JENN MCKINLAY: It was 1989 in New Haven, CT. I was at university and doing the typical on again off again with the rugby playing college boyfriend. We both had apartments with friends, but my stuff mingled with his and vice versa. Neither of us minded as it was an unspoken way to leave the door open for the next session of "let's get back together" after we inevitably broke up again. This lasted until senior year when we went through our final unentanglement-disengagement-whatever-you-want-to-call-it in those glorious pre-Internet days when saying good-bye actually meant "I'm never speaking to this person again".
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| Love in the 80's was complicated! |
Several relationships, five moves, one marriage (still going strong) and two children later, and I decided this empty nest needed a powerful decluttering. So long beloved broken action figures, preschool artwork (I took pictures), and essays written on the SparkNotes versions of books the Hooligans should have read but likely didn't :)
While doing this excavation, what should I find in an old box that had been carted through every move and never opened? You guessed it! The boyfriend sweater--which in my case was/is a rag wool sweater that I wore during every winter in my drafty dorm rooms and freezing first apartments where the steam radiator was situated directly under the shoddy single pane window, causing my windows to fog up every time the heat came on from the months of November through February. I loved that sweater, potentially a bit more than the on again off again boyfriend from whom I filched it during our freshman year. I hadn't seen the beloved cardigan in years, and it felt like meeting an old friend while on vacation in an exotic foreign land.
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| The Boyfriend Sweater! |
Now I live in Arizona and have for thirty years. I don't have much use for an overly large rag wool sweater. And yet, I could not toss it into the trash or the Goodwill bag. This sweater had been worn to scores of keg parties, midnight diner runs, girl's nights out when I didn't want to be pestered (it was clearly a boyfriend sweater, acting as an off-the-market protective shield), and it had comforted me through our many breakups.
So, what did I do with it? I washed it and blocked it (a knitting thing), returning it to its former shape. Then I put it on and felt like I was nineteen again. I suppose I should mail it back to the ex-boyfriend. He lives in Colorado and could use it more than me. Yes, we are in touch (thanks, Facebook) and friends again. It's actually really nice to know that we've both found happiness. Maybe I will send it if he sees this post and asks for it back, but I'm rather attached to it as a reminder of the Jenn back then :)
So, Reds and Readers, have you ever had a "boyfriend sweater"? What artifacts from former relationships have popped up in your life? Would you return them or keep them--asking for a friend? Okay, yes, it's me. It's always me.
Sad to say [or maybe not], I've never had a "boyfriend sweater" . . . .
ReplyDeleteI think, if some such thing popped up in my life, I'd ask if I should return it.
Good morning!
DeleteGod morning, Dru!
DeleteExactly. It feels like I should but...
DeleteI didn't have a "boyfriend sweater" either. Since you are friends, I would ask if he wants it, praying that he doesn't.
ReplyDeleteLOL. Very considerate answer :)
DeleteI love this story, Jenn. I don't have the sweater, but I do stumble across pictures of former lovers, and am in touch (thanks, Facebook) with several of the ones who were pivotal in my life along the way. As you say, it's lovely to see them happy and thriving.
ReplyDeleteIt is. We didn't end in anger so it's easy to be happy for him.
DeleteJENN: Alas, no "boyfriend sweater" for me. Like Edith, I did surprisingly find some old photos last year of me with my first boyfriend in university. He returned to Singapore after university and we never kept in touch.
ReplyDeleteYou could use a boyfriend sweater in Canadian winters Grace!
DeleteI have a nice rag wool sweater that would do well in Canada :)
DeleteGreat story, Jenn.
ReplyDeleteOld boyfriends, sigh.
I had a sweatshirt which a high-school boyfriend had left in my car one day. I wore it around for years until it fell apart from washings. I did take photos wearing it in my freshman dorm and mailed them to him and he did say he'd wondered where the sweatshirt had gone. It was a comforting thing to put on so, I get it.
Jenn, at this point (30 years later) it is your sweater.
I agree Judy, it's definitely hers now...
Delete30 years is a long time to be a sweater squatter - LOL.
