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HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: We've all wondered--what would I do if?
And sure, some people have training for some kinds of things...but sometimes, in this unpredictable world, unpredictable things happen. It's easy enough to say--well, I'd just go with my gut. And figure out what to do when the time comes. IF the time comes.
Reading the fab Hilary Davidson's essay today I realized I might have to think again. And then her amazing new book, One Small Sacrifice, confirms it.
You know Hilary, right? A dear pal, and a dear friend of Jungle Red, and a terrifically talented author. Truly one of the loveliest people in the biz. (Did you know she used to be a travel writer?Ask her about finding gluten free food in the Peru. I bet she knows!)
The Case for Going Against
Your Gut
How many times have you have
you heard the phrase “Go with your gut” or “Trust your instincts”?
When I was a
kid, that always made me think of the scene at the end of the original Star
Wars movie, when the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi whispers to Luke Skywalker to
trust the Force, and Luke turns off his targeting system and lets instinct
guide him to destroy the Death Star.
The idea that the truth you need to know is
already inside you is an intoxicating one that comes up over and over in
popular culture. But there’s another side of the story we need to be honest
about: Your gut is entirely capable of leading you astray.
That’s not a popular point of view, because it can feel
like an insult to one’s instincts, which are deeply personal. But that’s the
point: our gut reactions are the products of our own personal histories and
beliefs and biases, and they’re influenced by what happens to us, good and bad.
I learned this the hard way.
I
would be the first to admit that, on that day, my gut worked perfectly well.
Some of my coworkers saw the flames and froze; I ran like hell.
But in the weeks after the trauma, my instincts started to
malfunction. I would notice someone on the subway who seemed shifty or
suspicious, and my gut would whisper that this person was getting ready to
attack. My brain knew that this was deranged, but my gut looked at strangers
through a dark prism, ever-ready to run like hell again.
I didn’t understand for some time that I had PTSD, but I
knew early on that my gut was no longer able to discern a genuinely threatening
situation from an everyday scene. The trauma I’d experienced had colored my
perceptions.
The experience made me think more critically about gut
reactions. We’re all marked by what we experience, for good or ill, and those
imprints can stay with us for all our lives.
In my latest novel, One Small Sacrifice, the fallibility of gut instincts is a question my main character,
NYPD Detective Sheryn Sterling, grapples with. She’s investigating a case in
which a doctor has vanished, and the case is particularly troubling because the
doctor’s boyfriend was involved in another woman’s death a year earlier.
Sheryn
knows that the boyfriend suffers from PTSD, and that deepens her suspicions. In
her gut, she knows he’s guilty, and that belief shapes her investigation. But Sheryn’s
husband forces her to take a harder look at what her gut is telling her; he’s
aware that Sheryn’s father suffered from PTSD, too, and that has shaped
Sheryn’s world view.
“Instinct’s not a superpower,” he tells her. “It’s made of
experience and memory and belief. Prejudice is part of that.”
That’s not to say that there aren’t times to trust your
gut. But we should think about where those instincts come from, and how our own
histories can blind us to what we need to see.
PS Thanks for having me visit
again, Hank and the rest of the Reds. It’s always an honor to stop by!
HANK: And it happens, too, in less stressful situations. You think--oh, that guy just LOOKS guilty. Hmm.
On the other hand--the gut can be pretty darn smart.
What do you think, Reds and Readers? And a copy of ONE SMALL SACRIFICE to one lucky commenter!
(US only please--sorry, I know, international postage mail is more expensive than the book itself.
*************
(and the winner of THOSE PEOPLE is Triss! Email me with your address! And congratulations!)********
Hilary Davidson has won
two Anthony Awards as well as the Derringer, Spinetingler, and Crimespree
awards. She is the author of the Lily Moore series—which includes The Damage
Done, The Next One to Fall, and Evil in All Its Disguises—the standalone
thriller Blood Always Tells, and a short-story collection called The Black
Widow Club. Her latest novel, One Small Sacrifice, was just published by Thomas
& Mercer, and received a starred review from Library Journal, which said,
“Fans of Karin Slaughter, Tana French, and Lisa Gardner will devour this new
police procedural, which boasts a strong female detective and an intriguing
antagonist. Sheryn [Sterling] will draw in readers, and Davidson’s complex
storytelling will keep them wanting more.” Visit her online at https://www.hilarydavidson.com
My goodness, what a scary thing, Hilary. I can’t begin to imagine how horrible that must have been for you and your co-workers.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the new book . . . I’m looking forward to reading your story and meeting your intrepid detective . . . .
