ROTTEN REVIEWS!

 RHYS BOWEN:  A writer friend had a minor rant the other day about a terrible review she had received. The reviewer said she had enjoyed the author’s series until now but this book was awful. Garbage. Not worth reading. That the writer had lost all her spark. So had the characters.

My friend found this devastating. Then the next day it happened to me. Not a review per se, but a letter telling me how disappointed the reader had become with the Royal Spyness series. She had hated the book in Africa and then hated the most recent book, set in Cornwall. No longer fun. The Africa book upsetting with an orgy in it.

I suppose this would have upset me more if I hadn’t had so many reviews saying this year’s book, THE LAST MRS SUMMERS,  was their favorite book in the series so far. Which just goes to show you can’t please all the people all of the time.  It is a fact of life that not every book is everybody’s cup of tea. I could tell you of many books that were highly regarded that I couldn’t even finish. But I suppose the difference is that I wouldn’t have dreamed of writing to the author and telling him or her how badly he had done this time.  As my children used to say to each other, “Who died and made you God?”

I also think that Covid is partly to blame. The underlying depression and worry must influence how we feel about books that are supposed to be light hearted. Perhaps the jokes go over our heads. Perhaps they feel repugnant when we want to be miserable.  Our own mood definitely influences how we see a book or movie or play.

But even if I tell myself this, a bad review always hurts. It’s like someone staring into the pram and saying “Golly, isn’t your baby ugly.”  I can tell myself that this is just one person’s opinion. That it can’t really damage me and I can read all the glowing reviews. But it still hurts.  And it makes me wonder why readers do it. What gives them the right to write to the author telling her she’s done a terrible job? Is it because the internet gives them power and anonymity so they can say things they could never say in person?  Do they really think that I’ll read the letter or review and say “I really messed up this time. I must write a better book.”

However I’m delighted to find that bad reviews are nothing new. In fact reviewers through the ages have been scathing in their criticism.

Susan Cohen on the Girl with the Dragon Tatoo: This is easily one of the worst books I’ve ever read and remember I’ve read….”

Lucius Beebe on Benito Mussolini’s the Cardinal’’s Mistress: “This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

Mark Twain on Henry James: “Once you’ve put one of his books down, you simply can’t pick it up again.”

Oscar Wilde on George Meredith: “As a writer he has mastered everything except language, as a novelist he can do everything except tell a story, as an artist he is everything except articulate.”

The Boston Globe’s review of Herman Melville (It wasn’t you, was it, Hallie?)  “The amount of utter trash in the volume is almost infinite--trash of conception, execution, dialogue and sentiment.”

And one of the most famous. Samuel Johnson: “Your book is both good and original. Unfortunately the parts that are original are not good and the parts that are good are not original.”

And my favorite:  The New Yorker on Chesapeake by James Michener. “I have two recommendations. First, don’t buy this book. Second, if you buy this book, don’t drop it on your foot.”

These were, however, professional reviewers who were paid to be witty and cutting. If a whole lot of them panned my book I would acknowledge there was something wrong with it. Actually if I got several reviews telling me the same thing annoyed them about my book I’d take heed and see if they had a valid point. 

I’ve only ever had two reviews that made me really angry. The first was a Welsh newspaper about the first Constable Evans mystery. It said I knew nothing about the workings of the North Wales police.  The reality was that before I wrote the book I went to police headquarters in Colwyn Bay and met a detective there. I asked him the question “If you found a suspicious body lying on top of Mount Snowdon, what would the procedure be?”

He frowned for a while and then said, “Mt. Snowdon, eh? Well, that’s National Park. We’d let our boys in Caernarvon handle it.”

So we drove to Caernarvon police station. The detective there frowned. Paused. Then he said, “Colwyn Bay is bigger than we are. We’d let them handle it.”

So in reality that body would still be lying on top of Mt. Snowdon.

The other very bad review was equally infuriating. A one star on Amazon for IN FARLEIGH FIELD. The writer said I knew nothing about the British upper class or how they talked and acted and I’d probably never been to Britain. Since I was born and raised there, am married to a member of the British aristocracy and spend my summers in a manor house with John’s sister and a stately home nearby with a cousin called Sir Ferrers Vyvyan this was a trifle annoying (typical British upper class understatement).  John (whose family goes back to 800 with several royal connections ) was so furious he wanted to find out who the person was and hunt them down.  We both relaxed a little when the book got seven thousand five star reviews!

Who has endured a review that really hurt?

AND my advice to fellow writers: tell yourselves IT’S JUST ONE PERSON’S OPINION. EVERYONE IS ENTITLED NOT TO FIND A BOOK APPEALING. But just don’t bloody well write and tell me about it!