HALLIE EPHRON: My husband and I reached a detente early in our marriage. He could go to all the yard sales and buy whatever he wanted (mostly books), and I wouldn't nag him about it, as long as I didn't have to look at his piles of stuff.
He celebrated this arrangement in one of the anniversary (our 30th) cards he drew for me.
When Jerry died, with my daughters' help I gave away his clothes. I enlisted a used book dealer (of Antiques Roadshow fame, Ken Gloss) to take his sizeable and variable book collection.
Then I went upstairs and stared up the attic stairs into the darkness. And closed the door. I couldn't face it. Not that, or the clutter that filled our the basement. Ditto what was in the garage.
Most of what was there I hadn't touched or clapped eyes on in years. I shut the doors and vowed not to think about it until I was ready.
It took me a year to feel comfortable with--embracing!--the idea of liquidating all of it. Push a button. POOF! Ready, Set, GO!
I made my way through the three cluttered spaces, moving elsewhere anything I wanted to keep. It was a meager pile. A stained glass window, because you never know when you'll need one. A box of old family photographs. Of course. Scuba gear. Just because. It really didn't amount to much.
I got in touch with my friend Kathy Vines (Clever Girl Organizing), a professional organizer and member of NAPO (National Association of Professional Organizers) and she recommended a local service, "Clean Out Your House".
I took pictures of the 3 areas I wanted cleared out ("It all goes!") - here's the basement. (If you do this be sure to use PANO on your cell phone to get a panoramic shot.) They got back to me with an estimate which seemed reasonable.
A few weeks later two trucks and a dumpster arrived along with a team of extremely polite and sturdy young men.
Within about 6 hours, here's what that basement looked like. Likewise, the attic was completely empty.
They came back a few days later and emptied the garage.
I feel 30 pounds lighter. And no, I do not think I'll miss the life-sized porcelain cat or the early Apple computer and two nonworking printers or the piles of student grade books from my years of teaching and and and...
Last minute, I did rescue this dollhouse for my grandkids and a box of family photographs. But otherwise no regrets.
My fantasy right now is that someone else's husband is pawing through the stuff in the dumpster and marveling: How could anyone throw this great stuff away?
Have you contemplated a great cleanout or is one awaiting you in the future? Or are you one of those disciplined people who resists yard sales and actually gives (or throws) things away?
We are good at resisting yard sales, but I imagine that, at some point, we will contemplate some sort of a cleanout. Sometimes I think the stuff multiplies itself whenever we aren’t looking . . . .
ReplyDeleteMy mother-in-law used to say that in her old age, time itself seemed to have sped up - now I know what she was talking about. Stuff itself provides a visual gauge...
DeleteSorry that was me Hallie
DeleteWow Hallie, just wow! I'm so glad you did this on your own time. I would have liked the porcelain cat though....
ReplyDeleteYears ago the cat (black and white) had a red partner... That one you REALLY would have liked, Lucy.
DeleteI did this two years ago after spouse passed away. He was the collector of everything…including rubber bands. I eventually moved across my state of Texas and downsized to a small home. Even though I miss him, I feel refreshed!
ReplyDeleteThat made me laugh, because I *kept* the rubber bands... Or at least the half of them that hadn't turned brittle.
DeleteDid this sort of cleaning out just a a bit more than a year ago…with the help of a good friend and a ruthless professional organizer. Only stuff that I had accumulated. And then I moved. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI know eventually when I move I'll have to do it... again.
DeleteSo right to wait until you were ready. And then the results are so inspiring. Thank you. We have been cleaning out our basement, necessary for some construction, and also trying to attack the scary, overflowing bookcases. (Husband remains ambivalent on that one). My late mother-in-law was not a hoarder per se, but was deeply convinced that everything she ever owned was valuable and all clothing might come back into style. (She was quite the clotheshorse- she would never wear it if it did!) Her children did what you did - found someone whose business was to dispose of it all. Everyone was relieved.
