the kids I work most closely with are music students. When their parents tell them there are no jobs in the arts, I tell them to take their parents to the latest superhero blockbuster and make them sit through ALL the credits. They will see the names of thousands of people who have jobs in the arts. And then I tell these bright, lovely kids to ignore their parents. Their parents want them to be safe, so they say, "It's okay to write songs, but go to dental school so you'll have something to fall back on." I tell them, "Go be a songwriter. If you have something to fall back on, you'll fall back. It's easier that way, and life is hard. If you have a big dream, go for it, but work without a net. Be a person of integrity--someone other people like to work with--and let that be your net. It will work out." And it does. They may not end up where they thought the would, but they will have believed in themselves and in their dreams, and they will have found their own way through the maze. That's all any of us can ask of life.
Did you know that Sofia Vegara, the highest paid woman in television, dropped out of dental school with something like one semester left to finish? It was a good decision imho.
DeleteI love this advice Gigi! what a great job you're doing...
DeleteGigi, I love this so much!! My youngest nephew is working without a net right now--his passion is music, too, and he is writing his own songs, earning the money to have them professionally recorded, and working hard at improving his craft. His brother, on the other hand, has a plan. But he is also working hard to find joy in the moment and not only be open to possibility--but to push at the edges of his plan too. Keep inspiring those kids who love the arts!
DeleteThis is such great advice, Gigi, and I know from listening to you talk about these kids how terrific they are. That really does give me hope for the future. And thank you for doing all that you do!
DeleteOh, and you know I always watch the credits all the way through:-)
I do, too, Debs! I had my own working-in-the-arts moment when I went to a meeting to raise awareness of the arts in our school district and encourage voters to support school funding. We saw incredible artwork, a video from a future filmmaker, and a terrific performance by the high school's select choir. When we had a chance to comment, I pointed out that in the hall were many adults who made their living in the arts: three art/music/drama teachers, a sculptor, a painter, a writer, an actor, a playwright/director and the head of a nonprofit arts advocacy organization. This was in one small town in Maine!
DeleteHard to top all these fine words, and congrats to Youngest! Oddly enough, I didn't attend a single one of my three major graduations, including PhD - which I regret. So I would add what my roommate's mother used to tell her - live so you don't have regrets.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, Edith, the only thing I recall about my own long-ago high school graduation was the heat, being disgruntled that my best friend was too far away to talk to (alphabetical seating) and that the salutatorian began his speech by quoting the Grateful Dead: "What a long, strange trip it's been."
DeleteI have no advice.
ReplyDeleteAs for my own graduation ceremony, the speaker was a joke. I graduated in the year that my town was "celebrating" its 350th anniversary. So instead of getting some typical rah-rah speech, we got an infomercial for the upcoming plans for the summer celebration. It might as well have been a spiel delivered by Ron Popeil.
I was aggravated. Not because I wanted to get some rah-rah speech, but more because I felt they were wasting my time. I could've been out of there 30 minutes earlier if they hadn't wasted my time with a joke of a graduation speaker.
But how was the summer celebration, Jay?
DeleteI couldn't tell you. I was 18 and had zero interest in it.
DeleteHUGE congrats to Youngest, Julia! My high school graduation speaker was probably the mayor or somebody; we led the league in dull ceremonies. In college, as class vice president I got to introduce the speaker, a very big deal economist, who was intensely dull. I didn't take any of his advice, or took all of it. I can't remember a word he said. But I do remember he was about 6'5" and therefore had a full foot on me, so we looked funny shaking hands.
ReplyDeleteImagining this :-)
DeleteMy college speaker was Isaac Asimov, a GIANT in the science fiction world, a genuine polymath, an author I deeply admire and a very funny guy. Can I recall a single thing he said? I cannot. You know what hasstuck with me over the years? My mother telling me their bleacher seats smelled like sweat socks and urine. (Commencement was in the gym due to rain. Very classy.)
