The Most Unusual Meal

LUCY BURDETTE:  Years ago when a friend heard that John and I were going to France, she insisted we dine in Vezelay, a town outside Paris, famous for its Benedictine Abbey. The meal was eye-poppingly expensive with many courses. Our waiter spoke with a strong Italian accent that we had trouble understanding. He brought us an amuse-bouche a.k.a. appetizer and offered an explanation. The only thing we caught was “close your mouth“ aka “fermez la bouche.“ John bit into his square and learned why: it was full of piping hot liquid fois gras that squirted out over his tie, his dress shirt, and his jacket. This has always been our favorite bizarre restaurant story.

But in Stockholm recently, we may have eaten a meal that was equally memorable. The waitress told us “we work from themes, sometimes literature, sometimes music, space,  and so on. Tonight’s menu theme is based on E4, the highway that runs from the north to the south of Sweden.” A menu based on a highway? With each tiny course, the waiter recited an elaborate story related to this road. I should have written the descriptions down, but we were busy tasting. (The only thing we didn’t try was Reindeer Danger, aka reindeer tartar.)

How about you Reds? What is your most odd or memorable meal? (Can be from a restaurant or home-cooked.)

RHYS BOWEN: I’ve had my share of odd and memorable meals. I’ve dined at Michelin starred places where one course was one oyster with some kind of foam on top and truffle (?) shavings on top of that and caviar pearls on top etc. into a tower.  all I could think of was whether I’d get in trouble if I tipped the stuff off and just ate the oyster which I adore.

But home cooked? When I was a student in Germany my landlady invited me for a meal. It was a vol au vent. Absolutely delicious. “This is wonderful,” I said. “What’s in it?”

“Calf brains,” she replied

Suddenly it didn’t taste so good but I had to finish it. 

John will tell you his strangest was pig’s colon in Hong Kong. No. sorry . Never!

JENN McKINLAY: When I first moved to Arizona, I went on a road trip up to Sedona. My friend and I stopped at a roadside diner where they served rattlesnake. Tastes like chicken!

JULIA: Jenn, my favorite part of THE MATRIX is when they explain the AI didn’t bother to flavor less-popular meats, which is why everything “tastes like chicken.”

HALLIE EPHRON: I once ordered “cervelle de veau” … veal, right? Turned out to be calve’s brains. Jerry finished his main course AND mine. (We went to Vezelay… there’s a church there that dates back to 1100 that has fantastic relief carvings. That overshadowed whatever we ate.)

JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: The most unusual meal I ever had was at The Three Chimneys on the Isle of Skye. Ross and I went to the Highlands for our honeymoon in August ‘87, and mostly stayed at B&Bs These were the days when you’d drive to your location, check the local accommodations office, ring up your potential hosts and strike the deal. Travel was a lot more seat-of-the-pants back then!

We wound up staying with a local sheep farmer, who suggested the new restaurant that had just opened two summers ago. It was close enough to walk, so we strolled over around seven - I don’t recall if Ross used the farmer’s phone to make a reservation - and were treated to one of the best meals I’ve ever had. Salmon (Ross) and lamb (me) to die for, exquisite gourmet versions of neep and tatties, something exotic with edible seaweed, and, since we had to try it, haggis as a starter. (Pro tip: if you like sausage, you’ll like haggis.)

We stayed late enough that the sun had set by the time we walked back to the farm, pleasantly buzzed on wonderful wine and a whiskey nightcap. No lights along the narrow road, just the farmhouse a half mile ahead and the stars in the sky. It remains the most cherished memories of our honeymoon, and I was delighted to discover, decades later, that The Three Chimneys, noticeably larger than it was in 1987, has become one of the world’s top destination restaurants.   

HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN:  Oh, what a great question! I’ll never forget a meal we had in Florence, at Enoteca Pinchiorri.  It’s a MIchelin three-star restaurant (!) and  supposedly it is one of the most expensive restaurants on the planet, I forgot how much it cost, but let’s say hundreds of dollars a person each. For lunch. And we went for dinner. 

Anyway, that’s not the point. So the place is actually absolutely gorgeous, as elegant as you can imagine – – all pale yellow walls and crisp white linens,  bright red plates, and glittering crystal,  and subtle burnished brass, and I don’t even know what. Incredible.

The menu, which I actually have somewhere that I could never find, was authentically, gorgeously, Italian gourmet. I don’t even remember. I do have a memory of a tiny appetizer of  lemon  infused pasta with caviar, so there you have it.  

But here’s the point. (I know, finally)

So we are sitting at  our table with our two friends, basking. And then walked  a family: father, mother, and two sullen teenage girls. SO “American.”  Very blonde, very ponytailed. Very petulant.  

The waiter comes to take their order, and the girls proceed to instruct the waiter about how they want their turbot.. I remember one of them, asking for it with no bones, with the sauce on the side, and no herbs, and no potatoes,  only green beans, and extra shrimp. You get the picture. Very very  demandingly specific. The other was the same. Except differently specific. 

The waiter nodded, listening, incredibly polite, and wrote everything down. 

Five minutes later, he came back to the table and said in perfect English with an Italian accent “My apologies, but the chef says he cannot cook for you, his food will arrive the way his food will arrive. But he says, not for you. And he asks you to please leave.“ (Can you imagine?) And they left. They were kicked out! Everyone in the restaurant (quietly) cheered.

DEBORAH CROMBIE: I have eaten frog’s legs and snails in France, haggis in Scotland, calf brains and sweetbreads made by my mom–all memorable, some I liked better than others. (I actually love sweetbreads, but no one else will eat them and I don’t even know where I would get them these days.) But for the most memorable meal I’ll go all veggie: the set dinner at Bubala in Soho in London. This little restaurant was my daughter’s top pick of places to eat on our first post-pandemic trip to London, and it was astounding. Who would think you would drool over hummus with burnt butter or grilled cauliflower or skewered oyster mushrooms? I still think about that dinner longingly on a regular basis.

Reds, tell us about your most unusual meal ever!

If you're interested in reading more about the Scandinavian adventure, my hub John Brady wrote a wonderful post on his Topretirements blog.

https://www.topretirements.com/blog/bucket-list-trip-to-the-fjords-and-cities-of-scandinavia/