JENN McKINLAY: I love weddings! I don't even have to know the people getting married. I will cry at the vows (truly, it's embarrassing) and I will be the first on the dance floor and the last to leave the party. Plus, there's cake! What is not to love about weddings? Needless to say when I saw the cover of V.M. (Valerie) Burns's new book, I knew she had to stop by and give us the low down on her latest Mystery Bookshop Mystery! Take it away, V.M.
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| On Sale April 30th
Valerie: After my sixth tour of duty as a bridesmaid (I have a lot of friends and cousins), I had a closet full of satin and taffeta full-length dresses, all with shoes dyed to match. When the seventh person asked if I would be a bridesmaid in her wedding, I decided enough was enough, and I declined the honor (considering the marriage only lasted two months, she probably should have followed my lead).
Nevertheless, my decision wasn’t based on my assessment of the likelihood the marriage would endure, but was based purely on my own selfish desire to forego the opportunity to shell out several hundred dollars for yet another full-length satin gown (with matching shoes) that I would only wear one time for a few hours. Honestly, how many satin dresses can one woman have? That’s when I withdrew from bridesmaid active service. I made a clean sweep and donated all of the dresses (and shoes) to the Goodwill. Surely somebody somewhere could find a use for them, after all, they had only been worn once. So, when I wrote the fourth book in my Mystery Bookshop Mystery Series, WED, READ & DEAD, I didn’t have to look far for inspiration.
In the fourth book in the series, Samantha (Sam) Washington’s mother, Grace, is getting married and Sam and her sister, Jenna are her bridesmaids. In the opening scene, Sam is forced to try on a plethora of gowns. It’s been quite a number of years since I hung up my bridesmaid bouquet, but all of the memories came tumbling back. Memories of looking at patterns of strapless dresses, designed for tall slender women who were less top heavy, more graceful and a lot taller than me. I was flooded with memories of fittings and last-minute purchases of foundation garments guaranteed to smooth and slim (which nearly cut off my blood circulation). I had flashbacks (can bridesmaids get PTSD)? Being a bridesmaid is serious work and the women who enlist for this type of duty deserve combat pay.
Sam and Jenna are older than I was when I last served, and with age comes wisdom. These two women have the wisdom to know what suits their body types as well as the courage to speak up. Just because a wedding takes place in the winter doesn’t mean the bridesmaids should be forced wear dresses resembling tartan plaid tablecloths. Sure, it’s the bride’s special day, but pictures last forever and no bride will want to look back on hideous bridesmaid gowns forty years down the road.
WED, READ & DEAD is a cozy mystery, which is purely fictional. However, there are times when writing can be cathartic. I may still break out in a sweat when I see satin bridesmaid gowns in a store window, but I’m working through it. Rome wasn’t built in a day.
How about you, Reds and Readers, any bridesmaid/groomsman PTSD out there?
Wed, Read & Dead releases on April 30th.
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V.M. Burns was born and raise in the Midwestern United States. She received a Bachelor's degree from Northwestern University, a Master's degree from the University of Notre Dame and a Master of Fine Arts degree from Seton Hill University. She is a member of Mystery Writers of America, Dog Writers Association of America, Thriller Writers International and a lifetime member of Sisters in Crime. She currently resides in the warmer area of the U.S. with her two poodles. Readers can visit her website at http://www.vmburns.com
I’m chuckling over your satin dress / matching shoes dilemma, Valerie, and looking forward to reading about Sam and Jenna’s bridesmaid adventures. But I’ve only been a bridesmaid [well, maid of honor] once, and that was when my twin sister got married, so there’s not much PTSD involved in that. But I can readily see where it could easily get a bit out of hand . . . .
ReplyDeleteOne and done. I like it. I’ve done it seven times - exhausting!
DeleteYour book sounds like a lot of fun, Valerie, and I salute you for replacing the requisite ginger cat with two adorable apricot poodles on the cover. (My cat, Conrad, who is leaning against my chest and purring as I type, just tried to erase that last part, so maybe not everyone prefers dogs on the cover, but I like to see authors break out of the mold!) Like Joan, I was only a bridesmaid once, at my sister's wedding, but that didn't spare me an ugly dress--even though it was a dress of my own choice. What's with us, that we don't believe the evidence of our own eyes at moments like that?
