It reminded me of this photo which I took of a sunflower that seems to be plotting its escape from behind a fence in my far more sedate neighborhood. It doesn't bark.
But I digress...
I'm still very much in rummaging-around mode, looking at my various finished and unfinished bits and pieces. This one stopped me in my tracks. It was in a file I created in 2020 and saved as SOMETHINGNEW.
Well, right now I could definitely use something new so I opened it… and here’s what I found – one paragraph and a very short sentence…
Miriam Abramowitz was turning into a shriveled, overripe vegetable. Her toenails were untended, only the tips still painted. Coming at you, her hair was a corona of silvery white. Walking away it was brown-almost black. Her living room couch
had a permanent sag in it from where she’d lodged herself for the last three months.
The doorbell rang.
The doorbell rang.
I have no idea what I was thinking and where this was going with this, but it certainly reads like something that was written during covid lockdown.
But looking at it now I can imagine what Miriam might find when she opens the door and there, sitting on her front steps, is…
- A large red cat, blinking up at her
- A box, with her name and the word FRAGILE on it in purple crayon
- A one-way airline ticket to Las Vegas
- A pile of candy conversation hearts, all with the same message on them: AS IF
- An invitation to a masked ball
- A chocolate cupcake and the note, "One side will make you younger."
- A photograph of a woman who looks like Miriam, riding a camel, wearing a balaclava, and holding an Uzi
- A thumb drive loaded with photographs of Miriam sleeping
- A red clown nose
So, two questions…
Which of these would be most likely to entice you to keep reading (and please tell us why)?
And of course, ideas?!? What else might she find on her doorstep?
A large red cat, blinking up at her is funny, yet sweet. What would she do? Would she let the cat come inside?
ReplyDeleteThe thumb drive loaded with photographs of Miriam sleeping screams creepy and scary. Who took the pictures?
A photograph of a woman who looks like Miriam, riding a camel, wearing a balaclava, and holding an Uzi is equally as creepy, but in a different sort of way. It’s a bit daunting.
A pile of candy conversation hearts, all with the same message on them: AS IF is creepy in yet another way, but also intriguing. AS IF what?
A chocolate cupcake and the note, “One side will make you younger.” Alice in Wonderland? Miriam should leave it on the front steps.
A one-way airline ticket to Las Vegas means . . . a secret admirer? a stupendous vacation? It’s a mystery that would draw me in right away.
An invitation to a masked ball screams secrets. Is it an ardent suitor? a long-held family secret? Certainly a tale to keep those pages turning.
A box, with her name and the word FRAGILE on it in purple crayon . . . definitely my favorite. Why crayon? Big? Small? Does she take it inside? Is it a sweet gift or the start of a terrifying tale? I definitely want to read more . . . .
Great questions, Joan - makes me want to SEE the purple crayon writing... is it block letter caps or fancy script or...
DeleteI would be drawn in by the airline ticket, the invitation to the masked ball, or the photograph - all have possibilities for intrigue and suspense without freaking me out. The thumb drive is too creepy and scary, as Joan says, the hearts are mean, and cats don't come in red.
ReplyDeleteIt could also be a package addressed to someone Miriam had been close to but who moved away or died or who broke off ties with her. Or her two best friends from college doing a spa-day intervention for her...
I like the spa day adventure, Edith! — Pat S
DeletePoor Miriam is definitely in dire need of a spa day!
DeleteLike the spa adventure too. Agreed that the thumb drive is too creepy. Diana
DeleteAs to red cats not existing-check out red abysinnians.
DeleteIntriguing, Hallie! Couldn't there be a person at the door? Someone from her past? Someone from her future? Someone with a problem who needs her help? Someone with a mystery for her to solve?
ReplyDeleteI loved the photo of Miriam on a camel with an Uzi but is there a way to make that into a story?
I like a mysterious box on the doorstep.
Fun and thought provoking. Maybe you should devise a game for the next time all 7 Reds are together and make each one come up with a quick story to go with an opening like the one featuring Miriam.
What a great idea, Judy! I'm sure the Reds re listening... But truly it's much much much easier to plot in your own office in your own comfy PJs and bathrobe and fuzzy slippers and that all-important DELETE button at your fingertips.
DeleteThe box because I want to know what's in the box and why a purple crayon. Wait, is there a return address? What does the postage stamp say? Where did it come from? Is it really fragile?