DeleteOh, Julia, you must have lived within a train ride for Issac, because he did not fly. I don't suppose he was signing girls' breasts back then?
DeleteMay I say that the collected wisdom here could honestly change the world, if only the world would listen? All the advice here is great.
ReplyDeleteGigi, love your point about the movie credits! My husband has followed his own father in making a decent living in the arts, although his degree in English has helped in a million ways, too. Without that training he would have to have hired script writers for the last forty years, for one thing.
I would especially stress taking care of the earth--it's the only planet we have--but I would also add to Julia's excellent idea of visiting other kinds of churches, too. Travel is the single best way to understand the rest of the world, the rest of the world population, and our own place in it. Without that perspective, we tend to look at our fellow human beings as if from the wrong end of a telescope: instead of bringing them closer, it pushes them further away. Everything on this rock is connected, and people are the same everywhere, which you realize only when you can see this close up.
My best friend from grade school has a son who just graduated from UCLA, a man in his late thirties. Just a few years ago he was a fairly hopeless alcoholic and drug addict. He has cleaned himself up, replaced his missing teeth, and is on his way to a brilliant career. I could not be more proud if he were my own son. I've only met him once, but have been a part of his cheering squad since that meeting four years ago. The other day I got his graduation announcement, along with a handwritten note thanking me for our social media friendship. I'd say he has figured out some very important lessons beyond the history he studied.
So to add one more thing to the advice: never underestimate the power of a handwritten note!
The handwritten note! Especially in this day and age.
DeleteI couldn't agree more, Karen! Hand written thank you notes should not be a thing of the past!
DeleteHear, hear!
DeleteHear, hear on the handwritten notes! Although I have to confess my daughter is better at it than I am--probably one of the reasons she's so successful at her job.
DeleteI graduated with my BA from Barnard/Columbia and we were all protesting so I did not go. For my masters, I also gave it a pass. I did go to my PhD graduation ceremony and got "hooded" and got to sit WAAAAYY up front with the dignataries at Boston College Stadium. My favorite graduation was my daughter's from nursery school. No speaker. Just a lot of wriggly kids and cupcakes.
ReplyDeleteDr. Ephron? Holy moly. I tend to be very impressed with achievement in higher education.
DeleteOh, Hallie! Nursery school 'graduation'! A row of giggly little kids, half their front teeth missing, wearing funny hats and singing some cute little song with arm movements (sort of synchronized) while the parents held cameras and wriggly younger sibs and tried not to cry....
DeleteWhen the Sailor graduated from kindergarten, I sobbed like a baby. When he graduated from high school, I sighed with relief.
DeleteDitto!!!
DeleteToday’s graduates are facing challenges that we could not have imagined when we graduated. My message to them: Always do the right thing.
ReplyDeleteExcellent advice, Grace. May we all follow it.
DeleteMachete in hand, hack your own path through life. Try everything. Find your passion. Care for the Earth. Give back to your community. You'll always have time for what matters the most.
ReplyDeleteWear sunscreen, sunglasses, and a hat. Don't lose your drivers license during a Mardi Gras parade.
Congratulations to the Youngest! The best years of her life are about to begin.
Love "Don't loose your driver's license during a Mardi Gras parade." Sounds like personal experience, lol.
DeleteThank, Margaret!
DeleteI have no recollection of my high school graduation speaker, but I can tell you the dress I wore under that gown. I bagged my BSN graduation but did go to baccalaureate, no idea who the speaker was or what her said other than something about the days of Dr. Welby were past.
ReplyDeleteI asked to speak today, I would suggest four life rules of Angeles Arrien:
Show up and be on time
Pay attention
Tell the truth
Don't get attached to the outcome.
I love this, Ann.
DeleteI remember at least one of the speakers at my high school graduation because it was me. No idea what I said, though. I only went to my college graduation because my dad was a professor there, and he'd made special arrangements to walk through the ceremony because I was there. So I had to be there. Parents!