ReplyDeleteAs for wedding PTSD, I hope never to have to go through what a friend of mine did. She was in her mid-thirties when she married, and not a size two. This, apparently, made her a "non-traditional bride" in the eyes of the wedding industry, and some of the sales people treated her as if she was some kind of freak, rather than a lovely young woman who had a fairly typical figure and the same right to look like a queen on her wedding day as any model in the bride magazines. Fortunately, my friend is also a woman of iron will, who was fully prepared to break any snotty sales clerk who came her way, and finally found the dress of her dreams. But, seriously? I think anybody who goes for the full formal wedding these days is traditional enough to deserve a great dress.
Absolutely! The wedding industry is ridiculous and bit mean.
DeleteThank you, Gig. Every person deserves to be treated with respect. Glad your friend got the wedding dress of her dreams. I commend her spirit.
DeleteMy beautician was complaining the other week of being in so many weddings, three last year and three this year, and she even turned a fourth one down this year. Valerie, you and my beautician must just be the bridesmaid everyone wants in their wedding. It's so expensive to say yes to being a bridesmaid. Wed, Read & Dead sounds like a great read, and I'll be putting it on my TBR list for some fun reading.
ReplyDeleteBridesmaid duty has gotten out of hand - now it includes trips for the hen party and on and on - too much!
DeleteThanks, Kathy. I can't imagine doing three in one year. Thankfully, my tours of duty were spread out. Your beautician is a warrior.
DeleteI think it's true we writers can work through some trauma on the page! I'm happy to say when my son got married back in September, all the female attendants (he had a couple on his side, too), got to choose chic blue outfits in the style they liked - one even wore a long sleeveless dress jumpsuit - and shoes of their choice, too. As long as the color was right, the couple didn't care. Smart move! Good luck with the new book - I'm way behind on this series and need to catch up.
ReplyDeleteI’ve seen that done with black - blue would be a refreshing change!
DeleteMy niece did this as well although the dresses were all "bridesmaid" dresses in that they came from David's Bridal. She picked the fabric (in a beautiful shade of dark purple) and the bridesmaids picked the style of dress that worked for them. Except for the one bridesmaid who wore a tuxedo, matching the men (she hated dresses and my niece was fine with her choice).
DeleteThanks, Edith. I think your sons were smart. Letting the bridesmaids choose dresses that suit their style as long as it meets the color target is great. That makes life so much easier.
DeleteThe only time I had to stand up for a wedding was my brother's 1st wedding (of 3). Considering what a cluster that "marriage" was, I should've refused.
ReplyDeleteI was also the escort for my grandmother in the reception line for my sister's 1st wedding (of 3). Considering I nearly decked the groom at the reception (you can see it on the video), it should come as no surprise that the wedding was done, over and divorced exactly one year from the day of the wedding. I won the betting pool on that one.
I refuse to even go to weddings these days. Most of the ones I did go to have ended in divorce.
This past weekend, the daughter in law of a friend of mine asked me why she never sees me with a girlfriend much less why I'm not married. I asked her why in the world would I ever want to get married given the track record of most of the marriages around me? As for the no-girlfriend part, well given the three times I've tried have been epic disasters, there are those of us that are just destined to be single. I'm a member of that club. And the world is better off for the lack of anymore trying.
One of the last weddings I went to was actually just the reception as the ceremony was a private beach wedding with the wedding party only. But the reception was Hawaiian themed. So everyone had to come in some sort of tropical themed outfit.
DeleteYou can see the shirt I wore (which I still have) by looking at my avatar.
Nice shirt! That sounds like a perfect wedding!
DeleteJay, You've got some interesting wedding tales that might make for great reading. Beach weddings are quite popular now. I agree with Jenn, nice shirt.
DeleteWelcome Valerie, this sounds like so much fun! The worst outfit I had to wear was for my father's second wedding. His bride chose the dress to suit her daughter and the rest of us had to fall in line--hideous brown narrow-necked polyester numbers with flowered capes over top. I have saved that dress and added sequins and used it for several costume parties!
