JENN McKINLAY: Well, hello, mid-life crisis!
Nose stud! Scale of pain from 1-10 with 1 being none, I'd say it was a 2.
I was on the phone the other day, catching up with my former college roommate, a person who has known adult me for almost 40 years. We talked about what was happening in our lives and when I finished, she said, “So, you’re writing fantasy novels, running 5Ks (see photo below), and now you have a nose stud (see photo above). Overall, how do you feel your mid-life crisis is going?”
Me and H2 - Rock and Roll 5K - it was 44 degrees!!!
I laughed and said, “This from a woman who is selling her house and traveling the country in an RV for the next few years to find her perfect retirement location?” She also laughed as we acknowledged we were both managing our middle years in different and surprising ways. (I have always loathed running and she never planned to leave CT).
Side note: neither of us have bought a sports car or traded in our husbands for a younger model. LOL.
My question to you, Reds, is what did your middle-age years look like, what did you do, or plan to do to embrace the next chapter?
HANK PHILLIPPI RYAN: Middle years….When was that, again? Remind me? (Wait, I just re-read your opening paragraph. You have a nose stud? Did I know that?) Anyway, my middle years are long gone, and I got through them with a strange but inadvertent combination of ignoring them and embracing them. I’m not sure I ever thought of “mid-life crisis.” I was unmarried and unattached between the ages of 21 and 40, and happily so. Married at 40, working 24/7 and truly loving it. There was nothing else I wanted to do, and nowhere else I wanted to be. I just wanted to be better at what I was already dong. Then, after a bit of turmoil, married Jonathan when I was 46.
Hmm. I may be the ONLY person, come to think of it, who traded in her husband for an OLDER model. :-)
So was that before or after mid-life?
I loved my mid-years, and valued them. I’m better now than ever, but I see it as so much of a process.
DEBORAH CROMBIE: How did I not know about the nose stud, either? Is this since the last time we zoomed? I say, “good for you,” and “ouch!”
Middle years? Oh, I did the classic. Wrote a novel. Got a divorce. (For the first time in my life I had my own money! Oh, it was so incredibly liberating!) Married slightly younger model. Bought a sports car. Started making trips to England by myself. (Can you shout “liberating!!!)
The writing, the husband, and the solo trips have stuck. The red sports car, not, alas. I had to come to grips with reality when the warranty ran out.
HALLIE EPHRON: Mine was a gradual shift. (I’ve always had a keep-one-foot-on-the-dock-and-one-on-the-boat approach to change.)
The big thing was that I started to write fiction. I’d started a freelance writing business which gave me the flexibility to write stuff that, for quite a long time, I did not get paid for. Meanwhile my daughters were flying the coop and my Jerry was our anchor. I was also letting my hair go gray and Jerry and I were ticking travel destinations off our bucket list. And buying another new white Honda Civic every so often to replace a 14-year-old one. I’m not a big risk taker.
RHYS BOWEN: It’s funny that my next stand-alone, MRS ENDICOTT’S SPLENDID ADVENTURE, has the theme of midlife crisis. Dumped by her husband after being the model wife she takes off for the south of France and forges a whole new life there. (Maybe a bit of a living vicariously write?) Anyway my fifties were much better than my forties when husband was laid off and I had three kids in college. Last kid went to college. We traveled and I took the risk of switching from a reliable income writing YA books to writing what I like to read. The first Constable Evans novel got a teeny advance and a print run of 2500. I think it’s worked out okay. If I hadn’t switched I’d never have made all these wonderful friends and been part of this amazing community.
JULIA SPENCER-FLEMING: I got my @$$ tattooed when I turned 36, does that count? Maybe I had an early start on the midlife "say yes to changes" thing, because that's around the time I started to write.
In some ways, I agree with Rhys: my fifties were easier at times than my forties (I had a baby at 39, after all!) And my sixties (so far) are even better. I feel freer, more myself, and more willing to take risks than I was when I was younger. I can't see going in for a piercing, but I could definitely sign up for another tattoo...
JENN: In reading these answers, I am reminded of why I absolutely adore the Reds. We're all so different and so uniquely ourselves and there's no judgement just a lot of support. And the nose stud happened in December. Not planned - a totally spur of the moment - why not? - at the mall. LOL.
Your turn readers! What did/does/will mid-life look for you?
Hmm, let me see . . . same family; still working; no crisis; mid-life just sort of snuck by while I was doing same old, same old. [And now I am enjoying having grandbabies . . . it's all good.]
ReplyDeleteMy midlife crisis was attending my first reader / fan convention alone - getting out of my homebody/stay at home comfort zone. And now I look forward to attending at least one every year
ReplyDeleteI'm also well past midlife, but let's see. I ran a marathon. Got divorced and found a better, younger model (but still older than me). And finished my first novel. I've never had a sports car, and the thought of a nose stud horrifies me (for me, mind you - it's adorable on Jenn).
