JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: It’s the 2024 Summer Olympics, as we
mentioned earlier this week, and if you’re watching, you’ll notice a few
new sports included. Kayak cross and breaking, aka break dancing will be
debuting, and surfing, skateboarding and sport climbing will appear for the
second time since ‘21.
The IOC has an official policy of introducing game-specific sports to maximize local interest and growth, and an unofficial policy of trying desperately to keep a younger audience. (Most recent polling has 66% of Americans above 55 with a tradition of watching, with 62% of viewers 18-34 saying the same. And if you don’t think that 4% is significant, you’ve never worked in television.)
So for the 2028 Games in Los Angeles, baseball/softball will be played again after being dropped in ‘09, while flag football, lacrosse, squash and cricket will be added. I’m not sure about cricket being of local interest in southern California, but I’m sure the NBC announcers will be able to clearly explain the rules and play for the American audience. (Picture me with a dubious look.)
If we’re allowed to vote, I’m going to kick water polo off the list of current sports. You can never see any of the action with all that water flying everywhere, and the sight of handsome young jocks wearing skimpy Speed-oes isn’t enough to make up for it.
In exchange, I propose this Millennial/Gen Z pleasing
competition: the dash between the athlete’s main job and their side gig. This
would take place in a city setting, like road cycling, and would involve the
contestants dashing from their day job to a fast food place to grab dinner to
their evening side gig, with bonus points for having to change into a uniform
along the way.
Hey, if breakdancing is a sport…
How about you, Reds? What sport should get the boot, and what would you like to see instead?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Multitasking! Just like the decathlon, contestants are given TEN things to do, and whoever accomplishes them fastest wins.
Events will include:
1. doing a
load of laundry (degree of difficulty points given for sorting)
2. making a dinner for four for a vegan, a veg, a paleo and a keto and having it all be finished at the same time,
3. finding hidden car keys,
4. finishing a chapter of edits,
5. posting on four social media platforms with DIFFERENT posts,
6. taking a shower and getting dressed again
7. finding the matching socks in a huge pile of socks
8. Remembering three birthdays and sending the cards
9. Submitting a set of travel expenses (degree of difficulty points for finding all the receipts)
10) Defrosting a freezer and putting everything back in and have the door still close.
What do you think? It’s THE TASKATHON!
RHYS BOWEN: That’s a brilliant list, Hank! Julia, you
may not take out water polo! We are a family of water polo players: 4 college
division 1 players, three 
Olympic development players, one junior US team
captain and a 3 time All American. So do not touch it. And it’s exciting to
watch.
No to breakdancing. How ridiculous. It might be clever but not a sport. Also not a sport is rhythmic gymnastics. Twirling a ribbon, throwing a hoop belong in a circus. But on that note, how about trapeze as a sport? That would be exciting to watch.
My own sport addition is the microwave challenge. Can you put a cup of coffee in the microwave to reheat and in that time rush down the hall, pee, and come back before it pings? I am a champion at this, I must tell you.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: How about the Mealathon? The contestants would have to plan a week’s meals, do all the shopping for those meals, then prepare each meal. Each meal would then be a heat, points given for time of prep as well as excellence of taste and presentation.
The winner can then come work for me!
LUCY BURDETTE: I would not take Hank on in the Taskathon! The
only prize there would be second place. Debs, I will take your second place
winner at my house!
HALLIE EPHRON: I propose a sheet-folding competition, with difficulty starting with twin flats and moving up to king-sized fitted. And cutlery sorting, beginning with a dishwasher load of cutlery. Accuracy counts.
JULIA: Ugh, I'd be a wash-out at the sheet folding, Hallie, but I sort my cutlery as it goes IN to the dishwasher, so I can see a gold medal in my future!
How about you, dear readers? What new sports do you propose for future Olympics? And are there any current sports you think can be retired?
HANK would be the TASKATHON champion for sure!
ReplyDeleteHow about the person needing the least amount of sleep per night & functioning well without feeling like a zombie? Three hours? Four hours?
I SEE what time you posted that, Grace! I was awake then, too, and am chiming in late here only because I stubbornly refused to get out of bed for all two hours and finally fell back asleep.
DeleteI could have posted earlier but Saturday's blog only uploaded after 3:30 am.
DeleteMuggy overnight dew points of 23C/74F and feel like temperatures of 34C/93F at 3:00 am made for an uncomfortable, abbreviated sleep.
That might be one of my best events!
