DEBORAH CROMBIE: It's time for that seasonal favorite, the dreaded/much anticipated Secret Santa/White Elephant party! My husband's family does this on Christmas Eve every year, and it is an event. He's the oldest of five, so with siblings and siblings' significant others/ex-significant others, siblings' kids, siblings' kids' kids–you get the picture–there are usually at least 40 slips of paper to draw from. The rules are that a gift can be stolen twice, but after that, it's locked. (There is a lot of conspiring among couples for the really coveted gifts, like the good bottle of tequila.)
I have ended up with some truly horrible things, some boring things, and some nice things, although the funniest was at a police department Christmas party one year and cannot be shared in polite company. I have to share a "worst gift", which was not mine but my friend Kathleen's–a rubber finger with a nose-hair trimmer in the tip. Ugh!
My favorite, and the one I've hung on to although I've only ever used it once, is this beatnick German shepherd espresso service. It makes me laugh whenever I see it in my butler's pantry, and I would use it if I could just get someone to drink espresso! (Maybe I need some new hard-line coffee-drinking friends?)
Every plate in this set is different, by the way. So cute.
What about you, dear Reds? Do you love/hate these parties? Have you ever ended up with a Secret Santa/white elephant gift that you just couldn't part with? Best and worst gifts?
JENN McKINLAY: I don’t think I’ve ever done secret Santa/white elephant gifts. When I was a librarian, we all gave each other books at the office party - so never a bad one in the bunch. Phew!
LUCY BURDETTE: I can’t think of a time when I’ve done this either, but we are doing it ourselves this year with our guests for Christmas dinner. It seemed crazy to have people buying presents for everyone or not buying them and feeling embarrassed. So I suggested a Yankee swap. I have a real dog of a present to give away (rubbing hands together).
RHYS BOWEN: My hiking friends and I have done a white elephant swap for years, gifting things we no longer use. Most of them are really nice, as you can’t embarrass yourself in front of old friends by giving away junk. Usually jewelry, silk scarves, purses.
I can’t think of a particular best one but a worst one springs to mind: my choir always did Secret Santa. We had a weird choir member called Bob. He gave a box of opened saltine crackers!
DEBS: That wins a prize, Rhys!
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: That is incredible, Rhys! You all know about my apple corer, but in another of my husband's law firms swaps, we again, carefully (knowing who our recipient was) gave wine and a book.
We got: THREE TANGO LESSONS.
Okay, so maybe we missed a chance at something life-changing, but that certificate is still..somewhere. Unredeemed.
Best? Free movie passes to our neighborhood cinema. Oh, so perfect.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Way back in the mists of time when I worked for a law firm, we did white elephant exchanges during the holidays. They were supposed to be real gifts, just with a dollar limit, but of course, people’s tastes vary… someone brought what was supposed to be a cutting board/ serving board, long and narrow, like a very flat cricket bat made from some visibly flimsy material. It had two crayfish pictured on one side. Crayfish! In Maine! Clearly, whoever selected it had never cooked, served or cut food, because this thing was impractical for all three activities.
Alas, despite briefly holding a nice bottle of wine and a scent/body lotion set I liked, I eventually went home with the weird crayfish paddle. But its life didn’t end there! I gave it to my mom as a gag gift, and she later wrapped it up for her bridge club’s white elephant. Everyone thought it was hysterical.
HALLIE EPHRON: The Secret Santa gift lives on! Love that story, Julia.
The worst secret Santa: a Cornell University toilet seat. Even though my husband AND daughter did go to Cornell, it was not my favorite thing. Then, how to get rid of it?? I think it was in the basement when the wonderful people I hired to TAKE IT ALL AND GET RID OF IT did their job.
My favorite was coffee. Ground coffee. A pound of it from a local roaster. Absolutely perfect.
DEBS: A toilet seat?? Hallie, I think that one takes the cake!
How about it, dear readers? Are you a fan of Secret Santa? Tell us your bests and worsts!
REDS ALERT! Joan Emerson is the winner of Lisa Malice's LEST SHE FORGET!! Joan, you can contact Lisa via her info in yesterday's post! Congrats!
