Thursday, May 25, 2023

Lucy is Remembering Old Friends #amwriting @LucyBurdette

LUCY BURDETTE: I'm supposed to be working on Key West food critic mystery number 14, as yet unnamed. But I have been distracted by a number of things, including the upcoming launch of The Ingredients of Happiness (July 4.) Last week I was sorting through a pile of old photographs (another form of procrastination) and came across this one of our friend, Dr. Howard Blue, with our daughter, many years ago. 



Howard was a psychiatrist and a tennis player, extremely smart and with a huge sense of humor. For a stretch of years, he went on vacation with our family. He fit right in and the kids loved him. Then we moved a little further away, and I became involved with writing, and we lost touch. It was a big shock a couple of years ago to hear that he had had a sudden heart attack and died in his office. How I wish I had reconnected with him!



 The Happiness book is dedicated to my old friend, which makes me me feel a little better, though it's not the same thing at all as having him over to dinner. I also gave Howard a quirky role in the book. Here’s a little snippet from Happiness, where Cooper Hunziker is showing her sister her new office. (The office is at Yale, which does in fact have decorative gargoyles on many of the buildings.)


My phone chimed and Trudy’s FaceTime picture popped up on the screen. “I know you’re busy with Daniel and all, I wanted to check in and see how it’s going.”

“You’re just in time to get a tour of my office,” I told her, ignoring the not-so-subtle hint about my love life. I walked the phone around the room, explaining what still needed to be done. “Oh, here’s the best part,” I said, hurrying to the window. “My next-door neighbor.” I held the screen up so she could see the gargoyle.

She yelped with delight. “I love him! He’s perfect! What are you going to call him?”

“Howard, I think,” I said, surprising both of us.

“After Dr. Blue,” she said.

I nodded. Howard Blue was the psychiatrist who’d been particularly kind to my mother over her last three years. Under his care, she’d managed to achieve an improved level of calm and balance that made life easier for both of us.

“I love that,” she said. “And here’s another idea. What if you posted a picture of the gargoyle on your Instagram and asked for suggestions for his name? It could go viral. He’s that cute. You don’t have to tell them you’ve already settled on Howard.”

“You’re brilliant,” I said. “When Meeka the publicist fires me, I’m hiring you.” I heard the shrieks of her children squabbling in the background and she signed off to referee. I snapped the photo out of my window, adjusted the lighting, and posted: My new neighbor. How would he introduce himself? #rockthehappinesschallenge #gargoyle #gargoyles #namethegargoyle #theneighborhood #gargoylewisdom #rockyourhappinessjourney. 

The comments began to ding my phone instantly. “Claude!” “Peter!” “Handsome Dan!” “Pierre!” “Orlando!” “He’s adorable!” “Is he single?”


LUCY: Do you have old friends who were an important part of your life whom you haven't seen in a while? Tell us about them!




You can pre-order The Ingredients of Happiness


Or reviewers can request it on Netgalley


Or, ask your local librarian to order!


Finally, I wanted to mention that our friend Elizabeth Varadan was featured in Top Retirements last week in an interview about retirement in Portugal--go have a look!

62 comments:

  1. I loved this book, Lucy! [And the story behind the gargoyle's name is so sweet.]
    Recently, I was fortunate to have the opportunity to reconnect with a friend from our college days . . . we've enjoyed catching up!

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    1. thanks so much Joan! I'm glad you had a chance to connect with your college friend--they know you in such a different way!

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  2. I'm not good at staying in touch with people, so there are sadly way too many people who have dropped out of my life over the years.

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  3. Thanks to FB I have been able to reconnect with quite a few of my high school friends. I was on there searching for my best friend, Debbie, and asking others if anyone knew where I could find her. Then my friend Michelle send me a message with a copy of her obit. I had just missed finding her by a few days. She had only been an hour or so away. I cried so hard. Life gets in the way and then you have time to reconnect and cancer takes away so many that I've cared about.

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    1. Oh no, what a sad story! So sorry you didn't get to see her.

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  4. I pre-ordered this book months ago and just checked that it will be coming in early July. Perfect! I'll bring it to the signing at RJ Julia in August!