I can’t say as I’ve had any truly significant “go with your gut” moments . . . perhaps I need to pay better attention???
And I think that’s fascinating, ‘Joan! You are so right in that in some cases… We just don’t know!
DeleteThanks so much, Joan!
DeleteYou make a very good point about our guts. I wonder how many of us mystery readers and writers are more suspicious because of all the time we spend with fictional mysteries.
ReplyDeleteI think that is absolutely true! We can find mysteries in anything, right? But when a crazy person comes into your office… Wow.
DeleteIt's probably a requirement that we have overactive imaginations...
DeleteSo glad you went with your gut, Hilary! But I know how one traumatic incident can warp your instincts. I was in a car accident once, where I had the right-of-way, but the other driver thought she could beat me through an intersection. She was wrong, and it left me flinching at cars rolling up to the stop sign on side roads for years afterwards. My tendency to brake when I saw a car to the side could easily have gotten me rear-ended!
ReplyDeleteOn the other hand, I am a strong believer in going with my gut, whether my subconscious understanding comes from instinct, analysis, or an overworked guardian angel. Years ago I took one of those "strength finder" tests when I started a new job, and it turned up a previously unsuspected knack for analyzing individual quirks and adjusting my strategy to accommodate the other folks on my team. Where, before, I might have thought it was my gut saying, "Yeah, I'm not going to be able to count on this guy to deliver," now I'm fairly sure that voice whispering in my ear is my odd ability to figure out what motivates my co-workers, and predict how any one of them will react in a given situation. It's very useful.
That is incredibly useful! Can you come to my office, please? And be my advisor?
DeleteWhy not? I could develop a whole new career!
DeleteThat is an amazing superpower, Gigi!
DeleteActually, it tends to creep people out, but it's mine, so I deal.
DeleteThat's a very good point about gut reactions, Hilary. And what a scary experience for you and your coworkers. Congrats on your new book!
ReplyDeleteYes, we see those horrific events in the newspaper and on TV--but to be involved in one--ah.
DeleteThank you so much, Marla!
DeleteWow. I hope you were able to get some help once you realized it was PTSD, HIlary. And good for you for turning those feelings into a book!
ReplyDeleteSounds like she did...so wise.
DeleteThank you, Edith! I started writing about PTSD in essays first... I honestly wasn't sure if I'd be able to write about it in fiction. Cognitive therapy for PTSD actually requires you to write about the experience and how it's affected your life... that was invaluable for me!
DeleteFallabilty of gut instincts -- it's a great thing to explore in a crime novel. So current, what with all the controversy about body cams that tell one story... and I think we're all more aware of our own biases, especially when they're shaped by earlier trauma.
ReplyDeleteAgreed! it's shocking what people say versus what the camera shows. And even how silent video can tell two stories.
DeleteThanks so much, Hallie! That issue was very much on my mind while I was writing. Lately, we've heard so many stories about how bias affects the way we see the world (and, for example, how often the police are called on black people who are doing normal, everyday things, like waiting for a friend at a Starbucks). And Hank makes a great point about the difference between what people perceive vs what a camera shows!
DeleteOne blustery spring day in suburban Cincinnati, I took the dogs for their usual lunchtime walk. A man passed riding a bike, rough around the edges, with a huge smile on his face. He waved and I told him to have a great day. A half hour later, while I was grubbing in a street-side flower bed, the police dropped by for a chat. Had I seen the man on the bike? Yes. I described him in detail. Did I think he was casing the neighborhood? No. The opioid addicts breaking into houses at lunch time came in groups, in trucks or painters vans, and sat in driveways waiting for residents to leave on noontime errands. The officer's face flushed. A neighbor had phoned the police about criminal activity in the neighborhood. I asked why riding a bike on a public street in the middle of a beautiful spring day was a crime? Local residents know the drill: garage doors down, all exterior doors locked, vary daily routines. The officer nodded and drove away. My gut told me the guy wasn't robbing houses. The addicts moved on to a different neighborhood, and the neighbors resumed leaving unlocked cars with laptops and cell phones in their driveways overnight, ripe for the picking.