I have vague recollections of having done the Secret Santa thing once, but I couldn't tell you what gift I brought or what one I took home . . . . I'm chuckling over some of the stories, though, [and wondering how anyone could believe an open box of saltine crackers would be a suitable gift] . . . .
ReplyDeleteDesperation, lol?
DeleteThat's pretty desperate!
DeleteAt work the worst gift I ever received was a radio that did not work. I kept it one my desk for a while as it was a good friend of mine that brought in the joke gift but then when she was out on disability for a while I hid it in my filing cabinet.
ReplyDeleteMy brothers and I and spouses would get together on Christmas Eve after our parents had passed to start a new tradition. Instead of buying gifts for everyone we each bought one gift but it had to be something that you would like to receive. No joke gifts allowed. The best one I received was a case to put my music cds in and I still use it to this day. It's great for trips, just flip thru the pages like a photo album.
Did they mean for the radio not to work? I totally don’t understand this… :-)
DeleteMaybe it was supposed to be funny? Or we could be kind and postulate that the giver didn't know it was broken.
DeleteLike, Jenn, I have never done a Secret Santa/Gift Swap like this. My only Secret Santa was in college (1964-1968) when we drew names of our dorm mates. Gifts were “random acts of kindness” … like finding the bed made after you’d rushed out to 8:00 Intro to Econ or coffee and pastry appearing outside your door while finishing a term paper the night before (remember these were the olden days before each door room had a complete kitchen) to coffee mugs (empty) and Christmas ornaments . My last two went when in my move to Florida in 2021. Happy Holidays, All. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI love this! What a great idea.
DeleteWhat a lovely idea!
DeleteI remember one year, my husband's white elephant Christmas gift was a pair of Jack Daniel boxer shorts. He didn't want them, but I wore them as summer pajama bottoms for years! I'm heading to our SinC chapter holiday party later this morning and our annual book exchange. I know I'll like whatever I get at this one. The "worst" you can do is get a book you already own, right?
ReplyDeleteReport back, Annette!
DeleteDeborah, I so crave your German Shephard espresso maker. We both drink espresso from time to time (but it's a long swim from Portugal.)
ReplyDeleteWhen I was teaching full time, at one school they did Secret Santa and I got the scrubbiest plant ever. And no, the giver was not impoverished, just someone who was unpleasant in general and did things like that and was pretty much disliked by all. All the rest of us (including me) tried to find really fun things to give. But you know, every now and then there is just someone like that in the bunch.
On the other hand, both my writing groups had Secret Santa lunches and we gave each other books of course. One's we'd read but thought others would enjoy. That was how I came by my copy of All the Light We Cannot See, by Anthony Doerr, such a wonderful book. At the end of the drawing (we had that rule, too: two steals) we'd reveal ourselves.
I love the book exchange idea, Elizabeth. And my unread copy of All the Light We Cannot See is buried somewhere in my to-read pile. Sigh.
DeleteOh, it is so worth the read. I was totally immersed. I had put off reading it for a long time because it was big and thick and I had so many things to do, etc., but once I sat down with it, I hardly budged. I've also read it more than once. It's that good.
DeleteI will move it to the top of the pile. Thanks for the recommendation, Elizabeth!
DeleteI've been in a few Yankee swaps, but have never seen a toilet seat or an open box of crackers! Back when I was married, we brought home a pasta machine from a couples party. I tried it once with inedible results. It sat in its box for a few years and finally made its way to the Goodwill.
ReplyDeleteOne year, at the holiday gathering of the women's group I've been meeting with for decades (the Flick Chicks), Jill brought wrapped sex toys for a swap, enough for all of us. There were giggles and gasps of horror or disbelief, (no, Judy, those aren't sweater clips...) but we'd been imbibing and ended up laughing harder than we'd laughed in years.
What a hoot, Edith! And brave of Jill to go and buy them!
DeleteHA HA, I mentioned the WORST Secret Santa gift on an earlier post.
