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| Me, headed for my prom in 1979 |
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Along with graduations, May means prom season in high schools across the US (I understand “formal” or “grad” is the term in Canada. The UK, of course, has The Proms, but it’s a whole other thing.) The prom has loomed large in the public imagination for years, of course. It’s been features in more movies than I can count, from horror flicks -think Prom Night and Carrie - to dance fests like Grease and Footloose, to teen empowerment in Never Been Kissed and Mean Girls.
The basics have remained the same for close to a century now. Girls dressed to the nines, sometimes in ways that make their elders’ hair stand straight up. Boys in rented tuxedos, which have run to startling colors and fabrics over the decades. Twinkle lights and paper decorations in the school gym/ local event space/ nice hotel. Girls kick off their heels by the third dance. Despite frequently arriving in pairs, kids hang out in gender- and group- defined clusters: there’s all the lacrosse guys, with their bow ties in their pockets, and there are the theater kids, with flowers or fluorescent die in their hair. Some couple breaks up before the night is through. Despite the many cinematic suggestions and the eternal hopefulness of teen boys, very, very few people actually lose their virginity on prom night. It’s far more common to wind up at Denny’s/ Waffle House/ IHoP with a group of friends, dissecting the evening while scarfing down carbs in a quantity only the 17 or 18 year old metabolism can manage.
There’s a new twist for the Instagram age, which comes before prom: the Promposal. In an act of heroic proportions, considering the tender feelings so many teens hide beneath their brash exteriors, one party asks another to come as to prom with decorated cars, signs, clever skits, groups of friends singing - if you can think of it, it’s being done. You know it’s a whole thing, because there are multiple articles in SEVENTEEN and TEEN VOGUE titled “10 Cute Promposals” and “Funny and Romantic Promposal Ideas!”
Here’s Celia Wakefield’s younger grandson promposing to his girlfriend, who’s last name is Pacific. (She’s going as his date!) I can only assume these proposals, like the “will you marry me” kind, come with a well-assured “Yes,” because I would die third hand if any of these kids got their feelings crushed.
Reds, what are your prom memories - for you or for youngsters you know?
HALLIE EPHRON: I only went to one prom, and it was my senior prom. I was seeing a boy who was in college and he and his best friend took .jpeg)
me and my best friend. My dominant memory is that in my haste to leave my bedroom and get downstairs to meet him, I caught the lacy skirt on the dooknob and it ripped. A big hole. I went to my one and only prom in a dress held together by safety pins. Sigh.
My daughter’s first prom was when she was a sophomore in high school and a guy she was mad about invited her to his senior prom. They’ve been together ever since.
RHYS BOWEN: We didn’t have anything as fancy as a prom but a school dance for the sixth formers. I went with a very nice and suitable boy and had a lot of fun in spite of the teachers standing around the walls glaring at us.
All of my kids did proms in a big way. John bought Dominic a tux when he was a sophomore and I think he went to every prom in the county for the rest of his school career. Have tux, will travel. There were o prom posals in those days, but there are now. My granddaughter Lizzie had an embarrassing promposal when a guy invited her with great ceremony in front of all her classmates and she couldn’t say no because she didn’t want to embarrass him, but she’d already agreed to go with someone else. I’m not sure how she sorted that one out.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: How did I not know about promposals?? What fun! (Unless they are embarrassing, like Rhys’s granddaughter’s.) It makes me a little sad that I never went to a prom as I had dropped out of high school at the beginning of my junior year. The only dances I went to were at the local rec center, and they were most definitely NOT formal. I don’t remember Kayti’s proms being a very big deal either, maybe because she was at a magnet school with only a few classes at the high school.
JENN McKINLAY: My best friend and I couldn’t find dresses we liked so we decided to make ours – what were we thinking? This was the late eighties, so it was still doable :) and our dates were fine with it. All I remember is trying to finish my Spanish 5 Honors final at the same time I tried to sew my dress, which caused an epic meltdown, and having the single greatest mom on the planet for taking over the tailoring of the dress and finishing it for me so I could write my twenty page Spanish essay. Mercy. I think promposals are awesome. Neither of my dudes did them, opting instead to go to prom with groups of friends, for which I am relieved.
