RHYS BOWEN: A few days ago I had my hair cut at a new hairdresser in Phoenix. I was getting ready to go out when I looked in the mirror and stared in horror. My hair looks awful, I said to myself. I can't go to the hairdresser with hair like this. I imagined the stylist going "eewww. Yucky hair." I should point out it was only two days since I shampooed it so not really terrible. However I rushed into the shower and washed my hair.
Then I drove to the hairdresser who promptly shampooed my hair again. Is this silly or what? Am I vain or self conscious that I didn't want to appear at the hairdresser's with bad hair?
Another thing I'll confess to: when my cleaning lady is coming I rush around the house frantically tidying up and wiping off counters. John thinks this is incomprehensible. But I don't want my cleaning lady to come into my house and go "eewww. Yucky house." Also from a practical point of view, she can clean much better if all the surfaces are free of clutter.
I suppose the same thing happens when I put on make up to go my doctor or to have blood drawn. I don't want to look like a sick person.
I also can't bring myself to wear shorts or sweats when I'm doing a Zoom interview and my top half is glamorous. I guess it's a matter of pride.
I'm horrified when I fly these days to see what people wear on a plane. Shorts, bear midriff, pjs... having been married to an airline executive for years we had strict dress code when we flew. The children were to dress as if they were going to church. We had to wear suit or dress and look like a business person. That attitude still lingers and has served me well. More than once, when flying alone in a business suit I've been upgraded to business class because I look as if I belong there.
My latest bout of vanity has to do with the Edgars Banquet. I'm a nominee and I've been shopping for a new dress. This is silly really as I have several dresses worn at past banquets. I'm sure nobody is really going to notice what I'm wearing if I look respectable and suitable. But I can't bring myself to wear one of those dresses for a second time. They take pictures of the nominees. I'd hate someone to say "Oh look, she's wearing that one she wore in 2019. Also I wore those dresses when I was a nominee and didn't win. I don't want a dress that carries bad karma!
I was having trouble finding the perfect dress. As a dignified older lady I don't want low cut or strapless or with a slit up the side. I sent off for one that I saw online. It seemed to be pretty--silver embroidered with pearls. When it arrived it looked quite good... until I saw that the way it did up was a length of fabric threaded through endless loops at the back. Okay, how was I supposed to do up my dress? Take a maid with me? Knock on the next door room and ask the occupant if he'd mind lacing me into my gown? Or even worse, unlacing me at the end of the evening?
So it had to go back And just when I had almost given up in despair I found the perfect gown. PLain. Navy long sleeved top and the most gorgous full silk skirt that changed from navy through various shades of purple-blue. I'll share a picture when I wear it. right tnow it's hanging on my closet door.
Hank and Lucy will also be at the banquet. We'll take pix!
Sometimes finding just the right outfit for a special occasion can be so frustrating; cheers for having found the perfect dress . . . .
ReplyDeleteRHYS: I know it takes a lot of effort & angst to choose the proper outfit. But I have never seen you wear anything in award ceremony or banquet photos that wasn't classy or elegant!!
ReplyDeleteAs for airplane attire, I have to agree with you that acceptable standards of attire have declined! I was flying in either business or premium economy class on most legs to /from Singapore-Taipei-Hong Kong-Vancouver-Ottawa and saw pretty much what you mentioned. I was traveling from tropical/sub-tropical climates but I would never wear shorts, or tank tops, or flip-flops on a flight! But I wouldn't be dressed in a business suit (I was on vacation). I wore comfortable stretchy clothes: solid navy merino wool t-shirt, dark grey hoodie and long pants for those 14-16 hour flights.
But I do have issue about one thing you mentioned. I know several REDS do the same thing: tidy up the worst mess before the cleaning lady comes! What is the point of this? As someone who has never hired a cleaning lady for my home, I just don't get it.
The rationale is that you pay them to clean. If they have to spend hours deciding where each piece of clutter goes, and then getting it wrong, it is a waste of their time.
DeleteI wear minimal make-up on most ays, so I wear very little to the doctor or the store, or even to the hairdresser.
ReplyDeleteI have been dressing casually to fly for a very long time. Rhys, your upgrades in your business attire to business class should make me rethink wearing jeans. What are the chances?