ReplyDeleteI want to know too!
DeletePerhaps Miriam sent that package many years ago and it found its way back to her? Diana
DeleteOOh, I like that, Diana
DeleteI like the box, too. I think it's from the granddaughter, and inside is a (glassed) picture of the two of them the last time Miriam saw her three months ago and had a falling out with the mother, and a message that says "Grandma, please come home." Daughter could also include the one way ticket to Las Vegas. Maybe that's where she lives and maybe the falling out was about gambling. What would happen if she does return? Reconciliation or mystery? Maybe a mystery was at the heart of the departure. So many possibilities, but a great intro to Miriam.
ReplyDeleteI don't like creepy or violent, either, and it does seem like those are the stories lately at every turn.
Another vote for THE BOX. Clearly people prefer questions leading to questions.
DeleteOoooh. The thumb drive with photos of her sleeping would definitely hook me into reading more. CREEPY.
ReplyDeleteOf course that's where I'd be inclined to go, too, Annette. But I think I may have written that book already ;-)
DeleteI’m not intrigued with any of the choices except for the red cat.
ReplyDeleteShe’s not seen this cat in the neighborhood yet it looks well fed, well cared for, well loved. So it’s unlikely to be feral or far from home. Maybe it’s an indoor only cat who has hit out? Nothing to do but knock on doors.
Red Cat follows her from house to house, knocking on doors. All nearby neighbors deny ever seeing this animal She comes to the shabby house at the end of the street. No answer, junk mail drifting out of the mail box, papers strewn over the stoop. And a loose screen on as open window.
Red Cat jumps thru and then looks back as if to say “follow me …”
ooh, I love that. Write this Hallie!
DeleteWhat if red cat was only red to Miriam, but purple to Joe, and kaleidoscope to the boy down the street. What difference does this make to the cat interaction?
DeleteAlso nobody else can see 'your' cat.
DeleteMargo I LOVE WERE YOUR BRAIN IS TAKING YOU! It's a Cheshire cat and the main character's real name isn't Miriam but Alice!!
DeletePerhaps the Red Cat is her Guardian Angel? Or the Spirit of her beloved Husband who passed away suddenly? It would be interesting to see you write this one! I agree with Lucy.
DeleteDiana
Ann, I’d follow Miriam and her red cat…like what you’ve done. So many of Hallie’s other doorstep suggestions were way too creepy for my taste. Elisabeth
DeleteThe purple crayon fragile package, the ticket to Vegas, the masked ball invite, and the lookalike on the camel are the most intriguing to me without being too creepy like the sleeping pictures. They all lead to something more, an adventure of some sort. You could play around with different destinations for the airline ticket instead of Vegas. I would just be annoyed to find a cat on my front porch. Perhaps a Dennis the Menace type neighbor kid is what she needs to get her off her couch and back into the world; he or she could be on her porch or the source of the package and the purple crayon.
ReplyDeleteA neighborhood kid is a great idea... oooh I can see where this might go.
DeleteI'm clearly into the creepy/mysterious, because the thumb drive, the box, the ticket to Vegas and the photo all appeal to me. Who is taking the pictures? What's in the box and why purple crayon? Who's waiting in Vegas? Is that really Miriam on the camel?
ReplyDeleteRight, like most writers we're drawn to puzzles nestled inside conundrums with unanswered questions... Plotting can be so much fun when you're beginning a new novel... and a little scary like looking down off the roof of a multistory building and wondering how you're going to get down.
DeleteFrom Celia: Hallie your description of Miriam is masterly. Hair and nails unkept, couch suggesting lots of overeating. I love the pictures offered. I’m someone who loves spy stories. John LeCarre, Daniel Silva etc. so I think Miriam has a PAST:
ReplyDelete- A photograph of a woman who looks like Miriam, riding a camel, wearing a balaclava, and holding an Uzi
- A thumb drive loaded with photographs of Miriam sleeping
Either of these could be part of Israel’s liberation after WW II and / or a lover. Or alternatively there’s the possibility of writing two stories in one. Not sure what that’s called in the trade. But much as I love the other ideas I vote for something different.
Putting my teaching hat on, Celia - You put your finger on the KEY element of plotting a mystery: What's in the protagonist's PAST that's driving them in the present.