ReplyDeleteNow please tell us more about the book...
Oh, good grief!
DeleteLucy, WOW! Brown polyester with flowered capes? That sounds...well, it sounds awful. Glad you're able to make use out of it. Wed, Read & Dead is the 4th book in the Mystery Bookshop series. It includes a contemporary mystery and a British historic cozy mystery set in 1938. Thanks for sharing your bridesmaid experience.
DeleteWow, Lucy, that sounds significantly terrible! I have memories of a college friend getting married and we had to wear peach puffy skirted sashed puffy sleeved things. We all looked like pumpkins.
ReplyDeleteUnhappy pumpkins.
When my half sister got married, 25 years ago!— she did the choose-your-own idea too— Everybody just had to wear something blue. And it looked fine!
And now I am thinking, in all my weddings :-) I have never had bridesmaids.
But I love weddings too, Jenn! I cry every time, truly.
Valerie, hurray! This looks truly fun… Congratulations and I think the fact that you were asked to be a bridesmaid so many times simply proves that you are a wonderfully beloved friend!
Unhappy pumpkins...ha ha ha ha!
DeleteHank,
DeleteI'm laughing about the unhappy pumpkins, although I'm sure it was quite stylish at the time. My sister let me pick wear a blue suit for her wedding. It worked out perfectly. Thanks for the kind words and the support. I appreciate it.
Congratulations on your new release! I have two standard poodles which appear in my books and stories.
ReplyDeleteThis summer I will be the mother of the bride. The trauma of dress shopping in a city where most department stores don't stock dresses--you have to order them on-line--was overwhelming. And the sizing situation even worse. I still have to find sandals for the beach wedding. Meanwhile, I'm pounding out the MOTB fitness plan at the local rec center.
Valerie, I'll enjoy your books after the wedding.
I did a LOT of online ordering for my mother-of-the-groom dress last summer, Margaret. Places like Nordstroms have free shipping and free returns, and I finally found one I loved without ever approaching a mall (my idea of nightmare). Glad you finally found one. Shoes were a different issue, but that's partly because of my impossible size-six-wide-with-athritic-big-toe feet.
DeleteOh, online shopping for clothes can be so tricky! Good luck!
DeleteI have not read any of your work before, and I can't imagine why! They look wonderful and are now added to my TBR list.
ReplyDeleteI was a bridesmaid a few times, back in the day. I don't think I have any horror stories that compare to yours, Valerie, but I did learn a few things. Then when my husband and I got married we decided to do the whole church wedding thing even though it was a second marriage for me just because weddings are such a big event in his large family.
I had my sister and one friend stand up with me. They were in the mid thirties to mid forties age range, so remembering those unfortunate lessons from my bridesmaid experiences, we bought a regular day wear dress off the rack for them (during the onslaught of dresses that come out around mother's day.) We went together to a shoe store and selected shoes that matched each other, but were just regular light gray shoes that they could wear anywhere. They both were legitimately able to wear the dress and shoes many times thereafter, and no one would ever know that they had originally been purchased as bridesmaid dresses. I think (hope) it was trauma-free for them.
I’ve only seen two weddings where the dresses could be worn again and they were lovely.
DeleteI wish I could post the pic of my son's wedding - every outfit could be worn again except the bride's dress. The guys - including the groom - wore nice suits, not tuxes. Win-win-win.
DeleteI stood up for my closest friends in college and high school, and both times I walked away with usable dresses. For the first, I was the only attendant. I bought a silvery gray draped office-to-cocktail dress and wore it again several times in DC.
DeleteFor the second, we wore skirt suits in dark green moire satin (this WAS the 80s!) The jacket/top closed tight around the waist, had a V neckline framed with lapels, and a soft, not too large peplum. I wore it again several times with other skirts. The skirt was great - a classic pencil shape, right to the knee, but the fabric made it jazzy. It was my go-to for the theater and cocktail parties for years. Thans, Rachael and Tracy!
Thank you, Susan. Sounds like you were smart and I'm sure your bridesmaids appreciated it. I know I would. Definitely, sounds like it was trauma-free which is a good thing. Thanks for adding my books to your TBR pile. I appreciate it and hope you enjoy them.
