JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: As many of you know, I’ve spent quite some time
this past month clearing out my Dad’s house now he’s moved into a
senior living center. I won’t go into the mountains of trash and
van loads of donations generated by two neat people who weren’t
into “stuff” - we’ve discussed the trials and tribulations of
emptying a house someone’s lived in for a quarter century before.
No, what I want to talk about is the furniture. My dad took a one bedroom apartment’s worth with him, of course, and we had items that had long been designated as heading for one or another child (marked with a piece of masking tape underneath, natch.) But there was so much more. The guest bed, and the loveseat, and the little 1930s table my mom kept plants on. The huge bookcase/desk/étagère/storage units my folks had in their den, which were both ugly AND massively heavy. There was the Queen Anne dining set in perfect condition, so out of style now the appraiser said it wasn't worth the effort for him to haul it away. (I’m hoping someone in a Syracuse area Goodwill will see it and be overjoyed at her good luck.)
One of my brothers stepped up and took the enormous cherry breakfront, and fortunately, I have two kids now living in unfurnished rentals, so they’re happy to take the unfashionable 90’s sofa and the double bed. The plant table is now holding a TV in Youngest’s apartment, and the brass lamps will help light up the Sailor’s house.
It
made me look at my own furniture, with an eye to what my kids and
grandkids might think. I passed beyond the student digs/young married
housing stage where most of my stuff was found on the street during
Large Item Pick Up Day, or given to me by parents when they upgraded.
(I’m doing this now - Youngest got two mismatched wing chairs,
which I replaced with my mother’s sleek midcentury arm chairs -
back in fashion!) I have The Big Investment Pieces, like the dining
table that seats 14 (we have two sets of chairs for it) and the china
hutch, which I already know
is
out of fashion, but I’m not going to the trouble of replacing it. I
have the Sensible Buy items, like two Pottery barn sofas, the pine
coffee table, and the rugs.
And have quite a few items that just came to me in various ways. A loveseat from a friend moving to Colorado. (We were going to sell it, but it was just too comfortable.) Bookcases whose provenances I can’t even remember. Bits and pieces from auctions and yard sales and fundraisers. Family pieces from my grandmother, inherited from her grandparents and beyond: an original Morris chair, Victorian beds from the 1850s, a set of hand-caned cherry chairs.
I tell my kids the stories of the family items, but I realize even that might not be enough to save them once I’ve departed for another home (either nursing or heavenly.) Some things I treasure will wind up in a Goodwill store or on Craigslist, and some things I think are beautiful will cause my grandkids to roll their eyes. Wait until matching dining chairs and tables in brown wood come back! I can hear them wail, “Granny, why didn’t you save that Queen Anne set!?!”
How about you, Reds? Do you have family heirlooms or hand-me-downs? Do you have pieces the kids will fight over, and ones they’ll flip a coin to see who has to take to the dump?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: We have so many wonderful things--gorgeous art, and
beautiful heirloom china. Antique clocks. SIlverware, so very
elegant. A chair from 1811, incredible. No one will want any of it, I
fear. I think about it sometimes, but for now I am happy that it
makes us happy, and later, after our wills are read, someone will
have to deal with it, and I hope they are happy, too.
(I’ll never forget when a relative was given the task of organizing the round robin choice of another relative’s heirlooms. She had everything laid out in the living room, and all of us, in order of age, came in one at a time to choose one thing I was second, and I remember looking around the room, and saying, Oh, I was hoping for the silver candlesticks, or the silver teapot, but I don't see them.
There was a beat of silence.
Oh, the relative said. You like silver? We didn’t think any of you would, so we didn't include it.
IT WAS ALL HIDDEN IN ANOTHER ROOM.)
HALLIE EPHRON: I can count on one hand the objects I ‘inherited.’ A coffee table and a silver-plated platter. My parents downsized and downsized and… died.
The
rest of our stuff my husband and I acquired, most of it at yard sales
and auctions. Forty years of mismatched tables, chairs, lamps, art
work, aging oriental rugs… Like Julia’s Queen Anne dining set,
ours is oak Victorian. Very out of fashion. Too bad I didn’t
see the beauty of Mid-Century Modern before it got popular.