ReplyDeleteI had moved to Burlington ON to work on a multi-year Great Lakes climate change project in 1993. My Secret Santa gave me a macrame decoration in muddy greens & browns. Pretty ugly & not my style! I kept it in a box in the closet for years. I'm still wondering which of water resource engineers or techs gave that to me.
Best Secret Santa gift is a set of cafe au lait sized yellow mugs. I still use one everyday to drink my morning lemon water.
GRACE:
DeletePerfect pairing - yellow mug and lemon water!
Diana
DIANA: Ah, I never noticed that yellow connection! And yes I am lucky that I still have both cafe au lait mugs for 15+ years. I have broken several of my other fave mugs.
DeleteAnd I'm wondering where old macrame decorations go to die...:-)
DeleteI made an intricate cat macramé, still hanging on my main bedroom sitting room wall. I am not a crafty type but tying the intricate knots intrigued me at the time. It turned out well, so I kept it.
DeleteOnly nice gifts at work gift exchanges, no stealing allowed. Many boxes of See’s chocolates.
At Uni, I recall Secret Santa in the house that I shared with several housemates. There was a limit on how much money we could spend on gifts. As I recall, they were all cute little gifts from shops near campus like a college pencil or stickers or notepads or picture postcards. I liked these cute little gifts.
ReplyDeleteNot a Secret Santa gift several years ago. I think it was a regift because this person had never given me a Christmas gift before or since then. She gave me two bottles of body lotion, which I LOVED, and never could find anywhere. It lasted a long time.
Diana
Diana, you should have asked where she got it!
DeleteOooh what kind?
DeleteDebs, IF it was a regift, she may not know.
DeleteHank, all I remember was that it was creamy blue, felt very soft and smooth. Also smelled good to me.
Diana
What a coincidence, my cousin breakfast is this morning, and I have yet to figure out what to get Mickey for $25 for the Secret Santa exchange. Leaning towards one of those waxed amaryllis bulbs, if I can still find one.
ReplyDeleteThe local cousins, five of us, plus my mother and her only remaining sister and the odd husband, get together for breakfast once a month. I rarely go, unless Mother guilts me into it (they are all closer to each other, and my favorite cousins live too far for monthly check-ins), but I often go to the Christmas one. I'm looking forward to seeing everyone this time. Plus, they'd be mad if I didn't give them calendars.
I mentioned our holiday book club get-together, and the pirate book exchange, also known as a Yankee swap. We allow three steals per book. Steve originally got a fascinating book on palmistry, which went around the room the most. He ended up getting his second book stolen, too, and ended up with a dud. You can't tell by the wrapping!
Debs, too bad we don't live closer! I'd drink espresso with you. That set is fantastic.
Count me in to drink espresso with the two of you, KAREN and DEBS!
DeleteYou're on, Grace!
DeleteWe have a friend who gives us weird gifts all the time. He is bi-polar, and in his manic phases he spends like a drunken sailor. I do trot out the wine bottle hat and scarf set at the holidays, and we have used the neck holder for cell phones a lot, since he gave it to use before the pandemic. It's Pepto-Bismol pink, and is bendable so you can use it for selfie Zooms, or as a stand. But when I opened it I was as flummoxed about it as I was about another (much older) friend's gift of a gadget you put in the toilet. It has a motion sensor and turns on a light when the lid is raised. That one got donated, because I didn't need one more thing to keep clean.
Karen
DeleteWhen my sister and her husband bought their current house a few years ago, one of the bathrooms had that toilet light. When it burned out, they didn’t bother replacing it. I received one as a gag gift from a friend a couple of years ago. I don’t use it.
DebRo
Coffee party it is, Karen and Grace! We have an espresso machine, so it really seems a shame not to use the espresso set!
DeleteMy husband came home with an electric rechargeable screwdriver kit, which is a wonderful addition to the kitchen tool drawer, if we don't misplace the charger. His contribution was a box of chocolates from the local candy shop.
ReplyDeleteBoth nice gifts!
