HALLIE EPHRON: The other day I was on a plane coming back from the West
coast, surrounded by a large extended family. There had to be dozens of them,
talking back and forth in some language that I could not immediately identify.
Portuguese, it turned out.
They 
were boisterous and lovely... right up until it came time to get off the
plane and then they all pushed and shoved, trying to edge their way off the plane
before the people seated in the rows in front of them.
were boisterous and lovely... right up until it came time to get off the
plane and then they all pushed and shoved, trying to edge their way off the plane
before the people seated in the rows in front of them.
I watched, embarrassed for them. And I've noticed this is a common faux pas that foreign travelers make. Though this may be okay in some places, it's definitely not okay here. As discourteous as
US passengers can be, pushing your way off a plane is not something we do.
Which got me thinking that it would be nice to write a Emily
Post for US Travel manual. What would I like the world to know about the few
things that we Americans are actually pretty polite and tame about when it comes to air travel?
1.
Getting off a plane, wait your turn; it’s like
leaving a church, you leave by pew. Do not jump the
line.
2.
If you’re in coach, please pretend that the
button that reclines your seat does not exist. DO NOT RECLINE.
3.
Do not take off your socks. Please. Do not take
off your socks.
4.
Put only one carry-on in the overhead bin. Not
it and your briefcase and your coat and your shopping bag from Abercrombie & Fitch
and your golf clubs because there was so much space in the bin when you pushed your way onto the plane..
5.
If you’re in the aisle or window seat, let the
poor guy in the middle seat have both middle armrests.
6. Allow at least an hour to make a connecting flight; American airports are enormous and confusing and planes are notoriously late and no one will let you off the plane first because you allowed too little time to make your connection.
7.
Do not put banana or orange peels in the seat-back
pocket.
What would you add?
These are such good rules for plane travelers.
ReplyDeleteI’d add be courteous to flight attendants.
Whether you agree or not, there are rules about the use of electronics during takeoff and landing . . . observe the rules.
If you’re traveling with children, bring snacks, games, toys and such to keep them occupied.
Respect the other travelers’ personal space . . . .
All so reasonable.
Delete"keep them QUIETLY occupied"
DeleteDo not have the volume turned way up on your game/movie/podcast/music . We don’t all share the same taste. Also, I don’t want a 5yr old learning vulgar song lyrics...because you just know they will repeat them in church this weekend. ����
ReplyDeleteRelated, please don’t sing along—especially if you’re wearing headphones.
Please don’t bathe in cologne/aftershave/perfume. Many people are seriously allergic.
Don’t joke about weapons, bombs, etc. You will likely get a lot more attention for it than you could imagine.
ESP second the singing along...
DeleteSnoring and tipping over so your head is on my shoulder should also be on the list.
I have migraine-producing allergic responses to perfume! Thank you!
DeleteI don't have an allergic reaction, but I just don't like strong odors. So NO to cologne/perfume.
DeleteIf you take the aisle seat, and your wife takes the window seat, please do no spend the flight bickering over the top of the poor soul squeezed into the middle seat.
ReplyDeleteWe do all of that except the bickering. The person in the middle gets offered the snacks we pass to each other.
DeleteWe try to book aisle seats across from each other. That makes it easy to pass over a book or a bottle of water or a kleenex but mostly we sit down, pull out our kindles, turn them to airplane mode, and read. Last trip, to Dallas I ended up in that row toward the back where the attendants hand out. Who knew it had extra legroom as well as an adjustable leg rest, much like a recliner. It was delicious! Best coach seat ever.
ReplyDeleteFor international trips we hope for upgrades to business. I'm afraid that if there is only one available, I get it. That's because I'm old. You'll get there someday.
If there is a baby on the flight, I actually pray to be in the same row. I love babies, am pretty good at soothing them, and traveling mothers need a break. ALWAYS! I'm equally happy to be seated with a small child. I know endless games and stories, and I share my pretzels and cookies, with parental consent naturally. Besides, they're all skinny and take up very little middle seat space.
So many people travel in sandals, so I don't really care who's wearing socks and removes them. I do object to rap music that leaks out of ear phones. And baseball caps. Please people. There is very little sun to get into your eyes and virtually no foul balls to catch while on a plane. Lose the cap.
Thanks in advance.
Next trip, I'm sitting next to you, Ann.
DeleteHallie, you're on.
DeleteI'm sitting across the aisle from her, once she finds the row with the foot rests! And I'm with Ann, I don't care about the socks either.
DeleteReally Hallie, you and Jerry sandwich some poor schlub in between you? do you hold conversations across the person?
Jonathan and I get side by side aisles.
DeleteThese are great. Ditto all the above. Plus:
ReplyDeleteIf, at the beginning, we exchange polite smiles and greetings and you decide to engage me in conversation, take the hint that I don't want to spend the next two to five hours chatting with you.
I hate it when I'm in an aisle seat and the window seat person closes the shade, because I like to look out, but that isn't rude behavior, unfortunately.
No, it isn't. I'm afraid the window seat person gets to control the shade. That's my preferred seat. Window on the right side of the plane. I spend half the time looking out and the other half leaning against the closed shade and snoozing.
