So Embarrassing!

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, dear. I am laughing too hard to write a coherent introduction. Because two of my most favorite people in the world are headed out on the road again—and hurray, we get to host them today.

And—even though we ASKED them to talk about “the importance of setting and secondary characters”-- for some reason, they refused.  

Instead, Jess Lourey and Shannon Baker decided to reveal their:

Most Embarrassing Author Moment

Jess Lourey 

We’re Shannon Baker and Jess Lourey chugging along on our Third Annual Double-Booked Blog Tour. We love our stop at Jungle Reds because we always pick up tips from this sophisticated and classy gang. Unfortunately, we’ve brought those little cocktail weenies and corn chips with Velveeta and hamburger dip, along with (Jess—what’s your local beer, Hamms?) We’re from the fly-over states, you know.

Jess just launched the second in her feminist thriller series, Mercy’s Chase, and a fast, action-packed thrill ride it is! Shannon is back with the third in the Kate Fox mystery series (think Longmire meets The Good Wife), Bitter Rain.

When you plan a joint blog tour, like this one, you get to divide the work and you put your full trust in your partner. Jess is the best traveling companion ever and I’ve never doubted her… until this year. We both picked topics to blog on and while I picked things like Where We Get Our Ideas, and Tips That Changed Our Writing Life, Jess went off-roading and chose Two Middle Aged Women Write a Sex Scene, and today’s ego-boosting Most Embarrassing Writer Moment.

So, Jess, since this is your idea, you go first.

Jess: I’m sensing you’re not on board with my, “write what you want to read” concept, eh? Well, it’s going to get better: I have no embarrassing author moments. This is all a set-up to get you to share yours. So, let’s have it.

Shannon Baker

Shannon: Oh, so many to choose from and probably a million more I’ve blocked from my memory. They range from my very first panel at a conference. It was Malice Domestic, and as it happens, Jess was on the panel. When the moderator asked me about the cat in my book I blanked. I could not speak. For the life of me, I couldn’t remember a cat in my book. I did, however, remember the cat in the second book… a cat that I killed off. It hadn’t been released, yet, and I couldn’t understand how she knew about it. Naturally, I panicked.

BTW, there wasn’t a cat in that first book.

Another time, I was working registration at one of the largest mystery conferences. The guest of honor stepped up to register and didn’t tell me his/her name, just looked at me expectantly. I smiled and we had a standoff for some time before I finally said, “Name?” That person was not amused. But in my defense, they didn’t look at all like their author photo.

There is a moment that happened recently, that Jess was unlucky enough to witness. A moment without humor and one I’m deeply ashamed of and one for which I haven’t been able to apologize yet. It involved a micro-aggression before I even knew the term.

Jess: I did witness that one, sweetie, and from where I was sitting, it looked like an honest mistake that you’ve gone to great lengths to ensure won’t happen again. And of course, I was lying about having no embarrassing author moments. Ahhh...where to start?

One year, while a teacher for MWA-University, I had a glorious moment where I unfurled eight feet of butcher paper to reveal my elegant outlining method. I was in Dallas, Charlaine Harris and over a hundred other people were in the audience, and I’d built up to this moment for about twenty minutes. Unfortunately, I’d grabbed the wrong roll of butcher paper when packing. The one I unfurled was as blank as the stares it garnered.

Then there’s the million or so times at a conference that I’ve become so overstimulated by more conversation in a day than I normally have in a week that I can’t remember the names of dear friends and so have to glance at the name tags of people I’ve known for years.

Ooh--back to MWA-University. Our kick-off workshop happened in Bethesda, and I was the opening speaker. I was terrified. My fellow presenters were (are) authors I so admire--Hank and Hallie, for starters, but also Reed Farrel Coleman and Dan Stashower. I had over-prepared my presentation, including coming up with what I thought was a clever branding for the Pyramid on Point method I was teaching: touch your thumbs together and your pointer fingers together, with your finger points facing up to form a triangle, and say “Pyramid.” Then, dramatically turn the triangle over so your pointer fingers face downward and say “On Point.” I even had the whole audience doing it along with me. Afterward, Reed comes up to me and says in his gravelly Brooklyn accent, “That symbol you did? It means something in sign language, and it ain’t pie.”

Uff da.

Another time, I was at an event my publisher hosted. Over thirty of their books were on the table, including one of mine. A women came up, oohed and ahhed over many of the books, and then, without looking at my name tag, pointed at mine before leaning over to whisper, “Don’t waste your time on that one. One of the worst books I’ve ever read.”

Shall I go on? Or please, you take over. Let’s hear your biggest.

