LUCY BURDETTE: it’s graduation season, the time for giving advice as young people sally out into the world. Makes me think of THE GRADUATE wherein the new graduate played by Dustin Hoffman is given cryptic one-word advice: plastics. (He needed other help too!) It’s also wedding season, and even though the happy couples may not think they need advice, they do. The reds team wrote a wonderful blog about advice for maintaining a happy marriage several years ago, and it’s well worth rereading (or reading for the first time.) Even if you’re not married, or think you know everything.
I’d love to get one piece of short advice from all of you—you know the audience (advice takers) has a short attention span! Here are a few that caught my attention in the NYT article from December 2023 (I cannot find the link, so sorry!) that got me thinking about this subject:
You’re 73 years old — can you stop with the one-man shows? — Michael Kearns, Los Angeles
Nothing good is happening on your phone past 8 p.m. — Miriam Lichtenberg, Brooklyn, N.Y.
We are all juggling so many balls. Differentiate between glass balls and rubber balls — and don’t be afraid to drop the rubber balls. — Kathryn Cunningham, Carrboro, N.C.
Wait as long as possible to get your kids a phone. — Laura LaGrone, Asheville, N.C.
Breathe in, thinking, “I listen for the silence.” Breathe out: “I am not the hero of every story.” Breathe in: “I will not get free alone.” Out: “I am worthy of belonging.” — Richard Ashford, Chevy Chase, Md.
LUCY AGAIN: You see, the advice ranged over many different topics. Now it’s your turn Reds, what would you tell the world in a sentence or two?
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Wear sunscreen every day. Yes, even on those days when it’s raining - that’s when you put on the 15 SPF instead of 30. Cover everything that’s exposed. You’ll lower your chance of skin cancer by 40-50%, and I guarantee you’ll thank me when you look in the mirror on your fiftieth birthday.
HALLIE EPHRON: Smell the lilacs. Watch the catbirds making a nest. Sit outside and take in the setting sun. Savor.
JENN McKINLAY: Be kind. It costs nothing. You have no idea what other people are going through and their struggle is none of your business, but you can always choose kindness.
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Worrying is worshipping the problem—so don’t give your fears life by giving them that much attention.
And count your blessings.
RHYS BOWEN: Life isn’t fair. Get over it. Sometimes someone else will get what you deserve and sometimes you’ll get what they deserve. All you can do is your best, all the time.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: Be open to possibilities. Plans and goals are great, but you have no idea what unexpected twists your life may take.
Okay Reds, your turn now! One piece of important advice…
Always choose to do the right thing . . . even when it's hard. In the end, you'll feel better about yourself.
ReplyDelete100%
DeleteSo very true!
DeleteSavor family and friends.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that!
DeleteDon't wait for retirement, live your best life now!
ReplyDeleteConsidering I'll probably have to show up to work five days after I die, retirement doesn't seem like it is on the horizon for me. LOL
DeleteMine dovetails with Mark's and Grace's - make time for your loved ones now, give them hugs, take that friend to lunch, tell them you love them.
ReplyDeleteTell your loved ones they are loved. Use the word. Don't wait.
ReplyDeleteLive in the moment. Pay attention to the here and now. This has become my mantra to avoid the worrying that Hank mentions.
ReplyDeleteSee the suffering in difficult people. Embrace the possibility of change, karma catches all of us.
ReplyDeleteYes. Hurt people hurt people. I always remember that when dealing with someone difficult.
DeleteI knew you'd all have wonderful words of wisdom!
ReplyDeleteTap your inner Polonius. LOL
DeleteWow! What great advice! My advice would be to follow all of the above wisdom. My personal advice would be to nurture the joy of reading and you'll always have a friend when you need one. Or several.
ReplyDeleteof course, that one is perfect for us!
DeleteFrom Celia: oh Roberta, how did you know? Of course you didn’t. Today 5.23.2024 marks Victor and my fiftieth wedding anniversary. But you wanted a brief celebration comment and my head is buzzing. What life lesson can I share as I agree with all offered so far. “Learn to stop and not react to negativity, take a breath first “.
ReplyDeleteHappy anniversary, Celia! Wow - fifty years.
DeleteHappy Anniversary, Celia and Victor. Elisabeth
DeleteHappy anniversary!!!!
DeleteHappy Anniversary Celia (and Victor)!
DeleteHappy 50th anniversary, Celia and Victor! Excellent advice, too.
DeleteHappy Anniversary, Celia and Victor!
DeleteYou are a shining example of kindness!
Happy Anniversary, Celia and Victor!!!
DeleteFrom Celia: now I’m red and blushing. Also embarrassed! It’s actually 55 years, yes 1969. Well last year our daughter sent us a 55 card plus sparkling wine etc for our 54thbso there it is. Thank you, thank you dear friends for your good wishes. ❤️
DeleteGet your ducks in a row and then go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteBreathe, notice moments of fleeting beauty, remember that everyone is struggling in one way or another. Forgive.
