HALLIE EPHRON: It's WHAT WE'RE WRITING week... and my usual question: Am I writing? And if I am, then where is it??
The answer: ideas are swirling in my head. Which is a step forward.
I’m still disinterring and collecting the personal writing I’ve done over the decades and sorting. Since Jerry and I were married for more than 50 years, a lot of the writing is about him. I've been printing it all out, three-hole-punching, and putting the pages into a spiffy red 3-ring binder.
So it feels as if something is happening.
On a parallel track I’ve scanned the hundreds of cartoons he drew and saved, much of it from the cards he drew for me and capturing our family history. Every birthday, Christmas, New Year’s Day, Thanksgiving, Ground Hog Day, and once on Bastille Day I’d find a hand-drawn card in the bathroom in the morning when I groped my way to the toilet.
It started out with just us and two cats. Then us and a baby. Then us and another baby. The last cards include my daughter's handsome husband and their two delicious grandchildren. It was a sort of rite of passage when you assumed cartoon-character form in one of his drawings.
He was a lunatic who raised “silly” to a fine art.
Who turned cartoon drawings into love letters.
Friends have urged me to use his drawings to tell a story.
I met Jerry in 1968. He was a graduate student in physics, living near Columbia, and I was a junior at Barnard. We were fixed up by one of his roommates. I’d just been dumped by Charlie; then, months later Charlie whistled and I dumped Jerry.
Jerry was persistent. He wooed me with cartoons. Here’s a postcard he sent me.
He’s Don Quixote and I’m one of the evil grimacing faces on the windmill along with Charlie. The text is from a poem by Frederico García Lorca. Jerry loved poetry and spoke pretty good Spanish.
When Charlie dumped me (again), it’s telling that I’d kept Jerry’s card. I must have known in my heart of hearts, that he was the one. And lucky for me, he thought I was, too. We got back together, and stayed that way happily (almost) ever after.
Here’s a picture of Jerry as he was when I first met him and again in 1990. Was he handsome or what?? I must have been out of my mind to dump him.
And here’s how he portrayed the change he’d undergone in those three decades. Cue: laughter.
Is your family history in photographs? Letters?? A recipe box?? A binder?? A book???
Our family history is mostly in pictures in boxes at my parent's house. Putting it in a binder or book would be nice, but not a project I'm wanting to take on.
ReplyDeleteThere will come a time, Mark (hopefully)...
DeleteI think it's a toss-up between letters and photographs, but not particularly organized or together . . . it's a project worth considering . . . .
ReplyDeleteMy kids made me go through all the old family photos and write on the backs which aunts and uncles are in them. Sadly some of them even I can't identify.
Deleteours is in photos...some lost during a move
ReplyDeleteOh, dear... Another argument for scanning them.
DeleteHallie, Jerry sounds so warm and charming and FULL OF LOVE for you. I'm sorry you lost him. (Selden)
ReplyDeleteYou're right, Selden... and I was so lucky he found me.
DeleteHallie, I love that you have shared Jerry's drawings with us. I think he was a "catch."
ReplyDeleteOu family has lots of photos.
SORT THEM! DATE THEM! LABEL THEM!!!!
DeleteWhat a lovely man! The drawings are delightful. Thanks for the share.
ReplyDeleteBecause we haven't been apart over the years, except for an original job transfer for my husband five months before I joined him, we don't have many letters. Our history is mainly in photographs or anniversary, birthday, and Xmas cards.
That's a legacy in itself.
DeleteJerry was a jewel, all right. I'm glad I got to see meet him and see him in action on the dance floor more than once!
ReplyDeleteMy father was a devoted letter writer, and he and my uncle, his brother-in-law, had a decades-long correspondence and friendship. Uncle Dick (now 97) recently sent me two fat envelopes of letters Daddy had written him. I also have many my father wrote to my mom, and to me. Scanning them all in is on the eternal project list, along with all the photographs in boxes.
My father was a prolific letter writer too. I have sacks of them to go through...someday...
DeleteI also have my grandmother's diary of driving across country when she was eighteen - that sparked two books and four or five short stories!
DeleteI wonder what the next generation will do with no letters to return to, and a glob of pictures all taken and ? looked at that are on their cell phones? Tactile paper, and photographs are so nice to hold and reminisce.
DeleteTrue, Margo - I'm afraid emails and texts will be "lost in the sands of time"
DeleteI'm also glad I got to meet Jerry a couple of times. Thank you for sharing some of his cartoons. I believe shared laughter is bonding for couples and friends.