Sometimes I sit in my living room and look around and play What Would I Take With Me. I imagine the two-bedroom apartment I’ll one day move into. No leaves to rake. No roof to leak. No heating system to repair. Hopefully no Covid. I think I can walk away from most everything in my house except for some of the art and some dishes I’m particularly fond of. Our brass double bed. Some cobalt Depression glass.
Our kids are already up to their gills in possessions so I hope it doesn’t fall to them to deal with all of it. Julia, I am I awe.
JULIA: And this was after helping two friends clear out their houses before their cross-country moves!
LUCY BURDETTE: Oh my sister and I were discussing a family heirloom today.
(LOL) We shared a room for most of our early to teenage lives and
slept in matching maple twin beds. One of them is in our son’s room
(now mostly for guests) and she found hers in their storage shed.
We’d love for someone to appreciate them but I fear it’s mostly
sentimental attachment. The kids have pretty much told us what
they’re interested in--a rattan porch set, the silver that belonged
to my parents, maybe the china. And we do have nice art, mostly
watercolors and local artists. I better get busy with my masking tape
labels.
RHYS BOWEN: Our kids mantra is ‘don’t you dare die and leave us with all this stuff’ .
We have a house full of antiques from John’s family. Some are really lovely. The Queen Anne desk (real 1700s) is valuable. Also Georgian card table. We have Chinese plates, some good art and Victorian music box. Pieces of Victorian silver. My collection of National dolls in costume etc etc. lots of stuff! I’m not sure what the kids will want. Some things can be donated to a museum. And some should sell well at auction. I gather Chinese antiques are desirable.
I should be decluttering now, I know!
DEBORAH CROMBIE: We have a couple of things that my daughter has always
coveted. One is the chaise longue that belonged to my mom, and is
now, reupholstered for the umpteenth time, in my office. The other is
a painted Chinese secretary that belonged to a great aunt. But her
taste is now so modern and minimalist that I don't know what she'd do
with them.
Our dining room furniture is gorgeous, Stickley-esque Drexel, and we also have a huge custom-built Welsh dresser. And so much china! And my mom's sterling, which I know my daughter will want. Most everything else is a comfortable hodge-podge with a few antiques thrown in. I doubt she'll want my enormous collection of London Transport posters, although she might find a favorite few. I shudder to think about downsizing…
JENN MCKINLAY: My parents were big on stuff. Mom, the librarian, loved books and dad was an artist, so it was a cluttered existence. They were so big on stuff that I am anti-stuff. My house is small, my stuff is minimal and I love it this way. I do have one grandmother’s silver, the other grandmother’s Windsor chair, a lot of art, many books, and my precious wedding china, but otherwise I don’t own much of anything except for plants and pets and utilitarian furniture. My children love this about me — as they should.
JULIA: Jenn, I promise, they will bless you. My sister and I were so grateful our mom had started "Swedish Death Cleaning" before she unexpectedly passed away, and that dad had been cleaning out and giving away so much of her stuff. On the other hand, if I go toes up early, I've told the kids to take what they want and then torch the place. Making an insurance claim will be easier than cleaning out this old house.
How about you, dear readers? What do you have that might be treasures or trials?
Mostly we have stuff we’ve accumulated ourselves, no valuable antiques but things perhaps sentimentally-loved. The girls will divide the Precious Moments [a herculean task since there are a gazillion or so], one gets the chiming clock, the other the passed-down-through-several-generations hand-carved Lord’s Prayer that hangs on the living room wall. There’s a chair that belonged to my grandmother . . . . otherwise, it mostly comfortable/utilitarian rather than crave-worthy, so who knows????
ReplyDeleteI figure utilitarian isn't bad, Joan. Either it's stuff the kids setting up their first apartments need, or stuff people are happy to find at Goodwill or some other thrift shop.
DeleteI'm not sure we have anything of real value except my camera equipment and my husband's best guitar, neither of which our daughter has any use for and neither of which would bring any money at resale. She's already received my Mom's pearls and her diamond stud earrings, and aside from some art work, that's all there is in the way of inherited, sentimental stuff. I think the only really sentimental things I own are my karate black belt, some of my own artwork, and my wedding rings. My husband and I live in a small house and try to declutter regularly, and I hope to goodness that she will have as little mess to deal with as possible when we are gone!
ReplyDeleteI have my black belt too, Kerry! Will never give that away.