ReplyDeleteI know I know... Clothing styles do "come back" but never quite the same, and one's body has definitely got a new "look"
DeleteHallie, was there a photo of the dollhouse that didn’t post correctly? Or did I miss read “this doll house”? Thanks for for these words this morning. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteGood catch... there was a photo but I forgot to add it and now I can't find it... It's tin (or metal), a 1950/60s split level. I took it outside and hosed it down and let it dry in the sun. It's very sweet, and my daughter is an architect and HER daughter is clearly following in her footsteps bulding paper houses and drawing floor plans and elevations.
DeleteSounds like a wonderful doll house, Hallie. Especially that it inspired 2 generations of architecturally inclined women. In a strange way, I’m glad to know the photo did not disappear because of blogger. Than you, Hallie
DeleteThat last was me Elisabeth whom Blogger can’t remember!
DeleteYou are so perfect. That was wise and brave and educational and inspirational. Jerry had fun collecting and having stuff. That’s adorable. And one of the things we will remember. But those individual (or collective) things felt like a thirty pound weight on you , just as you said . And I think your envisioning the happy people is SO right! You are about to make so many people happy! ( including yourself) and that is wonderful.
ReplyDeleteXxxxx and you knew when it was time. So wise of you to trust that.
Thanks, Hank! xx
DeleteInspirational, Hallie!!
ReplyDeleteSince the beginning of the pandemic, Irwin has been going into the basement and slowly sorting through the detritus of our many years together. He began with bundles of income tax papers (his) from the 1960's. Shredding and tossing as he goes, he got me to let go of many things I might not have. Last week he called up to me, "I am tossing the VCR tapes."
What to say? There hasn't been a working VCR here for a dozen years. Yes, there was a tape with a brief clip of Jonathan lightning Hanukah candles with Gayle King when she was on our local station, but there was no way to find it so...good-bye tapes.
We cleaned out his parents' house. I cleaned my dad's stuff in my parents' house. It's not easy. Don't leave it to your kids!
Oh, the VCR tapes! I did get rid of them long ago. Good for Irwin!!
DeleteVCR tapes can be converted to DVD tapes ?
DeleteDiana
why is there a hole in the wall?
ReplyDeleteThat is great that they were able to do this. I don't like clutter so every once in a while, I toss a few items that I know I will not need or no longer use. Of course two months down the road, I'm looking for the item, but figured if I didn't need before, won't need it now.
The hole! That's where they broke out from the basement of the original house to the addition we added on 30+ years ago.
DeleteThe fact that you were so patient and accepting of your husband and his collection for so many years is wonderful and an inspiration. In our house, things seems to just collect on their own. I am constantly having to weed out junk in the garage, and closets - we make a lot of runs to local charities (great tax deductions).
ReplyDeleteGiving to charity has always worked for keeping MY clutter contained. But Jerry... exceeded expectations in his ability to collect and inability to relinquish.
DeleteTried to donate my clutter to Goodwill. My attempts were futile. They refused! LOL
DeleteDiana
Is that a speaker system for your electric guitar, Hallie? Kidding aside, that's an impressive change.
ReplyDeleteThere's a tenet of feng shui that says clutter keeps your mind imprisoned (paraphrasing). Order and clean, open living spaces free your mind for other things. You had to wait until you were ready to let go, but it's no wonder you feel lighter. Wasn't it great to just point to the piles and see them vanish?
We have done this, in the two of our three properties (now only two), and we did get rid of SO much, at least three dumpsters worth, plus an entire house that is now replaced with our home. However, Steve choked. And instead of getting rid of seven decades worth of film and photos and records and whatnot he simply moved it to the farm. And he still hoards piles of wood. So the specter of getting rid of all that is still hanging over us.
It IS a speaker for an electric guitar! My son-in-law had put it down there and at the last minute remembered, and it was the only thing the clearer-outers hadn't loaded into the truck. So I was able to rescue it. My kids live in apartments and while I haven't been looking, using corners of my basement to save stuff they don't have a place for. But yes, it's a speaker. I think my son-in-law used to play with a group...
DeleteNow I'm a bit disappointed to know you aren't a secret rock goddess, Hallie.
DeleteIt's great that you were able to do this--and have such an excellent marriage despite your different approaches to "stuff". I really need to get rid of stuff in my basement and am feeling stuck. Your post was very inspirational. It can be done!
ReplyDeleteSo glad to hear, Gillian! Go for it!!
