RHYS: It’s been a tough week with copy edits and tax coming at the same time so I thought I’d end with one of our silly quizzes.
It’s called Confessions of Failure!
Name the biggest blooper in one of your books.
What was your worst fashion faux pas?
The worst meal you ever cooked?
Your most embarrassing moment in high school?
Or as an adult? (only embarrassments you can tell us about)
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING:
Name the biggest blooper in one of your books.
In IN THE BLEAK MIDWINTER, I have a sentence where Clare is feeling bad and “curls up under her grandmother’s guilt.” No, it’s not metaphorical, it’s supposed to be Quilt. I sent an email about correcting it to my publishers, but despite that, the book is STILL in print and the blooper is STILL there.
What was your worst fashion faux pas?
Honestly, all I can think of is everything I wore in middle school in the 1970s. Mustard-colored platform sneakers? Yep. Scarlet and purple bell bottoms (with each leg a different color, front and back, harlequin style?) Yep. Shirts with enormous collars and weird, art deco prints made from a completely unnatural material never seen before or since? Yep.
The worst meal you ever cooked?
When I was first learning to cook, I was making Irish Boiled Dinner for St. Pat’s Day. I read the instructions “keep at a low boil for X hours” and interpreted that to mean keep it BELOW boiling. So all the ingredients floated in a pot of very hot water for several hours. I leave the unspeakable results to your imaginations.
Your most embarrassing moment in high school?
I had just discovered swearing as a sophomore (it was a kinder, gentler age, kids) and was displaying my new-found sophistication backstage during a set build out (I was a total theater kid in high school and college) by f-bombing this, that and the other thing. An older boy I had SUCH a crush on looked at me with a frown and said, “Wow, you swear like a truck driver.” It was at least 30 years before I ever said that word again in public.
Or as an adult? (only embarrassments you can tell us about)
There are oh, so many, most revolving around my inability to remember people’s names, and stuff I’m genuinely ashamed about, like the many, many times I’ve neglected to bring hostess gifts for a house stay. But one that lingers is the time I was about ¾ through a lengthy book tour - one of those ones where you get up at 5am, fly to a city, do signings, a library appearance and a bookstore gig, go back to the hotel and do it all over again the next day. It was around 10pm, I was tired, and all I wanted to do was get into my room and order my chicken Caesar salad. So I’m standing outside my door, trying the key card over and over, because it won’t let me in. I’m twisting the door handle to see it that helps, and swearing (mildly)... you see where this is going, right?
A man opened the door and said, “Can I help you?” in the most repressive voice ever. Probably thought I was drunk. I looked at the little sleeve my key card came in. Yes, dear readers, you guessed it. I was trying to get into LAST night’s hotel room, which unfortunately was in Denver, not in Santa Barbara.
JENN McKINLAY:
Oh,Julia, I think there was another you, trying to get into my hotel room at Bouchercon in Dallas. Scared the begeezes out of me since it was two in the morning.
1.Name the biggest blooper in one of your books.
I changed the middle name of a character between books. Angie Maria DeLaura became Angie Lucia DeLaura in a later book and I got called out hard, so in the next book I put her name in as Angie Maria Lucia DeLaura. Take that!
2. What was your worst fashion faux pas?
High school: In my defense, it was the eighties! Blonde mohawk, combat boots, and a peacoat. I’m six feet tall like I really needed the extra attention. Oy.
3. The worst meal you ever cooked?
First Thanksgiving on my own. My then boyfriend and I roasted a turkey, without taking out the bag of innards. So gross!
4. Your most embarrassing moment in high school?
See above! Kidding, I actually thought I was pretty rad. Most embarrassing was probably when I was convinced the boy I was crushing on was crushing on me, too, because he kept turning around from the front row to look at me. Yeah, turned out he was infatuated with the girl sitting in front of me. Can’t blame him, she was adorable. But when he mentioned how much he loved her to me, I about died (inside).
5. Or as an adult? (only embarrassments you can tell us about).
At a book signing, I greeted one of the regular readers who was so lovely and showed up at every signing. I’d been inscribing her books to “Jane” for YEARS. Then she came with a friend who called her “June”. Argh! She was so shy she never corrected me. I felt terrible and offered to buy her new copies and sign them all correctly. She politely declined. Whenever I see her now, I say, “Hi, June.” She probably thinks I’m mental.
(Rhys: I've done the same thing, Jenn! )
LUCY BURDETTE:
Name the biggest blooper in one of your books. I believe I changed an entire character name between AN APPETITE FOR MURDER and DEATH IN FOUR COURSES. I’m on the road so don’t have the books with me, but I think Adrienne became Danielle. No one ever complained and the publisher wasn’t about to reprint! So Danielle she has been ever since.