ReplyDeleteLaughter! You're so right about that, Rhona.
DeleteI have a few early family photos.
ReplyDeleteMe, too - only a few because my parents "downsized" and because I had 3 sisters to share them with. I scanned all the family photos that *I* ended up with, stored them on thumb drives and gave them to my sisters one Christmas.
DeleteMy mom and dad did genealogy research on the family for a few years so there's a lot of stuff sitting around in books and such. I wouldn't know what's in them due to a total lack of interest though.
ReplyDeleteI know that thing about genealogy. My Jerry was devoted to nailing his family tree. Like you, Jay, I could care less about his OR mine. Different strokes.
DeleteHallie, perhaps your Jerry was trying to find more information about his medical history? I just had a procedure where my Ob/GYN had to remove fibroids. Turns out it is genetic.
DeleteLetters and photographs, including the letters my grandmother and her two sisters sent back and forth while students at Mt. Holyoke.
ReplyDeletePriceless!
DeleteI will preorder your book of the Hallie & Jerry story, illustrated with his drawings! My family history is in writings and photos -- my grandparents' writings are simple photocopies of typed pages; my parents are 'designed' by me with photos to illustrate and printed at the local copy shop. They are all precious to me. Wonderful to have and to hold in my hands.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Amanda!! Sounds like you have a manageable legacy to hand on.
DeleteHALLIE: I agree with Amanda. I will preorder your Hallie and Jerry book, illustrated with his drawings. I am grateful that you and Jerry found each other.
DeleteHallie, I loved these so much! Please do a book of your reminisces and cartoons!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement, Judi!
DeleteHumor is the glue for a relationship, more than anything else, I think. Jerry was hilarious, and you were his appreciative straight man, Hallie. Thanks for sharing his genius.
ReplyDeleteI can't let go of our old photos (one of these days they'll get digitized), and somewhere is a box of letters Steve wrote from the road, during the many years when he traveled six months of the year for lecture tours and photo/film shoots. Most of them start with, "I'm having coffee/ice cream at McDonald's", but they are precious to me. My very favorite is the Easter card he sent for "Happy V-D!" Which, after a few gulping breaths, I realized meant Valentine's Day.
His jokes were in drawings... oh, and PUNS! He loved goofy puns. I'm funny too and he was my best audience for wiseracks. Karen, FIND THOSE LETTERS and at least put them somewhere (or scan them!) HAPPPY V-D!!!
DeleteThat's funny Karen - it took me a minute. :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a wonderful gift to your children and grandchildren Hallie.
I know my kids will be interested but the grands... who knows.
DeleteWhat a treasure you have in all those cartoons (and also in the years you spent with Jerry!) We have lots of old photos and letters. I went through the photos and got some of them put on cd's for my sisters and me, and we've read the old letters our parents had kept--fascinating!
ReplyDeleteOh, CD's... Just realized that like old LPs and tapes I have no way of opening a CD. Technology marches, or should I say STOMPS.
DeleteI have collated and ‘Staples-published’ several events in our family. Most information is collected from people involved at the time, so it includes a 10 day trip to Britain with only my immediate family – brother, sister, and parents when we were adults and my mother was starting to exhibit Alzheimer’s’, a similar type of boat trip which included spouses but no children, and ‘birthday’ events for big numbers (80, 90th) with written anecdotes from extended family. There was also a book collating the letters between my grandparent and their 3 college-aged boys during WW2, “Love Mom & Dad” which was their signature. These are all bound together with a front and back cover and coil sides, and distributed to those family members who would be interested in the subject matter.
ReplyDeleteWe have a grand collection of letters and diaries dating back to the late 60’s. Every letter back and forth between my parents and myself was retained. Harrumper kept a page a day diary for a long part of our life together – birth of kids, birth or pick-up of spare animals, why we should become farmers – the usual daily drivel. It would take many winters to just read all of it! The worst of this is that I know that no one will be interested in even reading it after we are gone.
I wrote an editorial in a local magazine for 10 years, and saved all the essays. I keep saying that this winter will be the one that I read through them, and fix the spelling/grammatical errors that were missed the first time through, and then collate them and possibly give them to each kid. They are a big part of the subject matter, as are pets, weather, and my grumpiness and quite possibly food.