DeleteYes!
DeleteA very small child, wearing only an obviously soiled diaper.
ReplyDeleteThat's truly scary.
DeleteYikes.
DeleteToo close to reality from my work as an attorney for abused and neglected children. So, a flat no, Judi. Elisabeth
Delete- A box, with her name and the word FRAGILE on it in purple crayon - A one-way airline ticket to Las Vegas
ReplyDelete“One side will make you younger.”
ReplyDeleteWritten in the two time zones/people format, about what happens if the story starts this way, balanced with what happens if the story starts that way. Written in parallel. Do they meet, do they cross paths, are they something completely different? Are the people they meet along each path the same or different.
"the story starts this way, balanced with what happens if the story starts that way. Written in parallel" - What an idea! My mind boggles thinking about it. Brilliant!!
Deletea brilliant idea Margo
DeleteDiana here: Brilliant idea!
DeleteI like the clown nose, which conjures a range of emotions from clown horror to happy memories of watching clowns perform. But what happened to Miriam at the circus on that long ago summer night?
ReplyDeleteThe shoebox on the front stoop contains one of the four pairs of Dorothy's ruby slippers from the 1939 Wizard of Oz movie. And they fit Miriam's feet.
That's my favorite... the clown nose. I have no idea why or what it signifies but I can see it on the book cover.
DeleteIf the clown nose is your favorite, then go for it! I was thinking perhaps the red clown nose could be at the Masked Ball like an uninvited guest shows up wearing a red clown nose at the masked ball? I am thinking of a James Bond film where Roger Moore had to wear a clown nose.
DeleteDiana
Two votes for the purple crayon! (ps I'm maxed out on violence, too)
ReplyDeleteIt’s so wonderful how each one suggests a direction and a genre – – that’s fascinating heart! I vote for the cupcake, because if one side makes you younge, what does the other side do? Maybe not the obvious “older.”
ReplyDeleteBut now you’re into a different genre than you usually write.
This is such a brilliant exercise!
But the cupcake would be sort of Alice in Wonderland meets the Time Garden. Where the magic (or not) has rules you have to discover.
How does it publish twice? Sorry….
ReplyDelete"As if" sounds like the answer to "one side makes you younger". Count me skeptical of something too good to be true. LOL
ReplyDeleteThe purple crayon is a little bit "Harold and the" to me, but maybe I've read too many children's books. Not everyone spent 35 years of their lives raising kids.
I'm intrigued by the photograph. Could be Israel, or Egypt, or the Saudi/Kuwait/Oman Middle East, lots of possibilities. Was the Uzi hers, or was she just posing with it for some reason? Was she a guest, or better yet, a spy in the home of Saudi royalty, and on a desert trek?
Or... my oldest daughter (shh, don't tell her I told you), has, like her dad, had white hair since age 35, and I've known other women who turned white as early as 18. So it's possible the woman is not as old as it first seems. She could be depressed from a failed relationship, and a masked ball invitation could make her get up off her duff and turn her life around again. Then again, maybe that's a Jenn rom-com storyline.
The thumb drive gave me the creeps.
I've had white hair since mu 30s too. I'm intrigued by the photo too. I am thinking Spy Suspense.
DeleteDiana
Your sunflower picture reminds me of a picture I took a couple of years ago--one of the climbing roses had grown up behind part of an arbor vita and a rose bloom appeared high in the evergreen, apparently a bloom of the arbor vita.
ReplyDeleteThe thumb drive with pictures of her sleeping is almost too creepy, but it would definitely draw me in. Is there a hidden web cam in her bedroom?
I would also enjoy finding out about the candy hearts. Who sent them and why that particular message? As if she was still alive? As if some tragedy in the past hadn't happened?
Her best friend from college who got the guy that she wanted. While she has been working as a low level accountant and struggling to pay her bills, her friend has been jet setting across the world. But now something has happened to upend all that and her friend has the nerve to come to her for help.
ReplyDeleteI’m intrigued by the box, but I wonder if it’s safe to open it! Does it contain a deadly virus? Will it explode when she opens it?
ReplyDeleteThe one-one way ticket to Las Vegas ! Why one way? It doesn’t sound like anyone has made hotel arrangements for her? Why not? And why is the ticket one-way?