    I have lost touch with many people over the years. Last night I was thinking about a friend whom I met at Claremont College near LA, the summer after I graduated from UCONN. We stayed in touch for several years. One summer we drove from Sacramento to LA, mostly along the coast. She showed me San Francisco. Nicest person ever! I'd reconnect if I could.

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    1. Thank you Judy, can't wait to see you! I hope you find your Claremont College pal...

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  5. What a bittersweet tale of your old friend, Roberta. His spirit sings out in that photograph. Can't wait for the new book!

    I wish I could find Kathy Lockhart, my good friend and housemate from my college years. She changed her name after she married, and I can't find her. Believe, I've tried. Another college friend was my astral twin - we were born the same day, same year, same area code. Nancy Willetts, are you out there?

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  6. Thanks for introducing us to Howard. I'm glad he ended up in your book, and I'm sorry he left this world so suddenly. The book sounds great!

    I've learned to accept that some friendships are just for a time; they change and fade or rekindle. FB has helped me reconnect with some of my old college roommates and stay in touch with former co-workers, which has been delightful.

    I had a college friend named Bonnie who moved to Australia more than 30 years ago. I remember her facial expressions and laughter and the delight we had in conversation, but I haven't been able to find her.

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    1. Thanks Gillian. That's an interesting conclusion, that some friendships are meant to be for a time. I remember a discussion led by our JRW friend Nancy Martin about how many connections a person can have. Here's a snippet from Vox--wouldn't this make for an interesting blog? "Humans have a limit on how many deep friendships they’re able to sustain. In the 1990s, evolutionary psychologist Robin Dunbar published a study claiming that humans can cognitively handle up to 150 meaningful social relationships (which includes family and friends) at any point, colloquially known as Dunbar’s Number. Not all 150 contacts are created equally, though. Out of dozens of connections, the number of close friendships people have, Dunbar found, is five. Similarly, a 2020 study found that having three to five close friends is enough to feel fulfilled."

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    2. Lucy: That is a fascinating snippet. Thanks for inserting it here.

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    3. This is so interesting, Lucy. You should do a blog on it.

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    4. So interesting! Thanks for sharing that snippet.

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  7. I have been trying to find a few of my old friends from college and I get nowhere. My friend Jan has maybe married and has a different name but nothing comes up with her maiden name. Another old friend has the same name as an old family of politicians from another state. I don't believe there is any connection to him. I've tried searching his parent's names and the city where they lived. Nothing.

    I may have to reactivate my ancestry subscription and see what i can learn there.

    Looking forward to your book, Lucy!

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    1. Thank you Judi! We need a friendship excavator to find our lost people...

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  8. I finished "The Ingredients of Happiness" this morning around 4:30 AM with a Kindle battery at 43%. I had to finish. It is wonderful, I will enjoy writing this review. You see, while I was reading about happiness, we on Nome Street were developing strategies to treat Amy's diagnosis of throat cancer. In this scary time, I was able to look at the chapter headings and reflect on the suggestions, along with following Cooper's story. Thank you for helping me untangle my myriad of emotions, finding happiness in the caring and friendship that has been given to both Amy and to me.

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    1. Oh Coralee, what a lovely comment! I'm so glad you were able to find something helpful in there--we are all rooting for you and Amy! xox

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    2. Coralee, sending warm thoughts and healing prayers your way! Bless you and Amy! (Flora)

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    3. Coralee, I cannot begin to understand what you and Amy are feeling right now. Just know that you have friends all over the world who are praying for her complete recovery!

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  9. This blog gives me permission to ask Amanda from Saskatchewan who joins frequently, if she would contact me to help me find contact places to find my roommate from when I lived in Regina in 1970-72. She came from Estevan, and I can’t find her. There are many things in my life that make me remember her – cooking tripe, egglets, and so much more. spare at seaside.ns.ca, if you would like to help.
    Old and early friends have the ability to share memories together – usually beginning just as you left off.

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    1. Margo: I am Amanda from Manitoba. You mean another Amanda?

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    2. I thought you were from Saskatchewan - sorry. I will keep searching!

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  10. What a great cover, Lucy, for a terrific title. This will be a must read. And thanks for the link to Elizabeth's interview, which I enjoyed.

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    1. Thank you Amanda! Yes, everyone should go read Elizabeth's interview about retiring in Portugal!