DeleteI've been through my share of bridesmaid dresses but I want to know about your poodles, Valerie! I grew up with one and now that I'm ready for a hearing dog, I am thinking of getting a poodle puppy and training my own service dog. (I think my cats are more likely to accept a puppy than a full grown dog.) Tell me something about your poodles.
ReplyDeletePoodles are so smart! Hub and I had a standard that was our first baby. Still miss her.
DeleteCathy,
DeletePoodles are extremely smart and I think a standard poodle might make a great service dog. I've always had toys which are small. The main reason you used to see poodles in circus acts is because they are easy to train. My dogs are smart, good with kids and other dogs. My dogs haven't been around many cats, but they generally get along well with all creatures. Great dogs!
Good morning, Valerie! I haven't been to a wedding in a while! They seem to come in cycles. I've been to several second-time-around weddings, which are fun and relaxed, and they make me wonder about planning my own second-time-around wedding. (Though I'd have to bump off my husband, which I'd rather not do.)
ReplyDeleteAs for PTSD, I gave away bridesmaids dresses long ago and have blocked out all memory of a couple....Looking forward to seeing you again at Malice, Valerie!
LOL! I like to joke that my second husband is still in med school ;-)
DeleteRamona, I'm trying to block memories of some of my dresses, but those darned pictures make it hard. I'm excited about Malice and I'm looking forward to seeing you again too.
DeleteI have only ever been a bridesmaid (make that maid of honor) once and there were no problems with our dresses. But your cover was almost an exact depiction of the cake for her bridal shower. I had just finished the cake when someone came to the door. I returned to find that my mother's little beagle had jumped up to the table and taken a bite out of the cake! Luckily with some patchwork frosting and more roses I was able to make it look okay. We kept the "repaired" area at the back and tried not to cut into it.
ReplyDeleteJudi - that is a remarkable story. I think you deserve a medal for courage under fire.
DeleteThis is hilarious and sadly true. I have been in lots of wedding parties, but only three weddings; my two sisters (we wore the same dresses two years apart) and my sister-in-law (I went with her to pick out the dress and it was fine although of course never worn again).
ReplyDeleteOne of my sisters, the taller, blonde, thinner, one, was in a myriad of weddings. The dress I remember most vividly was for a winter wedding. The bridesmaids wore dresses with red velveteen tops and white polyester brocade long skirts. They carried bunny fur muffs! This is in Atlanta, mind you. The mental picture never goes away.
As it happens, my husband and I are heading to Texas for a family wedding at the end of April so I will be eager to see what they wear. I love the new tradition of letting the bridesmaids choose their own style of dress as long as it is in the same color. Not all friends are the same size.
Atlanta, I don't know why, but the red top and white skirt with the muff is making me think of those toilet roll dolls - you know, the ones you used to find in every elderly Southern lady's bathroom?
DeleteAtlanta, I can't get the picture of bunny fur muffs out of my head. I hope you have a wonderful time at the wedding in April.
DeleteI've only been a bridesmaind (well, matron-of-honor, actually in both cases) twice: my sister and my best friend. I do have the full-length satin gown (but not shoes dyed to match) from my sister's wedding. I should give it away because at this point, I really don't think I'll ever wear it again. Plus it's the type of dress you need to wear heels with and...I don't wear heels any more.
ReplyDeleteFor my best friend, she was smart enough to ask her bridesmaids to wear black cocktail dresses. I wore mine to the Agatha banquet last year and it still fits!
Oh, and why is a married woman a "matron" of honor? Makes me sound like a women's prison guard. :)
Because as a woman already a wife you know why the bride might want to make a break for it? ;-)
DeleteJulia, that's... awful. And true in a certain way. :)
DeleteLiz
DeleteThat is so cool that you wore a bridesmaid dress to the Agatha banquet. I am totally impressed. I was curious why a married woman was the Matron of honor rather than Brides-matron.
Valerie, all the best with your 'recovery'! LOL. WED, READ, AND DEAD sounds like a lot of fun, and hopefully not too autobiographical.
