LUCY BURDETTE: I have a bit of a shocking birthday coming up next week and it has me pondering. How old is old? Have our expectations for what we can do as we get older changed from previous generations? (Definitely, I’d say.) We know life is finite, so how should we spend whatever time we have left? Is it all right to feel ambitious and want to work like a demon, or would it be better to adopt a slower pace and call it retirement?
All this had me thinking about people I admire who are old enough that they certainly could have retired. But they haven’t, and they keep on doing amazing things.
Jacques Pepin, a well-known chef and cookbook author, isn’t slowing down much at 87. Along with his daughter and son-in-law, he’s founded the Jacques Pepin Foundation. (Have you read his autobiography, The Apprentice? It’s extraordinary.) This year he published Art of the Chicken: A Master Chef's Paintings, Stories, and Recipes of the Humble Bird—we went to a showing of his watercolors at our local library in Connecticut, some used to illustrate this book. He's so lovely and humble...
Judy Woodruff, who recently stepped down as anchor of the PBS Newshour, could have retired, but instead is going on the road to interview Americans about what they want and need and how the divide in our government might be repaired. (John and I utterly adore her and clung to her nightly news reports during the worst of times in our country (Covid and politics.) In fact John wrote some of his famous doggerel during the pandemic and sent it in. We didn't hear anything back, but I like to think she loved it. It began like this:
Judy, Judy, what would we do
On the nightly news if we didn't see you?
Your cheerful greeting is always a pleasure
You tell us the facts, and that we treasure.
You probe for answers
Extract what matters
You strive to pull meaning
from double talk and blathers.
Dorie Greenspan (75) has published 12 cookbooks, written for many magazines and newspapers, and recently founded a new Facebook group for bakers and food lovers, called Bake and Tell.
Mystery writer Ann Cleeves is 68 and writing the best books of her career (in my opinion.) Lots of politicians seem to be trending older too. (No need to comment on politics here, but I really can’t imagine wanting to run the country at age 80.) The New York Times also recently ran an article about older workers. You can read about them here.
My hub recently wrote an article about this on his Top Retirements blog, and I was so struck by this poignant comment from one of his readers who’d had a stroke and now considers his career to be recovery. He said: “Well, work if you must, but keep in mind that life is short and we’re fragile beings.”
Some of the way our older years unfold has to do with health, and luck, and enough money to live on. Some might say that working to the end costs in other ways, such as family relationships. Others might say that working gives meaning to life...
I don’t have any answers on all of this, but would love to hear your thoughts on the subject!
Hhhmmm . . .
ReplyDeleteWhile health may largely help determine many of our choices when we are older, I really think those decisions depend on what you feel is right for yourself. If you’ve accomplished what you feel is important and think it’s time to retire, sit back, and relax, then that’s what you should do. If you still have books to write or pictures to paint, or children to teach, or whatever, then you should keep on keeping on. You are the only one who can decide what’s right for you . . . .
Joan, you are so wise. I love what you said.
DeleteAgree with Judy, that's a wise way to look at the subject Joan!
DeleteRhys: as one of those who should be long retired by now I am working harder than ever, writing two and a half books a year. I could stop, slow down, but I ask myself what would I do with all those hours? I like travel. I like walking and swimming. I love lunch with friends but I manage to fit those in right now. So the answer is to do what makes you happy. If I found writing the next book to be a chore I would quit.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of you throughout Roberta's post, Rhys!
DeleteWe are very glad you're still at it Rhys, enjoying your books and your presence!
DeleteWell, given the state of things, I'm going to have to show up to work five days after I die.
ReplyDeleteHealth is the determining factor in everything as one ages. Me, I'd love to be able to be retired and just read books or do whatever I wanted all day. I know that people think you would get bored of that, but I'm already kind of lazy and I happen to be real good at doing nothing. So if I win the lottery someday, I'm SO retired! That might be the only way I get through all these books I have waiting to be read.