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  11. Happiness sounds like a good goal at the moment, for a lot of reasons. I need to find those ingredients, Roberta. Hope they aren't too dear.

    Several years ago I reconnected with two high school classmates on the same, 3,000-mile road trip. On my way down the West Coast I stopped to visit with them both, neither of whom I'd seen since graduation in 1969. Since then I talk to Ellen regularly, and she has come to stay with us a couple times here in Ohio. Her son and I have become friends--he sent me the most generous note regarding what he called my "influence" on his late-age college graduation. And while Jo and I don't correspond as regularly, she sends me cards on occasions like Easter and July Fourth, just to let me know she is thinking of me. And when she comes to Ohio to visit family we try to meet up for a meal together. Both of these relationships are much stronger today than they ever were in our childhoods.

    When I count my blessings, those friendships are among them, and they would not have happened if it were not for Facebook. For all its negatives, social media has been amazing for reconnecting with long ago friends and family.

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    1. it's so true Karen--social media has many downsides, but connecting with old friends is a big positive.

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  12. I love the gargoyle story - and what a sweet way to remember your friend.

    Every five years my college friends and I get to catch up at reunion. We've stayed in touch thanks to Facebook, but nothing's like sitting down for a drink to both talk about old times and catch up on what's new.

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  13. ROBERTA: I am glad you were able to dedicate your new book to Howard & include him in the story.

    I do have some childhood friends that I have not been able to keep in touch with. No luck finding them online. Laura Smith, Alex Russell, Kathy O'Keefe, where are you now?

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  14. The book sounds wonderful, I have it on order. Just curious why you chose Yale over lets say another (better?- hahaha ) Ivy school?

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    1. Now you must reveal who you are:). I chose Yale because I worked in New Haven for many years at the Yale Health Plan and so know it well enough to write about it! But please everyone remember, this is a fictional Yale, not the real thing...

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    2. haha! Yes my husband is *65 at that other school. I heard you speak many years ago now at a reunion - a panel of foodies. Such a fun and interesting talk by so many interesting and talented former students. Go Tigers!

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    3. Tigers yes! thanks for visiting here today, and come back soon!

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  15. My family moved so much in my earlier years ("grass is always greener" moves) that I lost touch with most childhood friends. As an adult, I've kept in touch with my friends, and definitely family, via FB and emails and Skype calls. (A great reason I love the Internet.) I love your idea of including a special friend in your book.

    Thank you for mentioning your husband's interview with me.

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    1. So interesting, Elizabeth. I only wish there had been photos!

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    2. I know, doesn't she make it sound divine? Except learning Portuguese--ooh la la!

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  16. LUCY: Thanks for letting us know we can request your book on NetGalley. I'll see if I can read your novel about Happiness.

    My condolences on your friend Dr. Howard Blue. He sounds like a wonderful friend. Love the idea of including a special friend in your book.

    We are blessed to have friends in our lives. There were several childhood friends whom I had lost touch with then reconnected at University. These are people who were kind to me. As an adult now with the Internet, it is easier to keep in touch with friends. Though some of them do Not use social media at all, they do have email and we can text each other.

    This is a wonderful post, Lucy. Thank you.

    Diana

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  17. Love the book!! And I know writing it was a labor of love sparked by inspiration. I grew up on the west coast so have lost touch with all but one of my childhood friends… but my one friend is worth her weight in gold.

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  18. This is wonderful and just what I needed to read today. Looking forward to reading the entire book.

    I have kept in touch with many of my friends from childhood to adulthood. It pleases me to know there won't be regrets on that score. The one I do regret was my high school English teacher. She was the first to make me think I could do this thing. It was a parochial school and nuns were always on the move so we lost touch someplace between college and my adult life. When my first book was published, I exhausted every avenue I could think of to find her. Last year the Dominican motherhouse digitalized their older newsletters. I discovered my mentor had passed away in the early 2000s. She was still a nun, and had established a school in Africa.

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  19. I loved learning more about your friend Howard, Lucy, and appreciate the reminder to keep up those important connections.