LUCY BURDETTE: I never went to a prom as I was super shy and we’d moved at the beginning of high school. I was, however, invited to the Snowflake Ball by a kid in my sister’s class. I know I wore a red velvet dress and I definitely know that the corsage was delivered to our house
that afternoon. This was fortunate because it was HUGE, extending |
| Youngest headed to her prom - 36 years later! |
Promposals? I’m going to be the grumpy Grinch here and say it sounds like more pressure and another way to embarrass kids!
JULIA: How about you, dear readers? What are your prom memories - for yourselves and for your kids?
Finding just the right dress was the big prom thing for the girls . . .
ReplyDeleteAs for the promposal thing, we missed out on all of that . . . .
Joan, my mother was big on either 1) sewing them for me and my sister or 2) finding it on the 60% mark-down rack. The dress in the photo that both Virginia and I are wearing was found on the bargain rack of a local bridal shop - it was originally a bridesmaid's dress.
DeleteWise Mom!
DeleteI never went to a prom, either, as I dropped out of high school after my junior year. Later, though, because I had good grades and skills, I did get into college first via night school and later full time. I(t always made me happy to say I was a high school drop out who graduated from university. But - sigh - no prom.)
ReplyDeleteI love telling that same story, Elizabeth!
DeleteI think we need to have a Prom at one of the mystery conferences, so everyone who didn't get a first - or who wants a re-do - has a chance!
DeleteI don't think we had a prom at my high school.
ReplyDeleteDid you go to school in the US, Dru Ann? Until recently, it's very much been an American thing. Of course, with Instagram and Tik-Tok, I'm sure it will spread everywhere, if it hasn't already.
DeleteWe didn't have a formal in high school. I did go to a formal during my final year at UofWaterloo. My late mom designed & sewed my outfit: a floor-length black skirt, a red silk blouse and a short fitted black jacket with gold threads. I still have the skirt & jacket stowed in my closet. That formal was the last time I went out my boyfriend Roland. He moved back to Singapore a few weeks later.
ReplyDeleteSounds gorgeous, Grace! My mother made several of my and my sister's formal dresses. We had the opposite issue; our high schools each had two formals a year, so there were a LOT of occasions to dress up.
DeleteNo prom for me. Alas, I was the geeky nerdy kid who never got asked.
ReplyDeleteAnd you were SO ADORABLE! Go figure... Men. Pfffft. My daughter and her friends went to their proms sometimes dateless and had a blast. Take that.
DeleteMe, neither, kiddo. #Same. I have ambivalent feelings about the tradition of prom. Not asking you to read my comment below--screw it, I am :) --but you'll see why I'm ambivalent about prom. Maybe modern customs might make prom more inclusive.
DeleteSame, Annette. But we get the last laugh!
DeleteGonna repeat my suggestion here: Prom at the Con. No need to ask or be asked, everyone welcome to dress to the nines and dance the night away. I still remember the dance they had at the Anchorage Bouchercon - so much fun! I don't know why it hasn't become a fixture.
DeleteI got asked to go to my prom by my boyfriend at the time who had graduated the year before from another school and he never went to his prom. I wasn't thrilled about going to mine but I wanted him to have the experience he missed and I ended up having fun. He came with me when I picked my dress so that he could get a matching shirt for his tux.
ReplyDeleteThe matching shirt (or tuxedo) hasn't gone out of fashion, Queen. At my son's rural high school's prom, I saw a few couples with his-and-her hunter camouflage formal outfits!!
DeleteFrom Celia: Julia is Youngest wearing your dress? On my phone they look identical. I should mention that my G’son is taking a friend. No romance for these kids they all travel together in packs. Same last year. I made his mothers dress for her first prom, strapless black taffeta, ballerina length skirt. I think the crinoline petticoat from Bloomingdale’s cost more than the fabric. She looked very Monroe and chose a good friend who was not from her school which was smart. Lots of drama before but her senior prom was smooth sailing. No prom for me though I did go to balls at posh London hotels, such fun.
ReplyDeleteI have the same question about the dress, Celia!