DeleteJenn, I'm so mad we never ran across each other back in those days because I was definitely in New Haven looking for fun friends!
ReplyDeleteWe probably did. I was the drunk one, walking down York St with a slice of pizza hanging out of my mouth :)
DeleteLovely story! I do remember leaving items of clothing at my college boyfriend's place, but I never acquired anything of his. I am in touch with him and it's been pleasant to reconnect.
ReplyDeleteIt's nice when you can be friends.
DeleteI don't have a boyfriend sweater, but found a ring that belonged to him a few years ago. It wasn't a particularly attractive ring but it brought back memories of our happy high school days together. We broke up after we drifted apart going to separate colleges.
ReplyDeleteLife will definitely do that. I'm actually shocked that we both ended up out west.
DeleteI appropriated my husband's Maxwell equations sweatshirt as maternity wear. After three kids, it became my fav house painting and deck staining sweatshirt. And yes, when in the hardware store someone would always ask me about the equations.
ReplyDeleteA good sweatshirt is a treasure!
DeleteKeep the sweater, Jenn--it means more to you than it would to him (plus his wife might have something to say if he suddenly acquired a sweater from an old gf and started wearing it around) :-)
ReplyDeleteThere was such a sweater once--it smelled of aftershave and woodsmoke and instantly took me back to the mountains. Wore it until it wore out, I believe. Now I pilfer over-sized, comfy sweatshirts from the nephews. "Aunt Flora, have you seen my ...?" Who me? No idea where that might be....
Ha! I do the same with the Hooligans. Harder to get away with it when they catch you wearing it!
DeleteLove this story. My dad died when I was 17, just after my high school graduation. He and my mom had been divorced two years by then, but some of his stuff was still boxed up and in the basement. I found his letter sweater from his own high school days, moth-eaten wool, and on days when my grief was just too much I wore it. It literally fell to pieces eventually.
ReplyDelete20-some years ago, after Steve's sister in California passed away his daughters sent me a box of her lovely clothing. She had beautiful taste, and despite being a bit shorter than me, we wore the same size. Included were two cashmere cardigans, and I still wear them (they have pockets!). I always mention it to Steve, and still feel as if she is giving us both hugs when I wear one.
No boyfriend stuff, though.
Oh, I love that. Your sister-in-law would be so pleased, I think.
DeleteJenn, that sweater is yours! I doubt it would still fit him and besides wool sweaters require too much care. I did have a boyfriend sweater once upon a time, don't know what happened to it. Maybe I gave it back at some point. But now for the other side of the coin. There was a boyfriend I knitted 2 sweaters for. And socks! Does he still have them, do you suppose? I truly doubt that; they were probably ruined in the wash years ago. He probably doesn't even remember them.
ReplyDeleteNow I'm wondering if the afghan I made for an old boyfriend still exists. It would be about 45 years old at this point.
DeleteBut we still have, and use, an afghan that Steve's first wife made, and it's even older than that.
I knitted a massive blanket for a different old boyfriend. Hmm. I wonder if he still has it.
DeletePossession is nine points of the law, who said that? Case closed so wear it in good health Jenn - Celia
ReplyDeleteI adore you, Celia!
DeleteJenn Jenn Jen! I am writing this before I read any of the other comments, so maybe everyone has already said this. But this has got to be your next book. Absolutely! Is there a better re-meet cute opening in the universe? This is so perfect! Love, love, love, and The Boyfriend Sweater has got to be written. If you are not going to do it, sister, tell me, because I will.
ReplyDeleteAs for giving it back, no, no no. I would not do that. I have a sweater exactly like this, although new, and I have taken to wearing it every day. I’m not sure what it is about the big slouchy cardigan thing, but it looks adorable if I do say so myself, and it is very comfy and warm and somehow like a reassuring cocoon. I wish it had pockets, but you can’t have everything.
Cannot wait to read, what you write. No pressure!
(and sorry for repeating if everyone else has already said this, off to read your comments now…,)
O M G! I just sent it to my agent :) Hank, you're brilliant!