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  20. I would love to reconnect with my high school best friend, Laura Otchy(or Otchie? It’s her married name.) We went off to different colleges, and kept in touch for several years. She was/is one of the kindest people I’ve ever known.
    I’m still in touch with my late brother’s ex-girlfriend whom he dated for four years. But I haven’t seen her since attending her wedding over forty years ago! We continue exchanging Christmas cards and gifts every year, and we talk on the phone or we text every so often. I never told my brother that she and I continue to be friends!

    DebRo

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    1. That's sweet DebRo. Do you think your brother would have minded?

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    2. I don’t know if he would have minded. I didn’t want to hurt him, so I never told him. Their break up was his idea, and I know my friend was deeply hurt. He was even afraid to tell our family because he knew how much we loved her; he told our dad privately, and asked him to tell the rest of us. In the end, they both ended up happily married to other people. I adore my sister-in-law, and am really happy that they married each other. My friend was actually a wonderful source of moral support for me when my brother died suddenly a year and a half ago.

      DebRo

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  21. In 2012, I attended my 40th high school reunion, and talk about reconnecting, it brought a renewal of friendships with some dear women with whom I started having dinners when visiting my hometown and even a meet-up in Key West. And, there were two male friendships that became dear to me, and they were included in our "girls" dinners, too. Unfortunately, the two dear men have passed, but I so treasure the time of reconnection we were given. So, by 2020, we girls were in the habit of getting together when I'd come for a hometown visit, and I even started staying with one of them instead of at my brother's or a hotel. Then, March 2020 hit, and it's been three and a half years since I've seen my hometown crew. I am planning a trip this year, but I sometimes get really pissed at how we were robbed of those years at a time when every year has started to count. I am thankful that we were able to attend funerals and have memorials for our two guy friends, since that happened in 2019. There's something really special about friendships with people who were there when you grew up, and since I grew up in a small picturesque town, it's nice to revisit that time with those who shared it.

    Lucy, your book sounds wonderful. I love gargoyles, and for me, having a gargoyle named after me would be so cool. I think you are honoring your friend in a lovely way. I already like Cooper, who show a sense of humor and quirkiness about her in your excerpt.

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    1. Thanks Kathy. I know, we were all robbed of so much by stupid Covid. I'm so grateful we're emerging from that...

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  22. Old friends! Your column comes at a time when I'm planning to meet up with several old friends from my junior year abroad. The ones that are joining me in revisiting old haunts are so special to me--you form strong bonds when you are all far from home. But I also think with sadness about the ones who either cannot join us or who have died, including my boyfriend that whole year. Just heard of yet another friend who died out of that group--I went out on one date with him, and decided that he was a nice guy, but not for me. I introduced him to my college roommate, and after one dance, they were joined at the hip! He went on to a brilliant career and a saw him once more and we corresponded by email fairly recently. Hard to believe he's gone.

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    1. I'm so sorry about your old friend...I've been in search of a friend who was my roommate in Paris and Avignon. Hope I will find her!

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  23. Aw...this is the tenderest post. Aw. ANd you book is incredible--you have such an amazing voice! ld friends, well, one found me after a recent book came out, and though it had been seriously forty years, we were just chatting away via email. Hmm. SO interesting! (and it plays in to my book in progress. Thank you! VERY VERY different from yours, of course!) HURRAY for Ingredients, and a cosmic wave of gratitude to your dear friend.

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  24. Friendship . . . and chocolate . . . and very good books. (Storyteller Mary)

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  25. Lucy, a very inviting title! The gargoyles of New Haven haven’t crossed my mind in nearly 60 years. No friends from that long ago, but one from the mid1990s. We met in law school in Tacoma WA (she was the first of my friends who said “you’re old enough to be my mother.) when she was 25 and I was nearly 40. We’ve had a few in person visits and postcards from her travels and texting. Just remembered, her daughter turns 25 today! So many years of being “Aunt Elisabeth”! Good wishes for this book! Elisabeth

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  26. Lucy, As you know, I loved this book! Everyone, go pre-order it!!!

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  27. Coming a little late to this conversation, but I it reminded me of the two men I dedicated my last book to. One was a supervisor of mine while I was a VISTA Volunteer (way back when) who taught me about social justice. The other was a UConn English professor, Tom Dulack, who ignited the classroom with his love of literature. I did receive a lovely email from Tom, now retired and an active playwright. It was great to re-connect. And best of luck with the book!

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