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| Lucy with John |
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| A few of those wedding napkins |
Marriage and weddings play a big role in A Deadly Feast (out today from Crooked Lane Books!) Now it’s Hayley Snow's turn to tie the knot with her heartthrob detective Nathan Bransford. But Hayley has acquired a serious case of the jitters. She’s never been married before, but he has, with bad results. And her parents were divorced, and so were Nathan's, and the closer the date gets, the less possible the notion of 'till death do us part' feels. And there are plenty of outside events conspiring to keep Nathan and Hayley apart too.
Hayley handles her growing nerves by obsessing about the details of the ceremony on the beach at Fort Zachary Taylor, cooking, and helping her friend Analise figure out what happened to the woman who dropped dead on her food tour. She also canvasses some of her trusted friends and relatives to get help with the question of how marriages succeed.
Steve Torrence, a friend of Hayley's (and also mine), who conducts lots of weddings says: “I’ll tell you my theory about what makes a marriage work— people who know how to talk to each other through thick and thin and assume only the best motives from their partner have the best chance of surviving. As you know, we can’t predict what kind of life changes and challenges you’ll face together. We can only work on how graciously you’ll handle them.”
Lucy will be launching the new book at RJ Julia Booksellers in Madison CT on Thursday at 7pm. You can buy the book wherever books are sold such as...
Indiebound
Amazon
Booksamillion
Barnes and Noble
Powells
And of course, the Key West Island Bookstore and Books and Books in Key West will be glad to mail you a copy...
I agree with your friend that we never know what challenges we’ll face . . . I think a good marriage happens when you are able to put the other person first and to be adaptable . . . talking . . . and listening to each other . . . is important, too.
ReplyDeletegood advice Joan!
DeleteWooo hooo my favorite series, she has made me love Key West EVEN MORE
DeleteI think one of the key things that kept Warren and me on track was that we thanked each other for the stuff we did to support the marriage. One of us did the laundry, or washed the dishes? The other one noticed and said a few words of appreciation. It was the way we told each other that our efforts were seen and appreciated. There are lots of huge things that make a relationship work, like shared values and a compatible communication style, but the little things, like saying, "Thanks for doing the grocery shopping, honey," keep the day-to-day stuff moving like a well-oiled machine.
ReplyDeleteThat should help any relationship Gigi, because it diffuses a lot of tension...
DeleteThe power of gratitude is pretty amazing! Thanks for pointing this one out.
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteI think this is so incredibly important! And I try to act on it every day.
DeleteJust read this after I commented. You’re spot on Gigi
DeleteThank you, all!
DeleteLaughing... remembering when I realized that it worked much better to ask, "Shall I [put out the trash; change the diaper; empty the dishwasher...] or do you want to do it?" Then a big thank you.
DeleteCongratulations! I can't wait to read it.
ReplyDeleteI think being able to laugh together is huge for a strong partnership.
thanks Edith, and laughing, yes!
DeleteMy husband's great gift is laughing... especially when I'm giving him a hard time.
DeleteCongrats on the new book, Lucy. Can't wait to read!
ReplyDeleteI think trust is high on the list of what makes a marriage last--as your friend Steve notes, assume only the best motives of your partner--and that means trusting them. Fear of being hurt, abandoned, rejected can make us misinterpret our partner's actions and words--but if you hold on to trust, love grows.
ReplyDeleteLots of room for misinterpretation if you're looking for trouble, right?
DeleteCommunication.
ReplyDeleteHmmm. I also think there's something to be said for NOT saying every little thing that comes into my mind. Restraint??
DeleteBased on my experiences no one would want to take marriage advice from me! But I'm not letting that stop me. I would counsel that LISTENING is one of the most important things that help a marriage succeed. Listen to your partner of course, but also listen to how you sound when disagreements crop up. Listen with an open mind as well as open ears, even to that which you would rather not hear.
ReplyDeletethat's such a good idea--listening to how we sound!
DeleteHappy anniversary, Roberta! Second marriages are very special, I think. We get a chance to right the course of our lives again, don't we?
ReplyDeleteTrust, being able to laugh together, communication: all important. One thing I've come to realize about marriage, and about parenthood, as well, as to understand that the other person is NOT you, not even an extension of you. And that person's actions should not reflect on you, and one should not act as if they do. We cannot control others, and attempting to do so sets everyone up for failure and heartache. Acceptance of our differences is one key to the very complex dance that makes any relationship work.
Words of wisdom, Karen. I concur: We are not each other; we are individually us (poor grammar, but you get my drift.)
DeleteI definitely did not get this when I was a young woman. This is very wise!