DeleteJust go for it, Gillian. It really helped me to have that ruthless organizer as well as a supporting friend who took loads of things out to charity…only to have some of it arrive in her home when her son and husband spotted “treasures” in the back of her car. Still smiling about the the electric fan and a 14 year old who became a Masie Dobbs fan, developing an interest in the World Wars history! Elisabeth
DeleteCONGRATULATIONS Hallie, Hank is right that was a very brave move. You’ll laugh when I say that this retired PO needs to do that too. My problem seems to be that I was vaccinated with Waste not want not. Plus Victor can’t sort his stuff now. It’s all on me. But I realise I did a bunch of sorting a year ago and now I must do the next step and move it out. Inspired by your example I’ll do it. - Celia
ReplyDeleteYay, Celia!! We'll want to hear all about it...
DeleteThat's fantastic, Hallie, and I'm glad the process was so streamlined for you! I wonder if they work in southern Maine; Ross's stuff tended to accumulate in our barn, which is pretty much wall to wall junk right now. I'm not sure there's anything in there I want to save. I can hire a dumpster, but I didn't realize I could hire polite young men to actually do the labor for me...
ReplyDeleteJulia, there's a national company that will do this: 1-800 GOTJUNK. You pay by how much of the truck gets filled. When I had them come to clean out our basement, attic, and garage, they even loaded up old, rotten lattice that had stuff growing in it, piled behind the shed.
DeleteJULIA: I used 1800JUNK in Toronto to clear out my late dad's furniture (see post below). They were prompt and very efficient.
DeleteThose pictures of clean spaces are porn for me—love it! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteFrom Ellen White tho I came up anonymous!
DeleteClean porn! A new genre!! (Hi, Ellen!)
DeleteWe are very good at resisting yard sales. Well, I am. The Hubby has been known to bring random stuff home. Usually tables, as in side tables for placing next to chairs. He doesn't think you can have too many. We are trying to be very deliberate about how much "stuff" is going into the Cottage in Ligonier. We are mostly succeeding.
ReplyDeleteI don't even want to think about the day when we have to move from our home of 20+ years.
A lot of stuff accumulates... it was much easier for me because I could point to three spaces each enclosed by four walls and say "Take it all!"
DeleteHallie, what a great solution and yes, so wise to wait until you were ready to face it. Jerry's cartoon speaks volumes! Checking now to see if any similar companies exist locally. My garage and basement are overwhelming masses of stuff. Do we really need to keep my brother's disassembled motorcycle (not a collector's make or model) from 45 years ago? Not one of the nephews is a motorcycle aficionado. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteI didn't post this but another thing I did was put a notice in my neighborhood's Facebook group with some things I was giving away (lots of... bookcases!!)
DeleteCongratulations! We had an estate sale group come in for my parent's house. They removed all that didn't sell.
ReplyDeleteIs your washer in an old cistern?
Oh gosh, no! But so observant of you. You can just see it through an opening they broke through when they connected the basement of the original house to the basement of the addition. It connects through my little laundry room.
DeleteHALLLIE: Great solution, and glad they were so fast and efficient.
ReplyDeleteIt was exactly 1 year ago when I had to fly to Toronto to clear out my late dad's retirement home apartment in 3 days. I had to be ruthless and threw out 99% of the items myself in the basement dumpsters. And then I hired 1-800-JUNK to take away the furniture I could NOT move myself...they did the job in 2 hours.
I've heard many people recommend 1-800-JUNK. I went with the local firm because they do some reselling and recycling in addition to dumping.
DeleteGrace, that's so hard, isn't it, when you're away from home and you have a deadline and you're grieving, too.
DeleteWhen you are not teaching writing to budding authors, you are teaching me life skills. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteCurrently looking around the house and taking notice.
This makes writing look like a walk in the park...
DeleteGood for you, Hallie! Ther is a company I see advertised on TV - GOT JUNK - that I am keeping in the back of my mind, although I don't know if they come out to the boonies. The commercial used to say "we'll be there before you hang up the phone" but I haven't heard those words lately, so doubt they are that fast. But their selling point is that people point, and the junk is gone! Exactly like you found.