Grace, like Rhys, I also remove clutter before the cleaning lady comes including all the dishes from the sink. Her job is to do the things that I don't do, not put away books and magazines, or wash my dishes.
Ok, I understand removing excess clutter. But I would not wipe down counters or wash the dishes if this was what the cleaning lady is supposed to do.
DeleteMy cleaning lady is not here to do my dishes. She isn't here to make my bed or change the linens or do the laundry. She's not here to fold my clothes or hang them up. She is mostly here to do floors, vacuum and or wash them. It began because of my back injury, and Irwin didn't want to do it. She does a few other chores, but mostly it's floors, dusting and cleaning the bathrooms.
DeleteVacuuming is so hard on my several times injured back, too, Judy, and I totally understand hiring someone to do that bit. In fact, I'm trying to justify hiring someone myself these days.
DeleteI will put things away before my newish cleaning lady comes (including washing and putting away dishes) because often they get put away in the wrong place by her.
DeleteBelieve it or not, but our first cleaning lady who has since retired at age 66+ would water down the front and back porch, wash all the bedding incl sheets and remake the 4 beds, clean & vacuum all rooms, do all the laundry, rotate washing windows each week, pick flowers and make an floral arrangement, pick a different table cloth each week, iron my husbands jeans and shirts...
She was AMAZING!! She was originally from Guatalajara, became a US citizen and has since moved back to Mexico where she was able to own her own home. We miss her.
I used the services of a cleaning lady briefly when my son was young, then not for decades, and have recently started again. (We decided that since the move to the condo relieved so much outdoor work that my husband primarily did, it was just fair to outsource the big inside cleaning, that I usually did.) Back in the day, it used to drive both my son and my husband crazy that I picked up and tidied up a bit before the cleaner came. But I always contended that it wasn't vanity, it was wanting to get the most bang for my buck. They've allocated a certain amount of time for my place, and if they spend a lot of it on tidying, they are going to cut a corner on some deeper cleaning. BTW, I am genuinely enjoying having a cleaner. If any of you are teetering about it, my advice is to go for it! The biggest benefit, in my eyes, is that the entire house gets shiny clean all on the same day. I would usually do it over several days, so I never got that thrill of seeing it all clean at once.
DeleteShould add we didn't ask her to do the work she did...in fact if I had dared ask or suggest anything, she'd say ...no.no, I decide!! She did so much without us asking, she was definitely one of a kind and part of our family for so many years.
DeleteI agree. When I don't have a cleaner, as in here in Arizona where the house is super easy to keep clean I do kitchen one day, bathrooms another etc. Everything clean at once is a treat.
DeleteRhys you strike me as the type of person who looks classy no matter what you are wearing. Hope you win the Edgar and they take lots of photos of you in your beautiful dress and perfect hair.
ReplyDeleteI don’t see anything wrong with dressing for comfort on an airplane especially for a long flight, but I do think people take it too far.
I’ve never had a cleaning lady, but I feel like I would be the one who cleans before she comes. I had a neighbor whose cleaning lady came every Tuesday at 10am like clockwork. It was just one lady and her little dog that went to the groomer. I couldn’t figure out how the house could even be dirty. Meanwhile we had a family of five and a dog who shed like crazy. We would have been much more of a challenge to the cleaning lady’s skills.
Brenda is right, Rhys, the dress sounds divine! Have a wonderful time at the Edgars. I love all your books, so I will always cheer for you!
DeleteThe dress you settled on sounds lovely from your description. I'll look forward to the pictures. And congratulations.
ReplyDeleteRe travel on airlines: in our airplane travel days, we always dressed nicely, because you do get treated differently. Not an upgrade as in your case, but in subtle ways. I had to laugh at your tidying up for the cleaning lady. Now that we have one, I do the same thing! She's very thorough, and I agree, having neat surfaces makes her work easier. Plus, I want her to have time to iron. 😊
She irons? Of course you are in Portugal. I wish mine did.. or perhaps she does but I'm not sure I'd want to trust some of my clothes to her.