DeleteIf you keep decluttering, Kerry, chances are she won't have too much to deal with. In some ways, it took us twice as long as it should, because of course our dad is still alive and thankfully well, so we double checked on EVERYTHING before we got rid of it.
DeleteNo, I did not inherit any family furniture when my dad moved into a retirement home 4 years ago. He had phoned to let me know he had sold my childhood home and had thrown out almost everything.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I would have wanted any of it anyways. The huge solid pieces were dated and from the 1970s: lots of teak furniture (dining table, buffet) and fake crystal chandeliers!
As an only child and living alone, I have no one who would inherit MY stuff when I am gone. I doubt anyone would want 35-year IKEA furniture (solidly made back then) and over 20 bookcases!
Grace, ouch. Are similar experience was discovering dad, who has never been a Christmas celebration guy, got rid of almost all the decorations, including the beautiful glass pieces mom had collected when we lived in Germany. He didn't mean to deprive any of us, he just thought if he wasn't interested, no one would be interested. Sigh.
DeleteJulia, yes it was missing the chance to get smaller sentimental things like unique Christmas ornaments that hurt more than not getting any furniture that would never fit into my apartment.
DeleteThis whole topic makes me shudder. I have my parents' sleek coffee table (mid-century modern? Maybe) in a light wood. My mother's simple beautiful china (wheat spray with a gold rim) and my grandmother's silver. Lots of books. My international doll collection. A few nice pieces of art. Like Kerry, my karate black belt, and my Boston Marathon finisher's medal. ;^) Eventually, my Agatha teapot.
ReplyDeleteThe boys might want some of that, or at least my settled older son. I hope I don't kick over before my younger son (almost 32) gets settled, but at the rate he's going, he might be single in the eco-commune the rest of his life (please, no...).
But what I dread is having to go through (or my sons' having to) are all the pictures and papers.
Edith, I found the most difficult and tedious stuff was not anything you've mentioned, other than how long it took to wrap up breakables so they didn't, well, break on the way to their final destination. Stuff that takes forever are the drawers. Every drawer in the kitchen, the den, the desk, the bathroom. Take a look and see how much tiny little stuff you have stuffed in your drawers! Is it useful? Is it valuable? Is it junk? All questions that have to be answered and that take a hell of a long time.
DeleteThat too!
DeleteI'm 99 and 44/100% sure that any of the furniture that is here at the house would head off to the dump if I'm not around. They are all technically hand-me-downs because I'm here at home and when mom died, it all became "mine". But her chair should really go and the sofa (which is where I spend a lot of time now that I'm home more often than not) should be replaced as well. There's a recliner chair that is "fine" but likely would be replaced if I was one of those who hired an interior decorator.
ReplyDeleteSince I have no kids (and never will), it would fall on my sister to do away with stuff and she wouldn't want much from the house much less the furniture. Everything would be best described as utilitarian rather than anything approaching "treasure" status.
So while it serves its purpose for me, a purge once I'm gone wouldn't be a surprise.
Jay, I suspect that's true for most of us. I do wonder about the next generation - we've all got hand-me-downs from our parents, who bought furniture when it was made to last more than one lifetime. (Thus the ugly, but also incredibly heavy and well-built pieces at my Dad's house.) But a lot of the younger folks I know, if they buy new furniture, are buying the equivalent of "fast fashion" at places like Wayfair and Overstock and Target. This is not stuff that's going to last ten years. I picture them having to buy all new furniture again as they move into the senior living center.
DeleteOh Julia, I had to laugh at your final comment. I lost an aunt and uncle to the plane crash at Orly in 1962. 100 plus Atlantans were coming home from a European art trip and the plane crashed on take-off. Anyway later that summer I was helping my mother and one of my aunts clean out the (unairconditioned) attic of their house. We were toiling away, sweating profusely when my aunt turned to my mother and said, "Lois, when Harold and I die, burn the house." At the time I thought it was funny, but now I understand.
ReplyDeleteAtlanta, my mother was a Lois, too! How I love that name (she wasn't as fond of it, however.)
DeleteI have friends who had to rent DUMPSTERS - plural! - to clear out their parents' house. I remind myself of that when I think I had a tough job.