ReplyDeleteI do not go to garage sales because I don't want the temptation. I'm sure I would see something that I "needed" or was exactly like I had before the house burned. No. No point in paying for someone else's junk, dragging it home, so it could become my junk to get rid of. That said, if I knew people had books or jigsaw puzzles, I would want to look.
The one thing I may come to regret is not saving a trunk full of jigsaw puzzles. They came in so handy during covid lockdown. But we'd done them all... together...
DeleteWow, Hallie. (Chiming in late because California...) Good for you for knowing when you were ready, and for carrying through.
ReplyDeleteWe really need to do that. Both of us with the stuff in the basement, him with the piles of books. If I could stop writing so much, maybe I'd have time for it (ha!). I do resist yard sales, unless I see a few wine glasses I like. They break, and you can always use a couple more.
After my friend Annie moved out of her house, a company staged an estate sale AND left the house empty and broom clean. She was quite the accumulator, and the result was impressive.
I did miss you this morning, Edith! I do have a box of extra wine glasses in the basement. Meanwhile I drink wine from recycled jelly jars. Tres elegante.
DeleteHallie, I'm so glad you were able to do this, and in your own time. Your basement looks fabulous! I'm going to take a stab at our attic this winter. I had all my author's copies of my book all very neatly organized and boxed up before we had our roof replaced a few years ago. There was no decking beneath the old cedar shakes and all that rubbish came down in the attic and I've never had the energy to tackle the mess. And of course it can't be done during a Texas summer!
ReplyDeleteAck... that sounds like a mess. We had some chimney work that meant opening up the brick in the basement and EVERYTHING in there got coated with greasy soot. Made that part of the world twice as hard to declutter.
DeleteOh dear, I really need to clear out all of the stuff from my small condo. I have boxes and boxes that I took out of the storage rental that I used when I moved into the condo. When I moved, I got rid of many books. Still, I had too much stuff to sort through. I really, really want to be able to sit on the sofa in my living room and I cannot do that because I have stacks of books on my sofa.
ReplyDeleteVery timely because when I woke up this morning, I was thinking "I just want to get rid of everything" then I thought "I will be sorry if a family treasure was lost among these stuff!"
My grandmother, who died before I was 2 years old, had the habit of throwing away daily newspapers within twenty-four hours. My Mom would say that sometimes she never got to read the papers before her Mom threw them away!
She threw away everything with a few exceptions. She kept news clippings of news about my grandfather (he was an attorney in Chicago then LA) in a box. My grandmother also got rid of clothes. Because she was sick the last ten years of her life, she never got rid of that beautiful custom made black dress that I inherited from her. I always wear her black dress to the mystery conference banquet like Left Coast Crime. Black is not my color so I always wear it with green or blue scarf. My grandmother looked like me except that she had olive skin and I got the Todd pale skin.
Very smart of you and Jerry to reach an agreement about the yard sales. As long as you did not have to see the stuff.
I have borrowed books from the library about organizing stuff.
Since I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, I wonder if there is a similar business as your friend's Clean Out Your Closet business?
Would really love to be able to put up a Balsam Hill Christmas tree. I have Not ordered it though I have been meaning to. If only I could get rid of so much stuff so that there will be room in the living room for a Christmas Tree.
Would really appreciate suggestions from Jungle Reds and Commenters.
Thank you,
Diana
I love the idea of getting rid of lots of stuff and rewarding yourself with a tree!
DeleteThank you, Hallie! Now I need to get on with that big project of decluttering!
DeleteDiana
Hallie: This post is inspiring and instructive. Thank you. The timing has to be right. The mind and heart have to be ready. And the help has to be on hand. Like Coralee, I, too, am looking around...and plotting...
ReplyDeleteTrue, but you're the only one who can make it happen.
DeleteCongrats, Hallie! This was a brave move for you and I’m glad you waited until you were ready. My daughter and son in law purged the garage for me this summer. Also one of the bedroom closets. Now there is only the dreaded hidden room under the stairs that contains high school stuff from 1985
ReplyDeleteSorry. This was Rhys whom Google makes anonymous
Delete"The hidden room under the stairs..." Dum da dum dum... sounds like a book!