ReplyDeletePause. Think. Possibly rethink. Then step forward with your head held high.
ReplyDeleteGive thanks for everything, even the horrible stuff because those things are molding a new you. And, you never know who is watching and listening to your journey. Ex: I've been going through a rather trying period of late and in the midst of it was awarded a Presidential Lifetime Achievement Award for my volunteer service at my library. Yesterday, one of the librarians gave me a note from her mother, whom (who??) I've never met. The note thanked me for my service and included a $100 gift card to a local grocery store. A timely kindness from someone I've never met. Kindness begets kindness, thanks begets thanks. Life humbles you when you give thanks. -- Victoria
ReplyDeleteVictoria, congratulations on your award! I hope things get better. Good advice! — Pat S
DeleteVictoria, congratulations on your award for volunteering at your library. Woo-hoo!
DeleteJudy and Pat, thanks so much! The librarians went back many years (I've been a volunteer there since 2007) to compile the hours needed for the award. I'd never heard of the award, but it is for over 4000 hours of volunteer work. I was astonished and they all kept the secret so they could surprise me at the awards ceremony. Sneaky librarians. I am one blessed woman!
Deletetake time to enjoy nature. take a walk in a park, at the beach, where ya can.
ReplyDeleteThank people for the things they do, even if it's stuff they "should" do. Everybody feels a little better when they are seen and appreciated. Compliment them if you can. "Nice dress!" "I love those boots!" I told a guy at the lunch place yesterday that his hat was outstanding and I haven't seen a smile that broad and happy in a while. I don't know if I made his day, but his smile certainly made mine, and I think we all could use a little recognition and appreciation these days.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Gigi, for a warm memory. When I was on my condo board, we had a property manager who always ended her emails with “thank you”, every single email exchange end with Christine’s thank you. I asked her about it one day. She responded “because it is important to say ‘thank you’. My mother said so.” I follow Christine’s and her mother’s advice still. Elisabeth
DeleteTotally agree. People need to be "seen." So many go through the day just existing and one warm comment can brighten the darkest day and bring hope to a wounded heart. And all it costs you is a smile, a thank you or a "love the dress" comment. -- Victoria
DeleteElisabeth, I had a boss early in my working life who told me "You can never say 'thank you' too often."
DeleteI think it also forces me to look for the good and positive things, instead of focusing on the difficult people or situations. We all have to deal with crap, and some of us don't deal so graciously (myself included!) so if I focus on the good things people do, or something I see that brightens my day, it gives me a lift, as well as lifting them. Thank you, Elizabeth, Victoria, and Karen, for commenting!
DeleteMake time for listening -- really listening as a primary activity: to your partner, to music, to the birds, the wind, the lake/sea/ocean...
ReplyDeleteI love this advice, Amanda.
DeleteUse the good china and buy the nice shoes.
ReplyDeleteSO AGREE! Every day is special.
DeleteGood advice, but only if there is time to hand wash grandma's china.
DeleteAbsolutely! And buy the concert tickets!
DeleteI am not a fan of old fashioned china . I bought a nice plain white set of china from Portugal, we use it everyday. The water glasses in the cupboard are crystal.
DeleteTotally agree on the shoes too!
All of the above go in the dishwasher.
DeleteDon’t dwell on the past, it will only make you sad because you can’t change it.
ReplyDeleteThese are all so wonderful! We should make a poster or a graphic or something! Reds, I will be in touch!
ReplyDeletethat would be brilliant Hank, because our blog family is so wise!
DeleteFrom Diana: Thinking that these all are brilliant and a poster / graphic sounds wonderful.
DeleteThe sarcastic cynic that I am wonders, "Doesn't most life advice boil down to: Don't be a d***"?
ReplyDeleteI have no advice to offer as I'm in no position to be advising others but today's post and responses do make for interesting reading.
You know, if your life's mantra is "Don't be a d***," that's going to be a pretty good code to live by!
DeleteDon't be a d*** is excellent advice, and something I often suggest to young people looking to build careers for themselves.
DeleteJay, I think it is more than just not to be a d***.
DeleteThere are many positive things that you do all of the time and those of us who read the blog regularly know you have a good heart. And you make me laugh all of the time.
Our family motto is: Own your bullsh*t. You'd fit right in, Jay.
DeleteTake care of yourself, then you'll be able to take care of those who need you. And a free second piece of advice: eat the chocolate!!
ReplyDeleteAnon Flora above
DeleteFrom Diana: These are all wonderful! The quote that really resonated with me is “Be kind. It costs nothing. You have no idea what other people are going through and what their struggles are, but you can always chose to be kind”.
