Words of Wisdom for Tough Times.

RHYS BOWEN: I had planned something quite different for today. A bit of humor. But then I realized what a great resource I had to share. My son is a life-coach and healer and has been giving daily talks to help us get through this horrible time. So I asked him to share some tips today.

DOMINIC QUIN-HARKIN

 The Next Home-Based Gym – Your Journal

Although our days are consumed by hours of “productive” stay-at-home activities—Snipping nose hairs, glaring out the window like an uninterested cat, making snacks out of peanut butter and banana—Who knew you could find so much enjoyment out of these? But then you start to notice a noise. You check the hallway, the kitchen, outside your window, but nothing’s there.

So you pick up your book and read, or you pick up your computer and write. And usually, these activities can behave as a glorious escape from the “Real World”. As you are immersed into another world of murder, fantasy, dystopia, or passion, it all seems to be comforting, relaxing, and sometimes titillating. But then you put down the book, you put down the computer. And in the silence, it starts again.

And you finally close your eyes and start to become completely aware that some of these noises are coming from your chest area… your sinuses, your forehead…and your hands are shaking. This is your emotional body trying to express itself. Tension across your forehead and a pit on your stomach lead the charge, but there are a slew of other emotional states just chomping at the bit to get your attention.

In this extraordinary time, we are being forced to BE indoors, BE with a few other people only, BE alone. And guess who else is with us?? Our thoughts, fears, and worries. We have to finally BE with ourselves, and all of the internal communication our bodies have been doing to get our attention. Our emotions are right there, and they’re begging to be recognized and expressed. Our emotional states right now are one of fatigue and exhaustion.

And what are we doing to recover mentally or emotionally on a daily basis to keep us balanced? What habits or tasks do we have for mental or emotional maintenance? If you look at an athlete, after a long day of practice, he or she ices for 20 min, stretches, rotator cuff exercises, core work, ices again, knowing that this is what is necessary to perform tomorrow at the highest stakes.

And reading about psychoses and syndromes doesn’t help. We’ll spend so much time talking about an emotion to ourselves, our therapist, our friends, and our families, that sometimes we’re just too damn smart for our own good. We talk ABOUT our emotions as though we’re 2 parents talking about a child when the child is sitting RIGHT THERE.

Emotions are like little anxious children in a classroom raising their hands frantically, waiting to be called on. And as we ignore them, they get louder, and louder, and louder. They fill our muscles, our tissues, our organs; and toxic emotion is the source of Dis-Ease in the body.

So, in order to get our mental/emotional states back to a place of strength and calm, we need to create a recovery period, with exercises to do, on a daily basis, in order to maintain and reach an optimal health. Something to do today, so we can feel good tomorrow. Journaling is one of those exercises that will support your mental health, clear some of that emotional sludge that seems overwhelming.

Journaling Techniques –

To form a nightly recovery routine, Journaling can be a very healthy and effective way to manage your emotions, and to release them on a daily basis. Journaling can be a lengthy process if you choose it to be. It can also be a very simple process, consisting of only two sentences: What I liked about today, and how I’d like tomorrow to go. These are very easy ways to get your mindset in a healthy way to recover and be ready for the next morning. But if you'd like to have more in-depth tools to help releasing some of the emotions that have been bubbling and squeaking inside of you, then here are some tools that can focus on releasing the held emotions and mental thoughts that I've just been begging to be recognized and let go.

Write Fears and worries   - What I want instead

When you recognize your fears and worries, in effect you “call” on them to let them be recognized, so they can put their hand down and subside. My mother expressed worry that she never wanted to write her fears at the possibility that they come true. My response was that “In your head, they’re already true.”. Also if you take these BIG FEARs in your head, and write them in very small print, then you can begin to see that they are really nothing more than some squiggly lines on a page. And if they’re still big, crumple up the page. And if they’re still big, then burn it (safely) in your fireplace.

 Writing fears and worries give you a chance to see them and then focus your mind and what you would like instead.

On page 1,

“I am scared that_______________ (the virus will grow, I’ll have no toilet paper, etc.)”

“I worry that _________________ (one of my family members get ill)

On page 2, write how you would like to feel instead.