I think most of the items I have will go to charity. The furniture we have was chosen more for comfort than "looks" and none of it is particularly valuable. The kids might take some - or maybe not.
ReplyDeleteI do have a hutch with my grandmother's teacup collection. And if I can find a doll hospital, I have about 10 original Madame Alexander dolls that need to be repaired. I think my daughter would take those.
But the big "antique" is the piano. It's an upright, cherry wood, brass board inside, real ebony black keys, real ivory-sheathed white keys. My grandfather bought it for my mother with some money he received in an injury payout when he worked at Bethlehem Steel. She played and so I do I. I worried about it, but The Girl has already claimed it for her future home, despite the fact she doesn't play at all.
If she has it in her home, Liz, someone will play it, if only at parties. I've noticed a good quality piano in tune attracts players from all sorts of unlikely spots.
DeleteOh I forgot our piano, which daughter also wants. It's an upright, a Wurlitzer, probably from the 40s or 50s, and my parents bought it used for my grandmother in the early 60s. In the meantime, daughter has bought a used upright for their new house.
DeleteShalom Reds and Friends, I share a small two bedroom apartment with a roommate. My roommate is neat and I am a messy hoarder. In the living room, there is no television but I have two acoustic pianos, which now are only used as a place to throw my stuff. No one is buying old pianos, particularly spinets and three-quarter uprights. Now that I have a little more money coming in, I intend to have a piano tuner come in and try at least to bring the Yamaha up to some kind of relative pitch. That’s the piano which I’d hope to keep. The other one will probably be junked. There is a local Habitat for Humanity thrift warehouse which I suppose might be interested if I would pay to have it moved. That could cost me $225 to $275 from the reputable piano movers in the neighborhood. In my bedroom, sits an electric piano, a full eighty-eight key keyboard. If I make a will, this year, I will give this to my friend Dave D. Dave collects vintage guitars. He and his son, are about as serious musicians as amateurs can be. If they didn’t want it, they would certainly know someone who would.
DeleteMy kids are going to hate me, unless...
ReplyDeleteMy plan right now is after the pandemic, to ask them what they would like, to make a codicil to the will to leave them those items then slowly give away everything else. There is no other way. My house has generations of stuff, some of it really good (depending on trends) and it's sad that these things will go, but go they must.
Judy, that's basically what my folks did, and we were SO grateful. Trust me, as long as you identify which items go to whom (I highly recommend the masking tape method) they probably won't notice what you've already gotten rid of. Please do ask before giving away the hand-blown glass ornaments from Germany to the church white sale, however. NOT THAT I'M BITTER.
DeleteWell that was a job very well done Julia, Big Cheers to you and Barb. As for me, I moved to the USA with 3 suitcases in 1969 and a dress bag carrying my brand new fur coat. I had heard Manhattan was cold in the winter. As a newly married, living in London in furnished digs until my visa arrived I had very few worldly goods to transport. That fact combined with my knowing in advance that Victor's assignment with IBM only had another year to run before we would be back home. But in addition to wedding gifts carefully selected so that excluded any china or glass but silver was welcome. Yes I carried silver goblets with me. They made wine taste nasty but were great for visual bragging at picnics before up market concerts. After 29 years in the NYC 'burbs, we moved to Maine. I cleared out relentlessly to the extent that new living room chairs sofa, beds etc. were needed and purchased locally. Now after 20 years in Maine I am eying what we have accumulated. Nothing with much sentimental value to our daughter. So from my family antique plates, the Waterford christening bowl, silver (a small amount), 2 tea services from Victor's mum and so on, mainly in the bric a brac vein, our daughter shouldn't have much difficulty in clearing out to the furniture repurpose place that she volunteers at, or the dump. My glassware is restaurant quality, and all my nice English china came from TJ Maxx. But there are things lurking in the unlighted corners. Victors clock tools need a good home, he doesn't do repair any more but I may have found a source for them, YEA! His indescribably old bike, shipped from the UK in 1967, plus tools from his father and his own accumulation. But what to do with at least a hundred of 'those' decorative plates fro Bradford which were so popular in the '70's and '80's? Still in their pristine boxes. Anyone interested? Not to mention a very expensive SLR camera, totally useless to us in this day of smart phones and digital. I am working on papers right now. Redoing the filing system to work at the end, as I used to do for clients. "All shall be well"!