DeleteI asked myself the same question.
DeleteDanielle
different lighting? film? dress??
DeleteIt is indeed the same dress, thirty-six years later! I kept it, obviously, and it was actually in the kids' dress up box for a while, but it miraculously survived unstained and intact. Youngest really liked it, and the 1970's "Greek robe" style makes it easy to adapt to almost any figure - the dress wraps and ties, and the arm flutters are adjustable.
DeleteI love these stories! As a junior, I went with my very handsome (and tall) boyfriend Tibor, who was a senior. I sewed my own dress, a long sleeveless thing in a white shimmery (watery?) kind of taffeta (I'm sure Karen will help me remember the name) that looked nearly identical to Hallie's. Tibor wore a tux with a white jacket. I was positive a proposal for marriage would come soon. Readers, he broke up with me immediately after he graduated the following month.
ReplyDeleteMy introverted older son went to the prom in his senior year, barely, after being invited by the (female) class president. He apparently spent the whole evening romancing a different girl who became his first great love for a few months. (His date was most annoyed, reports have it.)
Moire', Edith?
DeleteThat might be it.
DeleteI bet it was Moire as well, Edith. It became all the rage in the 1980s - my sister had a formal dress in light blue moire, and I had a killer bridesmaid skirt suit in hunter green moire. The only bridesmaid outfit I ever actually went on to wear more than once!
DeleteI went to my junior prom. Complete waste of time and money. Didn't go to senior prom.
ReplyDeleteI suspect it's often a WHOLE different experience for boys and for girls, Jay.
DeleteIn Quebec we call it « bal de finissant ». I went twice with my boyfriend so, no embarrassing moments. Both my dresses were sewn by a friend of my mother.
ReplyDeleteThe first time , at the end of my all girls catholic school, it was a long princess style baby blue dress with mini white flowers stitched on the bust.
The next was at the end year of the mixed students school with a long very pale yellow dress with a kind of mini cape, a little like Julia’s dress. Both times were fabulous and I felt very beautiful.
Danielle
Danielle, those sound so beautiful! It makes me sad that most girls today won't ever have one of the carefully crafted, hand-sewn dresses so many of us got to wear.
DeleteI just mentioned to Irwin that the subject on today's blog is proms. I asked him if he went to the prom? He replied that he went to lots of proms. LOL
ReplyDeleteSo I asked if he wore a "White Sport Coat and a Pink Carnation." Yes to the coat, no to the flower. He was so cute back then. I have seen the pictures.
Judy, I think the white coat for formal occasions should come back! It looks so dashing on men, and so perfect for spring and summer. My father wore a white dinner jacket when he and my mother got married in 1960. He looks just dreamy, in the parlance of the time. I bet Irwin did, too!
DeleteJulia, look up the song WHITE SPORT COAT AND A PINK CARNATION from the 1950's. Very popular song.
DeletePolka dot tie, and man, oh, man!
DeleteYou have to be a few years older than Julia to remember that song.
DeleteI went to a few proms in my day. One was very memorable for the dress, um gown I wore. I had seen it in Seventeen magazine and desperately wanted it. The store didn't really have my size - a little too big - no problem, I'd take it. It was light blue, strapless with a hoop skirt. Ever tried getting into and sitting down in a car while wearing a hoop skirt? I wish I could have seen it on a video. Because it was slightly too large it kept shifting around a little bit at the top. But I felt like a princess, so who cares.
ReplyDeleteMany years later that dress and another one I had were given new life when some mothers put on a little play about Cinderella for the preschool. By then the dress back had to be held together with safely pins because there was no way that zipper was ever going to work!
I'm laughing, Judi. There's many a well-loved (and pricey) prom dress that's wound up in the dress-up box or in a local drama department's costume closet!
DeleteProm! Mom made my dress junior year; senior year, she created a hot pink Oleg Cassini tunic and pants. My kids attended their proms. I do remember a clueless young man picked up the corsage for my daughter and stored it in the freezer. Hours later, it was a frozen, brown mess. His mother pulled off a miracle, finding a grocery store floral department that could whip one up on a major prom night.
