JENN McKINLAY: One of my very favorite people to see at conferences, partly to see what she's wearing, but mostly because I adore this mid-century modern gal is Diane Vallere! She's here to chat with us about collaboration, and I'm sure by the end of the blog you will adore her as much as I do if you don't already! Take it, Diane!
DIANE VALLERE: Thank you so much for hosting me on Jungle Red! (and guess what? The phrase “Jungle Red” appears in LOVER COME HACK. #tribute!)
There are two types of people in this world: those who work well with others and those who don’t. That’s not to say people don’t try to work together, or always choose to do everything themselves, but some people are just not cut out for collaboration.
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| Diane repaints her kitchen! |
Take me, for example. With an ever-growing to-do list, a mountain of projects in my head and on paper, and an awareness that I can only do so many things (well) at a time, I would love to have help. Yet when push comes to shove, my first thought is: I know what I want, and I can do it faster myself.
This may not be the healthiest attitude.
There was one time that I wanted to redo the kitchen. I waited until I had a weekend alone and took on the task by myself. Was it fun? Yep. Did I enjoy the alone time to work (and break) at my own pace? You betcha.
And then there are the times I do my own taxes. Are they fun? Heck to the no. Yet I’ve done them more than once.
In defense of anyone who has ever thought it would be faster/easier/less hassle to take on one additional project themselves, I’ll point out that it isn’t that we think others are less qualified. In most cases, we know the opposite is likely true. And as I sit here thinking about the subject, and the countless times I’ve asked the universe for help while plowing through my list, I would go so far as to say it’s not a quality of work thing, or a saving-money-paying-people thing, but a trust thing. In that if I take a project on myself, I trust that it’ll get done.
Oh, but there are so many flaws to this logic!
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| Diane's Kitchen Drawers! |
You fellow do-it-all-yourselfers out there: have you ever felt that twinge of jealousy when you saw what a professional could do versus your own efforts? Have you ever banged your head against the table trying to figure out something that wasn’t second nature? Have you ever needed—yes, I said needed—a glass of wine after finishing something simply to celebrate the fact that you never have to tackle that particular project again?
The true test: have you ever turned down an offer of help because you were too scared of what it would mean to accept it?
And you ask-for-help-all-the-time folks: does it stress you out to ask? Do you feel indebted to those who help you? Is there a bigger, grand karmic swap meet where you feel like it all evens out in the end? Inquiring minds want to know.
I live in awe of the people who can ask and receive help. Not by manipulating with guilt or paying mass amounts of money, but simply by with, “hey, can you help me with this?” It seems like a nice way to live. Maybe one of these days I’ll try it.
In LOVER COME HACK, Madison Night finds herself collaborating with a friend. And Madison, to date, has been a DIY kind of person. The collaboration brings up all sorts of issues in Madison’s personal fiber, ending in some not-particularly-desired outcome.
So, how about you, Reds and Readers, can you ask for help or are you a do it aloner?
So, how about you, Reds and Readers, can you ask for help or are you a do it aloner?
About LOVER COME HACK:
After a falling out with a friend flips interior decorator Madison Night’s world inside out, she’s determined to revamp her life. Jane Strong, fellow mid-century modern enthusiast, encourages Madison’s entry in an upcoming design competition, but their rift makes collaboration no longer an option.
When Jane is found dead, Madison tops the suspect list. And when anonymous computer hackings interfere with both the investigation and the competition, Jane’s murder no longer seems random. With a mess of a love life, an angry client, and a looming deadline on her contest entry, Madison turns to an unlikely ally to decode a motive before a crash becomes imminent.
Diane’s Bio:
After two decades working for a top luxury retailer, Diane Vallere traded fashion accessories for accessories to murder. She is a three-time Lefty Award nominee for best humorous mystery and a past president of Sisters in Crime. She started her own detective agency at age ten and has maintained a passion for shoes, clues, and clothes ever since.