ReplyDeleteCelia, two of the most difficult spots to clean out were the smallest - my dad had two workrooms, much like Victor. SO. MUCH. TINY. STUFF. First, we let the boys go through and pick out any tools that wanted. (Not many, because again, we're all in our fifties, and those that use tools have them.) Then we had the appraiser through. He took some things, but not much. THEN we had the junk and metal man through, and everything with any metal on it, including two ancient tall filing cabinets, went into his truck.
DeleteTHEN we loaded everything else into what felt like a dozen garbage bags and left them curbside.
Those two spaces, combined footage smaller than a bedroom, took more time than any other places in the house.
We supplied the youngest with hand-me-downs: a walnut drop leaf table my aunt acquired in the early fifties, an antique lady's trunk we used as a coffee table, my grandmother's threadbare Bokhara rug, my MIL's pots and pans and tall, sculptured metal lamp. Two Hitchcock side chairs. Though I was fond of the trunk, it was time to pass it on.
ReplyDeleteHallie, I play the "what will I take" game from time to time. It's good practice.
Margaret, when you mentioned the walnut drop-leaf table, I remembered my Dad, age 84, brought one with him to his new apartment, because they're so practical for small spaces. Where did it come from? His mother's house. And I have no doubt when the time comes to clean out his apartment - God willing, many years from now - someone in the family will claim it. It's those sturdy workhorses that really last from generation to generation.
DeleteAfter 2 house fires years ago I don't think I have any treasures left. What I do have I am pretty sure no one would want. Every once in a while I ask one of my family members what would they like to have, they can have it now. No takers. I'm slowly getting rid of smallish stuff now. Too bad I don't live in a place where I can conveniently have a yard sale, so it all goes to charity shops.
ReplyDeleteOh, Judi, I forgot you actually have experienced house fires. Horrible. I suppose it does give you a better perspective on the relative value of "stuff."
DeleteIf you're pulling together things to go, you might consider doing what we did - getting a second had/thrift/antiques dealer to stop by. It was eye-opening: the very expensive cherry breakfront was as commercially worthless as the dining room set, but Dad got money for some funky old records, odd decorative items, etc. Not necessarily stuff we thought had value, but what's moving in the market.
Thanks, Julia. I'll keep that in mind. I'm also thinking I might save some of the stuff for the animal shelter auction in the spring. For some reason I have acquired some Vermont Teddy Bears. They must have been given to me as gifts when the person had no other idea what to give. Cute, I suppose, but now they are taking up space and none of my family members want them.
DeleteI am embarrassed to say that we've acquired hand me downs from our daughter. A comfy chair for TV watching in our bedroom. Hand me UP??
ReplyDeleteWe’ve also had pass alongs from our daughter! A futon for our family room and an arm chair, both now discarded! But she has good taste
DeleteI have a couple sofa pillows the Maine Millennial brought with her when she moved back in. They may well stay after she moves out...
DeleteTorching the place would end in a prison sentence, not an insurance payout! But I understand the impulse.
ReplyDeleteFurniture style recycles all the time, and the antique and "brown" furniture will come back. In fact, that's how I acquired most of my own furniture--antiques were cheap as dirt in the 80's. When I was newly married the first time in 1970 we had all black/white/chrome/smoked glass contemporary. The dining table is now worth a small fortune, and I should probably sell it because it doesn't work great in the new house.
I've mixed contemporary pieces like our sofa with antique chests and side tables, and it works for me better than matchy-matchy three-piece sets would. Recently I repurposed a china cabinet that we inherited. I had glass shelves made so we could display Steve's dad's wonderful collection of Inuit and Eskimo carvings that I found hidden in the attic of the old office. Eventually I'll get some LED lights installed, too, so the contents are more easily viewed, but that is not a high priority right now.
My middle daughter asked us to save a few things for her to "discover". I like that idea, frankly, better than just pitching everything out. Julia, you must have found a few gems in your parents' belongings, right?
Also, my mom owned everything in that Cosco ad in the 60's!
She could get a fortune for it now, Karen, since, as you pointed out, furniture fashion is cyclical. When think of the Danish modern teak pieces my mother couldn't get rid of fast enough... of course, I thought they were ugly, too, since by the time she was able to afford redecorating in the 70s, they were hopelessly outdated. I'm sure someone made a pretty penny selling them as valuable authentic midcentury modern sometime in the last decade.
