Reds Gift Guide (or not!)

Susan and Lucy get Barbie dolls, but Doug gets Guinea!

LUCY BURDETTE: I receive a newsletter every so often from Ruth Reichl, usually talking about food, menus, and sometimes foodie gifts. Recently, she described the best gift she’d ever received: a trio of antique kitchen utensils from a friend. That got me thinking about the best and worst gifts I’ve ever gotten. I’ll start with the worst. This happened toward the end of my first marriage. We had a friend who was an amateur potter. His plates and bowls and mugs looked lumpy and brown, not exactly like what kindergarteners might produce, but moving in that direction. I begged my ex not to get me a set of his dishes. But I was too late, he had already ordered them and that was my gift on Christmas morning. The whole set! I do regret that I wasn’t more gracious about it, and I hope that he has been enjoying them over all the ensuing years.

My best gift ever still must be my Patti Playpal doll in about 1960. She was tall with blinking eyes and real looking hair—the perfect companion. I was completely thrilled to see her Christmas morning!

How about you Reds? Best and or worst gifts ever?

RHYS BOWEN: I’ve had to do a lot of thinking, especially about the best as I’ve had some lovely thoughtful presents over the years. I’ve cherished handmade gifts as I feel the love they were made with. The worst was probably from my husband.  I got tired of telling him what I wanted for Christmas and then he’d say “Why don’t you go ahead and order it and I’ll pay for it.”  That was no fun, to wrap my own present and have no surprise.

So I said, one year, “why don’t you surprise me? Get me something I’d never have bought for myself.”

I’m thinking jewelry. Perfume. A scarf. But I open a heavy hard package. It is the biography of Winston Churchill (which I presume he wanted to read). Not a happy Christmas.

The best? I don’t think anything can beat the transistor radio that my father snuck into my stocking when I had no hope or expectation of receiving one. I don’t even know how he knew I longed for one, as I hadn’t mentioned it. My parents were paying my fare to Germany to my friend’s wedding as my big present. But there it was, at the bottom of my stocking. I still get chills when I think of it.

But the most amazing present ever was for my birthday, not Christmas. While I was away for a few days my son installed a complete professional media room for me in the room I’d been using for interviews. Professional lights, microphone, green screen etc. To say I was gobsmacked would be an understatement. Oh, and how much I’ve used that during Covid.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: The worst Christmas present was one I asked for myself–a Vitamix composter. It got great reviews (and it was ridiculously expensive) but it looked like a great way to salve my conscience when I am too lazy (or too hot) to deal with the outside composting. The Vitamix is about the size of a breadbox, so convenient, right? Well, this also means that the actual composting compartment is about the size of a food processor bowl, so it holds only a few cups of the few items that are allowed to go in it. It also takes about eight hours to run, during which time your whole house smells like burning vegetables. And then you have to scrape the dried, stuck, remains out of the thing. It's still sitting on the floor in the dining room if anyone wants to take it off my hands!

Best gift? I think the beautifully bound, illustrated, boxed set of THE LORD OF THE RINGS my parents gave me when I was fourteen. And you bet I still have them.

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: The worst gift was given with the best intentions by my father-in-law. He would visit us for a week at a time at least twice a year (yes, I loved seeing him!) and he noticed that either Ross or I would pick up a rotisserie chicken from the grocery store to feed our busy, busy family (we were both working in the law at that time, and the kids were in school in Portland, a half-hour drive away.) It was a great deal: $5.99 for a hot, seasoned chicken that was just enough for four or five, and when thrown together with a quick salad and pre-made bread rolls, a nice healthy meal.

Victor also knew I liked to cook the aforementioned nice, healthy meals, so that year for Christmas, he gave me: my own rotisserie!

I could make my own rotisserie chickens at home, and all I needed to do was put them in two hours before dinner, and baste them every twenty minutes!! As a bonus, the machine was bigger than the microwave - which we had already put on a stand in the corner of the kitchen because we had no other room. 

I thanked him profusely, and as soon as he had returned to California, Ross carried the thing down to the cellar, where it remained until the next church white elephant sale.

Best present? The most recent one: for Christmas ‘19, my daughters gave me tickets and a hotel room to see Daniel Fish’s amazing revival of OKLAHOMA at Circle in the Square. Youngest and I went the second week in January ‘20, and we had an amazing three day trip that included eating at a very authentic Chinese restaurant and taking an in-depth tour of the UN. And then two weeks later, I developed a bad cough and fever and exhaustion that lasted for months, but that’s another story…

HALLIE EPHRON: I say with much chagrin that my children could give you chapter and verse on all the gifts I’ve given them that were miss-es. The knock-off MY BUDDY doll looms large. 

Best presents were always the Christmas cards Jerry drew for me and which I found propped up on the bathroom sink every Christmas morning. Of course I’ve kept them all.

Worst … we’re not big into gifts so I have to go back to childhood for the leather jacket that I asked for… and what I got was a bilious green suede car coat with black stitching around the pockets. The thing could stand up without a person inside it. And, good girl that I was, I wore it. And wore it some more…

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Oh, gosh, my best? And sweetest? Maybe from my poor baffled stepfather, who could not imagine why 14-year old me had hacked, er,  cut my own hair into a Sassoon.  He was a lawyer, and gave me an affidavit of Santa Clauses (this was in the 60’s so WAY before any such puns via movies) which included home-made coupons for trips to the actual hairdresser.

The worst? Well, that’s funny, It started out as the worst but became beloved. My husband's office had a Secret Santa gift exchange, for which, of course, I was designated to find the gift. I worked so hard to find something our person would like–and defaulted to a wonderful bottle of wine, and some gorgeous chocolate, and a beautiful book. I was so happy with giving the perfect gift! In “return” Jonathan’s Secret Santa gave him AN APPLE CORER AND AN AVOCADO OPENER. 

I briefly flipped out. HOW COULD SOMEONE…!!! Argh. But them I used both items, and they were so brilliant that I am in love with them now, and mentally thank the Santa every time I use them.

JENN McKINLAY: My apple corer is one of my most prized possessions, Hank! 

Best Christmas gift was hands down my first born. He came on December 15th so close enough that I don’t even remember anything but him on the holiday that year. Worst gift was a very hideous lamp that someone gave me when I got married. I mean this thing was HUGE and I live in a tiny little house. Yes, it took up way too much square footage and matched nothing. I’m pretty sure it was a regift which I, too, promptly regifted to Goodwill. 

Over to you Red Readers--tell us about the best or worst gifts you ever received (or gave!)

And ps, if you asked us what we want, we would say we already have it--your friendship and your presence here are all we need!