Rhys's Relaxing Spa Day

RHYS BOWEN:

My family will tell you there is nothing I like better than a long soak in the tub. It relaxes me after a stressful day. It soothes my muscles after a hike. So for my birthday or Christmas I always get a lot of bath products. Last Christmas my daughter Clare gave me a tall wicker basket stocked with soft towels, bath bombs, face masks, scrubs etc. What a perfect present.

This week I decided I would treat myself to a spa day. The last week had been tiring, with the family in residence and the rest of the family coming to see them–meals for 10 or 12. I loved it, but now I needed to recharge. So I ran a tub bath for myself. Then I took one of the many bath salts packets that lurk in my bathroom cabinet and poured a generous amount into the hot water. 

I saw, too late, that this was a mistake. Petals and seeds came pouring out until the surface of the bath was covered in what looked like the forest floor. This will be hard to clean up later, my brain said, not slipping into total relax mode.  I climbed into the bath and found that the bath salts had not dissolved. When I salts I mean great chunks of rock salt, which lay there, transparent, invisible and deadly, on the bottom of the bath. Stepping on one was bad. Kneeling on one was worse and sitting on one?  Well, let’s just say there was a loud scream and I levitated about four inches.  As they dissolved they became sharper. Trying to lie back was like lying on glass.

I waited. Ten minutes later the water was cooking down but the salt crystals were still there–smaller but lethal.  I drove them out of the way and lay back, cautiously. There was jojoba oil in the mix and my skin felt silky smooth. I started to relax, a little. I plotted the next scenes in the book I’m working out. I gave myself a mental list of things I had to do–newsletter, article, Facebook page, haircut, things to pack for San Diego, things to buy at Costco for San Diego….

Yes. This is my form of relaxation. My mind will not switch off. Ever.

Now the water is getting cold. Time to get out. This is when I find that the charming jojoba oil has made the bottom of the bath slippery as ice.. I slip and slide as I turn over and try to stand up without breaking a limb. Extra cautiously I ease myself out of the bath. Success. Now all I have to do is to remove the floating botany before it goes down the drain, clogs it up and results in a plumber’s visit ($120 for the call out fee, then $600 to unclog the drain in two seconds with their snake). So I creep upstairs, wrapped in my towel and bring down a sieve. Twenty minutes spent sieving out small bits of vegetation means that my back now hurts.

I start to run the bath away, trying to catch each errant bit of petal or seed as it races towards the drain. Finally the water is gone. The sides of the bath now look as if they have been invaded by some nasty insects as lavender seeds cling everywhere, while the bottom is still covered in a good portion of the forest floor. I get a cloth and mop as much up as possible. However…..that jojoba oil has now left a sticky ring around the sides.

I go to get the Softscrub, down on hands and knees again and work to remove the ring. Not easy. I am now sweaty and exhausted, and certainly not relaxed. Next time I want a spa day I’ll do something more relaxing, like a visit to the dentist.