LUCY BURDETTE: Every guest is special to us, but I bet you will forgive me for saying it's especially special when my sister Susan Cerulean has book news to share. Her new book, I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED THE SINGLE BIRD, will be out next August, but the cover is too spectacular to wait. So here it is, and here she is with an introduction and some pre-order links. And you'll see more of this next summer!
My main line of work and writing has always had to do with wildlife and natural landscapes. These days there's so much bad news out there, regarding climate, regarding species extinction, you name it. So how can I draw in my readers to understand the root causes of these planetary issues, and hopefully be part of the change we need?
In 2009, our beloved stepmother, Mary Jane, died unexpectedly. Our 80-year-old father, frail and in the early stages of dementia, had been placed in a residential care facility close to her home in southern New Jersey. None of her five children and none of my siblings lived close enough to be helpful on a daily basis.
How would we see to our father's care after his wife had died? That's an issue that so many people can identify with these days.
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| Bob Isleib with Susan and Roberta |
My husband and I volunteered to bring dad down to Tallahassee, Florida where we live and work. I knew my sister Roberta (Lucy) would be a strong support, so I didn't feel completely alone. However, the work of advocating and seeing to the care of someone who is ever so slowly, but inevitably declining due to the brain disease that would eventually end his life--that was far more than I understood at first.
One of the gifts of the four years that we had Dad very close by, was to see the links between my work as a conservationist and writer, and the work of taking care of a vulnerable elder. As writers do, I took good notes of both kinds of care giving, and eventually realized that the two belonged together in a braided memoir. I'm so glad to share its upcoming birth with you!
I wonder if all of you out there--writers and readers both--can think of two apparently disparate parts of your life that could meld into a compelling memoir?
Pre-order from University of Georgia Press
Pre-order on Amazon
SUSAN CERULEAN is a writer, naturalist, and activist based in Tallahassee, Florida. Her most recent book, Coming to Pass, won the Florida Book Award for best nonfiction in 2016.
What a difficult situation for you and your family. I’m looking forward to reading your book.
ReplyDeleteTwo disparate parts of my life? What immediately comes to mind is teaching each day, caring for young children, and then helping to care for my mom for whom the doctors could do nothing more. A difficult time for all of us, but there are good memories mixed in with the sad . . . .
Exactly, Joan, that's it. The good and the impossibly difficult, all one package.
DeleteOh, Susan and Roberta, what a hard journey it is for all, the person going through the dementia and the caregivers. I'm glad your father had you both close by. My mother-in-law has gotten so much worse in her dementia just the last six months even. The little things, like wanting to give her two children and their spouses and their kids and the grandkids a Christmas check this year. My husband, who is the sibling living in the same town as MIL, has had to explain for the last week several times a day that she has already written the checks and they are in the envelopes. My sister-in-law, my husband's sister, is coming to get MIL for before Christmas visit, and the envelopes were put in my MIL's suitcase by my husband. MIL didn't believe him when he said that's where they were, so he had to get them out and show them to her so she wouldn't write more checks. It's gone on like this for a week. I feel bad for both of them, and it seems that her dementia has now reached a new level of confusion. So hard to watch this independent, capable woman losing her self-sufficiency.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that I could have a compelling memoir with two disparate parts of my life, and I'm not sure what disparate parts would go to make a memoir. I'll have to think on that some more.
It's very hard, Kathy. We feel for you and your hub and MIL...
DeleteKathy, it's even worse when the afflicted person has flashes of knowing what they are losing in terms of mental capacity, isn't it?
DeleteThat's such an interesting perspective, to relate your caregiving experience with your work. I look forward to reading how you made this connection, Susan.
ReplyDeleteLove the oystercatcher and chick, by the way. Great choice for the cover.
Not for a memoir, but at a major turning point in my life I used the knowledge from my years in the insurance business and my knowledge of sewing to pivot 180 degrees in my career. And had a fulfilling 18 years advising owners of sewing businesses how to be more profitable.
What a perfect mix Karen!
DeleteThank you Karen. I hope you'll read it, and let me know if it worked for you. And I love what you did to pivot your career....
DeleteWhat a great cover for such a hard topic.
ReplyDeleteThank you Mark! I work with the University of Georgia Press, and they do incredibly artful design.
DeleteHaving lived the role of caregiver for two elderly parents with dementia, I can so relate. I'm fascinated by the merging of the parental caregiver/environmental caregiver perspective and can't wait to read this book. (And I totally agree with Mark...great cover!)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh Annette, two parents with dementia. So very difficult...
DeleteAnnett, that was a hero's journey you undertook, two parents. Let me know what you think when you read it!
DeleteThat's a stunning cover, Susan. You gave your father (and yourself) a great gift by bringing him nearby, and I look forward to seeing how you tie it together.