Preorder Contest:
To celebrate the release of LOVER COME HACK, Diane is giving away a house! A reissue of a 1962 Barbie Dream House, to be specific. Get the scoop here (and get a peek at chapter one while you’re there!) https://dianevallere.com/lover-come-hack Good luck!
Connect with Diane:
Connect with Diane:
Congratulations on your new book, Diane. It sounds like a lot of fun and I’m looking forward to seeing how Madison manages to get out of this particular mess . . . .
ReplyDeleteI’m not always good at asking for anything and I am often tempted to take on some tasks myself, but I’ve learned to recognize my own limitations and to be smart enough to ask for help when I need it.
But, I have to admit that it’s fun to work together and there are those times when I certainly could do it myself, but it’s much more prudent to let someone else help . . . .
Thank you, Joan! Happy to hear there are others out there like me! And yes, it is fun to work in a group--usually someone else has to arrange it :)
DeleteCongratulations on your new release! I recognize my physical limitations but more important, if someone else does a job for me, I don't tell them how to do it or critique their output. Lesson learned from my dad.
ReplyDeleteHi Margaret,
DeleteThat is GREAT ADVICE from your dad! I need to remember that :-)
This is what I've learned by hard experience: Asking for help and actually receiving help are two different things. If I pay for help, the job gets done. If I tackle the job myself, the job sometimes gets done, but not always well. If I ask for help, the job is likely to sit undone until I dig out the contacts list and find somebody I can pay to do it. I think of it as stimulating the economy, and supporting local businesses.
ReplyDeleteThere are delightful exceptions. A few weeks back my sister and nephew came to visit and I asked if they could help me hang a rather large painting I had recently bought. I had some notion of me holding the painting up where I thought it should go while my sister advised and my nephew (who is much taller than me) marked the wall, but in the end I gave them the painter's tape, pencil, tape measure, and hammer, and they not only hung the one painting, they put up four others and would have covered all my walls if I'd had enough art. It was awesome, and now I can turn just about any corner in my house and see something beautiful. I'm glad I asked.
Diane, I love your kitchen cabinets and drawers! What fun. I think that's definitely a DIY job, since I can't imagine hovering over a professional painter and saying, "Okay, this drawer is blue inside, but the next drawer is yellow . . ." Go, you!
Love hearing your experiences, Gigi! Glad things turned out so well for you! And yes, it may have been tricky trying to explain the concept of my kitchen to professionals... (that's one strong benefit to DIY!)
DeleteDiane, your book sounds like a lot of fun so I've put it on my list. I think I am the person who does it alone. Not so much because that is my preference but because in the past when someone else is helping - actually, doing it - they do it their way. I want it done my way! But if it is painting, they can have at it! I've learned that is not for me!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Judi! It's a fine line, right? knowing what you want (but sometimes having the technical limitations in making it happen) or getting it done right but now how you love it. I am struck by the similarities between DIY projects and haircuts :)
DeleteCongrats on the new book, Diane,and kudos on the rainbow kitchen. I would never think of that, much less have the ability to do it. I suppose that goes for both the book AND the kitchen.
ReplyDeleteThe only DIY projects I perform are cooking and loading the dishwasher. In everything else I bow to the experts and consider a problem I can throw money at a non-issue. However there was a time when no job was too large or too small. I've painted hundred of rooms, laid tile, made clothing, decorated every inch of the house inside and out for Christmas with decorations I made, raised kids (talk about DIY) and birthed babies, hundreds of them. I don't intend to do any of those things again.
Love, Your Resident Curmudgeon
Hi Ann, I am laughing over parenting as DIY! Good for you for hiring help and leaving things to the professionals. I am going to print your answer and tape it to my desk.
DeleteLove you madly! And can we skip your question and get to a different one? Can you..come to my house and re-do the kitchen? Seriously--I will let you do it alone! LOVE this...oxo
ReplyDeleteHahaha! Love you too, Hank! Love all the reds! My kitchen: it was so much fun to do and I still love it. It's my favorite room in the apartment and I don't even cook!