ReplyDeleteGrocery stores for the win, Margaret! My sister's youngest recently went to his prom. She priced a corsage and boutonniere at a florists' shop, nearly fainted, and then got the local Wegman's to make both for about $25.
DeleteI was rather Bolshie in high school and thought that prom was a creation of the Establishment. My one proposal came from a boy I'd grown up with. We'd been neighbors all our lives, and our mothers were friends. I was friendly with him, went to the same church, but we had never gone out on a date, or even with the same group of friends. So I said no as politely as I could and explained I simply didn't want to go. Maybe if the other boy I had a crush on had asked, I would have. But he didn't. The icing on the cake was that the rejected boy's mother called my mother to complain about my refusal. I explained to my Mom, and she was OK with my decision.
ReplyDeleteOh, my God, Anon. And now we see how "men who can't take no" are formed. What was his mother thinking?!?
DeleteI went to my junior prom with a blind date. I dated the guy for a couple months after, but we didn't really "click."
ReplyDeleteMy date for senior prom ditched me two weeks before hand. We weren't dating, just going as friends. I went with a group of friends. He went with his new girlfriend. He told me later I looked better and he should have taken me. Yes, you should have.
Tjhe Girl's proms were marked by agonizing searches for "the" dress. Junior year needed to be tailored because the only one she liked was only available in a larger size. For senior year, she used Rent the Runway. I don't remember The Boy going to his prom as a junior. Senior year was 2020, so...no prom. I do remember him doing one of those signs. I had to drive him to the girl's dance class. At first she said yes, but a week or so later she texted him she wanted to go with someone else. Girls. Sigh.
It's a tough time of life for girls and boys, Liz, and that's the truth. The Maine Millennial went to all her Catholic Girls' School formals with a group of friends, and Youngest did the same for all but one. The truth is, most kids will have more fun going as a group - and even if you come as a couple, you still wind up hanging out in a cluster of friends, anyway.
DeleteAnd yes, I'm absolutely sure your senior prom date got the short end of the stick!
"Promposals? .... it sounds like more pressure and another way to embarrass kids!" I agree Lucy!
ReplyDeleteI was a sophmore in HS and my boyfriend was a junior and he invited me to the prom. I wore a beautiful dress that my mother (an excellent seamstress) made. It was really lovely and I remember having a great time. However, his family moved back to Virginia (Navy family) and I don't remember going to my actual senior prom.
Never date a sailor, Anon, or the son of a sailor, either (says the mother of a sailor.)
DeleteI love hearing the stories about mothers and family friends making these lovely dresses. I wish I had had the skills to do that for my girls. Well, for Youngest. The Maine Millennial was in her butch phase in high school and wore lovely dress pants to her formals. Ironically, now she only wears dresses or leggings - no pants ever!
No proms for me--too shy and nerdy. I did have a group of friends that got together for a few parties and danced, I'm thinking my son did go to prom, but with a group of theater kids, and he went to other parties. No promposals. I just flashed on a student-written one act play he was in where he played a dominatrix wearing fishnet stockings and stilettos--wondering what the "save our children" censorship crowd would have made of that one.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you didn't make it to prom -- agreeing with Julia about the term "promproposals" about which I have thoughts ;) -- but you were blessed with interesting friends. Rock on!
DeleteGillian, my younger two attended the same high school, which took the drama club to NY and saw, among other plays, "Spring Awakening." Don't think they could do that during the current moral panic.
DeleteI never went to Prom. Too nerdy, I guess. I moved to a new state and school the summer before senior year; so that was probably also a factor that year.
ReplyDeleteMy daughter’s senior year her friend borrowed her spare car keys from us and filled her car with inflated balloons while she was at work. When she popped them she found a note asking her to Prom. Low on the embarrassment scale as no one was around .
As another Too Nerdy to Be Invited to the Prom, I salute and appreciate you.
DeleteBrenda, what a sweet and creative gesture from your daughter's friend!
DeleteAnd I always considered myself as a big nerd in high school, but I'm thinking maybe my geeky credentials were less than I thought.
Teenagers. So imaginative, but sometimes so cruel.