DeleteI haven't been to yard/garage/moving sale.I'm years, though, every so often, I get tempted while driving around on weekends when I see a sign attached to a power pole. My brother-in-law loves to search for free building supplies online. As long as it doesn't end up in the house, my sister doesn't interfere, except to remind him that are a!ready 5 set of windows in the storage containers behind the huge workshop and there are old gates already leaning against the fence. Surprisingly, he did complain about the my boxes and boxes of yarn and books when they helped me move a couple of years ago.
ReplyDeleteWell done, Hallie. Since you aren't moving, you were able to clear your storage areas in your own timetable.
I’ve been trying SO hard to declutter over the last couple of years. There’s so much to get rid of, and I agree that some of it seems to multiply when my back is turned. I’m finding that nobody wants my books. I’ll try to donate some to Good Will, but I have a feeling that they won’t want a lot of them, either. My library won’t take anything published more than ten years ago. I wear my clothes until they wear out, (I hate shopping) and are not suitable for donating. Your blog post today is inspiring me to get back to my Decluttering. (Blogger insists on using a capital D for that word!)
ReplyDeleteI’ve been stuck at home all week because I had surgery a week ago. I hate looking around at all the clutter and not being able to do anything about it! I’m telling myself that at least I can do some shredding. We’ll see!
DebRo
Me too! Trying so hard to declutter!!!
DeleteDiana
Regarding books, you may want to look around your neighborhood and see if there are Little Free Library stands. If you find a LFL, perhaps you can donate some of your books? This is what I have been doing when I have time.
DeleteDiana
Diana, there ARE some Little Free Libraries here, but they’re only available during the summer. Most of them are at beaches.
DeleteDebRo
DebRo, thank you for sharing. Diana
DeleteAh, the mixed marriage: the hoarder and the tosser! We keep saying we're going to tackle the garage, but the one who collected most of the stuff isn't as willing as the other one . . .
ReplyDeleteAnd now curious minds want to know which one you are!
DeleteWhat a great service to have locally that can clear things out like that. I would love to do that with our garage, first. I could probably hire my daughter, but I'd have to make sure the things I wanted to save were clearly separate from the clearing out. She is relentless. She doesn't like clutter or things that don't serve a purpose in her own house.
ReplyDeleteLet me say once again, Hallie, that I love the cards your husband drew for you.
Love that service, if they made stealth calls to northern Maine, I'd be on the phone in a flash! I'm the minimalist in the family. Good thing, too - there wouldn't be room for the people in this house otherwise. My garage, and basement are full. My attic is a crawl space so all that holds is dust and insulation. We went from 4k square feet to 1200 square feet when we returned to Maine. The best I can say is no one died :)
ReplyDeleteAsking everyone for words of encouragement. Also need advice.
ReplyDeleteTrying so hard to get motivated and do it. I try to start decluttering then I stop in the middle of doing it. I had hoped to clear out a room by Halloween. I would be lucky if I clear out a corner of a room.
Thank you in advance,
Diana
Diana, set smaller goals. One corner of one room is plenty. You can finish it and feel like you've accomplished something. Advice I need to take for myself.
DeleteFlora, thank you. Now let's see if I can remember to focus on one corner at a time instead of getting distracted....
DeleteDiana
What a loving compromise! Friends did something similar with a clutter-free room for him, a clutter-all-you-want room for her, and a happy middle ground everywhere else. I can see where you got some of the ideas for your excellent CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR.
ReplyDeleteI confess to having too many "creative ideas sitting around everywhere" and a strong resistance to parting with most of it. I do routinely invite nieces to "shop" in the "Room of Requirement" (spare bedroom, very full of stuff) and the upper shelves of cabinets (things I clearly never use, too high up for me). I've also curtailed shopping for new things, and I put up fewer decorations each holiday. It's also helpful that more of my books are now on the iPad, as the shelves are FULL.
A "ROOM OF REQUIREMENT" - I love it!! (My kids used to give my husband a shopping list of things they needed taht he was to look for at yard sales. Salad spinner. Spatula. Whatever. And invariably he'd find it.
DeleteMy good boss at Prudential (there was another not-good) used to shop garage sales as a mission. She furnished most of her niece's apartment that way, bargaining for good prices. ;-)
DeleteI remember the salad spinner from CAREFUL.