DeleteI agree Karen, wise! and yes, thank goodness for second chances...
DeleteMarried for almost six years, but have been together for 26. The key, for me, is communication: I was astonished to realized, in the first few months with Val, that any problem I had was a burden she was willing to talk about and to share, to help me solve. I hadn't experienced that before with a partner. (I remain annoyed that the cream is often not where it should be in the fridge, but that's a minor complaint in two and a half decades of generous love.)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful idea, "generous love".
DeleteThat thing with the cream, almost a deal breaker. xox
DeleteI agree with everything commenters before me have said. Assuming the best is vitally important, as is continuing to express gratitude. Trust and communication are important, and laughter is huge. Another important factor, I think, is making sure both of you maintain your outside interests so you have interesting new thoughts to bring to the relationship. I always wonder how couples make it work when they own a business together or otherwise work together. I know it can be successful, but that seems like a great challenge to me. Much as I adore Bob, my husband of 31 years, I don't think I would want to be with him 24/7. It feels important that we each continue to fill our own well.
ReplyDeletetotally agree with some separate interests. That took a while for me to figure out--now sometimes we're each glad when the other flits off:)
DeleteA good marriage is based on trust,communication and the willingness to work thru the bad things-plus a little space works wonders.:) Not saying to stay in a marriage that is filled with adultry or physical abuse but its the little things that usually get you. I've been married 42 yrs. Happy Anniversary and many more to come.
ReplyDeletecongrats on 42!
DeleteHappy book birthday, Lucy. I've got to side with Steve on this one. Communication is key.
ReplyDeleteSteve is very smart:)
DeleteHappy pub day, Lucy, and happy anniversary! Two wonderful things to celebrate with your sweetie!
ReplyDeletethanks Ingrid, and we miss you!!
DeleteDitto! Miss you Ingrid. Hope all is well.
DeleteDitto! xoxo
DeleteCongratulations on the publication of A Deadly Feast - it sounds delightful!
ReplyDeleteAnd happy anniversary, too!
ReplyDeletethanks for both sets of well wishes!
DeleteHooray, Lucie! Love you so much. What makes a good marriage? Hmmm. I think, in our marriage at least, neither of us has to “win.” I think there is a separation of duties, as well, so that if I always do the laundry and I always cook, and Jonathan always drives, and always takes out the garbage, it all seems fair. We also really like and respect each other, and we’re really proud of each other, and we often say so. Plus, I think what he does is fascinating and interesting and I love hearing about it. And we have separate bathrooms. :-)
ReplyDeleteWhy does my dictation software want to make it Lucie? Lucy . Xxxx
DeleteI so agree with the separate bathrooms!
DeleteYes, separate bathrooms are bliss!
DeleteOh separate bathrooms would be heaven. Though I always wondered why my grandfather was consigned to the bathroom in the garage. Now I understand:)
DeleteBathroomS? As long as I don't have to clean both.
DeleteOdd. We share a bathroom and it’s fine. Maybe because we are both excessively tidy in the one room. And we do not shed
DeleteSteve Torrence is a very wise man. After 25 years of marriage I would say communication is key as well as the ability to roll with the puches life throws at you. I also agree with Edith about the importance of laughter, and I think having and showing affection is also a must ~ Congratulations on your release day of A Deadly Feast -- I can't wait to return to Key West and all of my good friends there1
ReplyDeletethanks Celia!
DeleteA good marriage needs communication and mutual respect. scarletbegonia5858(at)gmail(dot)com
ReplyDeleteAgree!
DeleteHappy Anniversary! Happy Book Birthday!
ReplyDeleteAnd, fair warning to all. I'm going to keep all this wonderful wisdom. These are the things that should be said to all young (and not so young) brides. Thank you!
we should make a booklet of wise advice to give to engaged couples!
DeleteLucy, enjoy your double happiness: good man and good new book!
ReplyDeletethanks Rhys xoxo Wish you were here!
DeleteHappy Anniversary, Roberta, and Happy Book Launch Day! I would love to be with you on Thursday but in one year of retirement I haven’t yet learned how to fit in everything I want to do. If I can rearrange things, I’ll be there; if not, I will definitely be there in spirit! I’m looking forward to the latest book!
ReplyDeleteDebRo
Deb, would love to see you if you can make it xo
DeleteHappy day, both book and anniversary, Lucy Roberta.
ReplyDeleteIt's been forty plus years since I was legally married, but Julie and I will celebrate 23 years together next month. I think the success of any long term relationship has to do with liking each other. Those three months of out of control hormones at the start do settle down, and what's left is what you get. I like what I got.