DebRo
Googled the significance of Large Red Cat. This was what I got: The presence of the red cat in your life gives you the strength of mind to overcome anything.
ReplyDeletePerhaps the Large Red Cat symbolizes something for Miriam.
A box written FRAGILE with her name written in purple crayon - perhaps the box is from her childhood?
A one way ticket to Vegas ?
A pile of candy conversation hearts, all with hearts "AS IF" sounds ominous
An invitation to a Masked Ball may be connected to a photo of a woman who looks like Miriam, riding a camel, wearing a balachava, holding a Uzi SOUNDS like Miriam could have been a female version of James Bond or Jack Reacher? Perhaps she was a Spy in her younger years?
A chocolate cupcake and a note "one side makes you younger" - perhaps a story about magic or a children's book? Or something like the Midnight Library or Sliding Doors?
A thumb drive loaded with photos of Miriam sleeping - ??
A red Clown Nose - ???
All of the above sounds like a cross between the novel Alice In Wonderland and the James Bond ? Mission Impossible? movies.
Would like to know more about Miriam and her backstory.
Diana
Yes! My favorite is the Cupcake too. I wonder if it could be a different genre too. Diana
ReplyDeleteFirst person I thought of was Harold. The child with a purple crayon who went on an adventure while drawing. Why? I don't know but I saw purple crayon and thought of Harold. I'll let you talented writers take it from there. :-)
ReplyDeleteExactly! Clearly, you also raised children, Deana.
DeleteA large red cat
ReplyDeleteOh, this is delightful, Hallie, in so many ways. Also, I love sunflowers. They're so cheerful. As to my choice -- the cupcake, natch. I am known for make hasty u-turns for baked goods. Other ideas. I rather like the image of a pony with a pink ribbon around its neck. The one thing Miriam longed for as a girl...oh, wait... that would be me. LOL.
ReplyDeleteI'm imagining a full sized pony... which she longed for as a girl but now it's there in the flesh... And it talks. Yay!
DeleteJenn, cupcake is my choice too. Diana
DeleteShades of Mr. Ed? Hallie? Elisabeth
DeleteI love how each of these possibilities leads to an entirely different genre - the woman on the camel - spy adventure! The magic cupcake - fantasy. The cat - a story of how she reconnects with life. The hearts - she finally settles scores with her high school mean girl tormentor.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure which one I favor, Hallie, but you should definitely put this in as an exercise in your next writing book!
Julia, you said exactly what I was trying to say in my comment. Thanks, Diana
DeleteA very small box or a brown envelope on the door mat. Inside, a key and a note. The note has only the month and day on it. Where does the key fit? Why that date? What year? Past, present, or future? Does she recognize the key? If not, with no computer/no snazzy cellphone--she'll be forced off the couch and out of the house to find out what it fits.
ReplyDeleteThat box with the purple crayon--fragile--almost anything could be considered fragile--a helpless animal, even a baby (doesn't say the box was mailed or sealed). Why purple crayon? It was the only thing available with which to write.
Love your key and note scenario, Flora!
DeleteDitto on the note and key scenario, Flora... and all the questions you raise around it.
DeleteAs a huge Alice-in-Wonderland fan, I have to go with the cupcake, so you can turn it into a fantasy, and Miriam can go back to being 12? 18? 35? and live her life over, trying to fix it. Or let's have it be her old college boyfriend, newly divorced and desperate to see her and rekindle something. (The big question is whether she is overjoyed to see him because he was wonderful or horrified because he was awful!)
ReplyDeleteLike Karen and Deana, I flashed on Harold as soon as I read about the purple crayon. Forget about knowing it because I read it to my son--it was published in 1955, so I know it from my own childhood! I LOVED Harold and the Purple Crayon when I was little.
Yep, me too, Kim! — Pat S
DeleteWhat fun. As a writer, I could see any of those ideas leading someplace...interesting. Those candy conversation hearts sound promisingly creepy and weird. And what couldn't you do with an invitation to a masked ball? (Is Truman Capote involved? Or maybe Cary Grant?). But as a reader, the one that really, immediately grabbed me was the photo with the camel. To me it says, loud and clear, that this woman 1. is not what she seems. 2. she had a surprising, adventurous past 3. is she really old and a mess, or is that a disguise? In other words 4. there is a whole lifetime hidden inside her - a complex, appealing story idea -I'd want to read it!