Sounds like a plan Jay:)
DeleteI'd love to be retired. Unfortunately, my bank account tells me I must work.
ReplyDeleteI think the difference between me and all those people you talked about is that they are all doing what they love. It really is true that if you are doing what you love, it isn't work and you enjoy your life so much more.
You nailed it, Mark. Doing what we love.
DeleteI had that same birthday two months ago, Roberta. I am working hard doing what I love, writing three (or four) books a year plus a few short stories. Maybe I'll cut back once I get some grandkids, but otherwise, as Rhys says, what would I do with all that time? I make time around the work for exercise and friends, for reading and cooking, but unlike Jay, I'm not good at sitting around.
ReplyDeleteI'm not too good at sitting around either, though I do love watching videos of funny cats and Aussie puppies (don't tell Lottie!)
DeleteIt has to be your own decision, no one should make it for you. I know health, wealth will add to your decision. I would love to retire and I do plan to retire, and being a homebody has prepared me to succeed in retirement with my love of books. Some of my activities will have to be curtailed, but I'm good with that. Like Jay, if I hit the lottery, I'm will be so retired.
ReplyDeleteI think you will be good at retirement, imagine all the books you could read and review!
DeleteI used to think 60 was old! Now my husband and I are both 83 and still active, although we do things a little more slowly these days. But we still make time for his photography and my writing. And reading, of course. And we still walk a lot and mingle with friends (our families are far away from Portugal, but WhatsApp is terrific.) All of these are things we love, and I honestly think we will always be like that - only even a little slower as time goes by, lol.
ReplyDeleteMay this life continue for you and your husband, Elizabeth!
DeleteMy mother died in her mid forties. As I approached her age, I worried. I realize, birthdays are a gift.
ReplyDeleteWe are in our mid-seventies and both retired. We are not as mobile nor as strong as we once were and have given up some of the fun activities we did together. No more downhill skiing and we do miss it.
However Irwin plays tennis and bridge. I am still active on volunteer committees and read, cook, bake at home. The pandemic changed me more than him. I rarely go to the gym any more because of chronic pain in my neck.
But we consider ourselves lucky. We just planned a small group trip to Alaska to watch grizzly bears. Yeah. You only live once.
No more skiing for me either Judy, but I never did LOVE it, and I worried that I would get hurt (which had happened) and then not be able to do things I did love!
DeleteI worked until I was 70, for financial reasons. Then I happily retired and moved closer to family members. Right before the pandemic. So I spent my first year and a half reading, biking, and crocheting hats for charity. Now I work part time during tax season so I can afford to travel. Yes, I’ve slowed down and have health issues but I’m still moving. And having fun.
ReplyDeleteMoving is crucial Ann, don't you think? Sounds like you did what was exactly right for you!
DeleteHealth and wealth come into this conversation. If you have both (however you define each state), then leaving a full-time job and using your time to do what you like/enjoy/love is fabulous. Some people call that state (or stage) 'retirement'. I am in this state but I try to not describe myself as 'retired' because then people think I should be 'doing nothing'. My writing and my teaching are now my focus -- on my own terms and on my own time. And I am loving it. I'll be 63 next month and feel fortunate to be where I am in life.
ReplyDeleteAnd I am fortunate to have you as a friend xo
DeleteRight Amanda, retirement doesn't have to mean doing nothing.
DeleteDitto, dear Ann, ditto. xo
DeleteI love retirement, even more so now that Julie is retired too. However, since the pandemic threw us all for a loop, we’ve done far less than before. I have almost become a hermit. My favorite activity, Julie’s too, is reading, talking about the last book and looking forward to the next. I’ve recovered from a tri-malleolar ankle fracture with ten weeks of no -weight bearing and two surgeries. And Julie had both knees replaced this year. So I think old is when the big outings of the week are to medical appointments and physical therapy!
ReplyDeleteLucy Roberta, why retire when you are working for yourself and doing something you love? And to whom would you address your letter of resignation!