A secret? -- not THE secret, because there is a different one for each of us -- is to say thank you for each and every thing. Like cooking dinner or doing the shopping or getting a cup of coffee for the other. Or smiling. Or making the bed. Or any act of unnecessary kindness throughout the day.
Very wise, Ann, and you and Julia are an inspiration.
DeleteLiking each other and lots of thank yous, yes!
DeleteHappy pub day, Lucy!! I'm so excited to read A Deadly Feast!! And congrats on the lovely Booklist review!!!
ReplyDeletethanks Debs xoxo
DeleteWhat does it say??????
Delete
Delete"Hayley and Nathan make an appealing pair, and the food descriptions and Key West atmosphere are equally enticing—a sure bet to draw readers of foodie mysteries."
—Booklist
happy Anniversary and Book Launch! What a wonderful celebration. I wish that I had the answers about the success of marriage. I have been married 49 years May 24th. I married a soulmate and we are beshert. What else can I say except it requires a great deal of understanding, thoughtfulness, and having the maturity to cope with difficulties.
ReplyDeleteYou two are lucky to have each other!
DeleteA sense of humor and respect for each other goes a very long way in the making of a successful marriage. And I am charmed by the calico napkins!
ReplyDeleteoh thanks Lil, we still use them from time to time:)
DeleteCongratulations and best wishes on your anniversary and great book release. In life sometimes we are fortunate enough to encounter the person who suits us. You found that one. I did too and everyday I know that my life has been enriched by this individual. Yes, there are major troubles which occur but being able to accept these impediments and become stronger is necessary. Strength to deal with someone else's outlook and perspective as well as their personality is dealing with life.
ReplyDeletethat sounds so tru!
DeleteTrust, communication and respect for each other. Happy anniversary and congratulations on your new release. Looking forward to reading "A Deadly Feast".
ReplyDeletethanks Dianne!
DeleteHonesty and open communication, and also the willingness to put effort into it and accept compromise. In other words, speak up, but choose uour battles wisely.
ReplyDeletebrowninggloria(at)hotmail(dot) com
with kids and husbands (and maybe wives!), choose battles carefully...
DeleteHappy anniversary to you! It will be 50 years for us next month. One thing that helps to hang in there is to know when to just keep quiet for a little bit. Not keep secrets or bottle things in, because communication is very important, but so is not saying the first things that pops into your head all the time.
ReplyDeletethis is such perfect advice--no wonder you lasted 50 years!!
DeleteI was just about to say almost this very thing. Communication is important, but pointing out every little mistake, flaw, what-have-you is just not necessary! Sweetie took your car for errands and forgot to put gas in it? So what, last week you promised to pick up milk on the way home and the next day you both had to drink your coffee black because. . . where's the milk? Still at the store!Just because you could say something. . . you don't have to. No one likes a nag.
Delete-Melanie
I think the secret to a good is knowing when to stop pushing your opinion and just accept that there are some things you and your spouse will disagree about.
ReplyDeletesuefarrell.farrell@gmail.com
yes we can't always be right:)
DeleteMazel Tov to John and Roberta, to Haley and Nathaniel, and to Lucy for the debut of another stunning Key West Food Critic Mystery!
ReplyDeleteI think your friend Steve Torrence is spot on and very wise. "Assume the best, forget the worst," is an excellent way to always approach your spouse.
Happy book birthday! I read A Deadly Feast courtesy of NetGalley and loved it! As for marriage. . .
ReplyDeleteI think it helps to be friends before you become lovers. Frank and I were the longest-married couple at his nephew's wedding a few years ago. My mother-in-law, who loved being the center of attention, was having quiet fits as she was still married but my f-i-l chose not to come. So she couldn't claim the title since she wasn't there as a couple. I still laugh about that. Anyway, we were asked the secret to our long marriage. My smartass husband said "yes dear." (I only wish.) My comeback was "tolerance." I think both work and should be reversed as the situation warrants.
Thanks Pat, and congrats to you--love that story!
DeleteHappy Anniversary & congrats on your new release! Those napkins are so pretty! Good communication, hard work, & being friends helps lead to a long lasting marriage.
ReplyDeleteall true, thank you!
DeleteCongrats times 2! I’m celebrating 45 years of marriage in August. We’re still learning how to navigate but I agree communication and gratitude are both very important.
ReplyDeletecongrats to you Emily! Love that you're still learning
DeleteLucy, I had an early-bird doctor appointment this morning and then lots of errands or I would already have my review up for A Deadly Feast. It was quite simply (yes, I'm going to do it) delicious! Not only is Haley a favorite character, all the other characters in this series are wonderful, and, yes, Miss Gloria is out-of-this-world fantastic. So, Happy Book Birthday to you Lucy.