DeleteI'm agreeing with breakdancing NOT being a sport [and giving it the boot] . . . . in its place, an obstacle course race.
ReplyDeleteJoan, do we get to suggest obstacles? Lol
DeleteThat would be SO much fun, Judy!
DeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteMaybe a pet feed-a-thon?
1. Feed Eliot the cat while dogs are outside going potty
2. In the meantime get Nespresso machine primed and ready to go
3. Take morning meds and return milk and OJ to fridge
4. Fill dog bowls with individual diets
5. Put dog bowls on individual mats along with cat bowl for Penny Lane to lick clean
6. Send Eliot to basement to use litter box
7. Turn on Nespresso machine
8. Let dogs in
9. Grab morning latte
10. Watch dogs finish and let Sgt Pepper back out, post prandial poop time
11. Take latte to living room and turn on NBC
12. Let Sgt Pepper back in
13. Settle in recliner to watch Olympics
Current world record for all the above is 9:12
I am in stitches. These contests are only for the most skilled and might be the only truly co-ed sports in the JRW Olympics.
ReplyDeleteHow about the "care for a grandparent trails?" Each contestant will be assigned one cranky elderly grandparent to care for over the week. This will include many of the components from the above lists, done to the satisfaction of someone whose only job all day is to be sure you do everything to his or her specifications. It also will include
scheduling and driving to doctor appointments. Getting them in and out of your vehicle (probably too high or too low) and procuring the walker and making certain said grandparent uses the darn thing! Then, of course, picking up prescriptions, sorting pills into the weekly dispenser, etc. Searching for lost eyeglasses, magazines, books, the TV remote, all part of a day's work. The person with the biggest smile and best stories at the end of the competition wins!
As one (sometime)cranky elderly grandparent, I’d like credit for PROVIDING the biggest smile and best story!
DeleteI love all these. How about the Cat Care event? Contestants have to get through their day while managing to:
ReplyDelete-Prevent the (indoor cat) dash through the outside door.
-Avoid stepping in last night's throw-up.
-Scoop the litter without gagging.
-Decipher the day's writing, which includes mysteries chains of letters and symbols from the cat walking across (or sleeping) on the keyboard.
-Avoid being scratched while giving a pill.
-Maintain the usual dinnertime despite the constant wailing begging that starts two hours early.
Extra points for staying cheery while sneezing.
Take a way break dancing for "Slowhound" Ten hound breeds on leashes on outdoor one miles course with infinite things to sniff (any one mile stretch) One pound raw meat at finish line. Slowest dog wins, demonstrating the desirability of the path. Any dog who pulls a walker into a fall is disqualified.
ReplyDeleteMaren, but imagine the goals if the sport is run from the hounds' perspective? Most walker falls in a 1-mile stretch! Most stops for poop pick-up! Extra points for a squirrel chase! And bonus points if your walker has to pick you up and carry you the last 1/4 mile! :-)
DeleteYour lives all feel so familiar!
ReplyDeleteI would write more but my own Morning Marathon is going on right now.
Sports practice marathon: how do two parents in two cars get three kids to their sports practices during Atlanta rush hour, with gear and a post-practice dinner box? Bonus points for the parent who takes the dogs for a long walk during a practice. Kid and soccer bag handoff at gas stations is part of the plan.
ReplyDeleteI’m with Rhys, keep the water polo. Long Beach is the water polo capital, so I might be biased. How cool is it that Flava Flav is a sponsor of the women’s team?
ReplyDeleteMy husband swears he’s leaving town in 2028, but I want to stay. Long Beach will be hosting sailing, water polo, rowing, canoe sprint and handball.
And we see teams playing cricket in their whites every weekend in our local park.
For an LA- specific sport, I recommend navigating across the city using only a Thomas Guide, then locating a safe parking space (poles frequently have 6 different signs with parking instructions that often seem contradictory ).
Hank, make sure the pile of laundry includes items with washing instructions in 14 different languages and the print so tiny you need a magnifying glass to read it--and at least several items must be hand wash only! And for the cat-care marathon--each heat increases the number of cats and the number of stairs which must be negotiated, along with different dietary requirements. Points deducted if athlete trips over a cat, steps on a tail, or spills dry food.
ReplyDeleteI love it!
DeleteWow, cricket in the Olympics. That will be fun! Dad explained cricket to me a number of times (including a match at Headinley), but I still don't understand it. I just love the terms--bowl a maiden over, silly mid off, googly etc.