I loved my work, hospice nursing, but often I didn’t like my job — going out in the middle of the night to who knows where for starters. Now, retired, I have the privilege dealing with end of life issues with friends, And I only get up in the night to let the demanding dogs out!
That’s me, Ann, but you probably guessed. And as for old, I think I’m amongst the eldest here. I was 82 in December.
DeleteYou are right Ann, to whom would the letter go? I sure hope that you'll be able to do whatever suits you now that the ankle and knees are fixed up!
DeleteMy mom passed away suddenly at 66. Three of my grandparents died in their 60s & one died at 39 from TB, so I figured genetics was not on my side to a long retired life. Luckily, I could afford to retire from the Canadian federal government at 50 with a pension & medical benefits. And when my dad passed away in late 2021, I inherited all his assets. I have zero debts so I am financially free to do what I want.
ReplyDeleteHappily, I am much more physically & mentally fit than when I was working 8 hours a day in a windowless cubicle. But I have had some health issues since retiring. Like Ann, being immobile for several months due to a broken ankle was no fun. And dealing with two long bouts of post-COVID symptoms has been trying. But I turn 57 next month, and I hope 2023 will be a more fun retirement year for me.
P.S. I just finished listening to actor William Shatner's new memoir, BOLDLY GO, He's 91 (the same age as my dad was) but so different in their approach to life. Shatner has endured plenty of tragedy in his life but his secret to a living a good life is to be endlessly curious and eager to try anything (once).
DeleteI like that Grace, being endlessly curious. I too had close relations who died too early and that makes me eager to do things differently (as I can!)
DeleteShatner is amazing, isn't he? I'll put his memoir on my list, Grace.
DeleteI think our definition of "old" has definitely changed. The Hubby has a significant birthday next year and he recently said, "I'm an old man." I replie is absolutely not and The Boy agreed. He plans to retire in the fall, but as he's one of these people who absolutely can't do nothing, I'm sure he'll find lots of things to fill his time.
ReplyDeleteI think (hope?) retirement for me is FINALLY getting to focus full-time on writing, but that's a ways off yet.
Liz, hopefully your hub has some things in mind for after retirement. That's a drum my hub beats in his blog--plan ahead for retirement so you don't end up feeling adrift.
DeleteThis is so timely, I hit a milestone birthday this summer and my college roommate hit the same one yesterday. Neither of us are working at our prior full time jobs, both of us are pursuing passions. Perhaps the secret is it depends on what you call work. Seems to me that those you cite work for monetary gain, but they are working at their passion! I happily plonk away at the keyboard spending eight hours a day with my characters. It doesn't feel at all the same as those eight hours in my prior day job!
ReplyDeleteI turned 65 last year, but have been retired for over a decade, which I do not regret. I've been busy in my retirement--the very first month, I added things that I had been wanting to do. I'm really grateful for the life I have right now, and also aware that it won't last and I need to consider the future. I don't want my son to have to clean out my house, so I need to downsize and get rid of stuff (books, aargh!) My sister, her husband, some friends and I are thinking about creating our own elder living space, by perhaps buying a garden court apartment with 4-6 units and living together in community, with space for a care=giver. I hope we can make some progress on that idea this year.
ReplyDeleteI love that idea Gillian--please keep us posted.
DeleteGillian that is a great idea. I have a friend who lives in Oakland, CA who lives in a similar community. She loves it!
DeleteWhat a fabulous, and forward-thinking idea. Keep us informed.
DeleteWhat a great idea, Gillian.
DeleteMy advice don’t do anything drastic too soon. If you own your home you may want to keep that asset for your son. Unless you have bad health you are young to be thinking of care givers. Real estate can get complicated, the use you are anticipating may not be allowed by statute in many places.
DeleteI have this same birthday coming up this month too. I don’t consider myself old. As long as health stays with me, I consider to be privileged.
ReplyDeleteI retired four years ago and I’m very happy with my choice. The last years at my job were difficult.I had lost the desire to go to work.