ReplyDeleteSome years ago I grew and sold organic vegetables, taught childbirth classes, and cared for my two young sons. Lots of taking care! And now I've written a mystery series featuring an organic farmer and another with a midwife. Hmm, maybe I should write a memoir?
Yes, please, Edith! Your life has been fascinatingly diverse.
DeleteI second that idea, but I'd also love to read your mysteries!
DeleteI don't know if it would be compelling, but yes I could think of two polar opposite parts of my life that could be (but never will be) written into a memoir.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the new book and yes that is a pretty cool cover!
thanks, Jay!
DeleteCongratulations on your release! My dad had Alzheimer's and lived in a memory care unit his last two years. Mom was weary to the bone caring for him and making daily visits. Alzheimer's is toughest for the survivors.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Margaret! Your mother's experience illustrates the crisis that is this disease for so many million caregivers...
DeleteI, too, love the cover! I seem to be reading about dementia often lately and I don't think I am intentionally choosing to. I really admire you for taking such good care of your father and then being able to write a memoir.
ReplyDeleteJudi, thank you! I think the reason we are reading about it so much is because of the extent of the disease as our population ages. And actually, taking notes as we went through the years together (my Dad and me), kept ME sane. He said amazing things, and when you are a writer, you jot things down. How did Joan Didion ever do her memoir??
DeleteOh gosh, it makes me feel so grateful for right now. Such a tough situation Susan—thank you so much for making us think. And yes, that cover is spectacular and touching . Can you tell us more about how you came to the title?
ReplyDeleteHank, yes, we never know when life can turn on a dime.
DeleteThe title came all at once, early in the writing (which was nearly 10 years, if you can believe it). It was born of my frustration at feeling unable to "save" or "heal" all the losses I've seen over my work life in the natural world. Wild birds have declined in enormous numbers due to climate change and loss of habitat, cats, etc. How could I address such big problems, and also care for my father, day after day. It felt like the whole world was unraveling? But by caring for my Dad, and caring for a single shorebird nesting colony at the same time, I found some solace, and time to muse, about the heart of caregiving.
Susan, I just this minute ordered I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED THE SINGLE BIRD. I only wish it were being published before August. At present we are watching -- more than watching -- our next door neighbors rapidly diminish. They are both a year younger than I, have been active, living in their own home, a huge three story number, and sharing their lives with us for 19 years. One probably has Alzheimer's, early days but getting worse each week, and the other fell a couple of months ago, broke the femur around his artificial hip, and is declining. I can see another fall in his future if they don't both get into assisted living quickly. Their daughters will be herE for Christmas, and they will have a "come to Jesus" meeting with the home care staff who have been working with the fractured femur. It is heartbreaking. I had to tell the daughters that while I'd continue to be helpful, I could not be responsible for their parents well-being. I can't be the camp nurse any longer.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this book. I hope it will help families, both of birth and of choice, cope with this awful disease.
Ann, you have been living on the front lines with your dear friends, and as you say, it's heartbreaking. You are an angel, and I hope the children see what needs to happen.
DeleteI so appreciate you sharing your story, and also for ordering my book!
My family is dealing with my mother's future care right now--literally, making plans as she's in the hospital through Christmas. It is very hard. It helps to know we're not the only family struggling with this. Thank you for sharing your experience.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, I have had two life-changing experiences that I've kept (mostly) secret. I am writing a memoir/essay collection about integrating a public life and a private one. I look forward to reading your book, Susan.
Ramona, it is SO hard. And though you are so not alone, it's a disease that can feel that way, for both the afflicted person, and the caregivers. I'd love to read your story, too, Ramona.
DeleteSusan, I applaud you for taking on the task of caring for your father. It's a job that no one can fully understand--the strength it takes, the struggle it can be--until you actually begin. But the power of those last moments of connection are worth every minute of the struggle. I trained as an archaeologist--years of graduate school--and worked as a scientist in that discipline (it's not really an Indiana Jones' kind of life!). A colleague and dear dear friend asked me to write something and read at his funeral service. After the service, an elderly gentleman approached me and asked: "You're an archaeologist?" And I nodded. "An archaeologist and a poet?" There was a note of wonder in his voice. "Yes," I answered. And that was one of the times when my two selves was whole.
ReplyDeleteFlora, I can tell you are a poet and a storyteller! "And that was one of the times when my two selves was whole." And also, Flora, deeply consider writing about all this as an archaeologist. What an amazing lens on not just your professional work, but all of life.