DeleteThis so Gen-X, Diane, and totally me. I never ask for help - I’m not comfortable asking, and I like doing stuff how I want it done! I’m working on it, really! Love the new book and the Dream House Giveaway!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, Jenn, and you for inviting me here today!! Ah, the curse/blessing of being a Gen-Xer :) I do think we like to just get it done. It's good to have goals for improvement (self as well as home), right? xoxo
DeleteWelcome to Jungle Reds, Diane! We met at Malice Domestic then again at Bouchercon. Your new Madison book sounds great! I like to see myself as independent. Now I know that we all need help once in a while.
ReplyDeleteSometimes I do ask for help when I know the helper knows what to do and listens / understands what is needed. Though I prefer to do it myself if the helper knows less than I do or misunderstands what I ask.
Diana
Hi Diana! That's the trick, right? Knowing when to trust that our "helper" knows how to do what we want. So you're saying this is a trust thing? Oh, no. We don't have time for that!
DeletePossible that it is a trust thing. I think it has more to do with being on the same page.
DeleteSometimes it is easier to do things by myself if I know how to do something.
DeleteI've gotten pretty good at asking for help, when I just can't do the whatever on my own. And I'm equally good at giving help, which I think makes it easier to be on the asking end sometimes. But other times, I just get up and do it on my own - it is often more straightforward, even if harder...if you know what I mean. No one to argue with and no one to consult with: just do it and be done, and live with bruises from heaving heavy objects or the crooked lines if painting a room, etc.
ReplyDeleteOh, Amanda! "Live with the bruises" is so accurate!!!
DeleteThe new book sounds great, Diane! There was a time when I, or my wife and I, did just about everything except plumbing and electrical. But we're older now (Seventies), so we hire the appropriate professional or a handyman for most things. There is a line, past regular clean and maintain, we no longer cross, especially with heavy things.
ReplyDeleteThank, you, Rick! I like the sounds of someday hiring people to do everything. Sounds luxurious! But--do you watch them work and tell them how to do their jobs?
DeleteHi, Diane - congratulations on the new book! And your kitchen looks adorable.
ReplyDeleteFor most household chores, if I did it myself it would be done very badly. Slap-dash is my middle name. Speed over carefulness. My husband who is super careful (he makes me leave the house when he does on e of those chores) is also an ace procrastinator. It's only recently that I've been able to convince him to let me call in... a painter, plumber, electrician, whatever.
Thank you, Hallie!
DeleteI always say great for 85% of the project. It's the final 15% that gets me--the details! I love the sound of the procrastinator project person. Perfect combination!
I hate asking for help! If I can’t do a particular task, it just doesn’t get done. If I get desperate concerning a plumbing issue I’ll break down and call a plumber. Probably. As for other things, I’ve learned that there’s a lot I can live without!
ReplyDeleteDebRo
Okay, Deb, you make me feel better! We should start a support group.
DeleteI will ask for help if I absolutely need it because there are things that I simply cannot do on my own. After all, I'd rather a professional do my taxes than attempt to do it myself and totally mess it up.
ReplyDeleteBut if it is stuff I know how to do, then I'd rather do it myself because I do indeed know how I want it done and can do it faster than if I have to explain it to others.
BTW, I realize this is kind of an odd thing for me considering I spent all those years coaching. But I think the two things are different.
DeleteJay--maybe because you coached you know have an appreciation for others' knowledge and skills? But I hear ya on the doing it your self if you can. Saves time explaining!
DeleteCongratulations on your new book, Diane, and I love your beautiful outfits you wear!