ReplyDeleteI always dated guys from different schools, and always had bad timing around prom, so never got an invitation. My best friend's boyfriend talked an older guy into taking me to junior prom so we could double date. I'd already made my beautiful damask dress, but my very much needed (blue, sparkly, cat-eye from grade school) glasses broke right in the middle the day of prom. My mother, as usual, did not find this to be an emergency, so I resorted to taping them in the middle. The horrified and mortified older guy only danced with me once, the sod. Hallie, Edith, and Liz, I feel your pain.
Having three popular daughters could have broken us financially, except we all got creative about dresses. I made over bridesmaid's samples for the oldest, who went to all her dances, and her boyfriend's private school ones. The younger girls shared their gowns, including with their girlfriends. It's fun to look at the photos and spot "that" dress on several much-loved young women. The youngest loved trying on my disco-era Qiana gowns in the closet, and she had me dye one of them so she could wear it for homecoming. It had a deep plunge, so I did some engineering on it to make it more modest. Much like your youngest wearing your gown, Julia. So special that they even want to.
The middle daughter got the promposals, including a stealth one in the middle of the night, with chalk words drawn all over the front patio and the driveway. She went to every dance, and never even got kissed until senior year, she was so shy.
Karen, that's so lovely! Getting creative about the dresses - and shopping the sale rack at bridal stores - is a necessity when you've got more than one daughter. My sister and I both got asked to everything (which, in retrospect, is very nice!) and I remember my mom at one point buying a dress for Barb at an end-of-the-summer markdown, because it looked great on her and it was priced very, very well. She said, "Sooner or later, you'll wear it," and Barb did!
DeleteMy high school boyfriend and I broke up 5 months before THE PROM.. so no fancy dress for me. We got back together at grad night.. good timing on our parts We had the summer fling before the college years began.
ReplyDeleteOh, Coralee, we could do a whole 'nother post about college-era summer flings...
DeleteNever went to prom. For junior prom, several friends and I went to a drive-in movie. Great time!
ReplyDeleteMy parents moved the family when I was in my senior year of HS. Hated the new place and had no interest in prom, not that I was asked.
My kids went to prom. My son went with his sister's friend. My daughter went with another friend (girl). There's so much of that now -- friends going together just to have the experience and not having to worry about being asked. Or not asked. Good for them, I say.
I was about to commiserate with you and honor you for not having gone to prom--and I do honor you, but I absolutely love that friends go to prom together now to enjoy the experience together! Awesome!
DeleteThat was the experience of my daughters, JC. Except for one dance, both of them went with friends and had a great time. My son, the Lothario, on the other hand, always had a pretty girl in his arm, so we have a series of pictures of him with his dates over the years.
DeleteI went to a small, all-girls, school in New Jersey and our prom was in December just before Christmas break. The dating pool was limited and the driving was dangerous. The school was so small that our prom included the junior and senior classes.
ReplyDeleteI did attend as a junior and had a great time. I still have an ashtray (it was 1968) from the venue. It was my first "formal" and I wore the dress I had worn as bridesmaid to my brother's wedding. Still one of my favorite dresses - it was a lime, cream, and yellow Pucci swirl print. Wish I had pictures, but they were lost in the midst of time.
Oh, Kait, I love Pucci prints! I hope somewhere, that dress wound up in a thrift shop, where it was picked up and treasured by this generation.
DeleteNo proms for me. Of my three younger sisters, one went to one prom, with a blind date. I can’t remember how that came about. She never saw him again. Our only brother went to several proms at different schools. (His first three years in high school he went to a minor seminary, and they didn’t have proms!)!One of the times, he agreed to go to his best friend’s sister’s prom with her. She really wanted to go, and wasn’t dating anyone. It’s possible that our youngest sister went to her proms, but I just don’t remember. She was always up for any kind of party!
ReplyDeleteDebRo
May I also salute you as a sister No Proms For Me! My feelings about prom are so ambivalent I think we get to wear a badge of honor.
DeleteI think back in the day, you had to be paired up, so there was a lot of "friend of your brother's" dates or the much dreaded "cousin taking me to the prom." It's better now, when anyone can get a ticket and come with whomever they like.
