Quarantine House - Jungle Reds Literary Edition

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: It’s all over social media - Quarantine House! I’ve seen versions with members of K-Pop groups, British Conservative politicians, historical figures and, of course, the characters from Friends. But this is Jungle Red Writers, and we are all about the novels. 

So, Reds, what fictional characters would you choose to share your quarantine, ah, quarters, and why? Let’s keep it to two or three, so nobody gets to grab Darcy, Mr. Knightly, Hayley Snow’s mom and the dad from Swiss Family Robinson. Movie characters are cheating, unless it’s an adaptation of a book.

First off, I’ll want Jeeves, from PG Wodehouse’s wonderful stories. Jeeves can cook a delicious meal, shake up a perfect cocktail, mend clothes, clean the flat, and can handle any emergency. My house would probably kill him, but I’m willing to take the risk. Second, Mina Yetner, from Hallie’s THERE WAS AN OLD WOMAN. She’s sharp, has great stories, and would probably be happy to spend the afternoon playing cards and doling out good advice. Finally, Cordelia Naismith Vorkosigan, from Lois McMaster Bujold’s fabulous Vorkosigan series. Cordelia is well-known for keeping her head even when others are losing theirs, and she always struck me as the perfect woman friend, someone you’d love to put your feet up with and chat until the cows, or the butter bugs, come home.

Reds, who are your picks?

RHYS BOWEN: I’ll settle for my Lady Georgie’s Darcy! He’s not as stuffy as the first one and even more sexy. But then would I want to be chased around the house for the indeterminate future? I think I’d rather choose some females. Much better company and warm and caring!  If it was men I’d have to do the cooking and washing up and laundry! It would have to be someone calm, resourceful and with a good sense of humor. Debs’s Gemma could cope well and we’d better include Duncan for her. Harriet Vane would be interesting.  Mrs Polifax would have entertaining stories. But how about Mrs Patmore from Downton Abbey? Then we’d eat well!

HALLIE EPHRON: Hermoine Granger! Because then we could levitate to beat the band. Win-gar-di-um Lev-i-o-sa! Flick and switch. And because I’m sure she could find a vaccine. Chet the dog from Spencer Quinn/Peter Abrahams wonderful series. Because pandemics need pets. And Mrs. Whatsit from A WRINKLE IN TIME so we can travel through time and fight The Dark Thing.

JENN McKINLAY: Robert’s Crais’s Joe Pike, duh. ;-)  He’s got the safety and survival skills you want and need -- added bonus, he won’t talk you to death. Of course, throw in Grandma Mazur from Janet Evanovich’s series and you can also have some laughs! No, wait she’s too much work. Of course, if I’m really feeling escapist, I’d choose Lisa Kleypas’s entire Hathaway family - the selling point here being it’s historical, hilarious, and set in Hampshire. Yes, please!

LUCY BURDETTE: I would certainly invite Julia’s Russ (sorry Clare) because we can always use a big strong guy with a heart of gold underneath to protect us. But hmmm, maybe we need the spiritual guidance even more--except not a baby with colic, yikes! I love the idea of Mrs. Patmore cooking, but you know who else might be entertaining and provide the drinks? Ann Cleeves’ VERA. Plus she’s got a very big brain and doesn’t take s**t from anyone, so I think she could figure this out in a heartbeat…

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  We definitely need Mrs. Patmore, or SOMEONE resourceful who loves to cook. Magic would also be very nice, maybe Professor Dumbledore, who can also provide spiritual guidance.  We could all LIVE in Downton, because there’s plenty of room, and books, and places to walk. Plus, we could dress up.  Also, we need Lyra and her alethiometer from The Golden Compass, so we understand who’s telling us the truth. Probably a genius scientist, too, was there someone in The Andromeda Strain? And is there a doctor in the house? Who? And someone super-smart and interesting to talk to--maybe Robert Langdon? And yes, a protector. Maybe Victor Henry from Winds of War. He’s been through some stuff.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I'm going for Lord Peter Wimsey, and Bunter. Peter would keep me entertained, and when he wasn't being witty, he would play the piano brilliantly, or read classics to me. Bunter, of course, would bring endless, perfect cups of tea, cook, and keep the Piccadilly flat tidy. (Because it would be nice to be in London.) Harriet Vane, not so much. She's too prickly. Besides, two detective novelists in one household is one too many. And I don't want to share Peter.

JULIA: Well, the truth is out about Debs and Peter W, isn’t it? Who would you pick for your Quarantine House, dear readers? Oh, and as a preview, this Thursday, we’ll be having the Parade of Pandemic Pets, and if you send me a photo of your pet or another animal that’s brightening your life during lockdown, we’ll add it to our front page! Have them to me, juliaspencerfleming at g mail period com, by Wednesday afternoon.