ReplyDeleteThis quote reminded of a random kindness on the Underground Tube in London years ago. I was sitting across from this Lady and her friend. They looked like aristocrats. I cannot recall if I was crying about something or if my eyes started tearing up (allergies)? This Lady gave me her beautiful pin and I still have it. I said thank you.
Growing up, I was taught to always be polite. I do not always succeed, though I do my best to do that. As I get older, I notice that an act of kindness makes a difference. And I notice that it is also important to maintain self care.
Thank you everyone for sharing your wonderful advice.
Don’t put off that visit or call to family and friends you love. Don’t take for granted they will always be there.
ReplyDeleteVery, very good advice, Kathy.
DeleteSO true, Kathy.
DeleteSo true.
DeleteRhys: I found myself nodding as I read every one of these. How wise and kind our Reds are! It all comes down to doing small acts of kindness all the time. The smile, the thank you can make the difference in someone’s day. I’m afraid my advice was blunt and honest because I thought it was supposed to be in a graduation speech!
ReplyDeleteI like your advice, Rhys! I tell my boys all the time, "You're not that special (except to me) so get over yourself and give more than you take."
DeleteOh, gosh -- so much wisdom here! I'm addicted to reading the advice columns in the WaPo -- and one actually gave me a story idea I'm using in the next book!
ReplyDeleteSo I suppose the obvious lesson is "there is wisdom all around us, if we're open to it." But my personal favorite is a paraphrase of something Joseph Campbell said: "Never underestimate the value to the universe of the fully realized life."
Writing this from the Denver Airport (where I was grateful to have my hosts drop me off a good two hours before my flight.) I'm going to add to my advice: Always schedule extra time into your travel plans!
ReplyDeleteYes! With extra time, the people watching is delicious.
DeleteWhat a great way to start the day. Thank you to everyone. Probably anyone can benefit from the reminders to always be kind, and always value the day and the loved ones. I can only add, words from my dad - and I know at least one person who says it changed his life: happiness is not getting what you want, it is learning to want what you get.
ReplyDeleteSunscreen even in the car! I have a small amount of skin damage, and it's on the lower left side of my face, the side next to the window. I never leave my windows open, but still got the skin damage.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know everything, even if you're considered an "expert".
Never outspend your income, and try to save as much as you can. That fancy car or designer bag isn't worth going into crushing debt over, believe me. Never carry a credit card balance, if at all possible. At +20% interest rates, your balance soon overtops the original amount of purchase.
Good-natured humor smooths over a lot of conflict.
Give your parents a break; they are/were only human, and were affected by their own rearing. No one's perfect, not even you.
Never pass up an opportunity to pee. (Mom advice.)
DeleteMake a difference to someone everyday even if it’s just smiling at someone as you hold the door open for them at a store. You may be the only person that notices them that day!
ReplyDeleteThere’s always something to be grateful for.
ReplyDeleteDebRo
Very true.
DeleteAll of the above wise advice plus : Don't waste energy holding a grudge.
ReplyDeleteIf there is something you want to do, whether it is travel or studying or something else do it when you are able to. You don’t want to look back later and say I always want to…but now for whatever reason, I
ReplyDeletecan’t and probably never will, i.e. seize the moment.
Try not to be too judgmental of others, most of the time they are doing the best they can.
In Thornton Wilder’s play Our Town the main character, Emily dies very young but is offered a chance to go back to one day in her life, she knows how their lives will change but she can’t communicate She sees her family going about their everyday life not knowing what the future holds. She knows how their lives will change but can’t tell them.
She looks around and sees the things that everyone takes for granted, people, even flowers and says does anyone ever realize life while they live it? Realize life while you live it, look around you and appreciate what you see and are able to do.
During difficult situations my mother would often say this too shall pass. It got her through a lot of hard times.
A sense of humor can help put a more balanced perspective on life.
You never know when what you say to someone will have an impact on them and they will remember long after you do. I have had casual conversations with people who I have met much later. They have told me how much what I said meant to them and helped them deal with a difficult time in their life.
Savor the beautiful, even (or especially?) on the detours Debs mentioned, and have a trusted friend read over anything important before you send it out. <3
ReplyDeleteThink before you speak. Silence is golden but so are compliments.
ReplyDeleteBe your best, truest self, every day.
ReplyDeleteHappiness is a choice.
ReplyDeleteBe kind. We shouldn’t assume we know what someone else is living with so being kind and non-judgmental is so important.
ReplyDeleteDon’t give unsolicited advice.
ReplyDeleteAlways remember that Impermanence is your Friend! …especially when times are bad.
ReplyDeleteI was running late for a doctor’s appointment and worried I wouldn’t make it in time. I was amazed to see that each stoplight I came to was green! I stared counting them - 6!
ReplyDeleteThat was 6 little miracles. Now I look for the little miracles every day. God plants them in our lives in wonderful ways.
Your advice isn't mysterious at all!
ReplyDelete