ReplyDeleteI do love my new-to-me (I bought it with two years and barely any miles on it) Prius plug-in. It feels like a sports car to me! Leather seats, seat warmers, good back support even for a shorty like me, and free charging courtesy of our solar panels.
DeleteI love reading these answers. I would never get a tattoo or a piercing or a sports car. No... instead when I was 45 I finally STOPPED after years of searching for a house my husband would approve and want to buy (finally realizing that having grown up in apartments, moving every few years, he had no attachment to homes), found a piece of very cheap, noticeably ugly land in a good location, and made arrangements to purchase it. My husband was unenthusiastic. "Where is it again?" he infamously asked as we drove home after signing the papers. Over the next decade, working mostly alone and saving up to hire heavy equipment once a year, I cleared the acres of rotting blowdown and rocks. With my son and a friend I built a 2-story barn from a kit. A few years later I used the same kit to build a two story garage, with different windows. Thirteen years after buying the land I designed a simple farmhouse to be attached to the garage, hired an architect to come up with plans, and hired someone to build it. This person quit before finishing, so the house is not completed, but now that I'm retired I'm trying slowly to finish those things I can. My husband now loves our farm, as do our children, and it's safe to say we are all happy that my mid-life crisis prompted me to find the courage to make big decisions and do scary things on my own. (Selden)
ReplyDeleteI spent my 40s and 50s dealing with and caring for my parents and then mourning their passing. Turning 60 was a mental pothole in my life, but now that I've reached my mid 60s, I've really found contentment and happiness in the small things. I'm keeping the same husband and still driving my 2010 Subaru with no plans to swap out either!
ReplyDeleteI'll pass on the nose stud. I can't even imagine having one with my chronic sinus issues!
Same, Annette - the number of times a day I blow my nose, a stud would be such an annoyance!
DeleteI'm not sure that "crisis" would describe our midlife changes. I'm still with the same husband of 52 years, and we've been having a wonderful "multi-stage" life. In our forties we moved back to California from Georgia, where careers had taken us, since after 9 years we were still homesick. In California, my husband changed jobs after a few years to go into partnership with a friend in Canada, and that turned out wonderful; and after several years teaching, I retired to write full time (although I kept a toe in the water, teaching an after-school "art club," which I loved. I got published (both fiction and poetry.) And then we started traveling - first visits to India to see my husband's family. But then England, France, Spain (Galicia) for nearly 20 years. Then finally the worsening political situation led us to feel that even though we loved our 40 years in Sacramento, we'd be happier doing our final retirement to Europe. First we thought of Galicia, but then research for one of my mysteries introduced us to Braga, Portugal, and after 7 years of repeatedly visiting Braga, we made the move. It really feels like the right place for us, and while we miss family and friends in the US (and poetry groups!), we have wonderful friends here in Braga and Galicia, too, as well as some family in England and France. One thing I especially love is the calmer, slower life style in Europe.
ReplyDeleteJenn, the stud is cute, but I can't imagine putting something in my nose. Your nail polish is unique, too! I totally love the 5K's with your son. That is amazing! And you are writing fantasy. Whoopee!
ReplyDeleteIt is very interesting to read about everyone's middle years. I loved my 40's and 50's. My son went through school during those years and even though I worked, my main job was wife and mother. Our family had so much fun!
They also were the years when I became involved in advocacy for a national Jewish women's organization. It was exhilarating. I can't tell you how many times I was in the room where it happened. Many of the laws protecting women's rights and LGBT rights occurred while I had a seat at the table, where brilliant women strategized over how to get things done. These women had already influenced our state to codify the "Roe v Wade" decision before I came on the scene! Heady stuff!
Wow! A nose stud! I couldn’t do that with my sinus issues. It would hurt when I blew my nose! And until my thirties. I struggled with acne. When a friend mentioned how prenatal vitamins cleared up her acne, I decided to try prenatal vitamins and it worked! I also got my driver’s license!
ReplyDeleteStill in my midlife phrase. One big change is menopause!
Jenn, regarding your nose stud, I am always reminded of this George Carlin clip. Specifically from the 3:50 mark but the whole clip is hilarious (it comes from 1983 so some of it is outdated but still...LAUGHTER!)
ReplyDeleteWhat does my mid-life look like? Pretty much the same as every other day of my life. I get up, go to work, and come home having made just enough money to pay most of my bills. Watch TV, read, listen to music and wonder what disaster will hit next in my life. All so that I will still have to show up to work 5 days after I die.
Oops! I forget the Carlin clip - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5JZcwXpjqM
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