DeleteIn all my years of high school, there was only one prom in my sophomore year, and it wasn't for a specific class.
ReplyDeleteThis was a tiny rural municipal high school. If you had a date, you could go to the prom. And that was when boys asked girls, period.
Not only did I not get asked to the prom, but I wasn't even invited to the "girls not going to the prom" slumber party. Which I didn't know about until years later.
When we were at the same college and in the same dorm, the girl who'd hosted the party regaled the other girls from our floor with the crazy things that happened at that party for the girls who didn't go to the prom.
I chimed in with, "I wasn't at the party. And I didn't go to the prom."
"Oh, come on! Everyone who didn't get asked to the prom was there! You were there!"
"I didn't even know about it. Until just now."
"Oh! You were there!"
I let her have the last word, for good or ill, and I wish I could forget about it.
We reconnected on Facebook about ten years ago. When she "likes" something I post on Facebook or even comments with an "atta girl" vibe, I still feel that old sting.
I try to tell myself she may remember me backing down and helping her save face.
Ugh, that's harsh.
DeleteI just told my daughter this morning that I wouldn't go back to high school for all the chocolate in the world.
Ugh, Rhonda, it's amazing how those old affronts can still rub like sandpaper, isn't it? Among the many things the younger generation are doing better than we did: formals, which don't require coupling up, and, in most schools, welcome kids just as they are: gay, lesbian, nonbinary and trans.
DeleteJulia, you were so adorable! And I have the same comment about the dresses. Was it just coincidence or is youngest actually wearing your dress?
ReplyDeleteIt's my dress, Debs!
DeleteI went to my senior prom. I went with a friend as friends. We hung out all the time, but her boyfriend lived out of the area and couldn't take her. We had fun. Nothing fancy. I even used my white dinner jacket instead of renting a tux.
ReplyDeleteI was just saying above that the white dinner jacket needs to make a comeback, Mark!
DeleteThere were a lot of convenience dates to proms and formals back in the day when you could only attend as a couple. I had friends swear it was better to go with a bud than with a boyfriend, and considering some of the drama I saw, I have to agree.
I went to both junior and senior proms with my best friend, Kay, as friends. Neither of us had a boyfriend when we were juniors. When we were seniors her boyfriend had just broken up with her and my boyfriend . . . I always had a thing for older guys and my guy at the time had already graduated from college and was working as an engineer on power plants. My school said no outside students (and definitely no outside adults) at the prom, so Kay and I teamed up once again.
ReplyDeleteAnd the dresses! Ah! My junior year I talked my mother into buying this amazing confection of white gauze and red--jeeze, was that gingham and rick-rack? Yeah. I loved it. Felt like a fairy-tale princess. The second year I made my prom dress myself. It was this wonderful Jessica McClintock style gown with a fitted bodice, bias-cut skirt, and long sleeves with gauntlet cuffs. Best dress at the prom. I was only able to sew it because I'd spent the previous summer at a theatre camp, learning to make costumes. So, good memories, but none of them involved promposals or guys getting under those voluminous skirts.
Honestly, some of the best memories about prom for most of us are of the dresses and getting ready, Gigi. I'm going to have to do a Parade of Dresses sometime, so everyone can show off their prom/ formal/ bridesmaids/ wedding attire!
DeleteMy first prom was Grade 11. There were only 2 of us graduating, but the school wanted a ‘prom’ – any excuse for a dance! I made a green sheath empire waist dress overlaid with white lace – it was quite nice if I do say so myself. The best that I can say about him was he was an obnoxious turd, and snuffed all the time. I did beat him in marks that year, so that was good. Unfortunately, since there was just the two of us, we led the parade around the Navy Hall. Now just so you can picture it, there were crepe paper loopity loops all over the ceilings and balloons. Since this was a Big Event (everything was a big event in town), all the old bats would put on their hats, grab their purses and their (only) wool coat, grab their kids and take up bench space all around the walls. Yup – to quote local parlance “lovely tell your mother”. After the first dance I was out of there like the Road Runner!
ReplyDeleteProm date later married one of the girls that I used to hang around with – I had long moved away by then. All I could picture was of them waking up together, and she would roll over, see he was there and puke – he was a such a CREEP.