ReplyDeleteLove your sunflower, Hallie! I hope it escaped! And I love your plot exercise--you should definitely put this in your next course. It's so interesting how each option suggests a different genre. The one that has kept popping up for me since I read this earlier this morning is the photo of Miriam on the camel with the Uzi--although if she's wearing a balaclava, how would she know it was her? The clothing? You have to wonder about her past life, and why is she being reminded of it now? This could go all sorts of interesting places.
ReplyDeleteIndeed it could... just NOT the twin she didn't know she had.
DeleteThat's what is go great about writing. Every single person on this blog, including the commentators, could come up with a fantastic story based on that opening, and none would be the same.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with whatever way you want to go. (I think all those directions are intriguing, so I can't pick one.)
Thanks, Mark! What you said is why I tell people not to worry about other people "stealing" their ideas because even with the SAME idea the story is different depending on the storyteller.
DeleteBeing a mystery and thriller fan, I like the camel riding, balaclava wearing, Uzi-toting Miriam, but why not a stand-up mirror? Does it show Miriam of the past or Miriam of the future or maybe something else altogether different, her dreams, fears? Regardless, Miriam's story needs to be told! (May I just have that cupcake, please!)
ReplyDeleteMirror, Mirror... Great idea, Marcia!
DeleteThe thumb drive with the pictures of here sleeping catches my attention the most. It could even be connected to the picture of a younger Miriam on the camel with the Uzi and the one-way ticket to Las Vegas and the ticket to the ball. Miriam was a spy who has kept herself well hidden in her present age and form, but the photos show she has been found and can't escape a day of reckoning with the forces or person seeking revenge on her. In order to settle whatever is between Miriam and this other person, she must fly to Las Vegas and attend a ball. And, let's throw in the red clown nose, as she must look for a person at the ball wearing that. Problem is that everyone at the ball, except for Miriam is wearing a red clown nose.
ReplyDeleteHere's what I'd really like. Hallie, you give each of your students in a class one of the scenarios and have them write a story from it, so each story will be different except for Miriam as the main character.
... and then we publish it as an anthology!
DeleteYes, an anthology!
DeleteVegas baby! Because it's always nice to get a chance to travel to a secondary location in a series AND because the prompt is easily actionable - since she's been stuck in awhile it's the most likely fulcrum out of her sofa seat
ReplyDeleteOr the photo of her mystery twin? Doppelganger? Impersonator? Her self in some sort of Douglas Adams Zaphod Beeblebroxian segmentation of her brain? Even though there's no obvious next step unlike the plane ticket perhaps there's something on the back ... & there's always reverse image search on Google
And the shocking nature might be enough to get her up and out
Also ... secondary location potential 😀
Yes, something on the back... great idea
DeleteThe large red cat? Only if it starts talking to her. Maybe it's her familiar come home to roost. The box addressed in purple crayon? That could be the start of a Hallmark movie. The thumb drive is definitely disturbing. No one should be spied on like that. Miriam of Arabia, toting an Uzi. Her past is catching up with her. Or maybe she is being called back.
ReplyDeleteThey’re all just part of a dream (she thinks) But why and how are these images connected? Maybe they are part of her life before she entered the witness protection program and now she finds that the protection part may no longer exist and someone is out there…
ReplyDeletePhoto of the look-a-like, on a camel with an Uzi, etc. Just so many possibilities - unknown twin or long-lost cousin; travel and comic bonding with a real camel; international intrigue; hate at first sight romantic interest aspect; reluctant but no choice spy storyline; double-life or split personality; time travel component; parallel time line - other self calling for help in dire situation…
ReplyDeleteOther ideas for what’s on the doorstep: a shoebox of love letters spanning many years, from her Mother to a mysterious man, some of which were written after Miriam was born; a ticket for the Orient Express leaving in 48 hours; one ticket to a performance at Tanglewood and a paid reservation at a nearby high-end bed-and-breakfast for the same night; a paper bag with an extremely rare book inside that has been all over the news as recently stolen from the collection of the New York Public Library; an envelope containing a picture of The Isabella Stewart Gardener Museum with the words “It going to happen again. You must stop it!”, scrawled on the back; a box with a bloody dagger (still sticky) wrapped in a yellow Tibetan kata.