What was your worst fashion faux pas? I think this has to be all those shoulder pads and pussy bows I wore to work in the eighties. Or could it have been the overalls I wore the first two years of graduate school? Or maybe even the completely color-coordinated Villager skirts, sweaters, and flats I wheedled out of my mother in high school?
The worst meal you ever cooked? For some reason that I cannot recall, I was cooking dinner for my father and a business colleague of his. I proudly announced at the table that the fish had been marked down to half price. I don’t think anyone ate a bite.
Your most embarrassing moment in high school? I was so very shy with boys in high school. I remember being asked on a date by the president of my older sister’s class. I was agonizingly tongue-tied and could not think of a single word to say the entire evening. I thought I would die...and he certainly didn’t repeat the invitation!
DEBORAH CROMBIE:
Name the biggest blooper in one of your books. There is a lot of name changing going on here, and I'm guilty, too. Melody's mother is Attie when she first appears in the series. By A BITTER FEAST she'd become Addie. I've been called out on it, too, but by that time she had become Addie in my head and I wasn't changing it!
What was your worst fashion faux pas? Oh, my gosh, the perm. That would have been around 1989. A short perm! Never ever ever again.
The worst meal you ever cooked? Can we narrow that down to lately? The corned beef I made on St. Patrick's Day was literally inedible. The seasoning was on it rather than in a packet, so I didn't rinse it. Gah!
Your most embarrassing moment in high school? That has to have been going to visit my ex-boyfriend's sister and finding my ex and my (former) best friend holding court naked in bed, a la John and Yoko. Never mind the humiliation, where on earth do you look?
Or as an adult? (only embarrassments you can tell us about) Too many to name. I am one big blooper. I get people's names wrong, trip over things, and just generally make an idiot of myself on a regular basis.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:
Name the biggest blooper in one of your books.
Oh, SO funny. In one book, which will remain forever nameless, a character goes to the police station in a cab. But when she leaves, she gets into her car and drives away. NO ONE ever noticed this, not me, not my editors, copy editors, proofreaders, NO ONE, not for YEARS, until a reader mentioned it.
What was your worst fashion faux pas?
In 1972, I wore a lavender hot pants suit to a wedding. With lace stockings and low heels. I LOOKED GREAT. I fear I was the only one who thought so.
(Rhys: pix please?)
The worst meal you ever cooked?
Yup. The old “left the giblets in the turkey” error. Also, spaghetti squash. We talk about it to this day. It does NOT taste like spaghetti, and I say to hell with it.
Your most embarrassing moment in high school?
Hmm. I got sent home the day before graduation because they said my skirt was too short. IT WAS NOT. And I mean, too short for what? See hot pants, above.
Or as an adult? (only embarrassments you can tell us about)
Oh, I will tell the short version. I saw a person in a store. She came up to me and said, “You’re Hank, right? The TV reporter?” I said yes. (So far so good.) She said: “Do you know (fill in man’s name)?” “Yes,” I said. “Are you his mother?”
She paused. “No,” she said. “I’m his wife.”
RHYS BOWEN: I suppose, after putting my sisters through this I should add my own confession:
Biggest writing blooper: I put Claridges hotel on the wrong street in London. This was not only unforgivable because I know where Claridges is, but because my parents lived next door to the night manager of the hotel and we went to dinner at his house!
Worst fashion faux pas: Oh dear. There were many. Like wearing green tights with a mini-kilt in the 1960s. And in the 80s I bought a jump suit with big shoulders. Very fashionable. Wore it on the flight to England. Went to the loo AND… could not take it down. Small toilet space and big shoulders. Never again!
Worst meal? Again several contenders but when we were first married I tried to impress new husband with a Chinese meal. The ketchup, soy sauce and vinegar over noodles did not impress in fact he stated candidly that it was the worst thing he’d ever tasted.
Most Embarrassing moment in high school? An all girls school so no boys to embarrass me. But I remember my mortification when I went to ask my favorite teacher something and stood outside the teacher’s lounge only to hear her say “Oh God. Not again. What does she want now?”
As an adult? Several that can’t be printed here, but my favorite was when we lived in Texas. My friend went jogging every morning. I was driving back from school run and saw her ahead of me. I drove around her, screeched to a halt, jumped out and did my best crazed monster impression. Only it wasn’t my friend. It was a strange man with the same curly hair. He took one look at me, backed away then turned and started to run in the other direction!
So now it’s your turn, friends. Anyone want to confess?