Margo, I'm laughing. This is so vivid, I swear I can see the crepe paper and smell the woolen coats.
DeleteHallie, if it's any consolation, the day I led out the "Kennedy girl honor guard" (see the banner picture on my Facebook page), my paper-thin skirt had caught on a nail in the headquarters, and to this day, that dress is held together with masking tape from underneath.
ReplyDeleteMy school had no junior prom, but I went to the senior prom my junior year in a midi-length white organza strapless number. The boy I was dating was brilliant but short, so I wore flats. Because the dress was not floor-length, my mother insisted that my kid gloves had to be wrist length. And her hairdresser did a really ugly number on my hair. I felt ugly, and I'm sure I destroyed any and all photos.
For MY senior prom, I went with a friend who was a freshman in college. He was tall, so I wore heels. My wonderful grandmother shortened all the layers of that same organza dress to knee length on one week's notice, and I wore elbow-length gloves which looked much better. I did my hair myself, and it looked just fine. I also wore a necklace and earrings of sparkly red crystals that I still have, though I've never worn that jewelry since. I felt pretty, and from the pictures (which I kept), looked pretty. Same dress, differently styled. I learned not to listen to my mother for style advice; what looked good on her looked awful on me.
That's an excellent piece of advice, Ellen, and a good thing to learn at an early age.
DeleteI missed the age of gloves, but have several of my mother's, including two opera-length kid gloves and several wrist length gloves in different fabrics. Youngest is actively looking for an occasion to wear them!
I’ve been able to wear the gloves I inherited to fancy teas!
DeleteNothing is simple or private anymore. It's all public spectacle. Gender reveal. Promposal. Wedding proposal. etc.
ReplyDeleteAll in public (think about the kiss screen at the big games) with the huge pressure to go one better than any of your friends and not get a "no" answer.
No thank you.
Instagram has a LOT to answer for, Libby!
DeleteLibby, I so agree!
DeleteThe prom at our high school was for juniors and seniors, with the juniors doing the decorating to honor the seniors. So, if you got asked to the prom by an upper classman when you were a freshman or sophomore, it was a big deal. I was asked as a freshman by my senior class boyfriend, so it was really exciting. Although I went to the prom all four years in high school, my freshman year was the only year I went with a "boyfriend." My parents allowed me to go with the senior boy, who was in my brother's class, because he was truly one of the best, most trustworthy guys ever. He was so nice that he didn't want to give me his class ring, which was the custom when dating an upperclassman, because he didn't want me to feel obligated or under any duress about our dating. Well, what's the point of dating an upperclassman if you don't get his darn ring to show off. So, while we are good friends to this day, I decided maybe he was too nice. Yes, I was stupid. The rest of the proms I went with a friend who was a boy each year, and we enjoyed the prom in friend groups. The prom, however, wasn't our only formal dance during the year. The band dance was a big deal, too, and was held in December. We started going to that in junior high. I only ever went with friends to that. All dances were held in our school gym, which I thought worked well because the bleachers provided a perfect place to sit and socialize. Oh, and I do remember certain couples who were crowned as King and Queen of the prom who were actual couples, and some went on to get married to each other. That's probably more of a small town, which we were, occurrence.
ReplyDeleteMy kids' proms were much bigger deals than mine. For my daughter, shopping for just the right dress, going out to eat in groups on prom night before the event, after party at school, and then after party at a friend's house. I had one after party at our house my daughter's senior year. My son, although not as frenzied about the right dress, did do the tux and eating out, one time at one of his friend's house. Holding the dinner before the prom at a friend's house and making it a formal event became more in vogue during my son's high school years. And, they started having the after party at the school entice kids to attend by offering nice prizes of which there were plenty. My son won a TV one year. Oh, and daughter's and son's proms were not held in the gym. They were held at a hotel or the sports center in town. I guess the high school gym prom is a thing of the past.