Meanwhile, there are still tomatoes – how can there be that many?, hot peppers – 5 count them 5 bucketsful, and Thanksgiving is this weekend to prepare for. Just to add to all this, after no puzzle-ing since April, I feel a puzzle calling – just have to wait a few more days and then everything else will have to wait!
Margo - you are a beacon of hope for us less well organized. Yay on the tomatoes!
DeleteHas this been a banner year for tomatoes for you, too? I have run out of ways to use them!
DeleteWe had heat and drought which when talking about the Maritimes is non-thinkable. Tomatoes and peppers in profusion. Peas - no, carrots - no, beets - poor. Who knows what next year will bring?
DeleteI hope historians 100 years from now can still decipher digital languages. Paper did keep us more in touch for so long, no? Jerry was/is a wonderful man. Glad I met him through his art.
ReplyDeleteWhen going through and updating our hurricane kit, I found about 70 photos from the past. This is treasure will be sorted and hopefully preserved better. I am so happy I found baby photos et al. In the meantime I am prepping for Milton. Will be making some Tonsuku broth today, finished all the laundry and try to get Major to accept her new litter box. If I suddenly stop posting, know that I am without power.
Coralee, wishing you a safe Milton... and that's wonderful about all the photos you've disinterred.
DeleteCoralee, prayers being sent your way--hope that you can weather this new hurricane (gulp!) with power intact! And best of luck with the litter box transition!
DeleteHallie, Thank you for sharing your husband’s drawings……..such a special keepsake for you.
ReplyDeleteOur history is in special occasion cards I kept over the years and photographs………tons of them . Several years ago I purchased photo storage towers and spent endless hours sorting all our pictures by years.
Dianne Mahoney
For some of us (me and you) that's the kind of activity that is SO satisfying! YAY SORTING!
DeleteLove this work for you, Hallie! The best of the best!
ReplyDeleteThanks Kathy!! WAVING!! Always so nice to "see" you...
DeleteLovely, Hallie. What a wonderful guy. And yes, so handsome.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Naomi... he sure was.
DeleteMy Dad died a week before Prince Philip the Duke of Edinburgh died. They had very similar personalities and both had strong interest in science. While the world knew who Prince Philip was, my Dad was known only to his family and our circle of friends. I have been writing my memories of my Dad.
ReplyDeleteLike Edith's father, my father was a devoted letter writer. I have many letters that my Dad wrote to me over the years. Orphaned at 12, he found a wonderful teacher who encouraged his talents and he became a teacher. My Dad lived long enough to see me grow up, graduate from college, work in my field and start a family. He thought he would die at 65 yet he lived into his 80s.
Anon, my father was also a teacher. He died when he was 64, sniff, but proudly saw me finish my doctorate at the university his g-g-grandfather founded, and I was pregnant with his grandson when he died.
DeleteDeepest condolences on your loss. I am grateful that you are old enough to remember your Dad. Your Dad sounds like a wonderful person.
DeleteAww, thank you. That baby is now 38 and a father to an almost one-year old! It's a gift.
DeleteAnon: Those letters are a treasure... I'm sure they bring back vivid memories of his "voice" and personality.
DeleteHallie, what a wonderful archive of your life with Jerry! Every time you share with us, I'm struck by his sensitivity, creativity, and humor! Youth can excuse a lot, yes? Thank heavens you kept that Don Quixote card!! My grandmother was the keeper of letters, but these were lost sometime after her death and the death of my grandfather. Photos--as Hallie noted--were parceled out among her many children. I scan as many photos as I can and have created Facebook albums in order to share amongst all the living sibs and cousins. But I know of other photos that have gone missing--either lost or hoarded by cousins unwilling to share. :-(
ReplyDeleteAnd all that sorting and reviewing of material is definitely part of the writer's life. You're going to write something, for sure, and probably more than one book, if I had to predict! And I can't wait to read whatever you produce, whenever it comes!
Thanks for the encouragement, Flora - I think I will...
DeleteI’ve lost track of so many pictures and letters, particularly since the advent of computers and clouds. In earlier times I had hard copies, but those are mostly in boxes in the attic, not easy for me to retrieve.
ReplyDeleteHallie you are so lucky to have all those love notes from Jerry, because that’s what the cartoons are. He left you a treasure trove
You're so right, Ann.
DeleteHALLIE: Thank you for sharing your stories about Jerry and his drawings. What a treasure you have in Jerry's drawings and they are special keepsakes for you and your family.