DeleteIn my extended family, when the grandchildren (my generation) became legal adults, the Xmas gift giving was switched to a Yankee Swap for all the adults. Much like everyone else, there are tales of WTF? gifts and the occasional kind of cool gifts as well.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, in all the years we did the Swap, I think I ended up with a gift I was happy with ONCE. I ended up with some real crap at times believe me.
Of course, the actual swap "event" was always interesting itself. And there were years when there was a theme for the gifts to be given. One year, it was a basket with a 25-dollar limit of what you could put in it. So there was an ice cream sundae basket, a movie night basket, a hot cocoa and coffee basket, etc.
We'd do this after all the younger kids got their presents and a visit from my uncle, er...I mean Santa Claus. And the kids would usually be sent into the room where all the gifts were laid out to pick one for the person who at that point in the night was just too lazy to get up and get it themselves. (My grandmother, then aunt were hosts who knew how to put on an incredible spread of food...people were STUFFED!)
I've never done a Yankee Swap through a party I was invited to or with a company Xmas party, that sounds like sheer hell.
And
The themed baskets are a fun idea, Jay.
DeleteWe went to my husband's office Christmas party and they did a White Elephant swap.
ReplyDeleteEveryone had nice, brand new holiday gifts EXCEPT one. There's always the one. This was was actually quite disturbing. It was a ball of intertwined fingers that was so old the plastic was rather gummy. One person said to the recipient - ugg, wash your hands. The person who received it couldn't exchange it but she was verbally not letting it go. Finally someone felt sorry for her and gave up his gift which was nice.
I am trying, and failing, to picture this. What was it supposed to be?
DeleteNo one knows it was just a bundle of fingers intertwined like a ball. Very weird and kinda freaky. Nothing to do with Christmas or useful in anyway.
DeleteI’ve been in groups where we did a Yankee swap at Christmas. I honestly don’t remember any weird gifts! I always went home with something that I was happy with. A couple of my favorites were a box of all-occasion greeting cards ( I’ve used up almost all of the
ReplyDeletecards.) and a heavy duty soup ladle, perfect for me because I love to make soup.
DebRo
Oooh, nice gifts! I'd take either of those, Deb!
Delete36 years ago when I was pregnant, Mike's (my son's dad) family had a white elephant gift exchange. I had met his mom, but not the rest of the extended family. I think I ended up with a nice gift basket of soaps. As a gift, I brought a set of lotions that I had bought at a naughty underwear party--scented and sparkly. You were supposed to use them to make a romantic trail on your body for a partner to follow. An older woman who I did not know ended up with them. What in the world was I thinking????
ReplyDeleteIn Cuernavaca, when I was studying Spanish at the Anglican Diocese, we played a complicated game that involved rolling dice and taking gifts from each other. We students brought coffee and porcelain cups from the nearby coffee shop. Our hosts added delightful gifts to the mix. I ended up with a lovely wooden and silver cross.
I don’t know if this classifies as the best or worst gift, but one year when I was part of a Bad Santa game - that’s what we called it - the controversial gift was a toilet bank where the way you deposited money in it was by flushing it and yes, it made a flushing sound.
ReplyDeleteDon't you wonder where that ended up? Maybe it's still making the rounds of Bad Santa parties somewhere...
DeleteAt an office party, one of the VPs gave me used refrigerator magnets, the paint was chipping off of them. Worse than the gift, she put them in a Godiva Chocolate box.
ReplyDeleteOh ouch! That's just plain Grinchy!
DeleteI vaguely remember once doing a Secret Santa exchange at my workplace in my mid-twenties (no idea what I gave or got, so apparently nothing memorable), but I've never heard of a Yankee Swap, White Elephant, or Bad Santa gift exchange, which I gather from all your posts allows people to snatch gifts away from each other. My knowledge of American culture since I left the US has now been expanded!!! Thanks, guys.
ReplyDeleteKim, I'd never heard the term "Yankee swap" either.
DeleteWe do not have a Yankee swap on the west coast. Definitely a Midwest snd east coast tradition.
DeleteHank, you'd ace the tango!
ReplyDeleteS Mary
Just between us, it really does sound like kind of fun :-)Xxxxx
DeleteHank, I am so sad that you and Jonathan didn't take the tango lessons. You would have been fabulous, and it looks like so much fun.