Sounds like progress!
ReplyDeleteI don't usually stop at yard sales, but I still have quite a collection of stuff I need to sort through or figure out how to store. But that sounds so much like work.
ReplyDeleteOh, Hallie! I'm so happy for you that you were able to make this project happen, on your own terms, in your own time. The *lightness* you are feeling is something so many people crave, and they don't quite appreciate how much they are weighed down by their possessions and belongings. (And, ugh, how I hate the word "belonging" because I think it attaches more sentiment to stuff than most deserves.)
ReplyDeleteI have shared with people before that I believe in my industry, professional organizing, I "bear witness to the tragedy of consumption". It doesn't have to fill a basement or an attic to feel overwhelming. When people are ready to live lighter, and make difficult decisions, there really can be a way. I've been working with so many people virtually (through zoom!) to help them get a handle on what they own and why they own it. The pandemic really did a number on the insides of our home (among a thousand other things.)
For everyone craving some help like Hallie received, just google "junk removal near me" to find a reputable service that will happily come and help make your dreams come true. (Like 1-800-Got-Junk, "Junkluggers" is another franchise-based brand in ~35 states that I think highly of).
I'm so glad (yet not at all surprised) you chose to share your story. You're clearly an inspiration for others! xoxo
In my corner of NE MA, everyone loves Junk Wizard. I haven't used them yet, but I want to!
DeleteThanks for the great information, Kathy - AND for the inspiration and calm direction. You're the best!!
DeleteMy husband and I did this twice: once when we moved from our home of 22 years in Midtown Sacramento to a smaller downtown apt (3 br 2 ba with huge basement - you can imagine how intense the downsizing); and again when we moved to Portugal, because of shipping costs. We seem to have clutter under control now, except for books and cameras.
ReplyDeleteGood for you, Hallie. That is remarkable! I live for throwing things out - in a reuse, recycle, repurpose sort of way. My parents were clutterbugs and it drove me crazy so naturally, I married a hoarder. *sigh* I have made progress, however. Hub has begun to shed his possessions realizing how much "things" weigh you down. We have a ways to go but he's getting there!
ReplyDeleteI had to clean out my mom’s house when she died in 2018, with some help from my siblings. You have to sort through every pocket, purse, and scrap of paper to make sure you aren’t throwing out something valuable like a $50 Target gift card inside a greeting card or $1000 bond mixed in with papers in the safe and previously overlooked. The longer I was there the more sentimentally attached to stuff I got. Mom’s generation were not so much hoarders as just savers. They didn’t waste anything. Purging her home was exhausting. My sister and I treated ourselves at Target with that gift card when we were finished.
ReplyDeleteWe each took some things home. A small pile did make its way to my house and it pretty much all still sits right where it landed. So far I haven’t been able to stomach going through my own crap. If we don’t move it will be stuff my kids will have to deal with. Sometimes I resist buying an item because I tell myself it is just something else for the kids to throw away when I die.
My daughter is very disciplined. She rarely buys something new without getting rid of something old. But there have been some times that I have had to search our house for some particular item she wanted that was still here after 12 years.
It is the emotional attachments that are hard for me to deal with.
For me too, Brenda!
DeleteBrenda I know what you mean about the emotional attachment of things... My friend organizer Kathy Vines calls those items "sticky" - laden with memories, hard to let go of.
DeleteHuge congratulations to you, Hallie! That's quite an accomplishment. After we'd lived in our home for 23 years we did a renovation that required removing every single item we owned. Ten years later we moved house to a smaller place and had to purge again, and now we're looking at another move to a house half the size of our current one. Thankfully, we've had the services of an amazing organizer all the way, and it's made a world of difference for us. She helped us let go of what we no longer needed or wanted, and brilliantly organized what we kept. She also taught me to consider carefully what I buy, beyond the "one in, one out" mantra. I now ask myself what my family will think of when they inherit. Will they look at an item and say, "How beautiful/useful!" or "What on earth was she *thinking* when she bought this!?"
ReplyDeleteThree cheers for professional organizers!
DeleteFor some reason getting rid of things is very difficult for me!
ReplyDelete