RHYS BOWEN: It's time for a Sunday chuckle after a stressful week.
I come from an island nation full of eccentrics, strange traditions and mind-boggling accomplishments. Anyone who has watched cricket or Morris Dancing knows that the English are not quite sane.
Until recently almost every English village had some kind of weird and wonderful sport or tradition. Some still exist. There is the cheese rolling event in which giant wheels of cheese are rolled down a hill, probably crushing half the competitors. There is wife-carrying (you'd better marry a small slim girl if you want to live in that village). And don't forget pancake tossing on Shrove Tuesday. Every village summer fete has the classics: egg and spoon race, sack race, three legged race. I grew up doing all of these.
Recently a new class of absurdity has arisen: Extreme sports.
There is bog snorkeling. The competitors put on snorkel and mask and try to swim/crawl/slither down a length of muddy ditch or bog. No, that wouldn't be my Sunday afternoon activity.
But the most recent one I have discovered sent shivers down my spine. EXTREME IRONING.
Those of you who know how I feel about ironing in a warm, safe kitchen will know that I am never never ever going to sign up for this. What is it, you ask? Participants carry an iron and ironing board to an absurdly dangerous location then proceed to iron a shirt. (I should point out that there is no electricity in any of these locations so the shirt won't be properly ironed, so the whole task is for nothing... AND they don't even have the spray bottle of water to get out the worst creases)
Then they photograph themselves doing their ironing. Why?
And this makes me wonder what extreme sport will come next. What could I invent? Reciting the Ancient Mariner through a long tube while diving among sharks?
Painting a picture while hanging upside down from the North Face of the Eiger?
Doing needlepoint by touch only in a deep cave?
Anything that didn't involve ironing. (I've just bought three pairs of rayon summer pants. Hand wash. Line dry. What was I thinking? I'll have to find where I have hidden the ironing board.)
Now it's your turn. Invent the most ridiculous extreme sport you can imagine and let's see if anyone is fool enough to try it!
Extreme ironing? Not for me, thank you very much.
ReplyDeleteNothing could be more ridiculous than extreme ironing . . . Maybe not so ridiculous, but how about extreme acrobatics?
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ReplyDeleteLike the ballerina who danced on the hull of a partially submerged submarine recently?
DeleteHow about extreme book stacking? Contestants compete to accomplish the most creative way to stack and balance the largest number of books without any other support in the fastest time.
ReplyDeleteI can't conceive of ironing in a chasm or doing anything while hanging from a thread (or nothing, like skydivers). /shudder/
Edith, amateurs! Most of us here have already mastered this sport! :-)
DeleteIt has to be the TBR pile on the bedside table!
DeleteOr how about TBR bookpile Jenga?
DeleteThe light writing in this post made me laugh, at a time when I am so anxious I don't laugh much. Morris dancing! Thank you, Rhys! I enjoy ironing, as I wrote yesterday. It is relaxing for me to take something crumpled and hopeless, and smooth it into starched perfection. However this "sport" is less about ironing than about angling for attention on social media. That puts it in the creepy file. (Selden)
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely. Being done for that 15 minutes of fame !
DeleteThis made me think of Donna Andrews’ book in her Meg Langslow series where they play extreme croquet on the neighbor’s farmland complete with rocks, hills, and cows. It is one of my favorites in the series. No Nest for the Wicket is the title.
ReplyDeleteBrenda, that is one of my favorite Meg Langslow books, too. Although sonfar, the one where she taught her brother, Rob the phony karate moves had me in stitches!
Delete"So far" my LOL favorite is Crouching Buzzard, Leaping Loon.
DeleteExtreme croquet is a favourite summertime sport here. The terrain allows for a lot of exceptions to the rule(s), which do include the don't hit the dog hazard, and why is there a cat in the middle of the double hoop under the spruce tree event. Cheating may be required. Mint juleps are the libation of choice.
DeleteMargo that actually sounds like fun!
DeleteMorris the Cat (remember him) Dancing. Winner is the one who does not bleed to death from all the scratches.
ReplyDeleteOh yes. Synchronized cat dancing!!
DeleteThe extreme ironing is hilarious Rhys!!
ReplyDelete"What was I thinking?" Indeed, Rhys! I'm forever admonishing my nephew to read the care instructions before buying any new garment. And, like Selden, I enjoy ironing, but my iron died and finding a replacement is tricky--I don't need or want wifi with my iron!
ReplyDeleteExtreme sport--juggling three eggs anywhere you choose. Winner if none break. Soon only billionaires will be able to afford this sport!
Flora, that reminds me of the Fireman's Field Days in Eastport, MI, where my daughter has a second home. Every year they have the three-legged races and other traditional competitions, but they also have a crazy game where two facing lines of participants take turns throwing eggs at one another across an incrementally smaller space. It's MESSY.