ReplyDeleteAnd, Happy Anniversary. Having been married for almost 43 years (good grief that make me sound old), you would think I have some sage advice, but it's pretty much what others have said. However, I will say that one of the most important matters to me in marriage is that each partner respect and encourage the other in their interests or passions. Of course, I'm not talking about anything harmful or criminal or hurtful to anyone (I read way too many crime novels. Hahaha!). The essence of who you are, that love of doing something that animates you should never be sacrificed or diminished for another person. It's good to have some interests in common and enjoy doing things together, but if you have a driving passion apart from one of your spouse's, it must be nurtured and respected.
thanks dear Kathy, and those bits of advice are very wise
DeleteCongrats on the book release and Happy Anniversary,Lucy/Roberta!
ReplyDeleteSometimes I wish there was a "like" button here, as I agree with so
many comments. We've been married for 46 years, started off as friends,
and we haven't killed each other yet! ;) Must be doing something right.
We've worked well together in several different businesses, and when
working separately he would do thoughtful things like pack my lunches
and even iron my clothes when needed, as I don't do ironing. (Ironically,
my mother taught him how to iron, since I relinquished that chore long
ago.) We always thank each other and try to be kind, complimentary and thoughtful, while
still sharing lots of laughs together.
congrats to you Lynn and thanks for that advice. I wonder if he would do some ironing for us???
DeleteMarrying your best friend helps.
ReplyDeleteRemember that marriage is not a disposable item to toss away at a whim. Treat it like fine china-handle it kindly.
use it well but treat it kindly!
DeleteLaughter. I’ve told the Hooligans repeatedly that if their dad didn’t still make me laugh, I’d have cut him loose by now. I’d feel bad but I know he feels the same :)
ReplyDeleteyes true for us too Jenn, we laugh a lot! and think each other is funny:)
DeleteHappy book launch day! I look forward to reading your new Key West novel. Did you and your husband have premarital counseling before you got married?
ReplyDeleteAnd happy wedding anniversary!
Diana
We met with our minister but I wouldn't say that was counseling. As a psychologist, I'd been in lots of therapy:). and read a ton about stepfamilies...and we got a tune-up when we were in the thick of things. That really helps!
DeleteWonderful! And I'd just add, getting lucky and marrying the person you still like year after year. Good health and good fortune help, too. (Cute kids, too.)
ReplyDeleteoh yes, we have been so lucky. and lucky to have such wonderful friends too!
DeleteOne of my nieces is getting married this fall, and I've been trying to think of something to share with her that doesn't sound too dour--so much of what everyone is saying to her about love & marriage is so rosy & starry-eyed and after 35 years together with John, I feel as if I have some hard-earned wisdom. Here is what I've come up with: Your partner is going to change. Try to welcome it. At least recognize it as part of who he is now. Don't fight it, because you will want to change, too, although probably not at the same time, and will want the same respect & acceptance.
ReplyDeletethat is interesting advice and so true. I think newly engaged and married people have no idea:)
DeleteWow...I am not one to ask advice about having one failed marriage myself. I thought I knew how to keep a marriage going, but 23 years after my divorce I am still not sure. And have never been brave enough to try again.
ReplyDeleteIt has to be trust and faith in the other person that they have your best interest at heart. thanks
ReplyDeleteYou nailed it - communication - open, honest, respectful communication. Without that, none of the other traits matter. Thanks for the contest. trwilliams69(at)msn(dot)com
ReplyDeleteThe 2 things that my marriage lacked--good communication and unconditional respect!!
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the new book! (Yes, I already have a copy.)
ReplyDeleteI'm single, so I don't think I have much in the way of marriage advice to offer. :)
I believe a marriage is a partnership and each partner needs to be able express their opinion but also must consider the other partners opinion and not criticize. There are two areas that my husband and I have had to work through, money and our children. We have a son with special needs. He can be difficult at times. It takes the two of us to try and raise him to succeed. We also have to work hard to take our income and make it stretch. Sometimes it can raise problems but we both work hard at making it work. robeader53(at)yahoo(dot)com
ReplyDeleteGood for you Robin for handling some big stress together!
DeleteI believe that you need to argue sensibly, lol, we have been doing that for 46 years, we argue and decide which is the best way to do things, we give each other space, I believe that is the what held us together. Everyone needs their space and time to do what they enjoy.
ReplyDeleteI agree on that Charlene, and I think that's something newly married people learn over time.
DeleteThank you for a chance to win a hardcover copy of A Deadly Feast.
ReplyDelete