DeleteSpeaking of chrome, I have two of those S-shaped bent chairs with caning, straight from the 1970s (I think Ross and I picked them up at a thrift shop as young marrieds.) Mine were stuffed in the back of the barn decades ago, but now it may be time to dig them out and hose off the dust and dirt - they appear to be coming back in style!
Yes, they are, Julia! So funny, we finally off-loaded most of my parents' mid-century Modern when we moved into this house 25 years ago. That sofa that I couldn't wait to get rid of would be ultra cool now!
DeleteA chrome and black pleather version of the iconic bentwood rocker was part of my furniture purchase in 1971 or '72, so my oldest daughter grew up with it. I gave it to her ten years or so ago, and we've since found that it's worth a mint, too. It's still in great shape, luckily.
DeleteBesides a prison sentence, there might be a story in that idea! Was the fire deliberate? Or not? Was there a body in there? Or not? And what 'gem' is now missing and presumed consumed by the fire?
ReplyDeleteI have very little in the way of inheritable things--and the 'boys' don't seem to grasp the idea of antiques--but there's a small side table, trunk, rocker, and desk that I love, all purchased for a song years ago. Inherited plates from my maternal grandmother, a pottery pitcher from her mother and a lovely carnival glass dish from my paternal great-grandmother--none of which mean anything to the guys. But I've made progress with the papers--clearing out the detritus of a professional career--all that's left now are copies of published articles and my books--can't seem to part with those. Fiction has been weeded fairly ruthlessly--only absolute favorites remain.
Flora, my parents did much better than I have - when they started reading on their iPads, they donated the vast majority of their books to the church's annual white sale. Then, after Mom died, Dad got rid of books of hers he had no interest in. Which meant my sister and I had blessedly few book boxes to deal with.
DeleteI suppose the thousands in my house will be good fuel for the fire...
Like you, Julia, it all comes down to my books. Everything else feels like just “stuff”, but the books are needed treasure. (My excuse, reading on an iPad hurts my eyes.)
DeleteSince I have no children, the bulk of my estate will go to my niece and nephew--my sister's kids. But they're both adults and who knows what they'll want? Right now I have an armchair and couch that my dogs have tried to eat. I loved them when they were new and they're still solid of frame and structure. I'd like to have them reupholstered but . . . Who knows? Good, American-made furniture shows up in the dump all the time.
ReplyDeleteThe dishes are either a real treasure or hardly worth bothering with: they are all marvelously mismatched original pieces of pottery. If you get that esthetic, they're amazing. If you prefer fine bone china, they're bound for a big estate sale. In situations like that, I prefer to think that we are setting our things free, to go back out into the world and reach new people who will love them as we do.
The things worth saving around here are probably the original artwork, maybe my handmade quilts (maybe), and this one oddball Victorian-era candlestick. The candlestick is a family heirloom that, according to the lore that comes with it, was a gift to my great-great grandfather from his neighbor and friend when g-g-grandad decided to move his family to America. The neighbor? Charles Dickens.
Very cool, Gigi!
DeleteAt this point, your dishes are a real treasure. Bone china is utterly passe - our appraisal guy said you can find complete sets of antique china at second hand shops for under a hundred bucks. However, funky, original, mismatched pieces are very on trend these days!
And Gigi's quilts are treasures!!!! Real works of art!
DeleteAnd that made me realize I forgot about my quilts--not handmade by me, like Gigi's, but antique hunting finds, and a couple from my friend Franny who's mother collected gorgeous vintage quilts. My daughter has inherited the quilt gene, so I don't think those will be going to Goodwill.
My mother began asking us years ago about what we might like. I staked claim to a pretty antique china cream pitcher, the two green-glass shot glasses, and Mum's sterling silver cake tester. I love having them and using them. I also have some pieces of family silver, but they are in a box. Plus some brass candlesticks. What I will end up doing with them I don't know. My nephews may well find them in their mailbox one day!