I appreciate the freedom to chose where and when I put my energy: a little writing, a little family time, a little volunteering, a little socializing, a little exercising and, of course, a lot of reading.
Danielle
Happy birthday Danielle! So glad you were able to leave the job you didn't love and find other things you do love!
DeleteHappy birthday soon, Danielle, and welcome to the second S decades!
DeleteAnd Happy Birthday to you Roberta !
DeleteDanielle
I am slightly younger than Brenda Blethyn and slightly older than Cher so they give me a sort of guide. If they can do what they do, then I should be able to not get "old." I do understand that everyone is different, however.
ReplyDeleteI think life is meant to be lived however you choose to live it. I love writing and will work as long as my mind and body are on board. Will I work less as I age? Um...maybe? I have no idea but I plan to go out like Robert B Parker - at my desk. Hmm. Maybe I need a nicer desk. LOL.
ReplyDeleteSeriously, I was recently in Sturbridge, MA, attending a wedding and I made friends with Judy, a lovely lady who tended the breakfasts at our hotel. She was 74, twinkling eyes, ready smile, and empathetic heart. When we talked about life and work, she said she could retire but she'd miss the the connections she made to the people she met every day and so she stayed. Judy and I discovered we had suffered similar losses in life, and I have to say that even though our lives only intersected for a few short days, she sure made a positive impact on mine.
That's a wonderful story Jenn!
DeleteI retired when I was 62 due to my disability. Looking back now, I think I was at my oldest then; not hearing, depressed and fat. Poor in both health and spirit. Each year I got a little better. Discovering this community 'youthened ' me 300%. You are so stimulating. I will be 77 on 28Feb. Like Benjamin Button, I feel like I am aging in reverse.
ReplyDeletePerfect Coralee, align yourself with the best!
DeleteYou are so inspiring, Coralee!
DeleteAll hail Coralee!
DeleteYay, CORALEE!!
DeleteMy husband and I retired earlier this year -- me at age 63, him 66. I am almost certain that had the pandemic not occurred, we both would happily have worked longer. But the pandemic changed both of our work environments enough to make them less personally rewarding, and it sharpened our focus on what we care about.
ReplyDeleteWe both have significant volunteer activities that fill much of our time. We HAVE enjoyed the opportunity to linger over our morning coffee and to sit reading without interruption for an hour at time, and I am surprised to find that we actually sleep a full 8 hours most nights. (I always thought that was a myth, since I rarely slept more than 6 hours a night. Who knew?) We have several trips planned, both abroad and domestically.
I truly believe this is one of the most individual choices one will make in life, up there with marriage and children. The key, IMHO, is to tune out the world and figure out what fills YOU with joy.
Your comments make so much sense Susan, thank you
DeleteSusan, what you say makes so much sense to me. And yes, Lucy, it's such an individual thing. Too bad we don't all have a crystal ball to see what lies ahead. Which is why *live in the moment* is the best I can do. And cherish my friends and family... I am so lucky on both counts. But it's definitely true that aging and starting to lose loved ones does change one's perspective.
ReplyDeleteAnd some other elders who i'd add to Lucy's list of admirables: Emma Thompson (her go-for-broke performance in Matilda is breathtaking), Nancy Pelosi (she sure knows how to get things done)...) And so grateful, too, that my career is in writing where you don't have to officially retire... ever.
ReplyDeleteyes age and loss change a person's perspective. I find Nancy Pelosi astonishing--whether you like her politics or not, to do what she's done at her age???
DeleteLOVE the doggeral! Nice job!!!
ReplyDeleteAs to getting older...I can't help getting older (God willing), but I really don't want to get old! It's these health issues that are the real drag.
thanks Libby, I'll tell John!
DeleteFirst, happy milestone birthday, Roberta! I hope you get to celebrate for weeks. My daughters taught me that birthdays need to be recognized, early and often.