DeleteThe cover is truly spectacular (oyster catchers!) And the sweetness it conveys. Susan, this is a book I'll want to read. To be in the role of the caretaker or the caretakEN... both are very tough.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Hallie! The University of Georgia Press does such artful work. It was a sweet time, and a tough time, indeed. But I had my oldest pal by my side, your friend, Lucy! I hope you will read it and let me know what you think. I so so appreciate the support of all you Reds.
DeleteWhat a beautiful cover for an intriguing combination of topics. Susan, can you tell us the origin of the title?
ReplyDeleteAmanda, the title came all at once, early in the writing (which was nearly 10 years, if you can believe it). It was born of my frustration at feeling unable to "save" or "heal" all the losses I've seen over my work life in the natural world. Wild birds have declined in enormous numbers due to climate change and loss of habitat, cats, etc. How could I address such big problems, and also care for my father, day after day. It felt like the whole world was unraveling? But by caring for my Dad, and caring for a single shorebird nesting colony at the same time, I found some solace, and time to muse, about the heart of caregiving. My Dad was my Single Bird.
ReplyDeleteWhat a beautiful cover!
ReplyDeleteI've been blessed that all the relatives I've lost (mother, two grandmothers, and a grandfather) none of them lost a step mentally. I can't even imagine.
Of course, this means my memoir would probably be incredibly dull as I don't think I have disparate areas, but you can't have everything.
Thank you, Liz! You come from powerful genetic stock!
DeleteCongratulations on your new book and good luck. Sounds like a must read to me - I've been there - and am adding it to my list today.
ReplyDeleteTriss, thank you so much!
DeleteIt is a difficult transition from being the child taken care of to taking care of your parents. My MIL had dementia. My FIL tried to take care of her at home. When he died we had to move her to a memory care residence. That was really hard but ultimately it was good for all of us. My mom stayed pretty sharp until she fell and cracked her wrist. Her mental state deteriorated during that hospital stay. She knew us but was living in the past, asking about my dad and others as if they were still alive. I lied like a dog and made up excuses as to why they weren’t visiting. I don’t ever want to be in that situation again.
ReplyDeleteIt's a terribly hard transition, isn't it Pat?
DeleteSusan, your cover is stunning. And like Ann, I wish the book would come sooner than August! I cared for both my parents with dementia--they both lived into their mid-nineties. It was so hard that I now wonder how I did it. But it was also often very sweet and special in ways that you would never imagine if you hadn't experienced it.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I have ever felt reconciled with myself. Deb the writer seems so separate from Deb the everyday person who has to do all the ordinary things, and who no one ever takes quite seriously.
Deb, thank you....the sweetness makes it all possible, doesn't it? And the relationships and interactions with people we'd never otherwise encounter.
DeleteThe gift of the memoir is that all narratives can become one, i.e. all of what we do and who we are. I hope you find that full reconciliation; I know your parents felt your wholeness.
I’m reminded of something Louise Penny said, when asked how she coped with Michael’s spiral into dementia. She said “we had resources.” This is so true. Resources for help for daily care and respite, so important. Resources to relocate to a one floor abode. Resources for assisted living or memory care. Most people don’t have sufficient resources. It’s so sad.
ReplyDeleteFinta, yes. And that was true for us as well. My Dad was able to put aside sufficient funds so that we could hire extra care. But it's still so hard.
DeleteSusan, the cover and concept are both stunning. I think the hardest thing we are called to do is watch a loved one slip away from us.
ReplyDeleteRhys, you are so right. And watching the Earth diminish is equally unthinkable...
ReplyDeleteOh, Susan. Thank you for coming onto Jungle Red to talk about I HAVE BEEN ASSIGNED THE SINGLE BIRD. It will be such an important book, Weaving two essential kinds of caring together in a single braid. I will be pre-ordering.
ReplyDeleteIt's my honor and pleasure to be here. I'm looking forward to getting lots of dialogue going in the next year about all kinds of taking care!
DeleteThat was me again. Somehow JRW's comment sign-in has lost track of me . . .
ReplyDeleteThank you, Brenda.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gorgeous cover and what a brilliant idea for a memoir, Susan. Almost everyone of a certain age has either dealt with a failing elder relative or been on the sidelines as friends or family have had to walk that path. And of course, we all have responsibility for taking care of our irreplaceable environment.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Julia, so very much....
DeleteSusan, I meant to comment on the beautiful cover of your book in my earlier comments and to thank you for being such a staunch guardian for our environment.
ReplyDeleteKathy, thank you so much. I will pass on your compliments to the art director at UGA Press--she's the best!
DeleteI am intrigued! I feel so many of us can relate to the unexpected life change of becoming the caregiver to a parent. The cover of your book is just beautiful. I'm looking forward to reading about your journey.
ReplyDeleteSusan, thank you for sharing your story. I am glad that you had that time with your Dad.
ReplyDelete