ReplyDeleteThat is such an interesting story in every way.. Is it only because I am a crime fiction author that I see so many plot possibilities in that?
DeleteI see plot possibilities, too. That is a great story, Margaret!
DeleteAh gut instinct. You shouldn't trust it completely, but you shouldn't ignore it, either. My character, Sally Castle, gets into trouble over the exact same issue.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the book, Hilary. Sounds fabulous!
And that is such a difficult balance, even in the best of times. I remember, years ago, having a conversation with my mom about this very thing. "But how will I KNOW what's real?" I wailed. She said--you'll know. But I still am not sure.
DeleteThanks so much, Liz! It's definitely a fine balance...
DeleteWhat an incredibly scary experience -- I'm so glad your gut told you to run! I don't think that gut instincts are infallible and that they can be infuenced by prior experiences, but do agree that you shouldn't ignore them.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your new book!
And people often say--oh, I'm sure it's nothing. And it usually is nothing! AMdthat's anoother rason why it's fascinating--do our brains have a special--this is it! mode?
DeleteBut then the residual feelings are equally intriguing. A guy backed into our car at the grocery parking lot the other day--just WHAM. We were in the car. (We were fine, the car was crunched but got repaired.) And now I get chills when we drive by that grocery. Weirder, when we turned into the lot, I said to Jonathan--let's not go here.. ,
Thanks so much, Celia! And Hank, that is scary. One of the things I learned about PTSD while I was writing (because I did a lot of research to understand it beyond my own experience), is how often people are traumatized by car accidents. That fear can run deep and last a long time!
DeleteI think trusting my gut is really the sum of life experience, sort of like a google search, with 1,000,000 hits but chance being the first one contains the most needed information.
ReplyDeleteHowever nothing works 100% of the time.
Congratulations. Hilary, on ONE SMALL SACRIFICE. I hope you sell out the first edition by the end of the first publication day!
Oh, that is a brilliant calculation!
DeleteThanks so much, Ann! The reviews and reader support have been amazing.
DeleteI've never had a traumatic experience like yours, Hilary. PTSD must be horrible. I hope you've found a way to deal with it.
ReplyDeleteI work at a major university in the Midwest. Since Columbine and 9/11 the rule has been "trust your gut." If someone/situation makes you feel uneasy, trust your instinct and get away. Of course "If you see somethind, say something."
Have you ever read _Blink_ by Malcomb Gladwell? His theory is that instinct/intuition is based on things we observe, sometimes without realizing it. From the Amazon review: "The key is to rely on our 'adaptive unconscious'--a 24/7 mental valet--that provides us with instant and sophisticated information to warn of danger, read a stranger, or react to a new idea." I've always had a strong sense of intuition so this theory makes sense to me. I also realize that in a case of PTSD, like yours, your intuition could be messed up. I wonder if it eventually returns to pre-PTSD normal or if the change is permanent? I have a new research topic! :)
I'm looking forward to reading your book!
This is a great research topic! (And asHilary discovered, a terrific one for a book, too!) And Cathy, I adore Blink. I think about it all the time.
DeleteI always think people should go with their gut and remove themselves from a situation that they sense is dangerous. Even if you're wrong, it's better safe than sorry! I never read "Blink" but I remember reading some of Gladwell's essays (or excerpts?) from the book when it came out. I should get the book!
DeleteI have often wondered just what I would do in a case like you describe. As a former teacher I think about what if a crazed gunman had come into my school. Thoughts like that can keep me up at night so I prefer to read the mysteries rather than actually live them. I don't think there was a case when I had to trust my gut, although maybe there was, it worked out well, and now I've forgotten about it. Obviously it wasn't any sort of life or death scenario like yours, Hilary.
ReplyDeleteYes, Judi, teachers must be haunted by such things.... xoo
DeleteThanks so much, Judi. I think it's very normal to wonder about things like that in this day and age, when there are so many shootings in schools and houses of worship and other everyday places. I can't imagine how stressful it is for teachers now...