ReplyDeleteYes, I've been a bridesmaid. And truly I was happy to stand up there for my dear friend (and her 2 sisters and 27 cousins...) in a dress I'd never been able to try on and which was 2 sizes too small. And then there were candles on the 'stage' and my veil caught fire in the middle of the service. And you wonder why no one ever asked me to be bridesmaid again...
I like the LBD as a bridesmaids dress, Liz... hopefully one the bride's friends already have. Or no bridesmaids, as my daughter had at her wedding. Just tons of friends cheering them on and her sister and his best friend officiating. Times change, sometimes in good ways.
WOW! Having the veil catch fire in the middle of the service has to be the most amazing thing ever. If I'd known that was all it would take to keep from having to do it so many times, I just might have...well, you know. Thanks for the invite today.
DeleteSeven tours of duty as a bridesmaid here! While some of the dresses were over the top, the weddings were always a blast! Of the 7 I’ve been in only 3 have ended in divorce — not bad. Oh, and I only had one attendant for my wedding, my mom, and Hub had his dad. It was very sweet and we’re coming up on 20 years this month!
ReplyDeleteJenn, Your seven tours of duty have me beat. It's a race I'm glad to concede. I love attending weddings (as a spectator) and your success rate is pretty good. Congrats on your upcoming anniversary and thanks for the invite.
DeleteHi Valerie! I'm on vacation with my daughter and her friend and I had to read your post aloud to them! What fun! Can't wait to read your series!
ReplyDeleteDeborah,
DeleteThanks for sharing my post with your daughter and her friend. Glad you all enjoyed it. Enjoy your vacation and thanks for taking the time to comment.
I remember every time I was trying on a bridesmaid's dress that I would tell the fitter that I would be losing weight before the wedding. I would get "that look" saying, "sure you will," and she would oder me a dress one size up.
ReplyDeleteCome on, Celia, you can't leave us dangling. Did you have the "one size up" dress taken in? As for me, I dieted for my own wedding; everybody else had to take me as I was.
DeleteValerie, I have enjoyed your books, and I’m happy to hear about the latest!
ReplyDeleteWhen my nephew got married a few years back, all the bridesmaids wore a simple dress of their own choosing in the color the bride had picked out. They all looked fabulous! It was wonderful for them, as the dresses could be worn again, and some of them didn’t even need to buy something because they already had a dress that was appropriate. Everything was casual; the reception was a barbecue(fun!) and fancy dresses would have been out of place. When my sister (the groom’s mother) got married, she just had a maid of honor(her best friend ) who was told to just wear a dress she liked.
DebRo
Deborah, your nephew and sister sound like reasonable people who had weddings that were fun and dresses that were practical. It makes me happy to know you enjoy my books. Thank you so much for the kind words.
Delete3 times in bridal parties. Twice with pink dresses. Dress #1 was worn with white hose and shoes, which no adult woman should be forced to wear after the age of twelve. I also had to have major alterations and was charged by the pin, which added up quickly. Second pink outfit was sewn by each of the participants to accommodate multiple sizes. Trying to get the hems the same length was a bit of a nightmare. My sister's wedding was a January event and everything was all off the rack - black velvet skirts and raspberry magenta blouses. Because none of us (cousin, groom's sister and I) were able get together for shopping, Mom was purchasing and returning outfits for weeks but we able to wear these clothes after the event.
ReplyDeleteAs an Altar Guild member I've attended many weddings and rehearsals. Crying, fearful flower girls and ring bearers are sad but the pushy mother makes me want to make scream. Talk about PTSD. And the flowers....we had one bride who didn't want "little" church flowers. No, she had a floral designer create two arrangements on pillars. Three arrangements were in place for the rehearsal and the bride was livid - there were dead! The designer was coming in the next day to repair... long story short-they were not dead but were blue irises in dark green foliage. Blue, purple and shades of those colors don't work well in our church, or just about any arrangement for large rooms, those colors become dead spaces but she did have a professional designer, too bad the designer didn't know the color problem.
Always listed to the Flower Guild! Rule number one for any church wedding. Even if they don't do arranging for the wedding themselves, they know what works, and what doesn't in the setting.
