Resilience During Hard Times

 LUCY BURDETTE: Back in 2017 I wrote a blog post about resilience. We all shared our best tips for soldiering on during hard times.

I don’t think we could have imagined just how hard things were really going to get, with the pandemic, the lockdown, people losing jobs and businesses, being cut-off from family, nasty and divisive politics, the horrible signs of how fast climate change is affecting the world, and now mourning the loss of Ruth Bader Ginsburg. Never mind the fact that some people we love dearly are quite sick. 

Lottie recommends Snuggle Puppy

So I thought maybe we need to revisit that topic again. And maybe share some ideas about how we’re coping with the world as it is. For me the puppy is a great distraction (mostly fun, and more on that later this week), and I continue to try to exercise even though my foot is killing me, plus stay in touch with people I love, work, and eat the best things I can make. (And not always healthy.) Oh, and don’t look at the news and the Internet more than absolutely necessary.

How about you Reds? Tips on how to keep functioning without getting discouraged by this crazy crazy world?

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Ha.  I am a one-step-at-a-time person. I know it’s easy for me to accelerate from zero to World War III in a flash, so I try not to panic myself into fear. I have rationed our TV news watching, try to be really present and grateful. Try to enjoy our garden, and our bumper crop of delicious tomatoes, and having lunch with my husband every day. I focus small small small, I guess, is what I have realized in writing this. Big is difficult. Small is doable. Hmm. Thank you for allowing me to realize that.

HALLIE EPHRON: One step at a time - that’s great advice. Chores haven’t changed. Laundry. Dishes. Grocery shopping. The mind can go blank and accomplish something. Count blessings: friends, daughters, grandkids. Acts of kindness every day.

JENN McKINLAY: Recently, I found a  journal that I’d bought at a stall in Portobello Market in 2013. It’s hand stitched red and black leather, aged end papers that are an old map of the city of London, a brown satin ribbon to mark my place, and a canvas Union Jack sewn onto the cover. It was love at first sight when I bought it, and even then I knew it had to be a special journal. 

I made it my gratitude journal, where I would write random things, big and small, for which I was grateful. I wrote in it for two years and then -- it vanished. During a decluttering the other day, I found it. Exactly three days short of five years since my last entry. 

To say 2020 has been my hardest year would be a vast understatement, and I figured this journal showed up right now for a reason. To remind me to be grateful. I am using it to double down on my gratitudes and am making the time to acknowledge desert sunsets, the kindness of strangers, family dinners where we discuss everything from Trailer Park Boys (Canadian show) to Beowulf, visits from hummingbirds, and cake. No matter how bad things get, there is always something to be grateful for even when it feels like there isn’t. 

DEBORAH CROMBIE: Jenn, I can picture exactly where you bought that journal! I'll bet I have one from the same stall. I think we are all concentrating on the small things. (And now that Jenn's mentioned it, cake would be nice, too.) I've been meaning to start a new gratitude journal, and now I'm inspired.

I pay attention to the garden, the hummingbirds (gone soon), I look forward to my morning walk with the dogs. And for me, reading is the great antidote, and I think often how lucky those of us who read (and write) are, for so many reasons. Not just because we have an escape, but because we have perspective, and history, and a wealth of worldviews. I can't imagine how terrifying life must be with only cable news and information silos to guide you.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Practicing gratitude was something that always sounded like wind-chimes-and-crystals woo-woo to me until I found myself, in 2017, dealing with Ross’s illness and death. I became a convert to the power of noticing the moments of beauty and grace around us, and being thankful for them. I don’t keep a journal, but I do try to maintain that habit of mindfulness.

I went back and read the post you linked to, Lucy, and I think the first thing you say is very true - people who have reached middle age are often resilient because they’ve lived through a lot already. I’m sure I’ll be fine, but I worry about my kids and their peers. Think of Youngest, who grew up in a post 9/11 world with America snarled in endless wars, the Great Recession, and has come of age in a worldwide pandemic. I don’t know how those kids are keeping it together, but they are. I think they’re going to be our next Greatest Generation.

RHYS BOWEN:  I have tried so hard to keep a gratitude journal. I find a lovely journal, do it religiously for a few days and then forget. But I am mindful of things I’m grateful for. We walk twice every day, around areas of natural beauty--ponds, marshes at the edge of the Bay, and we always see wonderful birds, the occasional coyote and very few humans. I’m grateful that the humans we do pass almost all cover their faces. 

My go-to mechanism for keeping it together is the CALM app. I often start the day with their morning meditation and choose a sleep story to fall asleep at night. These stories are so good and relaxing that I never hear the end of any of them. I also sometimes go to the night prayers my pastor does on YouTube. But I’ve had to give myself permission not to keep up my usual pace. I am using so much energy by fending off worry and depression that there is not enough for my usual level of creativity. That’s all right. I tell myself that my job, this year, is to survive. 

LUCY: You are all such smart women and I love you dearly! Very grateful to have the Red writers and readers in these awful days...So we’re taking one small step at a time, counting the things we’re grateful for, and surviving! How about you Red readers? Tips for staying resilient?