THINGS WE ONLY THOUGHT WE'D MISS

DEBORAH CROMBIE: On November the 12th our household entered what will be our NINTH month of lockdown, with no end in sight anytime soon. While there have been periods that were not as strict as others, life has never gotten back to "normal." Whatever "normal" is. The time has seemed endless, but also like it has gone in a flash. How could it be almost Thanksgiving, when just yesterday it was March?

It has been a tough year, no question. But maybe some of our deprivations have not been quite as hard as we might have imagined in the beginning.

I cannot remember, for instance, when I had ever gone more than six or seven weeks without a haircut. It was unthinkable. But my last proper haircut was Valentine's Day! I have since discovered that with a good pair of scissors, I can cut it myself. (It might look a bit like Beth's in The Queen's Gambit before she got stylish, but, hey, it hasn't made anyone fall over from shock.) 

 

The Queen's Gambit, Netflix 2020

I've also discovered that doing without professional hair color is not the end of the world. I don't mind the gray at my temples nearly as much as I thought I would. I might even, kinda, sorta, like it, although I do miss my blond highlights. The monthly manicure and pedicure, once essentials, have gone the way of the dodo. And structured under-garments. Shopping? Nah, I don't miss it at all. I had a big online splurge a couple of weeks ago at Old Navy--new winter sweatpants, hoodies, and t-shirts--picked up curbside. That's me done. Movies? I can wait. Dining-in--or even out--at restaurants? I don't miss it nearly as much as I thought I would. 

Of course there are loads of things (people, especially!) I really do miss. But I also think that we humans are more adaptable than we give ourselves credit for, and that given a chance, we can find a few silver linings. 

So, dear REDS, what have you found it EASIEST to do without? And do you think these things will once again feel essential? Or will we view our lives a little differently in the future?

RHYS BOWEN: like Debs I’ve learned to trim my own hair quite successfully. I haven't had a massage or pedicure since March. I really miss a regular massage as shoulders get stiff from sitting at a computer. I really miss friends and family although we have seen some of them outside at distance. I miss hugs!

 

I also miss freedom— to pop to Macy’s to browse, to stop at Starbucks and most to travel the way I usually do. 

 

I’ve been delighted with Zoom chats. My whole family now chats every Sunday— something we didn’t do before. 

 

We’ve become used to ordering everything online. Out of shampoo? Coffee? It arrives the next day. I have a suspicion that might stay. It’s so convenient. 

LUCY BURDETTE: The gray hair made me crazy when we first went into lockdown. By now, it’s very gray/silver but maybe more interesting than I was fearing! I can’t imagine I’ll go back to coloring, though I do miss that old self. I think probably it’s the old life I miss, when I could go wherever I wanted whenever. 

Meetings online I’m mixed about. I’m the president of the Key West Friends of the Library so I run our board meetings. It sure is convenient--especially for the board members who are out of town, but not the same as all of us being around the table in our library conference room.

The mayor and city commission of Key West have declared a mask ordinance, meaning you put one on every time you step out of your house. Which is really so smart, considering the way the virus is spreading. I have found there are times when I have a whole conversation and forget that both of us are wearing masks. (Ok, I’m reaching here Debs LOL)

HALLIE EPHRON: I confess, I hate the mask. Invariably the minute I put one on my nose starts to itch. Then run. I suppose that’s when the mask is doing its job, keeping my germiness contained. So yes, I miss my naked face.

I am surprisingly ok without eating out, though I miss going to stores. I used to reward myself with a quick trip to the TJ Maxx that’s a mile from our house. Not to buy anything, but just for the fun or roaming around and you never know what you’re going to find that you can’t understand how you’ve been able to live without. And I miss going to the supermarket when I run out of something. Now I put it on my twice-a-month delivery list and figure out how to live without.  

The biggest miss is seeing my grandkids. In the best of times, they are little disease vectors. Cute as buttons, delicious and hilarious, but disease vectors nevertheless.

 

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: well, I have been looking for the bright side, I have to say.  I have now made 255 dinners in a row. That’s just insane. As everything else is.

You are so right about what we miss and don’t miss. I do not miss going to Channel 7 every Tuesday and Thursday, in horrific commuter traffic, rushing through the morning, with endless endless stress.  There’s a different kind of stress of being physically late for something, and we don’t really have that anymore, do we?

I have to say the guy who cuts my hair comes to our backyard, but only once a month. I cannot begin to tell you how often I went back in the before times. I have really lowered the bar on all kinds of things like that. And so, whatever.

I figured out how to do my own manicure, and I wonder why I was so frantic about that in the past. Pedicures, once essentials, gone. Whatever.

My closet is so bizarre, all those lonely clothes, but that’s okay, I am now the queen of uniqlo.  Remember all my wonderful shoes? Yeah, well, the other day I was so thrilled when I got new slippers!  

And my joy, honestly, is that I get to have lunch every day with my husband. We used to have dinner all the time, and that’s fine, but now, breakfast and lunch, with real talking, it’s truly truly great.  It’s like being, I don’t know, happily retired. With him working all the time, and me still working all the time, but… So much more relaxed.

So I count my blessings that we can do that, I really do. I know outside our doors, it is insane, constantly insane, and terrifying and horrible and miserable and wretched.

And that’s why I try to take happiness when I can. In answer to your question will we live our lives differently in the future? I will love that it is not terrifying to go to the dentist and the doctor. I will love not being afraid to go outside. The other things – – it’ll be very interesting to see.  

 

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Already went gray, so that's not a problem. I've never been the type to get my hair cut every six weeks, so I'm not missing the trips to the salon. As Hank said, I really don't miss the commute - for me, forty minutes each way - to teach my community college class. After my first frantic flailing around, I didn't miss book tour this past April - in many ways, I feel I've connected with far more readers over Zoom than  ever would in person!

Also, can I be perfectly honest? I will miss sitting down with family and friends this Thanksgiving. But I'm not going to miss cooking for 20+, scrubbing the house to guest standards, or driving 13 hours to the DC area. It's going to be a simple meal for four this year, which means I'll have time to enjoy the Macy's Parade (yep, it's on, without live spectators) and the National Dog Show (also without live spectators, but with plenty of pooches!) Will I want to spend it like this every year? No. But a low-key Thanksgiving will be a nice break from the usual frantic busyness.

 

DEBS: Hallie, I do miss being able to run in Homegoods, sometimes just to see what they have. Or get a good price on a new dog bed...

 

Hank, I'm astounded at your 255 dinners. And, Hallie, I'm equally astounded at your only every two weeks grocery delivery. You must be the mistress of meal planning, and should share your secrets with us mere mortals. I struggle to plan for a week.

And I do think about the fact that we are not getting the normal batch of colds, and, cross fingers, no flu! 

READERS, are there things (even a few!) that you don't miss as much as you would have expected?