DeleteI prefer the window seat on the left side of the plane. This way I get to see the gate thing retract so I know it is time for the plane to start moving.
DeleteSit on the other side and you get to watch the baggage loading... And the guy with the big flashlights signaling all clear to back up.
Deleteoh, please don't put your luggage in the first open bin you see, especially if your seat is in the back of the plane.
ReplyDeleteAnd here's one more, please measure your suitcase to be sure it's a carry-on. And don't assume somebody else is responsible for hoisting into the bin. I always hope for assistance, but plan to do it myself if necessary. It is much harder if you're short!
DeleteI'm with Hallie on seat preferences. Window on the right, please.
ReplyDeleteI would have to add buy your child a seat! Even infants, and have them safely strapped in. Children become projectiles in turbulence.
Hope you're not speaking from experience about the projectiles...
DeleteI think ball caps and stocking caps are fine on planes, it is part of the outfit. Don't keep kicking the chair in front of you. Don't stick your foot between the chairs. Don't clip your nails on my plane. Don't hold your baby so it can grab my hair in front of you. Don't pee on the toilet or the floor of the bathroom. If I am engaged in a book or writing don't continue to interrupt me. Geez, I sound negative, eek! I have traveled a lot and these all have happened. Most flights are great. Be nice to your stewards, they are your friend.
ReplyDeleteIf we're on a flight arriving late, I ask the flight attendant for help deplaning ahead of the mob. Sometimes it works. Otherwise, all of the above PLUS common courtesies before leaving the restroom. I was on a 9 hour flight with one restroom available for 150 economy passengers. The other one was a filthy hole.
ReplyDeleteIf you’re traveling with a baby, bring ear plugs for everyone around you. I used to do that when the Hooligans were tiny. Only had to bust them out once - they were much appreciated.
ReplyDeletePut your carryon in the bin over your seat. SO MANY TIMES I have seen people put their stuff over seat like three or four, and then head back and sit in 25. That is so ridiculous! And incredibly selfish, and ruins the whole system. Then people have to wind up swimming upstream to get their bags on the plane lands. It is absolutely absurd.
ReplyDeleteAnd oh my gosh, the recline thing. Boom! They do it, crush your knees, and the ride is completely different
And don’t try to slime ahead of me in the boarding line. The line is a line. And you know where the back of the line is, bub. I really get angry when people act like I’m not there, and casually just pushing in front of me. I try to tell myself it doesn’t matter, but it is so jaw-dropping that they think people don’t notice.
This is quite the experiment… I am absolutely aisle seat on the left, ( if you’re facing the front), and I am uncomfortable anywhere else. Is it because I am left-handed? I do love to look out the window, but I do not like to climb over sleeping people when I have to get to the bathroom .
ReplyDeleteI always sit in the same row/ spot relative to the teacher in a classroom, too. Always have.
DeleteSO weird how we default to that. hmm. It's probably a master's thesis of some kind..
DeleteDo not let your child run loose like the plane is his/her personal playground. And it is not okay to kick the seat in front or mess around with the tray bouncing said seat. When walking down the aisle try not to grab the seatback of everyone you pass. And don’t forget to say please and thank you whenever the flight attendants come by.
ReplyDeleteWhich resends me do not sleep with your feet or shoulder sticking out into the aisle
ReplyDeleteReMINDS not resends...
DeleteRegarding feet--
ReplyDeleteShoes and socks can make your feet hot and, quite possibly, sweaty. Please don't take off your shoes and socks and share that with the rest of the plane.
Sandals are less likely to leave you with sweaty feet. (We'll skip the potential downside of sandals in public areas. Just saying...)
Just keep your feet away from the other people.
When I was young, there were two places it was absolutely necessary to be quiet: the library, and on an airplane. Period. Now, it's a ruckus in both places. That's one of the reasons I no longer fly, but seat narrowing and TSA rudeness are also responsible.
ReplyDeleteAt some point I remember hearing that it was important to keep your shoes on, in case an emergency requiring leaving the plane quickly, possibly under less than desirable circumstances.
ReplyDeleteIf you have the aisle seat on a long flight, be sure to leave your seat a few times. On an overseas flight, the moment I stood in the aisle to stretch, my two (non-English-speaking) seatmates got up and bolted for the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteAlso important to avoid blood clots!
DeleteOh, those are all great suggestions/advice/rules, Hallie. I am a stickler for passengers leaving the plane in order, pew by pew so to speak. And, pretending that the recline button doesn't work in coach is another favorite. Reclining one's seat is such a thoughtless thing to do to those behind you. Another complaint and suggestion I have seen and agree with is don't bring smelly food on the plane with you. It really shouldn't have to be explained what smelly food is, but it includes items such as fish, cabbage, onions, spicy foods, and fast food that is fried and greasy. I'd like to add one for the airport gate, where you're waiting to board. Don't talk on that damn earpiece phone like you're the only person and/or the most important person in the airport. I don't want to hear your business calls, Mr. Man (because in my experience, it has always been a man doing this).
ReplyDelete