JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: Those of you who've been following this blog for a long time have seen my daughter Virginia, a/k/a Youngest, grow up. You've read about her "Think it over Baby" and her French exchange student while she was in middle school. You've seen her go to Hawai'i for the first Christmas after Ross died, and then triumphantly graduate high school six months later. You've been with her when she decided on the University of Maine, and when she went back in the middle of an international pandemic.
You've seen her at midsummer and at Christmas, continually aggrieved by my sentimental reading of 'Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus.' You've followed along as she joined a sorority, spent a summer term abroad, and got her first car. She's even written here about growing up as an author's kid, back when she was fourteen.
Well, now she's off on the next adventure: in two weeks, she'll be leaving the US for the Netherlands. She's been accepted into grad school at the University of Leiden's master's program in Crisis and Security Management, specializing in War and Peace Studies.
In other words, Virginia is going to The Hague.
(As you can imagine, her family is getting a lot of mileage from that joke.) The program is a year, after which she will qualify for a one-year post-study work visa. When will we see her again at home? Probably Christmas. When will she return full time the US? That's... an open question. Most of the work in every field of international conflict resolution and response happens in The Hague or in Brussels. So her brother and sister and I are all making sure our passports are up to date - and that we've all downloaded WhatsApp.
The most amazing part of this is how little I've had to do to help her transition. Student visa, apartment, international phone service, airplane ticket - she's handled it all herself. The only service I'm providing is to store what furniture she's not selling or giving away and - big sigh - taking her cat, Walker. Her intention is to bring him over as well. We'll see what happens.
I feel a bit like I did when Spencer joined the Navy, and when Victoria bought her house. How can you do that? You're just a little kid! But of course, she's not anymore. None of them are. It's truly one of life's great joys to see people you knew as wee small children become, as my son likes to say, "grown-ass men and women."
So please join me in congratulating Virginia for the big life step she's taking. She's right here at home - along with prepping to leave, she's taking care of me post-surgery. And let me know what adventures the former children in your life have embarked on!
Oh, the title? That's Dutch for Farewell, until we meet again!
Congratulations, Virginia . . . this "next step" you're taking sounds amazing . . . sending you best wishes for much success and happiness.
ReplyDeleteYes, there's a lot of pride in watching our children grow into adulthood and make important choices for themselves . . . both of the girls served in the military; one in the Navy, the other graduating from the Air Force Academy and then serving in the Air Force. And, yes, it's hard to be separated, but there's a special joy in seeing them grow into capable adults and achieve the things they desire most . . . .
Joan, as another mom whose daughter was nominated to the Air Force Academy (but chose to attend The Citadel, instead), I know just what you have gone through. Turning a son loose to serve is one thing, but to watch a daughter trot off to the world of mostly men is a scary, but thrilling event. Congratulations to your family!
DeleteHow impressive to have two girls who served in the military, Joan.
DeleteThanks, Rhys and Karen . . . .
DeleteYou're right, Karen . . . it was hard to watch the girls go off, harder still when the Academy girl spent a summer in Austria and the Navy girl served aboard a destroyer sent off to the Indian Ocean. But sending your child off into the scary world is difficult, no matter what they've chosen to do . . . .
So many congratulations to her! And let's hear it for more talented young people being committed to international crisis management.
ReplyDeleteMy older son has not been adventurous, although he did move to the DC area for love - and has now been married for almost seven years and has a baby (and they moved back to MA in 2020).
Younger son hied off for a two-month internship to western Puerto Rico to serve the cause of sustainable permaculture farming and education - and stayed 13 years! He and his lovely Puerto Rican wife moved back to the continent this spring less than an hour from me, and he has a great job working for a green architecture and building firm. I love that my brood are all within reach again.
Hey, Edith, that gives us another connection. My family moved to San Juan, Puerto Rico, when I was five, and I attended grades 1-10 there. We lived in the historic part of the city, and my sister and I were very happy growing up there. Then our parents took us to live in West Vancouver, and life changed, as it always does. I'm glad your son and family are near you now.
DeleteMega congratulations! What an amazing opportunity. Julia, you must be busting your buttons.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Victoria! How exciting!
ReplyDeleteSending Congratulations to VIRGINIA! Crisis and Security Management with specialization in War and Peace studies sounds intense, and more relevant than ever.
ReplyDeleteOne of those children is in Israel , on a work trip, as I write this. And am I a bit nervous? Hmmm. And our oldest grandchild is starting middle school in a month. How did that happen, when I am still at the night she was born?