DeleteI can't wait to see the dress Rhys! One thing I don't do is wash my hair before going to the hairdresser's. Nor does Lottie get a bath LOL
ReplyDeleteLucy and Rhys, my hairdresser (a very outspoken woman) has started complaining that my hair is dirty when I go for a haircut. It’s dirty because it has “product” in it and I am planning on showering as soon as I get home! But this last time I took a shower before going in and didn’t put anything on my hair and she was so happy! (Of course, I had to wash my hair when I got home because I don’t like the way she styles it! She gives a great cut, though.) — Pat S
DeletePat, that's so funny. I wonder how many of us come out of the salon and immediatly restyle hair in the car mirror!
DeleteOh Rhys, I can understand what you are saying! If I had a cleaner, I would pre-clean for sure. Dr’s visits – yes don’t look sick. Put on proper clothes, preferably clean. Take a shower, and if being examined in not polite areas, practically pressure wash that area! Clothes – you can wear something twice! The Royals do.
ReplyDeleteNow for the hair – I am off to get a cut in about 10 mins. Have already taken the scissors to the front part over the bangs – she never cuts that short and it annoys me. Hair is really thick on top – needs to have the dog scissors run through it to thin it out, as she will not do that either – “there is a reason they are for dogs”! (and me!!) When I sit down, take off my glasses (no shampoos since covid???), she will fluff up the mess, and suggest “you have been cutting your hair.” Surprise!
Naughty girl! I confess to trimming bangs occasionally when they annoy me.
DeleteI have to trim mine, too, and sometimes it is a disaster!
DeleteIt is so hard to find just the right dress! You have the perfect thing in your mind - something that will flatter and make you look younger. If only you could find it. Selection seems to be much better online than in-person shopping but as you discovered that doesn't always work out for the best. You were smart to give yourself the time to find the perfect dress and it sounds as if you did. I'm looking forward to seeing the pictures.
ReplyDeleteAs for dealing with cleaning professionals, I'm sure they appreciate your getting rid of surface clutter. But it really makes no sense to do more than that. You must have books to write!
Oh this is a fun one to hear of the differing opinions! I have had a cleaning person in the past (larger house back then) and I definitely picked up a bit but she was mainly there for floors, bathrooms, and cleaning areas I wouldn’t think of doing myself. I don’t mind cleaning the house now but would consider hiring someone again if necessary. I’m kind of a neat freak so it would be an easy job for someone! I do have an opinion on airplane attire. In general my personal rule is comfortable but cute. I am gearing up for an overnight flight to France in 2 weeks and finding the balance between sleep-able and sophisticated/respectful upon arrival in Paris and then travel to Aix is quite the conundrum to figure out. In general, I am not one to dress uber casual (no sweats or pjs) when out in public. I guess I still have my mother’s words in my head, “you just never know who you may run into!”. I’m also a bit vain, but I never sacrifice comfort for fashion!
ReplyDeleteI dealt with the sleepable vs presentable attire on two overnight flights lasting 16 and 14 hours, respectively. I boarded & deplaned in nice clothes that I am comfortable being seen in public. I had a tshirt & pajama pants in my personal bag to change into at night to sleep. Changed back into original clothes in the plane bathroom (new underwear) to feel fresh.
DeleteRhys, love your dress description, and I'm sure it will be lovely. Looking forward to photos! Doesn't it make all the difference to feel as if you are dressed well? Then you're ready for anything! I am sending you lucky vibes for the award, too.
ReplyDeleteMy hairdresser is my friend of more than 30 years, and she says don't bother washing your hair prior to an appointment. She herself doesn't wash her own hair first. And if you're having it dyed, apparently the dye is easier on your hair if it's unwashed first. (I've never dyed my hair, although I keep threatening to go violet.)
If I were paying someone $X per hour to clean for me, I'd want to make it as easy as possible to get the big stuff done, without having to slow down and move all our clutter. I'd never vacuum or dust first, though. That would just be silly, right?
Right. I don't vacuum or dust. Just declutter.
DeleteYour new dress sounds lovely. Plain navy or black in a simple style is always so classy. Good luck at the Edgar’s.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to tidying before a cleaning lady arrives……been there and done that.
And, I most always shampoo my hair before my hairdresser’s appointment.
Dianne Mahoney
Kindred spirit!