DeleteHi Hilary! Welcome to Jungle Reds! I met you at Bouchercon in Toronto. I loved your short story about a tour to the Holy Land. Especially the end! Yes, PTSD can be horrible. Did you know that you had PTSD right away or did it take a while to figure out that you had PTSD?
ReplyDeleteIt can take a while before you feel that you can trust your instincts again. There were many times when I trusted my guts and it turned out that I was right! I never would stoop to say "I told you so!". Once in a while I have been accused of being "paranoid" and now I realize that the person who called me "paranoid" was trying to gaslight me.
About your novel, I wonder why it is set in New York, not Canada. I look forward to reading your new novel.
Diana
Oh, good question!
DeleteAnd yes, questioning your instincts is so unsettling--I think we're not fully aware of how much we rely on them.
Hi Diana! I'm so glad you remember that story, "Jerusalem Syndrome" — it was in the Bouchercon anthology that year. To answer your questions, it did take me a while to figure out I had PTSD; after the trauma, my office had group counseling, but that therapist kept telling us everything we reported was "normal." It took me some time to realize that what I was going through wasn't normal.
DeleteTo answer your question about why ONE SMALL SACRIFICE is set in New York, that's largely because I've lived in NYC since October 2001 — 18 years this fall! — and because I have sources here that I don't elsewhere. For example, I've been allowed to tour spaces in NYC that civilians don't normally get to see, and you need that access to write a police procedural. But I set my short stories in places around the world (Peru, Chile, France, Israel, and Canada, to name a few) because they're told from the POV of victims and criminals, but not police.
Hank, thanks!
DeleteHilary,
Why did I think that you lived in Canada? Glad you got help for PTSD. That was my favorite story in the Bouchercon anthology!
I always rely on my instincts. It has never proved me wrong in life and in difficult situations.
ReplyDeleteSO great.
DeleteCongratulations! Your novel sounds captivating. I have certain feelings which can be gut feelings and have kept me safe.
ReplyDeleteYup. It's fascinating, isn't it? Since they are different for each person.
DeleteThank you! I think you should always go with your gut if you think you might be in a dangerous situation.
DeleteI agree with Mark that because we spend so much time engrossed in mysteries we may have overly-suspicious minds. However, nearly every time I have not trusted someone for some reason, there DID turn out be something “off” about the person.
ReplyDeleteLots of violence has happened in public buildings in recent years, I retired after working in a public office for many years. I met many lovely people that I miss. I also met some pretty scary people who demanded things that we could not provide. I could only hope they wouldn’t become violent. Imagine if you worked in a clothing store for children and someone came in, demanding to buy a quart of motor oil. You politely tell the person that store sells only clothing. You even offer to look up the address and phone number of the closest place where motor oil can be purchased. The person becomes enraged, and shouts “ motor oil is sold in stores. This is a store. Get me the motor oil! I’m not leaving without it!” This may sound ridiculous but in recent years more and more things like this happened. Very often we soon read in the newspaper about the person being arrested for violence or the threat of violence. Over time, I could tell by the expression in a person’s eyes that the person would be unreasonable, even if I wasn’t the person who had to handle the situation. I guess that could be a “gut” feeling.(About a month before I retired, the police department installed a “panic button” system in our department.)
DebRo
Yes, people "on a mission," benign or not, can be shockingly focused and intense. And that is such a powder keg. xoxox
DeleteThis is so sad and so true. Thanks for sharing that, Deb.
DeleteHilary, I'm so sorry that I haven't gotten to One Small Sacrifice yet, but it is definitely on my list to read. What a horrible experience you had with the fire. Good to know that your gut and instincts to flee danger and get to safety were working in top form. So scary. On an unrelated matter to any of your post or your writing, I must tell you that you have the most gorgeous hair. When I started going gray some years ago, I chose to add more red to my brown hair color, as I have always loved the little tint of red I originally had. My son was engaged to a young woman with beautiful red hair, and I was so looking forward to little red-haired grandchildren. Alas, they broke up.