DeleteAnd how could we not all add: read read read!
ReplyDeleteAs a bookseller, I was waiting for someone to say this--you beat me to it! Read--read outside your comfort zone, read to learn about different cultures if you can't afford to travel, read to empathize with people in situations not your own. Expand your mind, expand your world--READ!
DeleteI would quote Ram Das. Be here now. Don't live in the future or the past. See today for today. Embrace joy. Your truth may not be another's reality. Listen. Formal education does stops at graduation. Life education is forever. Plans usually change when the action begins. Remember respect, remember birth control is a good idea. Finally, live long and prosper.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to the High School graduate, Julia. I hope you will enjoy the rest of the summer together.
For clarification, Ram Das never said use birth control. Coralee did.
DeleteExcellent advice from both of you, Coralee!
DeleteCongratulations to Youngest, too! Oh, the places she'll go...
ReplyDeleteYes, and now I'm ready for Dr. Seuss's YOU'RE ONLY OLD ONCE...
DeleteJulia, from one parent of a 2018 high school grad to another: congrats!
ReplyDeleteWonderful advice all of it, but I love "wear sunscreen" and "don't forget to flush." LOL
I thought the valedictorian of The Girl's class had a wonderful speech for an 18-year-old. She based in on the line from Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock": Do I dare disturb the universe? She urged her classmates, yes, go disturb the universe. It's their responsibility and she knew they were going to do it all sorts of wonderful ways. Really touching. I'm tearing up remembering it.
What would I say? Like so many of you said: Don't put off doing what you love because life isn't a dress rehearsal. At the same time, don't worry if "it" doesn't happen right away, because it's never too late to get where you hope to be.
Mary/Liz
Mary, I'm tearing up just thinking about that line--when I was a senior in high school, T.S. Eliot's poetry opened a new world to me! Congratulations to The Girl!
DeleteI love that, Mary/Liz. We should all answer yes!! This universe needs disturbing!
DeleteCongratulations to the Girl, Mary! And what a wonderful thought for the valedictorian. I have high hopes for the class of '18. I think they're going to change the world.
DeleteJulia, congrats to Youngest!! Given what we've seen of this young woman through your shared posts--I think she has already spread her wings!
ReplyDeleteAnd is flapping hard!
DeleteLove the Reds -- without conflict or disagreement, you enriched our minds with layers of important ideas. I am so glad I heard them all. I remember one graduation speaker -- I think it was the Baccalaureate at Wesleyan in 2005 -- saying to the grads, "You are coming and we are going." She said it better than that, but I loved the idea that these newly hatched adults can take on the world with their own strength, diversity, and responsibility. Such exciting days! No graduations in our family this year, which is also relaxing.
ReplyDeleteJulia -- my high school team was also Warriors -- Our Lady of Lourdes in Poughkeepsie, NY
I'm pretty sure our image used to be of an Iroquois warrior (we're on Lake Onondaga, the hearthfire of the Confederacy), but it's since been changed to a muscular fellow who's Greco-Roman. I'm glad LHS updated it so we're not appropriating our neighbor's culture anymore.
DeleteI didn't graduate from high school and have no idea who my college graduation speaker was, so no wisdom to repeat from those, but all today's advice is worth saving and remembering. I think I would add, "You don't ever get perfect. All you get is try. So enjoy it!"
ReplyDeleteI am on deadline and freaking so see you later...but don't forget to ENTER the Goodreads giveaway for TRUST ME! It ends Weds--100 free copies! https://www.goodreads.com/giveaway/show/279713-trust-me
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to youngest daughter! I teach high school and this year I was asked to give the traditional teacher speech at graduation. I told our graduates to get lost and enjoy the adventure that getting lost is. To not be scared of getting or feeling lost but learn on their travels
ReplyDeleteSounds like it was an excellent speech, Zee!