DeleteI totally agree with that no adult woman (who isn't a nurse) should have to wear white hose and shoes. I've got some childhood trauma around white shoes and won't wear them to this day (I need a lot of therapy). Sad the designer didn't know to check the venue first. Thanks for commenting.
DeleteAh, a new to me author just when I was looking for a new series to read! This sounds perfect.
ReplyDeleteThankfully, I've been out of the bridesmaid business for a while. Back in the day though, there were certainly any number of satin gowns that we were always assured we could wear again - who bought that line? Actually, it was true in one case, my sister-in-law opted for her bridesmaids to be in Pucci style empire waisted gowns in a lime, white, and soft yellow pattern - it was the late 1960s - That was my go to gown for a long time.
Kait,
DeleteI consider myself out of the bridesmaid business too. I have never worn the satin bridesmaid dresses more than once, so you are a lucky woman to have gotten plenty of use from yours. Thanks for commenting and I hope you will enjoy this series.
I've been in only one church wedding. I guess because my friends were scattered and/or chose nontraditional weddings. I was maid of honor since I introduced my friend to her future husband. We got the bridesmaids dresses picked out while I was still in town for school. Typical empire waisted shapeless dress for all body types! In aqua. Shoes dyed to match. Bleah. My mom cut the dress down later to knee length for one of my sisters to wear. The shoes were never worn again. I'd forgotten that I stood up with my middle sister when she got married. I wore a navy dress I already owned. The ceremony was performed by a last minute substitute for the judge who had to cancel. A justice of the peace who bore a striking resemblance to a dissipated Caesar Romero. And I think he was half lit when he performed the ceremony. Which was on a rented sailboat. And we had to go barefoot so we wouldn't scratch the wooden deck. But, all in all, a very satisfactory wedding!
ReplyDeletePat,
DeleteI can't imagine being barefoot on a boat with a Caesar Romero look-alike. That sounds like a great start to mystery. Thank you for posting. I'm going to ponder that image for a bit.
I had a collection of formal dresses I no longer needed and donated them to a very appreciative theatre group.
ReplyDeleteLibby,
DeleteI think its totally cool that you donated your dresses to a theatre group. What a fantastic idea. It would be awesome to go to a performance and see your dresses on stage.
I was only a wedding guest not in the wedding party. After my brother's first wedding, I later wore not only my dress but the ones that my mother and aunt wore.
ReplyDeleteLove your books. I like the historical mystery as well as the main story.
Sally,
DeleteThank you so much for commenting. That's great that you got to wear the dresses without the hassle of being a bridesmaid. I am glad you enjoy my books. Thank you for letting me know.
Congrats on your upcoming release, Valerie!
ReplyDeleteI've only been a bridesmaid for my sister. She has good taste & my mom made the dresses, so they were able to come up with dresses that were flattering & that we would want to wear again.
Thank you so much for commenting. Sounds like you lucked out. Having a sister with good taste AND a mom who was able to make the dresses so you didn't have to spend a fortune is the best of both worlds.
DeleteCongratulations on your new book. I love the title Wed, Read, and Dead. LOL. The cover is gorgeous! I agree with Jenn about wanting to read your book. Looking forward to reading your book.
ReplyDeleteLuckily, the only times I was a bridesmaid was when I was a kid. I think it is more fun for a kid to be in the wedding, no? And I loved the dresses because they were in my favorite color :-) . It was purple. I remember a dress from Laura Ashley and I forgot where we got the second dress.
Diana
Thank you so much and I appreciate the support. I think you're right, it would be more fun as a kid to be in a wedding. As an adult, I think there's more pressure. I don't think I've ever had a purple bridesmaid dress. I'm sure it was fun.
DeleteI can say that I have groomsman PTSD. I've been in several weddings, even being the best man once, and it was always fun and an honor. Then again, it is usually only about $100 to rent and have a tux altered, so it isn't as much of an commitment. Plus I don't have to keep the tuxes.
ReplyDelete(And now I can't seem to comment from my phone at all.)
Mark,
DeleteBest Man comes with a lot of extra responsibilities. That would definitely give me PTSD. Although, I don't think I've ever spent less than $100 on a bridesmaid dress. I might have a different view if I had. Rentable bridesmaid dresses might be a good idea.