DeleteI've gone to the hairdresser with hair I haven't washed in two days. Isn't that what she's for? I don't have a cleaning lady. When I fly, it's in comfy stretch pants and a warm top because of the A/C. Yes, I don't look like I belong in business class, but for a six-hour flight, comfort trumps appearance. I go without makeup quite frequently.
ReplyDeleteBut I totally get not wanting to wear a dress with bad karma. Can't wait for the pictures!
I opt for comfort too these days, especially from SFO to Europe, but I do try smart comfort.
DeleteRhys, you put me to shame on almost all levels. My hairdresser has seen my hair at its absolute worst. I travel in yoga pants. The same yoga pants I wear when I'm on Zoom.
ReplyDeleteHowever, while I don't have a cleaning service, if I did, I'm sure I'd be tidying up before they arrived. And I'm considering wearing a previously worn dress to the Agatha banquet this year, but only because I'm not a nominee. As for a dress I wore when I lost, nope, never again. It's jinxed.
I've definitely worn the same outfit to the Agathas when I'm not nominated.
DeleteSo agree about bad karma dresses ! even though it makes no sense in any way and certainly no one will ever remember what we wear. I agree, too, though, the social media photos problem does it make it harder to wear something on repeat. Yes, I finally found my Edgars dress as well, and I am so glad you are wearing long. Cannot wait to get my photo with you and Lucy!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, I do straighten up before the cleaning people come. I don’t clean, but it just makes it easier for them if things are a little in order. :-) my husband laughs and laughs.
John does too. He says what do you pay her for? And I reply, not to put away all those papers you left over every surface.
DeleteHA! exactly!
DeleteI admit to tidying up before my cleaner arrives. Re: the rewearing of dresses, there are photos of Princess Catherine rewearing gowns and other clothings items so maybe it’s OK. Re: washing hair before my salon appointment, my stylist told me if I wash it and then she washes then it makes the hair more difficult to cut; my hair is very short so I can simply wet it and then head off to the salon.
ReplyDeleteRe: dressing “up” to fly, I have also received a cabin upgrade based on my appearance.
As i get older it has to be comfortable too, but I like to look like someone worth waiting on!
DeleteRhys, your new dress sounds lovely! Looking forward to the photos! I finally learned to not wash my hair before going to my stylist. And as I always have it done in the morning ai can run a wet brush through my hair and make it look less bad. I’m sure if I had a cleaner I would be tidying up before they came. I have never worn shorts, nor PJs, no “sweats” on a plane. Once, on a business trip, the airline didn’t get my checked luggage delivered. Thank goodness I had worn a business outfit so I could wash underwear and nylons in the sink and look presentable the next day!
ReplyDeleteAn airline lost my luggage for 3 days in Madrid, right before I was to go on a 17 day tour. Frantic shopping for basics--underwear, t shirt, night shirt... luckily turned up an hour before we were due to leave. I had pictured wearing the same outfit for 17 days.
DeleteRhys, you are such an elegant woman that you could probably wear a tablecloth and look awesome. Can't wait to see pics of you in this new dress. Personally, I don't fix my hair before going to the hairdresser because they know I'm desperate when I finally show up there. When I used to fly, it was mainly for business and so I dressed accordingly. Even when flying for personal reasons I prefer to be casual but comfortable. No suits, but also no sweats or pjs. I tend to dress for my destination, so casual can vary, but rarely do I travel in shorts mainly because I get so cold on planes. I long ago gave up on worrying about wearing a dress more than once. I suspect we are each so focused on our own appearance that we hardly notice what anyone else is wearing, nor would be be aghast if they wore a gown previously seen. After all, we don't faint dead away when men wear the same darn suit to every occasion so why impose such harsh standards on ourselves? To me that is kinda like buying a new wardrobe to go on vacation to a place where no one knows you. Who cares? Those folks don't know these are new clothes. Something to think about...-- Victoria
ReplyDeleteI only buy clothes for comfort when I go on vacation, but so many of my vacations involve meeting my foreign publishers or other authors...
DeleteRhys, I agree with other commenters above that the dress sounds lovely, and that a dress worn when you were nominated but not selected has bad karma. I also argue that feeling confident in what one is wearing drives a general confidence, so it's well worth the investment in a new dress just for that.