DeleteBet they don't do that one this year.
Flora, WIFI with your iron?!!! What?! I remember shopping for a new iron in 1997... I read reviews religiously and returned several until I found the one that was perfect! Ha ha. Today I can't imagine, but I was home with a new baby. :) (Selden)
DeleteRhys, the wife carrying event gets me every time. I would love to see that contest!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with Selden, I also like to iron while listening to books or watching TV, but extreme ironing is ridiculous as are many of the stunts that yet young people injured or killed compliments of the internet.
They get more risky all the time, don’t they. Look how skiing has turned into something with jumps and flips. I suppose it’s like Rome with gladiators fighting wild beasts
DeleteYoung people don't even ski anymore - they boogle board. It's like skateboarding but on snow. Like surfing begat skateboarding.
DeleteHave seen or heard of strange things locally. Bath tub racing – yup a person in a bath tub with several others moving it forward. Great Pumpkin race – giant pumpkins with their guts dug out, person sits in it and races with other (fools) down a river – tries not to sink or fall out. Outhouse race – similar to bath tub, but involves running in an outhouse. Favourite event at local fair – cow pie bingo – buy a ticket on where the cow will let the first one fly. Prizes involved. Then there is the Christmas favourite – dress up as a Christmas tree in the parade. Lights improve your chance of winning.
ReplyDeleteI am up for the Ancient Mariner recitation, although I doubt there will be much of an audience. It was my favourite long poem in high school, so I committed a lot of it to memory. “It was the ancient mariner, and he stoppeth one of three…”
The neighboring town has a bathtub race every year. All the participants are waitstaff at local restaurants.
DeleteAnd, just saying, I opened with the annual outhouse race in Nashville, Indiana, in my most recent Country Store Mystery. I bet it's the first time a dead body fell out of one... ;^)
Extreme cocktail making while running on the frozen Rideau Canal skateway!
ReplyDeleteOk, this would be unique to Ottawa which has the world's largest skateway 7.8 km length.
This year, they created a separate lane for runners & walkers.
Each bartender runs while carrying a tray of cocktail ingredients. They have to combine and make the cocktail while running (1 km), not spilling a drop.
I love it, Grace - but skating would be smoother and less likely to cause spills. Thus the challenge by running?
DeleteYes, running is harder than skating!
DeleteI have seen waiters run on land carrying a tray filled with water glasses. Not easy.
That lets me out. I can't even stand still on ice without slipping on it! Are crampons allowed, Grace?
DeleteOh this is real? What fun
DeleteI made it up, it's not a real event.
DeleteNo crampons allowed!
In Portland, we have the annual Naked Bike Ride. I have never participated, but I know people who have. Keep Portland Weird.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was a teen and we spent six months in Yorkshire with my Auntie Mo, we learned that she ironed everything, including her underwear. I was really into sewing at the time, so I had experience with an iron, but come on.
My mother ironed everything including my dad’s underwear which is probably why I hate to iron. !
DeleteGillian, I think Boulder also has either a Naked Bike Ride, or a Naked Run, I can't remember which. Or, knowing, Boulder, they have both.
ReplyDeleteRhys, I was just the other day pondering how bored the person who invented curling had to be, and how on earth they decided that sweeping ice would help.
The UK also has that whole Blarney Stone thing, although not precisely a sport.
Cincinnati has some creative events, one of which is Bockfest, taking place in a couple weeks. There's a parade of monks, leading the year's chosen bock beer, in a barrel shaped like a goat, on wheels, a sort of Trojan beer delivery system. Here's a description of one vital part of the hoopla: "Bockfest Cry Baby Goat Calling Competition. Costumes and props encouraged." They used to have a hilarious, gender-neutral competition for the position of Sausage Queen, who would lead the parade carrying a tray of sausages, but it appears that weirdo tradition has fallen to the homophobic wayside, alas.
I like this, Karen. Because it’s true tradition and it celebrates something. Having lived in Eutopebi miss this sort of thing
DeleteThough I have heard of extreme sports, I've never heard of Extreme Ironing. Now that you mentioned silly extreme sports, I am sure I will notice stories about silly extreme sports. I remember seeing a video of men carrying their wives in a village race.
ReplyDeleteAnother lifetime, I used to iron and I remember that ironing required my full attention. I always thought that I had to be careful ironing because I remember seeing cartoons about the iron burning holes through clothes.
Is there something about bag saving? Like how many folded paper bags can you fit into another paper bag so you don’t have to throw any paper bags away?
ReplyDeleteI forgot to mention the "Mullet Toss," a very real annual event where mullets are tossed over the Florida-Alabama state line. I believe distance counts with this event.
ReplyDelete