DeleteI love those cups! I've been to a few White Elephant/Yankee Swaps and my favorite was always coming home with a gift card. I did end up with a used, dirty tote bag at a work swap once. Still better than an opened box of saltines though. aprilbluetx at yahoo dot com
ReplyDeleteI think the opened Saltines are definitely taking the cake here:-)
DeleteThe best gift I ever got at an office white elephant party was an indoor bocce ball set. We went back to our desks after lunch and played with it in the aisle.
ReplyDeleteThen there was the one where I ended up stealing back the gift I had brought. It was a 1000 piece puzzle, and nobody wanted it.
My policy is always to give things you'd like to have!
DeleteIn my book, Secret Santa is different from White Elephant. Secret Santa should be nice, while White Elephant should be something like a toilet seat. Or that cutting board. I've seen classic bad gifts get passed around from year to year, and everyone loves to see them pop up again.
ReplyDeleteHowever, I have an ornament I hang on my tree every year I got at a White Elephant gift exchange. It's a little bear ice fishing, and a fish on the line is the bell at the bottom. Very nice.
I am truly haunted by the opened saltines. I am trying to understand this. And the refrigerator magnets. It’s… Disturbing. :-)
ReplyDeleteMine was not a white elephant- got a couples gift from my hubs sister- a huge set of mudflats for his farm truck- said Crime doesn’t pay- Neither does farming! With a little convict with ball and chain! Luckily, I could hide my face behind(my flap) as was difficult to be excited. Never put on truck…
ReplyDeleteYou can never ever ever go wrong with coffee as a present. IMHO.
ReplyDeleteI just won/stole, a few days ago a throw, knitted by a friend, in fall colors with a gnome in the center! It is so beautiful! Wish I could add a picture to show you the quality!
ReplyDeleteMy worst experience with Secret Santa was years ago at a squadron Christmas party. We had been to many over the years in the Air Force, and all had been tacky, jokey, inappropriate gift giving. You know, a true White Elephant type of affair! Well we came with that type of gift(don't even want to mention what it was) and to our horror, found this to be a wine and cheese and cigar thing instead! What an embarrassing disaster!
We only did Dirty Santa or White Elephant several times with my husband's family, but I enjoyed it. The bad gift that showed up every time was a hospital gown (laundered, of course). That became the big joke gift. I think it's basically a fun game, unless someone brings opened saltine crackers.
ReplyDeleteOh, here are the rules for Dirty Santa. https://www.countryliving.com/entertaining/a37361195/dirty-santa-rules/
ReplyDeleteWhen my husband and I went to White Elephant parties in the '60s, the gifts we came home with weren't memorable. My parents, however, had parties in the late '40s, just postwar, that were legendary. One year the most unusual gift was one headlight for a 1930's Model A. (Model T? Whatever.) The winner of it was presented with the rest of the car at the end of the night. Remember, from 1942 to 1945 new cars were unavailable, so this wasn't such a strange gift. At the same party, someone brought a douche can. It reappeared year after year, painted, with decals, planted, turned into a lamp, always heavily disguised. Wonder what became of it? Lenita
ReplyDeleteI belong to a book club and for Christmas every year, we do a book exchange via the "White Elephant Game or Dirty Santa Game" (this goes by various names). Out of all the years we've been a book club, I have only come home with a book that I was eager to read, twice. All the other years, have been books that I've read previously or just do not care to read. The one year, I ended up with abook I am sure came out of a trash can. It looked like it had been badly abused and was years and years old.....faded cover, yellowed pages and lousy plot. I never did read it. Essentially it boils down to if every one brings books that others want to read, every one goes home happy but if some bring books that aren't very desirable, one or more people are going to go home unhappy and dis-satisfied.
ReplyDeleteBest/worst: a cookie jar shaped like a hefty monk with "Thou Shalt Not Steal" on the front. This was from a church office swap, and courtesy of a pastor who was delighted to be rid of it. I actually still have it, I think it's hilarious.
ReplyDelete