ReplyDeleteStuff is such a hassle, isn't it? When my dad died and my mother moved into a seniors residence, family friends helped out enormously by stating what pieces of furniture they would like to have. Consequently, sofas were moved along, as was the teak dining table and chairs plus sideboard -- the young friend who wanted them said he had so enjoyed so many meals with our family around that table that he would love to have it for his own family. I highly recommend extending the ask beyond immediate family -- who knows whose cousin or niece might benefit from that ancient hutch for her entryway?
That's an excellent point, Amanda. We asked several of Mom and Dad's friends at their "adult only" community if they'd like anything, and we were able to pass along a heavy rolltop desk and some odds and ends that way.
DeleteHonestly, if it wasn't such a restrictive community, we would have parked furniture at the edge of the lawn with a big FREE sign. As it was, though, my sister had to contact the community board president to get permission to leave the garbage bags out the day before trash day!
Oh my, such rules! You should have seen the driveway on the day the local charity shop was due to come by to pick up the collection of odds and ends. And then it started snow-raining. Mum had to play 'the grieving widow' card to guarantee pickup!
DeleteWe did that when Steve's dad died, Amanda. One niece took a big moving van of antiques, but family friends wanted the antique twin beds, and the big wide chairs that flanked the fireplace, and a bunch of other stuff. It was enlightening to see what people chose.
DeleteSorry I am late to the party again.
ReplyDeleteNo inherited furniture here since my grandmother replaced everything every two years or so. The only thing I inherited from my grandmother was the black dress and the tan cape because she was too sick to do her regular decluttering.
However I still have the beautiful chest of drawers from Ethan Allen that my parents got for my baby nursery when I was born. Unfortunately the movers from Starving Students ruined the furniture when we moved. I still have it with a chip broken off from the furniture.
My father loved to build furniture and he was quite an artist. I still have the coffee table that he built when I was a baby.
Jungle Reds, I love your stories about inheriting furniture.
Rhys, if your children do Not want the furniture, perhaps your grandchildren would like some of the furniture. I thought it was cool that John's family kept a Queen Anne desk from the 1700s.
Diana
You're never late, Diana, you always arrive at exactly the right time. (I can't recall who said that originally.)
DeleteI think for a lot of the furniture we've been talking about, the grandchildren (or grand nieces and nephews) are the logical inheritors. By the time you're cleaning out a parent's home, chance are pretty good you have a complete collection of everything you need. But the grandkids may still be in the stage where they're setting up apartments or first homes, or are eager to get rid of the first level of hand-me-downs that mark student living (the cat-clawed couch, the chair that requires a book under one leg) and level up with some nice stuff from Grandma.
We've dealt with my parents' stuff and Frank's parents' stuff. As to ours. . . I doubt my son will want any of it. He's roosting with us while in school, though not in school right now. I have one last move in me, to a place of my choice. I can't really look at houses while this Covid thing is going on. I have played the "what will I take" game but until I know the size of the future house I can't really make plans. I will definitely take the antique round oak table. I remember it from my grandparents' homes. I was either a wedding gift to Grandma or it belonged to her mother. Mom couldn't remember which, but she grew up with that table! I would also take a huge cedar chest that was long enough for my cousin and I to sit cross-legged at either end and play double solitaire on it when we were kids. Grandpa had a neighbor build it for them in the late 50s or early 60s. Like everyone else we have stuff we bought, stuff downsized to us, things we picked out from family. My evil plan would be to take only what I want and have an estate sale person sell the rest for us. I have this funny feeling that my unwanted items would be wanted by my husband.
ReplyDeleteNot to minimize what you went through cleaning out that house, Julia, but at some level this whole thread has made me chuckle. I come from VERY humble beginnings. As in, I spent my early childhood living in furnished apartments, and I remember when my mom and dad moved up in the world to renting an unfurnished apartment. We went to a cheap furniture store and bought a bunch of veneer-over-pasteboard stuff to tide us over until they had a chance to buy better, and Mom was still using most of it when she died 40+ years later. So I have no heirlooms to worry about.
ReplyDeleteWe do have one nice dropleaf table that my husband got from his grandmother's estate. It needs refinishing, but is still a nice piece. Other than that, there's just stuff that reflects our taste at various times over the years of our marriage -- nothing of high intrinsic value. But I will say, unlike most young people, our adult son is sucker for tradition and nostalgia, so I'm hoping desperately that he finds a good life partner before our demise who can convince him NOT to hang onto every worthless piece of it!