ReplyDeleteThese days, I would suggest the water-athon. You are provided with three hoses and faucets. How can you most efficiently get all plants in a yard watered in the least amount of time? Points for style in choice of nozzle and angle of spray.
More points for using rain water from the barrel with no pressure but gravity!
DeleteNow that would be an event to watch.
DeleteIf sheet-folding was an event I would be the undisputed champion. Whoever folds Martha Stewart's sheets (because you know she doesn't do that herself) might give me trouble, but I am up for the challenge. And they have to be 800-count percale cotton, or higher, because that is way harder than bamboo and jersey to fold.
ReplyDeleteMy other event (if Grace's idea doesn't become an event, because that might be too subjective to judge), would be forgetting where I was going when I start out on a statement like this. Oh, no, never mind. It would be wastebasket basketball. Or basketwad. Of paper. Degrees of difficulty may include the over the shoulder toss behind, or the toss from over the 7'-wide island to the open can on the other side.
I would guarantee to medal in the sheet folding competition. If you combine that with the freezer defrost event, I might expect a silver or gold!
DeleteAs for waste-basetball, it's not a competition I would enter.
I do admire a good free,er defroster, Judy!
DeleteMy husband would win sheet folding. I would be dead last. (And at folding anything. Somehow I was behind the door when that gene was passed out. My hubby wins the ironing competion, too.)
DeleteLove the creative ideas for future Olympics. I had a thought. How about adding Sign Language Olympics? There are several games in Sign Language. And perhaps Charades could be added to future Olympics. And I am with Rhys on water polo.
ReplyDeleteEven when I was at that school from hell and believe it or not, I was not good at sports. However water polo was the only sport where I excelled. Before I went to the school from hell, I excelled at sports at schools before that hellish school.
From Celia: Well I think the Gold has to go to Hank. I'm giving Silver to Ann, and Bronze to the Atlanta crawl. Sorry I've lost your name in my cranky grandparent way so I guess Judy should get a prize too. Huuum as I'm the cranky one doing the pill crawl, the fastest, 'Of course I'm HAPPY to find your inhaler', which is right by his chair, sprint. And a myriad other tiny needs which shred my day.
ReplyDeleteStill to stay focussed, keep water polo, in fact all water sports are great. I think cricket will be a hoot as it's about as slow or slower than baseball so lots of tv ad time to suffer. Which brings me to juggling tv remotes. Who juggles most remotes, can change channels and find the one sport they want to watch on Peacock in under 10 seconds? I can't. We're lucky if we can see two sports in an evening. Happy viewing you all.
Ha, Celia, love the remote juggling competion!
DeleteI’m confused.
DeleteIs remote juggling juggling all the remotes?
Or is it juggling things in a remote location, far from the madding crowd?
Or both maybe?
I think it's determining which remote is for the TV, which one is for the DVD player and which one is for the fireplace.
DeleteLOL - breakdancing! Really. A sport? My. Nope, while I admire breakdancers, I mean if I got into some of those positions, they'd be figuring out how to fold me into the ambulance for transport, I'm not liking it for the Olympics. Same with ribbon dancing. That always struck me as pretty, but odd. I'd add rappelling and mountaineering.
ReplyDeleteHank - defrosting a refrigerator! Now that's a blast from the past. Who else has been enveloped in a cloud of what smoke when the accidently knifed through the freezer wall? Oh, my.
I’m old so this one is just for laughs: diaper folding. But how about accomplishing the most tasks with one hand - because you are holding a child balanced on one hip. 😜
ReplyDeleteAnd possibly nursing them at the same time!
DeleteWould fail at Hank's multitasking, might qualify for sheet folding if it was a pairs competition. My candidates: must clean and declutter a standard living space while soothing a robo baby while robo toddler is cluttering the space. Timed event. Second event: pairs recycling dance: recycle and bin items to music of choice using moves similar to gymnastics floor exercise. 3 AM manager: must respond to manager request to write key memo and prepare for presentation by opening of office hours in Kabul.
ReplyDeleteThey still do that ribbon dancing thing? I always thought that was not a sport. My events would be 2-person team events: have you seen my keys? did you see where I put down that bag a couple of days ago? and definitely the refrigerator search for the condiment in plain sight.
ReplyDeletePat, I would add have you seen my glasses and can you find my phone (calling it disqualifies you). — Pat S
DeleteYes! Absolutely the phone! It can be a timed event in the house, or a distance event along a trail.