ReplyDeleteRHYS: Your dress looks lovely. I always see you wearing beautiful clothes. I agree that it is so difficult to find the right dress.
ReplyDeleteWhen I emerged from the cocoon of my preteen years with ( I am trying to recall that word Jenn used in I CAN'T EVER), my teen years was less comfortable because it was so difficult to find dresses that fit, which meant that I had to get a top in size 10 while the bottom would be a size 7/8. Very grateful that I inherited my grandmother's custom made dress, which I found during my twenties in one of the boxes. She and I were the same size, though she was 4 inches taller.
Please do not worry about wearing the "same" dress that you wore years ago. If Catherine, the Princess of Wales, can wear the same dress again and again, then why can't we do the same thing too?
But it carries the memory of losing!
DeleteOh dear.
DeleteThe women who have cleaned my houses over the years always knows everything. They can't help picking up all kinds of information about the people and habits in the household, which is why it's important that I hire someone I trust. And I need someone who cleans well. So no, I don't worry too much about whether the counter is clean, because I know she'll just clean it again--and that she likely won't gossip about it.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Edgar banquet, I'm having the same issue, Rhys. I have a perfectly gorgeous women's tuxedo that looks elegant and is timeless and I haven't worn it in a few years. I wear it with beautiful jewelry. But I want a new dress! I probably won't buy one because I don't have time to do much shopping, and also because my friend Patty Smiley admonished me to wear the tuxedo. She's right, but still...
I too have a fabulous black silk tux that I wore once when I was given a lifetime achievement award. That was my fall back on outfit this time. Wouldn't it have been funny if we'd been in tuxes together. We could have performed a soft shoe routine!
DeleteI'd love to have seen that, ladies!
DeleteMy approach to hair, flying, house cleaners, and my mother’s approach to clothes (not mine, I wear what is comfortable and makes me feel good and always “lucky underwear”). Hair: hairdresser washes, that’s what they’re paid for. Flying: once I stopped flying for business in early 1980, comfy skirts (easier in those tiny bathrooms), turtlenecks, and sweaters for layered comfort. House cleaners: always pick up and put away things that it would hurt my heart to have broken. My mother had a terrible time remembering people’s names, but she always remembered what they wore and how often they wore it and to what occasions. She never wore the same thing to the same event more twice. Elisabeth
ReplyDeleteI wish I had some lucky underwear!!! Any suggestions?
DeleteBefore my cleaning service comes I put away a. lot of things that normally sits on shelves or stacked on floors. That way it is easier for them clean. Mine also don't make my bed or do the dishes partly because I make my bed as soon as I get up. Also they come early so I have no dirty dishes. I really appreciate the cleaners. With my back and knee issues they make my life a lot easier.
ReplyDeleteI confess, I do not own a gown. My one and only was for my 1969 senior prom.
ReplyDeleteI DO love having someone clean my house for me since I''m terrible at it and I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford the luxury. And the reason I straighten before she comes is because she makes orderly piles of messes... in other words, reorganizes my stuff in a way that makes sense to her but often not to me the next day. My Jerry was a pile maker, and early on he and our cleaner came to an agreement that she would work around his piles. My cleaner walks on water, imhop. PS I do my own dishes and make my own beds. I know: probably TMI.
My thinking exactly, Halie. I don't pay her to have to think where to put things away. if all surfaces are pristine she can do a really good clean. And I don't expect her to do laundry but she does make beds (better than me)
DeleteTHere are times when I regret having to it next to someone (always male) on a plane who is wearing grubby cargo shorts with hairy legs showing, flip flops on dirty feet, and a worn out tee shirt. It's not fair to expect strangers to embrace your presence in your intimate at-home, cleaning the basement attire!
ReplyDeleteSusan, this happened to me not on the airplane but at the symphony in the City! Luckily, I was sitting in the aisle.
DeleteI hate it when I pay money for a symphony ticket and dress nicely and the people beside me are in sloppy t shirts!
DeleteSusan, I've been seated next to a guy on a plane whose shorts were revealing things you do NOT want to see. Ugh.
DeleteNot only that but put their dirty shoe in my direction!