ReplyDeleteI would rather pay someone to do certain tasks, like painting or repair work than ask for help. Otherwise, I feel like there is scoreboard somewhere keeping track of me paying it back, and guilt raises its ugly head. Now that my husband is semi-retired, he's taken on some projects that I would have paid someone to do, like painting the trim on the outside of the house (brick house) and cutting down a mass off bushes that had grown up along one side of fencing. Actually, he and the neighbor got together to do that, as it was on both sides of fence, but it was two men with chainsaws, so you know they both had a great time and no pay back involved there. If I do a project around the house, I usually want to do it by myself, with no help. However, although I designed the new bathroom several years ago and picked out the vanity and finishes, I was smart enough to collaborate with the contractor on the materials and their suitability and, of course, let the professionals install everything. I do our banking and paying bills, and I don't need or want any help with that, but I let a professional do the taxes.
Thank you, Kathy!
DeleteOooh, the scoreboard keeping track. This is something I'm going to have to ponder. Yes, we have to pay things forward and backward or else the universe gets out of balance!
Diane, your fab kitchen proves you have mad skills! I'm afraid I have sad skills in the DIY area. My enthusiastic attempts have netted unintended holes in walls, unlevel shelves and second-degree burns. (Hubs confiscated my hot glue gun. Probably for the best.) Big congrats on the new release!
ReplyDeleteVickie--They're Madison skills! I sometimes get inspired by my characters :-)
DeleteI know there are times I can't do things well on my own, so I don't even try and I go to get help. But if it is something I feel I should be able to do, or I know I can do, I don't even think about asking for help and try to do it on my own.
ReplyDeleteOkay, Mark, when you try things on your own that you *think* you can or should be able to do, do you give yourself some leeway for them not to turn out perfectly?
DeleteIt depends on what it is, but most of the time, yes.
DeleteHi Diane, welcome to JRW. I think anyone who blogs with 7 other women has to be good at working in groups LOL. I wouldn't have guessed you were a go-it-aloner!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the warm welcome! There are definitely times when group work is the better way to go and the success of Jungle Red Writers proves it!
DeleteHi, Diane! I have no problem asking for help. That way, if it goes wrong, I can blame the other guy.
ReplyDeleteI would love your help in coordinating and packing conference clothes. You are the master!
Hi Ramona! Oh, the person to blame--yes, that is a very good reason to ask others to do things! I like how you think!
DeleteI'm not a do-it-yourselfer..that's why they have professionals. And I also prefer to work along side others.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your upcoming release.
Hi Dru Ann, A few of you bring up an interesting point. I like to tackle projects on my own, but I also love to tackle things with a group, because there is a special camaraderie in working alongside others. I think maybe it's in the explaining/waiting/not getting what I want part? Hmmm.
DeleteHey Diane! Love your Samantha Kidd books. I need to give Madison a read. I have done some DIY things in the past. I try to avoid painting now; my results have looked like those of a drunken sailor. I have no issue paying someone to do a good job for me. My problem is finding that person. My husband has undertaken some jobs for me but it is always on his own schedule after much nagging and reminding. It just isn't worth the evil thoughts and ire on my part. I have been guilty in the past of starting a project I obviously can't do so he'll step in and "do it right" after making remarks about my lack of patience, blah blah blah.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Pat! (laughing at "drunken sailor" !!) I agree, finding the right person is sometimes intimidating. And the husband/wife negotiations sound like they contain a minefield of their own!
DeleteWhen my brother was living, I had no problem asking him for help, although I tried not to overdo it. It is harder to ask friends but I just asked a friend in church who referred me to another church member to help with my printer problems.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, paying doesn't always mean things get done. I'm waiting for Gutter Guys, a tree service and an estimate on my back porch and steps. I know the weather is a factor but it's still frustrating that they haven't gotten back to me.
Hi Sally,
DeleteIt's funny, I have no problems asking my sister for help. Maybe it's a family thing? But then again, her help sometimes comes with her opinions! So, you get what you pay for :)
Welcome, Diane! I am definitely like you in that I generally do things myself rather than ask for help. And yes, professionals could probably get things done a lot faster, but where's the fun in that? Although, come to think of it, there's not much fun in doing your own taxes (and yes, sadly, I do my own, and I drag my feet every year).
ReplyDelete