I'm not sure how I feel about the promposal. I'm sure they are lots of fun for those who do them and are in agreement before about going with one another. I do think it might rub it in more for those who don't get asked. I do agree that I've seen some creative ones featured online. It can be close to being ostentatious though, one more thing the "popular" kids do big that the kids in the background have to live through. I say this as having been one of the popular kids. I've just always been sensitive to what the kids in the background are feeling, probably because I was a studious, book loving student who could have easily been in the less popular instead of popular.
My kids generation, like yours, has moved from the gym to hotels and event centers, which is also partly the reason you're seeing so many car or limo rentals by parents. Nobody wants their kids driving from a downtown hotel to the post-prom breakfast at Dennys or at a friends' house. For her sons, my sister chipped in with a group of other parents to provide a stretch vehicle for the whole night - with pre-approved destinations, to prevent any shenanigans.
DeleteThree proms with my husband. The first one, he was so excited he got his tux before I got my dress, so I had to match him. He got a white tux with powder blue, so in my white poofy dress (1985) we looked like we were getting married.
ReplyDeleteFor the third prom I was going to reuse a dress, but then I found one on sale at Burlington Coat Factory for $30, probably my favorite of the 3.
As soon as you said white tux, I knew it must have been the 80s, Lisa. My senior prom date wore the exact same outfit, complete with baby blue ruffled shirt. What were we thinking back than?
DeleteThe older kids had a grade 6 graduation - more foolishness than enough! However the gym was always decorated with peonies, because they would always be in full bloom that week. To this day, I associate the sweet smell of peonies with Grade 6 kids!
ReplyDeleteThat's lovely, Margo!
DeleteWay better than a high school prom is Cotillion. But only if you're an adult guest of a deb's parents. A friend's parents paid the obscene amount necessary for their two daughters to go through the debutante process, which includes not just Cotillion, where the girls are formally introduced to society, but other parties, as well. We were invited to Cotillion both times, and one party for each daughter.
ReplyDeleteI had a handsome, tuxedoed date, a beautiful gown (which I made), and nice jewelry. And no curfew, by golly.
Very nice, Karen. My father in law was part of the deb scene when he was at boarding school and later college. he had his own dinner jacket, could dance well, and was polite, so he was invited everywhere.
DeleteI do think you're right, Julia, that most of the promposals are guaranteed positive responses. Otherwise who would do that? Ack!
ReplyDeleteLike marriage proposals - if it's a genuine surprise, the person asking is likely to get a "No," later on, in a quiet and private place. It happened to my mother; one fellow she was dating popped the question - with a ring - at a nice restaurant. She said yes, because how could she not? Returned the ring two days later.
DeleteI didn’t go to my prom…I was painfully shy and wasn’t asked. Back in the early 70’s at my high school at least, you didn’t go to the prom as a group or friends or without a date. I was very ambivalent about going anyway so I don’t really think I missed much. My nephew didn’t go to his prom, but he and a group of friends went to the prom after party.
ReplyDeleteGreat stories, everyone! I went to the last two years of high school in Vancouver, BC, so our senior prom was indeed called "grad." My senior year was 1971, and in those days, I thought I was a hippie, but I still wanted to go to grad. Since I didn't want to risk that no one would ask me, I asked a boy in my class that I was friends with, and he said yes. Whew! My mother made my dress, and I loved it--it was a tight pumpkin-orange zip-up-the-front thing and had a hood lined with a psychedelic print. I got my hair Afro'd at the beauty parlor so it stood out around my head like Angela Davis's, and I thought it was perfect. My date, Rob, who by day was also a hippie, rented tails instead of a tux and looked gorgeous. Neither of us could drive, so I guess somebody's parents took us to the hotel where the official party was. Rob and I had fun eating and dancing together, but we weren't really interested in each other, so after the school-sponsored part of the prom, both of us went off with someone else at the after-party with no hard feelings. I still have that dress hanging in my closet, even though it hasn't fit me for years. I can't bear to part with it--it's so sixties-looking and reminds me of my mother!
ReplyDeleteI was the shyest girl (check my yearbook), but I wanted to go to the prom so I asked a guy who I didn't think had a date. He said no but called me later and asked me. I think his mother talked to him. LOL Another girl's father and aunt taught us to dance. The prom was actually disappointed because everyone else just shuffled. We had our own after prom party. I say no on promposals.
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