ReplyDeleteMy family history consists of letters and photographs, including letters written while my Mom was a student at University. I found a family album with many photographs of relatives who died before I was born. I have a photo of my grandmother on my social media.
Friends who follow me on Social Media will see my grandmother's photo. I've been told that I look like my grandmother. It is very interesting to see the family resemblances among my relatives. Even before DNA testing, you can tell by family resemblances in photos.
My great Uncle reminded me to label the photos. Since that reminder, I always label my photographs.
Diana, your comment reminds me that my grandson is the spitting image of Jerry... with hair. With a brain made for science. I hope he hangs onto his hair.
DeleteHallie, when my father started to go bald, he cut his hair like Prince William. Family often comment that my personality is like my grandmother's.
DeleteWe have lots of photographs. My dad started spending hours compiling them in binders, but halfway through that project, he died suddenly. I ended up with several of the binders after Mom died. One of my sisters began scanning them. The hope is that eventually my sisters and I and our brother’s widow will be given our own disk. One or two binders are missing and we wonder if they might have been accidentally thrown out during a move. There were also boxes of photos that Dad hadn’t gotten to. I like seeing pictures of my dad’s siblings when they were younger. It’s startling how much I resemble one of my aunts! There aren’t a lot of photos of my mom’s family. About a year after she died. I received a letter from her godmother including photos of Mom as a child and adolescent. I had never seen those photos, and I was so grateful to receive them.
ReplyDeleteDebRo
Deb, isn't it amazing how strong our genes seem to inflluence virtually everything about us?
DeleteI forgot to mention that when I was away at college, my dad wrote to me regularly. I may still have the letters. I’ll need to look for them!
ReplyDeleteMy friends were all impressed that my dad wrote to me; most said their fathers wouldn’t want to take the time to write to them.
DebRo
Let's hear it for dads who write!
DeleteOh, DO look for them, Deb.
DeleteYou're right, Hallie, I was slowly scrolling down and saw the final cartoon after you described it and yes, laughed out loud. Smart, funny, and loving: those are the guys you grab onto and hold tight for however many years you get.
ReplyDeleteP.S. I now have "Hail, Knight of the Woeful Countenance" from Man of La Mancha (1965) running in my head.
DeleteThank you, Julia. I had no idea it was a song from "Man of La Mancha." I found the recording on youtube. To my surprise, the next song was "Impossible Dream." Ahem - I know every word of that song, and NEVER knew it was from a musical. My Clueless badge remains untarnished. #deepsigh
DeleteI need to go find it - I'd forgotten that that's the source. A remembering that I saw Man of La Mancha WITH Jerry in NY... I had completely forgotten.
DeleteHallie, those cartoons are a treasure.
ReplyDeleteWe have boxes and boxes of photographs. And folders upon folders full of digital photos we've never printed. Some day we will deal with them. Some day.
NAMES AND DATES... write them on the back. Then even if you don't get to the final sorting someone else can.
DeleteSUCH a cutie! OH yes we have photos, most of them are Jonathan's. ANd he somehow wants to keep them but not look at them. They are in boxes, so it is impossible. I have three photo albums and a box. I have to keep them, though.
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine Jonathan in the das before his glorious white hair and beard...
DeleteYes, Hallie, he was handsome. And a worthy knight for your hand, obviously. I kept Tim's hand drawn cards from birthdays and, his favorite holiday, Valentine's Day. He and I fell in love after our marriages to other people ended, and so our photos tended to be of shared travel adventures. I have albums from Bali, France, Italy, but who would want them? I can see the love shining from our faces, and our adult children were happy for us, but our families don't seem to be keepsake savers.
ReplyDeleteAh the complications of modern families...
DeleteHe wasn't handsome. He was gorgeous! What a great tale, Hallie.
ReplyDeleteMy history in photographs was lost in a move. Every book, including my prehistory from my grandparents' photo albums lost. The few that survived were packed in a different box. It seems strange not to have a history before 1996 and only a partial history at that. What's fun is visiting family and friends and reliving my past through their pictorial memories.
Kait, that's so sad. Makes the few that were saved more precious.
DeleteHallie, I think Jerry got even more handsome as he aged! Who cares about the hair! Love the cartoons and what a fabulous project to collect them.
ReplyDeleteMy mom wrote me many long letters--typed on airmail paper--when I lived in the UK. They must have been lost in some move other but I would love to see them now... Also, the photo album that covered my entire childhood disappeared, which I suspect is only tragic to me!