DeleteYAAY!!!! Cannot wait. Love love love. oxoxxoo
DeleteHank yes!!!! I LOVE this idea! Jenn, and it's giving me flashbacks to 2018 (?) when you said "I have this crazy idea about a woman who revisits her gap year" that became PARIS IS ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA. Let's confab.
DeleteThat was just my thought. I hoped you were introducing the inspiration for your next book... where, like the blanket in the old Jewish folk tale, Something From Nothing, it would end up as a story.
Delete“Jenn, Jenn, Jenn” that was supposed to say above. Apparently my voice dictation is not trained well enough. Are you writing yet?
ReplyDeleteThat book could write itself.
DeleteI have already written the hallmark movie in my head. ;-) But I will keep it to myself. Xxxxx
DeleteIt looks like a great sweater, and I definitely second Hank's suggestion to incorporate it into a story somehow. I also would not send it back. Too much history attached, and it has basically been yours since he surrendered it to you in your freshman year.
ReplyDeleteI don't have anything like that boyfriend sweater, but I did elect to keep some of my late husband's clothing--including a slouchy cardigan--when I cleaned out the closets and donated most of his stuff to charity. One pair of very worn sweatpants stayed in rotation for years, even as they developed new holes in places where they should never have holes. I think a foster dog finally put them out of their misery, chewing them up out of loneliness and love so I didn't have to dither about throwing them away.
It is a comfort, isn't it? People's things. My SIL sent my husband my late brother's fave Bruins hockey shirt. We framed it.
DeleteNo college boyfriend sweater for me. Just the boyfriend turned husband. Celebrated 38 years of marriage last August. He is as comfortable as an old sweater.
ReplyDeleteI do have my own ratty old hooded sweatshirt from my freshman year of college though. Wearing it does bring back the good old days.
College sweatshirts are THE BEST.
DeleteI can see why you don’t want to part with the sweater. You should keep it and write that book.
ReplyDeleteIt does have pockets, which makes it a keeper in my book.
DeleteNo old boyfriend sweater but an old boyfriend vest. It was 1969, I was 22 and foolishly dating a very newly divorced man. His wife had left him and left a closet full of clothes she no longer wanted. He asked me to help get it all ready for donation "unless I saw something I wanted!" Horrors! Wearing the ex-wife's clothes! What a terrible idea. But...there was this lovely embroidered vest that fit me perfectly. Oh well. I still have it and it still is pretty. My daughter and her friends used it in Halloween costumes when creating costumes from the 60's.
ReplyDeleteI love me a good vest. I had several years in the 90's where I rocked vests pretty hard. LOL.
DeleteNo.clothing from old boyfriends but I do
ReplyDeleteLove those sweaters that actually button up and thus keep you warm! When my dad died I brought back his Harris tweed jacket in case John wanted it. He didn’t but I believe each of our girls wore it at some stage. Fashion plus comfort. !
And I’m seconding Hank. Title of your next book! Xxx Rhys
Oh, a good tweed jacket. I'd keep that, too. Thank you, Rhys. I think we have a winner. I can already see the cover!
DeleteFound - one oversized, wool sweater with pockets. Query - do I keep or offer it back to original owner? Should I write a story about it? Will it be the main character or a springboard for others? I agree with others - someone should write a story. As for me, alas, no such item is to be found in my home. Sigh :-(
ReplyDeleteOh, yes, I think it will be a story. Exciting!
DeleteI don't have any 'boyfriend sweater', but I do steal my husband's sweater all the time :P XD
ReplyDeleteI love that!
DeleteDoes my room-mate’s boyfriend’s jacket count? No idea how I ended up with it, but wore it for years after we graduated… he was a nice guy, and they split amicably. I took it to our 1st reunion and gave it back to him….that was 30 years or so ago… wish I still had that jacket….
ReplyDeleteHow nice that you gave it back!
DeleteYes! I had a Boyfriend LL Bean Riverdriver shirt - so warm and cuddly. It's owner and I were on again and off again so many times I lost count - but I kept the shirt. I rediscovered it a few years back while cleaning out the attic. It was still in great shape, of course - thanks, LL Bean! I gave it to my son. I thought another smart, funny, passionate young man should wear it.