ReplyDeleteOn the trusting your gut story front, I just read a piece by author Fiona Quinn describing her experience in D.C. while walking to a destination there. She was taking a route she was unfamiliar with and so had her phone out following an app. She noticed a man noticing her and her phone and his joining the direction she was walking. She felt something wasn't quite right with his sudden choice of direction after looking at her finding her way on the app. To make a long story short, the man was following her, then got ahead of her to wait for her, then confronted by her stare of not going down easy for him, he fled. We especially need to be cognizant of our gut telling us that someone's actions around us aren't quite right, even if so many of us think we might be a little influenced by our love of crime and mystery.
WOW, That Fiona story is chilling..yeesh. And yes, we do need to be aware of our mystery bent!
Delete(And so agree about the hair..:-) )
Hi Kathy! First, that is very sweet of you to say about my hair. (I was a strawberry-blonde baby — my mom still has a lock of Baby Hilary hair that she's kept all these years.) My hair can get fairly dark in winter, but as soon as it gets any sun, the red immediately pops out.
DeleteI will have to read Fiona Quinn's story! That really is chilling.
I think trusting your gut in an extreme situation and thinking because you have a "feeling" or instinct" or "sense" about something are too different things. As you say, your gut feelings are based on your learning and experience and can include your preformed ideas.
ReplyDeleteAh ha. Very wise! xxx
DeleteI totally agree! That's a really great way to think about it.
DeleteAnd please excuse me - of course I meant "two" and not "too." ;-(
Delete
ReplyDeleteFROM HILARY! Thank you, everyone, for taking the time to read my post and for all of your lovely comments! I tried to respond to people individually, but Google/Blogger keeps saying I'm "not authorized," so there's a wonky setting somewhere. (If 100 comments from me suddenly pop up later today, please don't be surprised...) It is always wonderful to visit the Jungle Reds, and I want to thank Hank for having me back today!
Thanks again for posting this, Hank! I kind of have it working now, but only from Chrome... xoxo
DeleteHi Hilary! What a frightening story. One Small Sacrifice is up next on my Kindle! So looking forward to it, especially with having a bit of background now!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, Deb! I really hope you'll enjoy it! xoxo
DeleteIf you know you have PTSD or something similar, that changes things. Otherwise, I believe in trusting my gut. I agree that it's a mixture of learning, experience and things we've observed that our unconscious has registered but haven't made it to our conscious mind/memory yet. And when it's an issue of safety, ALWAYS trust your gut. It's better to cross the road for no reason than to be mugged.
ReplyDeleteI agree, Susan. And if the trigger wasn't a threat after all? Well, you're just on the other side of the street and haven't lost a thing.
DeleteCertainly there have been times when I got a flare of fear, and then had to make a decision. I wish I could calculate which times I averted disaster. But I guess we’ll never know…
DeleteThanks, everyone, for all of your comments (and especially to Hank, for posting one for me). I'm still having technical difficulties (possibly because I have several Google accounts with different permissions, but the mess is still being sorted out...). But I wanted to say that I appreciate all of the stories that are being shared! It's always terrific when what you write hits a chord with people.
ReplyDeleteHank told me that others have had technical difficulties posting comments, too. One thing I just learned: I can't post any comments from Safari (my default browser) or Firefox, but I can from Chrome. Now the technical difficulties seem like a Google ploy to get me to use their browser!
DeleteOh, exactly! Xxxxx
Deleteand thank you! I have told people to come in through Google, but much more clear to say don’t use any other browsers except for Chrome. So you have not only solved the problem for yourself, but potentially for many others! And for us. Perfect!
DeleteThe husband's quote from the book sent chills down my spine. What a wonderfully provocative and evocative statement. So looking forward to reading this book.
ReplyDeleteAll the best with the launch.
Agreed! xoxo
DeleteThank you so much, Kait! I'm delighted to hear that — it's a kind thing for you to say!
DeleteJune is PTSD month.
ReplyDeleteOh, I didn't know that! Thanks so much for that great info..
DeleteI didn't know that, either! Thanks so much for mentioning it.
Delete(Hank, we had better timing than we realized!)
AND THE WINNER IS: Cathy Akers-Jordan! Email me at h ryan at whdh dot com . YAAY!
ReplyDelete