ReplyDeleteMy mother turns 93 next week, and she is a poster child for living one's best life into the sunset. Even though she retired at 65, she has stayed engaged and as active as possible for all her life since. She is the matriarch of our large family, the oldest living member who has outlived all but her youngest sibling (of eight--Mother was the middle child). To almost all the nieces and nephews and grandkids she is still their favorite relative, and up until Covid took away her oomph a couple years ago she called everyone on their birthday and sang Happy Birthday to them, and asked if they'd gotten her card. And until Covid hit she was still driving, including chauffeuring around my 20-years younger aunt and some of my cousins who are younger than I am.
Mother made me realize that age is just a number. She flat out doesn't give in to that quaint idea, and refuses to slow down. She may weigh 90 pounds soaking wet, she may need a walker to stay upright, but her voice is strong (stronger than mine), and her mind is as sharp as ever. A lifelong mystery and fiction reader, she reads four to five novels a week, despite macular degeneration (the Nook with giant font makes such a difference), and she goes through two or three fill-ins books a month (like crossword, but with just a word list, no clues. They are HARD to do). Don't try to keep her away from family, in particular; she is smackdab in the middle of whatever social event she is able to attend.
There, my role model, shared with you all. I retired my own business about 16 years ago, but I've stayed busy, including doing all the bookwork for Steve's business. He's 73 and probably will never retire, as long as birdfeeder companies (like Brome, in Brome Lake, Quebec, the inspiration for Louise Penny's Three Pines) still want him to take photos for their brochures and websites. He plays tennis as often as possible, and just took windsurfing lessons with our daughter last week in Mombasa, Kenya. I took salsa lessons with the same daughter, overlooking the same beach, and was the oldest person in the group, by probably 20+ years.
Your family and mother sound amazing Karen! what a gift she has...
DeleteKaren in Ohio, I agree with Lucy! Diana
DeleteI decided that “old” is ten years older than whatever my current age is, and then realized that a lot of vibrant people I know are older than that!
ReplyDeleteDebRo
Yes, let's keep pushing the boundaries DebRo:)
DeleteI love reading your post and all these comments - it makes me realize how varied our (older people) experiences are! I had to retire early from an office job I loved due to the organization’s loss of funding, and I did some temping in the following two years, and then the pandemic happened. Now that the pandemic is receding I have been hoping to temp again. The temp jobs I did before haven’t returned yet but I’m hopeful. Also thinking of maybe working in a bookstore… I actually like working, and just being engaged with people! I also love reading and writing, my lifelong hobbies, but being social with a shared responsibility is also at the top of my list when I think of the (my!) future. I’m at the beginning of my seventh decade but I feel relatively young. There are so many places to see and things to do in life but I’m happy to do what is within my reach which always ends of being farther and more accessible than I first thought!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure things have changed that much. Both my grandmothers and my mother volunteered and ran non-profit boards and so on after they retired from paid work. I had the same milestone birthday yesterday, and both my publishing contracts run out this year, so this is a topic very much on my mind lately. I am doing what I love, true. On the other hand, I haven't had a day in the last eleven years when I didn't have a deadline looming and I am weary of it. On the other hand, I don't golf, or have a boat or garden or do anything else other retirees do, and I am unlikely to start. I do, however, have some personal projects I'd like to spend some time on. I also would like to spend more time with my family that doesn't feel like time I'm neglecting work or working away in the corner. So I'm torn. As you can probably tell.
ReplyDeleteYes, as a writer, there's no moment of truly "free" time. Hmm.
DeleteSuch a thoughtful post, Roberta, and something I think a lot about. My parents never really retired and they both lived into their nineties. I'm sure I would have no trouble filling my days, but on the other hand I can't imagine not writing, not having a story going in my head. Also, there is the little matter of writers not having pension plans...