Oh childhood photos are so much fun!!
DeleteDeborah, thanks for reminding me. When I went abroad to England in 1990, my Mom wrote letters to me. My cousin wrote letters to me. And I still have them. Before the Internet, I think letter writing was more frequent. I also remember the Air Mail letters. And I still have some.
DeleteHallie, thank you for sharing the gift of Jerry with us. His drawings really capture his warmth and humor. This serves as a good reminder for me to get more intentional with organizing family photos and letters.
ReplyDeleteGood advice... because there are certain things that ONLY YOU can do.
DeleteI always love seeing your Jerry's drawings, and I think it's wonderful that you've scanned all of them. What a precious gift for you to find on those special days and what a wonderful legacy of love for the whole family. I have to ask, how are you keeping the originals? I guess there are too many to frame? And, I'm sure glad that good-looking man saw through your bad decision to go back to Charlie and still knew you were the one. His Don Quixote parody card shows what a treasure of a sense of humor he had. And, majoring in physics? Smart, good-looking, funny, and thoughtful. Who wouldn't want to read a book featuring this man of the cartoon quips, which, of course, were really love letters. I love your books you've written, Hallie, but I think you are doing important work now, and we can wait just a bit longer for another great mystery from you.
ReplyDeleteI think all of you who have lost a great love in your life are familiar with how hard it is to sort through their belongings, and those of us whose loved ones wrote go through so much emotion reading these past thoughts. I haven't gotten very far with Kevin's writings yet, although I have separated some school papers from his creative writing. I've put together one book of pictures through Shuttterfly to give to my granddaughter/Kevin's niece so she will remember her Uncle Kevin in later years. I included pictures of them together but also pictures of just him. I'll do one for my daughter, too.
Reading your post today, Hallie makes me think I really need to at least get some photo books put together for my daughter, although I do have some of Philip and me before the kids were born. But, I do feel bad leaving Ashley that big tub of printed photos from her and Kevin's growing up. This is why people throw up their hands and leave a mess for the next generation.
It is SO complicated. [Combined with love and grief.] I'm keeping his original cards in an accordian file with a year's worth in each slot. There are SO MANY. What I haven't yet attacked are all the drawings he did for his introductory physics text. They're priceless.
DeleteThe thing about scanning potos or drawings is to come up with a system for NAMING them so you can find them again.
Pat D. I saved all the letters from my husband and our son they wrote while in the Army. Different times!
ReplyDeleteI even have some postcards squirreled away that Dad wrote Mom in WW2.
DeleteHallie, you have warmed my heart on what is a very difficult day. Thank you for this love story. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteWhat a great guy Jerry was! I'm glad you were with him for over 50 years--if only it could have been longer. My family history is in photos and, starting with my move to Switzerland in 1988, in the letters and emails I wrote to my parents and they wrote back. The photos are more or less organized, but the letters--whew! that will be a job.
ReplyDeleteI was thinking of childhood photos the topic that came up in this essay. When we were kids, my grandfather would take movies of us – maybe. It was the ‘50’s and both the camera and the film was expensive. He also took movies of his roses – lots and lots of roses! Much more footage of roses than of the family. When we were in our teens, we would have movie night once a week in the cottage in the summer. We would put up a sheet, bring out the chairs and the two families would come together (no popcorn), rise and sing O Canada, and then play Grandad’s movies of the roses – and finally us! I have the old reels, but need to have them professionally digitized as they quite likely will not survive the playing. Such great memories of such terrible movies!
ReplyDeleteWhen our daughter died at age 2, I wished we had some movies of her – sadly a movie camera was more than we could afford. We do have some lovely stills, tho.
Now, I look at my grandchildren, and see that movies were taken for everything from their first step to sitting in a box – all posted somewhere.
So, we have a few precious movies, accompanied by even more precious memories, but will they ever sort through the volume that they have? Will they remember standing in too small clothes, at attention, singing O Canada, and looking forward to no popcorn, but pictures of roses and think of family that has gone before?
Collate your book – for Jerry, and more importantly for yourself – and laugh. Maybe make some popcorn – with butter.
Oh, Margo - you have me crying and laughing at the same time. Gosh. Sigh. Wiping away the tears.
DeleteForgot to add that my grandparents were very young in the 1920s and I draw inspiration for the styles of the 1920s from their photographs. They inspired my characters for my novel that I am still writing.
ReplyDeleteWhat a gift!
Delete