Shannon: This last one involves a perfect storm of situations culminating in public embarrassment. I’ve been involved in Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers for over 20 years. It’s my writer family of origin. Last year, I was lucky enough to be voted RMFW Writer of the Year. I also taught a couple of workshops and had various other duties to perform. It happened that I started the Keto diet the two weeks before and had been restricting my calorie and alcohol intake drastically. Add to that, I now live in Arizona and not at the lofty altitude of Denver, where the conference took place.

I had to give a speech but it was scheduled for Friday. I have a notoriously foul vocabulary but when I focus I can usually sound presentable and the speech went off without a hitch. By the Saturday night banquet, my responsibilities were completed and I decided a glass of wine was in order. And one led to two, which, under normal circumstances wouldn’t be a problem.

At the last minute, the presenters needed someone to help hand off awards onstage and grabbed me. Still okay, I didn’t have to speak and I wasn’t staggering or anything. But the clincher came when they decided to present a surprise “thank you” gift. To me. And made me step up to the microphone. Unprepared.

I said the only thing I could think of. To the room full of people in their sequins and ties, I put my lips to the mic and said simply, if not elegantly, “Fuck me.”

Jess: I couldn’t love you anymore, Shannon Baker. Let’s end on that high note.

Don’t leave me and Jess dangling out here alone, tell us your embarrassing moments.

HANK:  Let’s just say mine is the reason I ask the bookstores to put those yellow stickies with people’s names on them on the books people bring for me to sign.  When the response to the infinitely transparent “who do you want me to sign this to?” is the horribly frustrating “Oh, just to me.”  Ahhhh….

How about you, Reds and readers?  

GIVEAWAY

We are each giving away three signed books on the Lourey/Baker Double-Booked Tour. To enter to win, sign up for our newsletter!

●     Jess Lourey newsletter sign-up (when you sign up, you’ll automatically receive a free copy of May Day, the first in Jess’ comic caper mysteries): BookHip.com/KJNSXH

●     Shannon Baker newsletter sign-up (when you sign up you receive a free Kate short story): https://mailchi.mp/d5ccfe1840ea/shannonsbooknews

For every comment you make along our tour stop, you’ll get another entry in the contest. Don’t be shy; we love talking to you.

DOUBLE-BOOKED BLOG TOUR SCHEDULE

August 23: "Two Middle-aged Introverts Write a Sex Scene" on Criminal Minds

August 26: "Write What You Fear" on Writer Unboxed

August 27: "The Five Stages of Author Grief" on BOLO Books

August 28: "Tools and Tricks that Changed the Game" on Femmes Fatales

August 31: "Write a Great Scene" on Fiction University

September 2: “Author Interview” on Jess Lourey

September 4: "The Unexpected Places Authors Get Their Ideas" on Wicked Cozy Authors

September 8: "A Day in the Life of Our Characters" on Dru’s Book Musings

September 13: "Most Embarrassing Author Moment" on Jungle Red Writers

September 26: "Create an Author Persona" on The Creative Penn

TBA: “More than the Sum of Our Parts” on Career Authors

ABOUT SHANNON AND JESS

Shannon Baker is author of the Kate Fox mystery series set in rural Nebraska cattle country, and the Nora Abbott mystery series, fast-paced mix of Hopi Indian mysticism, environmental issues, and murder. Now a resident of Tucson, Baker spent 20 years in the Nebraska Sandhills, where cattle outnumber people by more than 50:1. She is proud to have been chosen Rocky Mountain Fiction Writers’ 2014 and 2017 Writer of the Year.

 A lover of the outdoors, she can be found backpacking in the Rockies, traipsing to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, skiing mountains and plains, kayaking lakes, hiking, cycling, and scuba diving whenever she gets the chance. Arizona sunsets notwithstanding, Baker is, and always will be, a Nebraska Husker. Go Big Red. Visit Shannon at www.Shannon-Baker.com.  Bitter Rain is an August release.

Jess Lourey (rhymes with “dowry”) is an Anthony, Lefty, and Agatha-nominated author best known for her critically-acclaimed Mira James Mysteries, which have earned multiple starred reviews from Library Journal and Booklist, the latter calling her writing “a splendid mix of humor and suspense.” She is a tenured professor of creative writing and sociology, a recipient of The Loft’s Excellence in Teaching fellowship, a regular Psychology Today blogger, and a sought-after workshop leader and keynote speaker who delivered the 2016 “Rewrite Your Life” TEDx Talk. Mercy’s Chase, the second in the feminist thriller series Lee Child calls “highly recommended,” releases September 8. You can find out more at www.jessicalourey.com.