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations to Virginia- bravo to exciting beginnings
DeleteOh, Triss, I know that you must be proud but nervous about your child in Israel. I have been on the verge of joining one of those volunteer trips too, but my husband really doesn't want me to go. Things are so upside down there since last October 7, and they need help in so many areas. Kol ha kavod.
DeleteOh Triss, I would be holding my breath a little about being in Israel right now but I’m sure security is tighter than ever. And Judy, I can understand your husband not wanting you to go but I’m proud of you for wanting to volunteer
DeleteCongratulations, Virginia! And congratulations as well to Julia for doing her part to raise such a responsible and independent daughter!
ReplyDeleteCongrats to Virginia! Once she is settled in The Hague, I will be expecting her to beginning taking names, kicking ass, and bringing about everlasting peace. My hopes are not too high for this talented woman.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Victoria! (and Julie too) What a fascinating grad school program you've chosen--we sure need help in that department from young people. Maybe one day you'll blog about it for us? xox
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Virginia! It's lovely to hear that you are having adventures and doing the things that interest you. Wherever you you after this, whatever you decide to do, it will be a different course from that of everyone else. Good-luck to you.
ReplyDeleteThat's so exciting, Julia. Please tell Virginia that I'm very impressed with what she's studying. We need her to learn how to solve world crises and promote peace. I know several young people of different nationalities who've done graduate programs in the Netherlands, and they've all been very happy. But to comfort you, Julia, only one of them has stayed and made a life there.
ReplyDeleteOur 31-year-old son Tommy has been adventurous in his free time since he was a tiny boy. I learned never to take my eyes off him out of doors (something that became much harder to do as he got older and his pastimes got scarier!) Now, as far as I know, he confines himself to riding his bicycle around Albania and Montenegro as well as better-known tourist areas like France and Greece. Luckily, his work life as a graduate student in mathematical physics in Zürich seems perfectly safe, even though it has something to do with black holes. (Thank goodness they're just concepts and not places to crawl around in, or Tommy would be doing just that!)
Amanda here, from the no-internet cottage: Congratulations to Virginia on this next stage of life and learning! Enjoy every minute. And for you, Julia — best wishes for peace and security in your own home with Walker joining your 4-legged gang — may differences unite not divide.
ReplyDeleteHope you are on the mend soon Julia. So exciting to rad about Virginia's new adventure. You'll have to keep us posted. Very proud of her accomplishments.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say Julia is that your post brought tears to my eyes. We have one daughter and now she’s a mum too and my goodness, who would have thought? Joyce W.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia! Will her classes be in Dutch or English?
ReplyDeleteEnglisg
DeleteJulia, your children are all so impressive. Well done, to you and Ross, for raising especially your daughters to reach for the stars. Congratulations, Virginia! Oh, the places you'll go. I look forward to watching this stage of your life, as you take this leap of courage.
ReplyDeleteMy youngest just started a photography business (as a hobby), being a third generation wildlife photog. She's planning ahead to when her husband retires from foreign service in a few years. The middle daughter just left her job as a director of a big consulting firm to open her own business, as well, continuing her work in the field of renewable and sustainable energy, on her OWN terms instead of getting further entrenched in corporate baloney. Her job had gotten further and further from her own personal mission, and she decided the time was right to pursue her own agenda.
Between Robin and Virginia and intelligent young people like them, this next generation may just save our bacon.
Congratulations, Virginia! and your support team too! Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Virginia! What an amazing opportunity! Thank you for taking good care of your mom.
ReplyDeleteMy son is home for the summer (mostly) and will start his third year as a PhD student at the U. of Chicago in the fall. His focus is Germanic studies, but he asked for and got permission to add French as well, so he has been reading 18th century plays in French and German all summer. He made it through last year--his teaching year--and enjoyed it. I was not at all sure how it would go for him, but it went well. On Tuesday he heads to Germany for a friend and colleague's wedding. Emir and his bride are Muslim so it will be fascinating to hear about Matt's experience there.
Wow! That is completely fantastic! Incredibly exciting and truly wonderful. Cannot wait to get regular dispatches from The Hague! Xxxxxx congratulations to all …
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia. Here’s to many wonderful adventures !
ReplyDeleteI feel we have succeeded as parents when our children are able to make , and carry through , important life decisions and “fly”.
Dianne Mahoney
Congratulations to Virginia! I'm excited for her and glad you get to have this time with her before she leaves--except for the part about the TKR. You've got great kids, Julia!
ReplyDeleteSigh. Blogger. From Flora.