DeleteYour dress sounds lovely, Rhys--I'm glad you found the right one. If there's one time when everyone is allowed to be vain, it's at an awards banquet while waiting to see if you won or not. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteGood point, Susan. And yet, as Victoria points out regarding getting dressed up, men wear the same suit over and over. Those who sit next to you on a flight in grubby attire are equally unconcerned about how they are dressed as the men in suits are about being seen in “last year’s suit”. We women do this to ourselves. And I totally understand your rationale, Rhys, for wanting a new, untainted outfit.
ReplyDeleteAs far as how to dress to fly, I was raised in an airline family so we had to dress up for flights as we were considered representatives of the airline. I wear jeans or the like when I travel now because I’m paying for my ticket, but I still wouldn’t wear pajamas or shorts. (Nor can I imagine you, Rhys, wearing shorts or yoga pants anywhere!)
Lastly, my mother used to make us clean up before the cleaning lady came and I never understood why. I do now… :-) — Pat S
Rhys, I'm so excited for you and am crossing all fingers and toes for a win! But whatever happens, you will look fabulous. When flying, I try for "smart comfort", but those outfits can be really hard to find. Also, I'd have no idea where to shop for something like your beautiful gown--this made me realize I've never had a long gown! I have no idea now what I wore when I was nominated for an Edgar, except that it must have been knee length. Hmm, now this is going to bug me...
ReplyDeleteI don't wash my hair before a haircut, as she's going to put my head in the torture sink as soon as I get there. (My salon has incredibly uncomfortable shampoo sinks.)
I do tidy madly for the housekeepers. Having them every two weeks keeps us from descending into terminal clutter. I don't actually clean, except for vacuuming around the cat litter boxes--I don't think the cleaners should have to get icky kitty litter in their vacuum! We do have them change our sheets. We have a sleigh bed and trying to get the fitted sheet on hurts both of our bad backs.
Rhys, you are always a finely attuned dresser whatever you're attending. Appropriate and classy for each occasion. And might I add that John is quite the natty dresser, too. I used to describe my father as natty because of his attention to detail in his clothes, which I always thought was a bit funny, as my mother, who always looked nice, was not natty like Dad. But, back to your dress for the Edgars, I am so looking forward to seeing a picture of you in it, and also a picture of you and Hank and Lucy. I know you all will look beautiful and elegant.
ReplyDeleteI do usually wash my hair before I go to the hairdresser. This would have been an odd subject matter for me some years ago when I had a long-time hairdresser (she quit and opened an exercise business). When I went to her, we just naturally headed to the washing area to wash my hair. Now, the hairdresser I have asks if I need her to wash my hair, so I've gotten the impression that she expects me to have already done that, so I do. Of course, my hair appointment is so easy now that I no longer color my hair. I'm in and out in a half hour or less.
Cleaning lady. I haven't had one for a long time, but I definitely straightened up and made it easier for her to actually clean surfaces without dealing with clutter.
Today’s travel kit for LAX- Osaka: my favorite travel pants from Duluth - quick dry, lots of pockets, stretchy waist. I have them in 3 colors. Loose T-shirt, non-underwire bra. Compression socks.
ReplyDeleteMy pet peeve is people who put their bare feet all over the bulkhead and armrests. Yuck!
LISA: Sending positive travel vibes on your long-haul flight to KIX!
DeleteI hope you arrive well-rested and ready to start your walking tour!!
Ugh, another passenger 's bare feet intruding in your space is such a big no no!!
Proper airplane etiquette seems to be deteriorating.
Part of me is musing to go to Osaka for the 2025 Expo. Our family went to the 1970 Expo, so that would be a full-circle kind of trip.
DeleteThat would be cool! I saw the expo site while on the train from the airport. And I hear Osaka is a major foodie locale.
DeleteYou will be classy and gorgeous as always, Rhys! Have a blast, Reds!
ReplyDeleteGosh, I had a rough sleep night and completely forgot to check in here. Of course you'll be perfect in that outfit, Rhys. I only wish I could be there in person!
ReplyDeleteI do tidy up surfaces for our lovely cleaner - they need it - but I don't wash my hair for my hair person - that's her job!