“I would like to feel _____________ (confident that we’ll get control of the virus / trusting that I’m safe from my sanitation behaviors)”

“I would like to have faith that our family will be taken care of”

I was speaking with my mom on the phone who has never journaled, and after the 1^st night, she said she had the best sleep she’s had in a long time. My father chimed in to say “what on earth did you do to your mother for her to sleep so well?” I told him to write his fears, and he said, “I already have 2 beers.” “No, Dad, FEARS. Write your FEARS.” “Why do I need to do that when I can have 2 beers, and I sleep just fine?”

Emotional Piggybank – Withdrawals and Deposits

If you can see your mental/emotional state as a balance in your mind-body, with negative thoughts, people, articles and experiences having a negative value. Then look at the moments of joy, smiles, small victories and abundance, and those have a positive value. At the end of the day, do you have a negative or positive value? The goal is to use the journal to make Withdrawals and Deposits. Withdraw all of the negative thoughts, fears, and experiences from your day. And when you deposit, deposit all of the “Positive Evidence” that was a part of your day.

Withdrawals – “I’m afraid that… I’m worried that…” That interaction with my neighbor, yuck, that news conference made me angry.

Deposits – “I ended up cleaning the yard today. I cooked a good meal. My kid thanked me. I had a great walk with my family. I just love my wife, she’s really being a trooper. I’m so grateful that we have toilet paper and food.”

By doing this, you can get to a positive balance, and day by day, little by little, knowing that each night, you’re withdrawing those negative experiences so you can start the next day with a better balance.

What Ifs? And What would I Do’s? - Writing the Story to the End-

If you are a writer, then you already have a good imagination. I can probably guess that you are some of the best worriers out there. Worry is a waste of a wonderful imagination. It takes real creativity to think I’m not home yet because an oil tanker crossed the center divider and …. “Oh, you’re home…”

 The problem with worries is that you start thinking the worst case scenario, but then you stop. “Oh I shouldn’t think about that.” But you already have. It’s in there. But it’s missing a hero, and an ending.

One of the techniques I use with my clients is to write out the rest of the story.  The following was an interaction I had with my wife going through the process with me.

“I’m afraid that you will get ill with the virus. And then you'll get worse. And then I'll have to take care of you. And then you'll pass away. And then I’ll have to bury you. And then I'll have to be by myself. I'll have to figure it out where you left all the passwords and how to pay the bills.”

And I say, “Would you still have your mother and sister?

“Yes.”

“Would you call them? You would have support through this?”

“Yes I guess I would.”

And I ask, “Is that as bad as you thought it was?”

“No, not as bad.”

IFs and BUTs

This connects to your underlying conditions on being happy, or of being in acceptance of your situation. If we are in a state of resistance where we are, then it's hard to see where we can get to from there. But using If’s and But’s, you're looking at restrictions you have on your happiness. When you say “I would be much more confident that we're going to get through this, but, I just don't have faith in anyone in government.” Just by saying this and putting down your IF’s and your BUT’s down on paper, you allow your conditions to be recognized and release them. And as you release them then you get to more of a state of acceptance of where you are with a direct road toward your happiness, without all the conditions that we as humans can put.

Making Commands

The last thing I’ll talk about today is called Making Commands. When you make commands, you are telling yourself and the universe how you would like your next day to go. By saying, “I command my day to flow with ease and Grace tomorrow,” then you were telling the world that it wouldn't just be a nice option, it means this is something you really want and you want to the universe to know that. Not only that but you're telling yourself that you really want it. Try making a few commands of how you would like to feel the next day, the type of success you'd like to have, how you would like to respond to people who are angry at you or frustrated. Just by putting down on paper how you like the day to go makes it very easy for you actually to achieve that..

In all, these are just tools that can be used any given night as a part of a recovery routine. If we can be so purposeful about when we get up, what we eat, what exercise we do, then we definitely have the ability to be mindful about what words we say, what emotions were holding onto, and how we want our next day to go.   When this happens we can start focusing on our health from an inside-out approach, and not just the physical outside-in view. And then very soon we can look forward to sitting in the silence, and just hear silence.

RHYS: I hope these are as helpful to you as they are to me. Dom and his wife Meredith post a new walk and talk every morning that I share on my Facebook page. Here is his info

Dominic Quin-Harkin is an Energy Healer, Massage Therapist, Life Coach, and speaker. His focus is to bring awareness and coping skills of mental and emotional states, and the psychosomatic effects emotions have on the body. To learn more, you can see his postings and teachings at 

www.facebook.com/imhealingsf

Email : dominic@imhealingsf.com