DeleteCongratulations to Virginia! I am so excited for her going to the Hague. So excited for Virginia. And thank you for sharing the Dutch words. May I ask if Virginia knows sign language? I am following this social media of a Child of Deaf Adults - he and his partner are visiting Amsterdam and meeting deaf people there. I met several deaf people from the Netherlands.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your Virginia with us readers. To answer your question, a young relative went to Turkey for a junior year semester from a Seven Sisters college. Your post reminded me of when I went to the UK and studied at Oxford. It was a wonderful experience living in the UK. You are blessed to have WhatsApp. May I ask what you like about WhatsApp?
When I lived in the UK, there was no Internet yet. Since I could not use the phone, since I am deaf, all I could do was send postcards and I asked the owner of a local dress shop to send a fax for me. My family said that the mail arrived Before the fax did! The last time I went to Europe, we all had the mobile phones and I was able to send texts to my family in the States.
Postscript: And thank you, Virginia, for taking care of your Mom.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Virginia !
ReplyDeleteI pray for peace everyday. It’s fabulous that young people like you prepare to actively work on it.
Julia I’m glad that your surgery went well and wish you the best recovering. I totally understand your pride in your children.
Danielle
Wow! Virginia! Congratulations on going to The Hague. What important work you'll be doing, along with the consequential things you'll be learning. I'm truly in awe. Well done, you! <3
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia! My sister and brother-in-law and two children spent 5 years living outside of The Hague and loved it. My nephew who went to a Dutch kindergarten still speaks with a Dutch intonation sometimes. And of course they are all avid cyclists.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia! It sounds like she is already extremely focused and capable -- she will do great things.
ReplyDeleteMy only son earned a BA in computer science and worked at a start up for a couple years thereafter, but became disenchanted with the whole tech industry. He moved home for a short time to "pivot" and that's when covid struck. His short time in our house stretched to about two years and eroded his confidence a lot. He moved out at the beginning of 2022 but without any clear direction. Finally in the fall of 2022 he decided to focus on a lifelong desire to live in Japan for a while, and dove into figuring out how to make that happen. He earned a certification in Teaching English as a Foreign Language, started applying for jobs in Japan, and as of April of this year is living about 250 miles north of Tokyo, in a small town in the mountains, working as an Assistant Language Teacher. He is the happiest I've ever seen him, and exudes a previously unseen sense of comfort in himself.
Susan, that’s wonderful to hear! — Pat S
DeleteI'm in the UK, oldest daughter is now very happily settled in Australia (with dual-citizenship) with a wife and baby - all because she gave up ideas of extra-curricular music at university after a disaster of a choir audition, took up rugby instead (after hating any school sport) and met an Australian exchange student at the first practice.... Australia is great, but expensive to get to and I don't enjoy the length of the flights.
ReplyDeleteLove this! Congrats to Virginia. Going abroad for grad school was wonderful and life changing for me. And, I did return home eventually and now live twenty minutes away from my parents, just saying . . .
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Virginia! My daughter went undergrad as a junior and found it the most welcoming country she's ever lived in!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia for so many, many things! And to you, too, Julia, for raising a competent and independent young woman!
ReplyDeleteJulia, I hope your knee replacement recovery is going well. My new knee just had its third birthday, and is very strong! It’s so nice to be able to get up from a chair without having to think ahead about how I’m going to do that!
DebRo
Congratulations, Virginia! You will make this world a better place! Yay for Whats App!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia! I am sure she will make a big splash across the ocean.
ReplyDeleteAnd if I could suggest the app called Signal for your family. We started sharing with What’s App but felt Signal was more secure.
This is all so exciting! Big congrats to Virginia! And so glad you're getting your knee taken care of so that you'll be able to visit!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Virginia!!! I see amazing things in your future. It is weird when you become the launchpad/storage facility for your children.
ReplyDeleteThe Hooligans still have one foot in and one foot out of adulthood as they finish school (a film major specializing in sound and a cardiology sonographer, respectively). We'll see where these paths take them - very exciting!!!
Jenn, my cardiology sonographer is one of my favorite medical persons…May the hooligan become someone’s favorite…gentle touch, good smile, and always calm. Elisabeth
DeleteWhoa! You are suitably chuffed!! So of course you'll have to visit her in Den Haag. And what a great career choice she's made.
ReplyDeleteAdding my congratulations to Virginia. What a great experience. One of my grandsons is studying international relations and may well look into this program. He’s doing a semester abroad in Florence next year. I love that young people are traveling so freely. My two granddaughters came back from Rome, Naples and then various Greek islands, all booked and arranged themselves. They called it the Mana Mia tour!