I wish I had known you were in the area! I know someone who may have taken some of your treasures😊. I do remember having some laughs as we downsized my parents. Did you move Dad closer to you?
ReplyDeleteSaxlady, he's in a "continuing care" place in the same town. It would be good to have him closer, but it's better for him to be near his friends and neighbors of the past 25 years.
DeleteI helped clean out my mother-in-law's house (they'd lived in it for fifty years) last year. As a librarian, I dealt with all the books (they had a lot) and I took her sewing patterns (600+) and am now selling them on Etsy. But there was so much stuff, as my father-in-law liked to try things. Model trains, old LPs, stained glass, a whole wood and metal working shop with equipment that was expensive but pre-computerization so no longer of much interest, computer parts, etc.
ReplyDeleteAfter that I've taken a good look at our stuff, since we don't have kids, and am gradually going through things and deciding if there is someone who might be interested. One of my niece got some things as part of her Christmas presents this year, and nearly every book I read leaves for a new home after I've reviewed it. But it'll take me a few years to go through the unread books, and to deal with the rest of the stuff of accumulated life. Especially since my mom has started getting rid of stuff, with some of it coming to me.
Jenn and I could take a house by the sea together with no worries. I am the queen of toss it out. Regrets, I've had more than a few! When my father moved from Florida to Maine (I come from a backwards family we run from the sun) he split everything between my brother and I. Since I was on sight at the time helping my dad move, I got to say - sent it to KT - a lot. My brother who has a very traditional house in Virginia with lots of antiques was thrilled.
ReplyDeleteComing in late, but I love this topic. Our house is full of antiques and family heirlooms, and our daughter and son will probably only want a few pieces, but I love the meaning attached to the pieces. My mother's drop-leaf table I have in the foyer is the only piece of furniture saved when my mother and her mother had a house fire. I have my mother's beautiful walnut corner china cabinet, too. Add in a burled walnut high chest in my dining room and a couple of tables. The lady who was like my grandmother is represented by an antique secretary desk, a marble top table, and a marble top washstand. Just added from my husband's parents are a large blanket chest that his great grandfather made, an oak washstand, and some tables and a bed made by a furniture maker in town (well, he's dead now) who made beautiful solid walnut pieces. Oh, and there's the spinning wheel, like one I saw in the Smithsonian, that comes from my mother, and there's that blanket chest that uses wooden pegs. I've probably forgotten something, but, as you can see, my children will have way too much old stuff to suit them.
ReplyDeletethe card table and folding chairs!! I still have 2 of those chairs. We moved Mom & Dad 3 times, and now both of them have passed away I have spent the past 2 months cleaning out their home to get ready to sell. It is hard, but I'm glad Mom gave everyone a treasure over 20 years ago, Dad's guns were split up by the kids who wanted them, and a couple of vehicles were inherited as well. We've donated so much stuff to thrift stores, and really haven't wasted very many things. It's wonderful that people now value going to the thrift stores and finding old treasures that were built well 50+ years ago.
ReplyDeleteWe experienced the forest fires here this Summer. We had to pack up to be ready to go. It really makes you realize what is important & what is just stuff. We ended up being lucky & the winds didn’t change.
ReplyDeleteJust moved Mom from her home of nearly 50 years into a condo near us. Oh my......words fail me....in the words of the great Maggie Smith - LOL !
ReplyDeleteIn addition to all the furniture, oriental rugs, antiques and collectables......we had to find new homes for all of Dad's taxidermy !! Elk head, 12 foot sail fish, wild board heads etc......
I fear we'll be unpacking for years to come !
It feels like taxidermy is back, in a kind of ironic way, with millennials, K!
DeleteThe hardest cleanouts for me are when the person is the last of their family line. Last year, I had to clean out and sell a townhouse after my brother-in-law and sister passed away. My brother-in-law was an only child of only children. No brothers or sisters. No aunts or uncles. His mother kept every scrap of paper. Grocery bills from 1935. All of the newspaper clippings from every football game he every played in from elementary school through college. Family photos of people no one knows. His knit baby cap,sweater, and teething beads. He was 75 when he died and his children wanted absolutely nothing. How do you just throw every memory of a person away?
ReplyDeletemkcorban, that's honestly heartbreaking.
Delete