DeleteLove all this advice, and Gigi's. Like many of the commenters though, I don't remember/didn't attend my own graduation ceremonies. If only all graduation speakers were as engaging as the Reds!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure it would help, Marla - at least not to the graduating youngsters. I suspect everyone in a gown and mortarboard is mostly concerned with what's happening after the ceremony!
DeleteThat's true, Julia. At that age you're not too interested in life advice, even good advice!
DeleteCongratulations to Youngest on her graduation, Julia. An achievement and celebration for all. I know that she has had the best guidance and examples from you and Ross to enable her to live life with joy and purpose.
ReplyDeleteI honestly don't remember my high school or college graduation speakers. High school graduation was even a big deal, because I was valedictorian, but at our school back then, there wasn't a speech from the valedictorian. There really should have been, and I wasn't afraid to speak in public. My college graduation was just a huge mass of people and you stood up as a college to acknowledge receiving your degree. The one that I didn't go to, but would have meant the most to me was my Masters graduation. I wish I'd gone to that one.
One thing I'd tell graduates, high school and college, these days is to travel, to learn about other peoples and their histories. It might help them view the world as their home and not just their little piece of residence, to see life as a connection to and appreciation of other cultures. I think it would promote "a love between my brothers and my sisters, all over this world."
Thanks for the congratulations, Kathy, and I agree about travel! I'm delighted that Youngest is already planning a semester (and perhaps summer) abroad.
DeleteI have been to but a few graduations in my time. Most of my memories are too personal to commit to words. What I do know now, at the age of 64, is that there will be times in your life, not very frequently, that God will put you in situations that you are uniquely qualified to make a special difference in someone's life. You will not see them coming. You will not even recognize these occasions at the moment they are happening or even for a while after they pass. However, if you are in prayer always and make a habit of stepping up, they will happen. And then you will know the love of God in a way that is more than precious. And in pondering these moments in reflection you will always cry.
ReplyDeleteThat's lovely, David. We need to collect all this wisdom together and make a booklet for grads!
DeleteI would tell them two things, no three. Always treat others the way you want to be treated, always be kind and always take risks. Complacency kills, don't you think, Reds?
ReplyDeleteI loved reading all the thoughts today and thank you for sharing them. Just didn't have time to contribute my own. And btw, applause to whoever had the job of illustrating today. Wonderful pictures.
ReplyDeleteYoungest has graduated... I'm sure there were times you thought the day would never come and in almost that same thought, you wished it wouldn't come yet.... Sorry, that sounds strange, I know. And congratulations on guiding your children through this phase of their lives, Julia. (We're old friends, I can call you Julia, right?��)
ReplyDeleteWhat would I say if I was asked to speak at good old Piner High.... I would probably start by telling them that I think my class was the last class to graduate in the gym..and look at where you are now.. football field, with lights, wasn't here in my day... I think that my thoughts might be a list, a list of what I wasn't supposed to do and what I did! I wasn't supposed to go to college. I was so nice that I just get married and have babies. My dad was told not to worry about college. Guess what, I went to college! I have an AA and BA! So Ha! Take that you mean elementary school administrator! (I'd day with a smile.��) I never got married and can't have kids. Kinda sad about that last one, I'd like to think I'd be a good mom.... Don't be afraid to start over again and again and.... I only worked five years in my field of study, but it wasn't a good fit. It's okay to go back to school. And Don't Be Afraid To Return To Your Hometown, just don't hide there. I had an aunt with a PhD, taught medieval and renaissance history, brilliant lady, and she made sure we all knew it, who sent me a card on my graduation....she reminded me that, traditionally, this event was a Commencement Ceremony. You are commencing to the next phase of your life. And this year, class of 2018, you must be a PHOENIX!!! We may have burned last fall but you must rise out of the ashes. ... rise out of the ashes of your homes, parks and schools. Be the Phoenix! And whether you want it or not, you are also tasked to rebuild our town. Remember the past, honor it. And Live today for the future, it just outside the door. (Kinda got a little wordy, sorry.)