ReplyDeleteBrava! May she help bring some peace -- we need it. <3. -- Storyteller Mary
ReplyDeleteWow! That is amazing! I'm green with envy at the opportunities young people have today. If I had suggested such a thing to my parents they would have looked at me like I was nuts. Way to go, Virginia!
ReplyDeleteCongrats! Have a wonderful time.
ReplyDeleteJulia, you have obviously done a great job raising all three of your kids (and speaking of obvious, Ross had a lot to do with it, too, I’m sure). Congratulations to Virginia and I wish her the best on her next, very exciting adventure!
ReplyDeleteMy son and daughter-in-law moved to Portland, OR and I hope they are happy there. Both are currently seeking employment so this mom will feel better once they are gainfully employed. — Pat S
I just spent a wonderful time with the Youngest and her family. So much love, so much reality, so much muchness. having the btl contributions was great~~ was nice . like reading a book but knowing the most recent chapter. Thank you and best of luck to our budding crisis management person. She is going to be a game changer.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, Virginia! I hope you have an amazing adventure.
ReplyDeleteYes, my son, now 22, likes to tell me, "I'm a grown-ass man, Mom. I can take care of it." Then I get a text: What setting do you use to wash towels? LOLOLOLOL
Liz, I love that! (Flora)
DeleteFlora, proof that no matter how grown up they are, they still need Mom. :)
DeleteCongratulations to Virginia! What an exciting and interesting path she's chosen. I can't wait to see where she ends up with all of this. Julia, all of your children have set their own paths with great confidence and and pluck. And, think of the fun you will have visiting her.
ReplyDeleteI fell in love with Key West when my daughter and now husband took a year after college and lived there, Ashley teaching at the elementary school on the Navy base and Eli working for one of the big boat adventure companies, where he got to be in the ocean he loves. They also had, in college, taken a school-sponsored trip to Europe when they were between their junior and senior years. It was to Czech Republic for three weeks, and afterwards they went off on their own, using the train to go to Italy, Spain, and France. I was thrilled they took that adventure. Kevin had always been more of a homebody, but I glad he at least got to go to Key West and work for a summer (when Ashley was there). He worked on a parasailing boat and enjoyed being outside and getting the kind of tan he always had as a little boy. He also, and I made this possible for him and now am so glad I did, went with several friends to San Francisco to a music festival where an alternative band they liked were playing. Then, there was Bonnaroo, the music festival and arts festival held yearly in the summer in Tennessee, where you camp out, and there is some big name entertainment. I found his t-shirt from their in one of his clothes boxes, and I've put it in a plastic bag to preserve it. I may get it framed. His school trips to Birmingham, Alabama and to Chicago were great times for him, too. Being the socially conscious person he was, Birmingham made a big impact on him, as it was a trip about the civil rights events that happened there. I had so wanted to take him on a trip to England with me whenever I go, but now that will never happen. My daughter has already been on a trip to Hawaii and New Orleans with me. I had wanted to get Kevin to travel some more, too.
Julia, I hope every day is a better one for you. Listen to your great caretakers and you'll soon be able to start planning your first trip to see Youngest.
The above comments were me, Kathy Reel. Most of you probably guessed that.
DeleteHave been to Den Hague twice and love it. A favorite memory is going to Mauritshuis and seeing the Girl With the Pearl Earring and having 5 minutes alone with her because it’s not a crowded museum.
ReplyDeleteWise words, Julia.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia, what a great adventure. All the best.
(Heather S)
All sounds so spectacular, Virginia, well done! Julia, all my kids are quite grown up--sons #1 and #2 just retired. #1 will be 70 at Christmas time. We're Angelinos, so all three sons, daughters-in-law, and grandchildren (all married) live in Los Angeles County or San Diego County. And so, or course, so do the greats--seven, at last count, coming up on eight. Ideal! The good news, Julia, is that they all come home. Sporadically, maybe, but home they come. As of this day, two sons and one d-i-l are living with me, taking care of Nana Nita and just hanging out. Sharing everything. I could not be happier. Who'll come next? There's plenty of room! Lenita
ReplyDeleteJulia, all three of your children are or will be in positions of service to others. Your late husband Ross and you both should be commended on inspiring them to become the people that have become. We are all impressed.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations Virginia! May you always follow your dreams and make the come true!!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations to Virginia. How wonderful. You must be so proud.
ReplyDelete