ReplyDeleteThe Bean for the win!!! I still have my old duck boots from the Bean circa 1991 :)
DeleteJENN, what a wonderful story! Funny story. Not quite the same thing. I was wearing this ? Rugby ? sweater with my University colors and it looked exactly like the sweater that this really cute guy was wearing. I met him at a home game and he was wearing the same sweater. He gave me a hug. He was very shy. I would have liked to meet him for coffee, though. Another missed opportunity. Oh well....
ReplyDeleteRegarding boyfriends, I was never sure in college. I dated though I was never sure if the guy was a boyfriend because he would go on dates with other people, so not a boyfriend, right? I had a boyfriend in middle school and we spent a lot of time together. He did not date other people nor did I so I would say that he was a boyfriend. Yes, he let me borrow his sweater and I returned it when I did not need it.
Diana
Oh, that's a lovely story opener, too! I love a good rugby shirt. I tried to steal the ex's but he thwarted me :)
DeleteI second Hank. You have to write that story, Jenn. The Boyfriend Sweater is already the perfect title & I can picture it on the cover.
ReplyDeleteMe, too! Sent to my agent. Done and done.
DeleteNo artifacts in my life. Anything I had I got rid of. Usually the end of the relationship was bitter.
ReplyDeleteThat is a seriously nice sweater. I'd keep it. LOL
LOL. I see you with a bonfire and bottle of accelerant in hand, Liz.
DeleteI still have my high school boyfriend sweater but, alas, I no longer fit into it. But after 50ish years, I still have the boyfriend who is my husband.
ReplyDeleteI love this SO MUCH!!!
DeleteWhen my ex-husband left behind his old green army-style jacket, I never made any effort to remind him. It's still perfect for garden work in spring and fall, and the pockets accommodate rose pruners, trowels and the shed key. Oh gosh, that was the mid 1970s... :^0
ReplyDeleteLOL! Nice trade up for you!
DeleteJenn, this is such a great story, and I agree with Hank that it would make a fantastic rom-com book. It would be lovely to have a story of rekindled love sparked by the sweater. And, you should definitely keep the sweater. It's been with you, a part of you. It holds your memories and your love of it. It was there for you when you needed it, and sending it away would be like abandoning a friend. Your old boyfriend doesn't have the special connection to it that you do.
ReplyDeleteI don't have any clothing items from old boyfriends. I do have some poems one special boyfriend, with whom I'm still friends, wrote me when we weren't together. I would have been 19 or 20 and in college, and he was in a different state for his first job. He went on to come back to our state and become an award-winning journalist in our state. He has always had a talent for writing personal pieces about people, even though he was head of a state's political coverage department. These poems are my conduit, like your sweater, Jenn, to my youth. They evoke visions of a young, carefree Kathy who was facing a world of possibilities in her life. I keep the poems in my mother's wooden sewing box, a combination of special memories.
Oh, I love that. And perhaps it is the connection to our former selves that it the most precious part.
DeleteJenn, what a great story! No boyfriend sweater for me, but I've kept my *own* comfy sweater from when I was dating my husband. (The sleeves are tattered now, but I can't bear to throw it away!)
ReplyDeleteSounds like you've just gotten it broken in :)
DeleteStill have boyfriend, don't need sweater, lol! What a great story, Jenn!
ReplyDeleteLOL!
DeleteMy boyfriend sweater was his leather bomber jacket. He was looking for it in the summer at one point and was very demanding in trying to find it. I had no clue where it was and didn't understand his necessity for it in the hot weather. A couple weeks later it made sense when he took off, on my parent's anniversary and in my mother's car. Yes, that was how we broke up too. I kept the jacket for many years, waiting to find him to give it back with a few choice words.
ReplyDeleteSpeed up a few years and my husband finds it in a box in the basement and brings it up stairs. He liked it and thought he should wear it. I was not interested in ever seeing him in it, so I donated it to a dry cleaner who cleans and repairs jacket for the homeless. I like to think it found the right owner.
I didn't even know you had to have a boyfriend to have a "boyfriend sweater"! And since my college boyfriend and I married in my sophomore year, pretty much everything g of his was mine at that point.
ReplyDelete