ReplyDeleteWell, first, youngster, Happy Birthday. That's when we celebrate that we were BORN, right? Which is a very good thing. I am older than you, and I have to say I rarely think about it, in the context of not being "able" to do something. I think...it's a waste of time, frankly, to think about age. It's gonna be what it's gonna be, and we have ONE life, and if we are lucky, we get to do whatever we want to, sometimes at least, and be grateful for that. I am so much more grateful for everything these days. And never too late for that! (AND most def, it's a great excuse not to go skiing.)
ReplyDeleteWonderful post, Lucy, and loved the comments from JRW and readers. This is so timely since it is my birthday week and wanted to wish Lucy a very happy birthday!
ReplyDeleteFeeling gratitude that I am still here. My cousin never had a chance to live to my age because she died of cancer several years ago. It was caught too late. I always have held a vigilant eye on my health because of my awareness of family health history.
My grandmother died at 60 of a disease that smokers die from Yet she Never smoked! She was a city gal and never liked camping nor the outdoors. Living in a city with lots of air pollution did Not help her health, I noticed that whenever I go camping or the outdoors, I never get sick!
We are dealing with the floods here in California! Stay safe everyone and Happy New Year!
Diana
Happy birthday Diana ! Stay safe in your corner of California. Thinking of you.
DeleteDanielle
Thank you, Danielle! Having a very nice birthday week and reading good books! Diana
DeleteThis is so timely as I've thought about it so much recently. My husband retired this summer and it's made me less inclined to want to work. I love writing, but am weary of all the marketing we have to do.
ReplyDeleteMarketing can be so tiresome, can't it? I hear you.
DeleteI struggled a bit with the concept of defining a second chapter in my somewhat early retirement, then realized Prudential was my first chapter, teaching my second, storytelling and teaching at the Y my THIRD. An article suggested looking back to what one loved in youth . . . teaching had always been my goal, but reading stacks of books was my summer delight. My current chapter is reading and reviewing . . . and quite recently, helping nieces by holding their newborns while they work from home. Best "job" ever! <3
ReplyDeleteAge is a state of mind. I remember being depressed as hell when I turned 70. Bouchercon in Dallas was winding down; it was 2019 before Covid hit. It really felt like everything was downhill from here. I think part of that depression was the fact that we had lost our parents in the previous 4 year span and I was feeling vulnerable. I'd been retired for some time and was enjoying being able to read as much as I wanted and travel. My husband is the opposite. He always has to be busy with something. I'm still waiting to be able to travel again, possibly without husband if he's going to be stubborn. I need a travel partner!!
ReplyDeleteNan McCann: Texans have a saying about how old one is… “old as dirt.” That says a lot. But, I’ve always thought that a lot has to do with one’s attitude. Yes, health can obstruct many bucket list items… but, chronological age is, really just a number! In my 20’s I took a Chinese class at SMU. A couple, age 92, were in the class. When asked “why, now, at your age?” The answer was”Why not? And China is so much in the news and we want to be able to say a few words when we go!” It made a huge impression on the 22 year old me. So I say… forget the number! Do whatever you can, whenever you can, and don’t stop! Happy birthday!!!
ReplyDeleteHappy Birthday. I share both a first name and an upcoming birthday with you.(don’t know your exact date) I also am of a vintage age and still working. I enjoy the interactions I have every day and don’t see why an arbitrary age should affect your future decisions to continue working if you enjoy what you do.
ReplyDeleteThere are many examples in the arts e.g Verdi who was still composing in his 80’s
Staying active is also considered to promote a better quality of life.
Great post. My answer is simple as to why I would not retire. I love working; I like getting up in the morning with a work day ahead of me. Yes, the fact that I have my own company is an advantage, as it gives me the freedom to grow and tweak my business as I want to. I wouldn't change the challenges & stimulation of entrepreneurship for anything!
ReplyDeleteLiving in a senior apartments building has caused me to reconsider my definition of "old." But so has Covid (I had about a month of Covid brain fog after a short bout of the disease.) One of my dearest friends died rapidly of a stroke around Christmas. She was older than I am, but not old. My knees are old but I am not. Or so I say.
ReplyDelete`