DeleteI was going to come up with something related to watering plants, which always takes me a lot of time, but I see that Gillian already suggested that. As for sports I'd like to boot out of the Olympics, I don't have anything against any of them--the more, the merrier. I love watching a little of this and a little of that, manned and womaned by as many nationalities as possible: a judoku from Azerbeijan, a woman boxer from Algeria, a Lithuanian rower. I'm always happy when a tiny and/or poor country wins a medal. And did you all see that amazing 14-year-old Japanese girl win a gold medal in skateboarding? Yay, Yoshizawa Coco!
ReplyDeleteI can’t compare with you creative geniuses so won’t offer any clever real life events. I very heartily agree with Rhys about water polo, especially the women’s team. And I agree to thumbs downing break dancing, rhythmic gymnastics (that’s the ribbon thing, right?) and probably some other, to me, inane sport. But love your ideas! Keep’em coming! — Pat S
ReplyDeleteThese were hilarious. Thanks for a good laugh.
ReplyDeleteJulia, I have to agree with Rhys about the water polo. I've never played it, I don't know anyone who's played it, but I like it. Kind of reminds me of my old Marco Polo days. Break dancing may be fun to watch for some, but it is not a sport to me. And, I know we have to have soccer, but if nobody scores for ages, can't there be some side entertainment to watch. Interestingly enough, I do love rugby. My daughter and son-in-law played it in college. Well, my daughter had to quit playing because of two things, a head contusion and a hurt neck. She would have been fine from both of those eventually, but a drunk driver hit her, her boyfriend (now husband), and their friend in a bad accident. Thankful that no one was killed, but she has lingering pain in her neck, which isn't pleasant. OK, back to the Olympics. I would like to see more of the archery advertised since I'm too lazy to look up the schedule.
ReplyDeleteMy suggestion for a new sport is picture hanging, not one little simple picture on the wall, but groupings of pictures. It would be rated on creativity and neatness, and, of course, how much time it takes to get the best arrangement. There will have to be all sizes and shapes of pictures, and the picture-hanging athletes won't know what sizes and shapes they are getting. If anyone here thinks you could qualify for this sport, please come to my house for a practice session so that I can help you determine your expertise. I will be giving comments and requests as you do your workout.
Timed event: how quickly a person can clear the yard of anything that might be hazardous in a hurricane! (Barbara C)
ReplyDeleteIf cats are involved will there be an added period for the task per square yard?
DeleteLove this one! I’ve done it.
DeletePeople who were male at birth have no place competing in the Olympics as women. I'd also like to see boxing eliminated as it is brutal. For Hank's #9: "Submitting a set of travel expenses" please let me share how I approached this issue for business travel as I do now for all of our adventures.
ReplyDeleteI keep one #10 white envelope for all of the receipts in my handbag with a pen. As I incur each expense, I place each receipt in the envelope. I write on the outside of the envelope the date and day of the week, the amount and a few words as to what it was for. When I get home from travelling, I pull up my visa account and highlight each item to ensure that I have been charged correctly. Hope that this helps!
What a great post today! And such great responses. As for all the weird actual Olympic categories, we discovered we were fascinated by the speed climbing. Had no idea there was such a thing, but the competitors look like zombies climbing over the walls in World War Z!
ReplyDeleteFROM JAY
ReplyDeleteBreakdancing is NOT A SPORT. And if ballroom dancing is still in the Olympics...that's gone too. I know the world feels like everyone has to be included for even the most minor of so-called accomplishments but give me a FN break. And I know "the IOC has a policy..." part but let's remember that this is the same IOC who lets exposed drug cheats (CHINA) compete in Paris, threatens to take bids away from host cities if they don't become their metaphorical and financial slaves. So their flexibility on which of their policies they stick to is a joke.
And remember, though everyone likes to pretend otherwise, the only reason baseball and softball (ACTUAL SPORTS) were dropped was because the Americans were dominating everyone for pretty much all of the Olympiads it was part of. They never should've been dropped in the first place.
Water polo can stay but I have no use for rhythmic gymnastics so I'd be fine with that disappearing. And though I have love for the sport of basketball, the full team event is enough. That 3-on-3 version can go away too.
I’d dump the shooting events, boxing, wrestling. Definitely bring back the baseball & softball.
ReplyDeleteFor new ones, maybe the cat care or even doggie care. Especially bathing & nail trimming. Or dosing either with a pill.
Sorry I missed this. I’m in San Diego with a very packed schedule! I love all of the suggestions - hilarious!!!
ReplyDelete